I deserve the element of surprise?
A trapeze artist walking the tight-rope;
I've been unmistaken!
Not for fear:
I fall.
I have been implicated.
It is imperative that I manifest,
age comes with wisdom,
- not, that it's the other way around. -
Not in contesting the obvious.
I need a new plan
for no fear of falling
into the genies bowl.
Much little more is left
to be desired.
No less than it is of
a privilege.
This gift an epistemology.
The freedom of right in
my thought.
When I collapse from the brink of disaster,
I know what I do not believe in.
The best paper-made boat afloat,
on my isle of broken dreams.
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Competitive Designed Advantage
It is history I confess.
That all equal are born.
A historical confession I feel.
That perfume bottle. -
Love is all I need;
a character of distinction.
Fat that chance:
- welcome to the unknown?
Let's call it even!
In dividends elephant's dung,
paid in full.
Far from danger.
No little a lie too big or small.
A run in the marathon I on an elephant's
back. . .
not while sipping on iced-tea lemonade.
Perverted black-mail,
I reach for no ritual in hazing.
This expendient I have been.
Lately, my allegation.
The method is the medium,
I say it just right.
There is no confusion I've heard,
that has done no wrong.
The source of my detection.
This bright new year
is given me
to live each day with zest.
To daily grow and try to be
my highest and
my best!
That all equal are born.
A historical confession I feel.
That perfume bottle. -
Love is all I need;
a character of distinction.
Fat that chance:
- welcome to the unknown?
Let's call it even!
In dividends elephant's dung,
paid in full.
Far from danger.
No little a lie too big or small.
A run in the marathon I on an elephant's
back. . .
not while sipping on iced-tea lemonade.
Perverted black-mail,
I reach for no ritual in hazing.
This expendient I have been.
Lately, my allegation.
The method is the medium,
I say it just right.
There is no confusion I've heard,
that has done no wrong.
The source of my detection.
This bright new year
is given me
to live each day with zest.
To daily grow and try to be
my highest and
my best!
Self Inflicted Victory Lap
Wrong or right,
the voice I feel
in my distance;
can only learn 'not'
to outgrow itself.
Trying not to explain
a losing-interest you
cannot help make go
away?
Of a love and devotion!
The importance of
paying a price:
worth empty spaces.
Not that underestimated,
attention to detailed
perception.
Perfect in timing.
That I have made this -
a lasting invaluable
- impression.
I chage my kiss.
Of no knowledge incomplete.
The timing is perfected.
Of no incomplete knowledge.
An incompatible challenge of
'no shoes' too big or small to fill in.
Of a mental uniformity.
Of a uniform mentality
that I model for.
Immune to all secular
dexterity from irregularity,
the "irregular" therapy of
religion into being next-religious.
I profit from the truth.
I compliment my manual
dexterity, most almost
often certain.
I tell of my youth,
I present an imagery.
Of my own nature.
Not disowned.
the voice I feel
in my distance;
can only learn 'not'
to outgrow itself.
Trying not to explain
a losing-interest you
cannot help make go
away?
Of a love and devotion!
The importance of
paying a price:
worth empty spaces.
Not that underestimated,
attention to detailed
perception.
Perfect in timing.
That I have made this -
a lasting invaluable
- impression.
I chage my kiss.
Of no knowledge incomplete.
The timing is perfected.
Of no incomplete knowledge.
An incompatible challenge of
'no shoes' too big or small to fill in.
Of a mental uniformity.
Of a uniform mentality
that I model for.
Immune to all secular
dexterity from irregularity,
the "irregular" therapy of
religion into being next-religious.
I profit from the truth.
I compliment my manual
dexterity, most almost
often certain.
I tell of my youth,
I present an imagery.
Of my own nature.
Not disowned.
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
The Satisfaction of Enlightment
The enlightenment of my satisfaction has found a higher plain. I revisit my adventure in the form of a meta-physical nature. What I'm discussing here is meant to provide an answer to the question: what is enlightenment? That is quite a loaded question to answer! However, I'll try. As the words in that famous song, "I can't get no - " is what the Rolling Stones called it? I am not convinced "the best" or perhaps some would argue "the greatest" rock band in the history of music. Enlightenment, is a journey into the depth of one's spirit-energy. Although, "spirit" and "energy" imply separate things, both co-exist, combine, and therefore qualify as one. In other words what I validate as enlightenment requires discipline, synnergy, and above all copesthetic. In other words, enlightment is the cause for our inner-beauty as well as our own existence in the universe. Without enlightenment, man is cohersed into being his outer-self of which himself or no other has no control over.
In the assembly of time, I think of myself as a mechanic. What are the parts that construct my whole inner, outer, and spirit-energy and what are its mechanics?
I face to the direction of a flower, and imagine the moonlit sky where stars roam freely. The sun is a symbol of prosperity in my lifetime. As weak as rain in mystery lives.
On the above phrase, notice I've created a syllogism: I end it with a category of rain-falling. Rain, above all the senses feels as if a cleansing is taking place. Without the rain, there is no cleansing of the soul, and without cleansing there is no mystery.
It is the metaphor of mystery, not time, or place that contains life. It is the content of rain in the mystery that one can achieve true enlightenment, belief, and ingenuity.
Enlightenment, is almost more often confused with believing you can magically, or unceremoniously not obey, or confess through power or will. Without metaphorically believing in yourself as a pilgrim to a higher source, being, and prayer the soul cannot be cleansed. The soul is trapped as though it cannot escape. Enlightment, is more to do with the sacrifice of desiring not the things we want to have, such as material, but in order to achieve a spirit-energy. . . once I confess that I shall not bare false witness against myself. In return, I have made a sacrifice not to disown the things that I fear make me weak. I can feel the rain fall down on me.
There is commitment to enlightenment that contributes to everything that exists in the universe. It compels me to believe in myself. Without such self-affirmation, there is only contentment in proposing the truth that makes me stronger. It makes me a survivor to be benefited.
Determination, or as I mentioned - to will - enlightenment does not travel. People in general, or in popular culture see "will power" as their only source for being enlightened. Sadly, unless those in that group continue to disown their true spirit-energy, they will not experience happiness. It is a rule of thumb when avoiding such proposters, that true-believers keep an ear to the ground, our hearts open, and eyes focused as our spinal cords erect!
I would like to speak of a story that reminded me of something. Not to long ago, New Years Eve to be exact. . . (in fact the Rolling Stones were playing in the background.) I went to a restaurant with a group of my girlfriends closest friends. In the chorus of the Rolling Stones, the song struck a chord with me per se; I had no intention of using this as a pun. I felt like it was raining in the restaurant, and I began to share this moment with everyone there. How lucky I was to be there with all of these people!
The moral of the story is why I felt success in that moment of enlightenment. It was a moment of truth. One of purity. Something about that night, I know, I did not disown myself.
During the course of our conversation, while I was seated waiting for our appetizers, I began to recall a time I was cast as an background performer for a local movie being shot. As I finished the story, I felt a presence throughout the entire experience. To my discreet audience, my girlfriend loved hearing me account my story. The second girl thought I 'rambled', when I thought about what she meant, and her point was absolutely correct!
The girl who reminded me of my 'rambling' is my girlfriends sister. What I did when telling the story, was how I remembered the actor who was playing the part of Jesse James assasin. In the scene I was playing background, I was an audience member. The actor: Casey Affleck was a character who had shot and killed Jesse James execution style. Casey Affleck's character in the film was not as popular in the audiences opinion of Jesse James excutioner theatre talent. Casey Affleck was only playing the character, who couldn't act.
As I told the story involving my moment in that scene, it took me back to the time and place of the action being done. That is why I sounded as though I was rambling, because, I thought about the moment of the scene I was in!
When my girlfirends sister stated I was 'rambling' it was brilliant! I felt the rain coming down, and as it came down with a force, I come through with my own enlightened beauty!
The third person who is a friend of my girlfriend offered me a test. The test she gave. I answered. Then she smiled back.
The answer I responded, was 'yes.' To her answer, I was asked something about Casey Affleck. Her questioned wasa regarding whether or not, "Was he a nice man."
Yes. I replied. Yes.
Nicole smiled.
I felt the rain.
I loved it.
In the assembly of time, I think of myself as a mechanic. What are the parts that construct my whole inner, outer, and spirit-energy and what are its mechanics?
I face to the direction of a flower, and imagine the moonlit sky where stars roam freely. The sun is a symbol of prosperity in my lifetime. As weak as rain in mystery lives.
On the above phrase, notice I've created a syllogism: I end it with a category of rain-falling. Rain, above all the senses feels as if a cleansing is taking place. Without the rain, there is no cleansing of the soul, and without cleansing there is no mystery.
It is the metaphor of mystery, not time, or place that contains life. It is the content of rain in the mystery that one can achieve true enlightenment, belief, and ingenuity.
Enlightenment, is almost more often confused with believing you can magically, or unceremoniously not obey, or confess through power or will. Without metaphorically believing in yourself as a pilgrim to a higher source, being, and prayer the soul cannot be cleansed. The soul is trapped as though it cannot escape. Enlightment, is more to do with the sacrifice of desiring not the things we want to have, such as material, but in order to achieve a spirit-energy. . . once I confess that I shall not bare false witness against myself. In return, I have made a sacrifice not to disown the things that I fear make me weak. I can feel the rain fall down on me.
There is commitment to enlightenment that contributes to everything that exists in the universe. It compels me to believe in myself. Without such self-affirmation, there is only contentment in proposing the truth that makes me stronger. It makes me a survivor to be benefited.
Determination, or as I mentioned - to will - enlightenment does not travel. People in general, or in popular culture see "will power" as their only source for being enlightened. Sadly, unless those in that group continue to disown their true spirit-energy, they will not experience happiness. It is a rule of thumb when avoiding such proposters, that true-believers keep an ear to the ground, our hearts open, and eyes focused as our spinal cords erect!
I would like to speak of a story that reminded me of something. Not to long ago, New Years Eve to be exact. . . (in fact the Rolling Stones were playing in the background.) I went to a restaurant with a group of my girlfriends closest friends. In the chorus of the Rolling Stones, the song struck a chord with me per se; I had no intention of using this as a pun. I felt like it was raining in the restaurant, and I began to share this moment with everyone there. How lucky I was to be there with all of these people!
The moral of the story is why I felt success in that moment of enlightenment. It was a moment of truth. One of purity. Something about that night, I know, I did not disown myself.
During the course of our conversation, while I was seated waiting for our appetizers, I began to recall a time I was cast as an background performer for a local movie being shot. As I finished the story, I felt a presence throughout the entire experience. To my discreet audience, my girlfriend loved hearing me account my story. The second girl thought I 'rambled', when I thought about what she meant, and her point was absolutely correct!
The girl who reminded me of my 'rambling' is my girlfriends sister. What I did when telling the story, was how I remembered the actor who was playing the part of Jesse James assasin. In the scene I was playing background, I was an audience member. The actor: Casey Affleck was a character who had shot and killed Jesse James execution style. Casey Affleck's character in the film was not as popular in the audiences opinion of Jesse James excutioner theatre talent. Casey Affleck was only playing the character, who couldn't act.
As I told the story involving my moment in that scene, it took me back to the time and place of the action being done. That is why I sounded as though I was rambling, because, I thought about the moment of the scene I was in!
When my girlfirends sister stated I was 'rambling' it was brilliant! I felt the rain coming down, and as it came down with a force, I come through with my own enlightened beauty!
The third person who is a friend of my girlfriend offered me a test. The test she gave. I answered. Then she smiled back.
The answer I responded, was 'yes.' To her answer, I was asked something about Casey Affleck. Her questioned wasa regarding whether or not, "Was he a nice man."
Yes. I replied. Yes.
Nicole smiled.
I felt the rain.
I loved it.
Last Year's "Lab-report"
If there's one thing I honestly can submit about the previous 2006 year? I would have my plunger ready. There's not much I would care to edit about last year. However, I imagine why an anti-virus might come into some practical use. The source of such "2006-viruses" caused me to breakfree of. From the year 2006, a lot of change has been made, some progress, and developments. Working at Safeway is a 'new-job' that I played in. Aside from being cast as a stable-boy, there isn't much there for me to offer, but, I nonetheless provided my services with successfully facing the challenge. As I see it: I graduated from University and made some new found productivity. Safeway is only a hurdle; I shall overcome in 2007. What I need in the future is what I want! Not working at Safeway has achieved any of it. Perhaps, Safeway is the source for bad-luck. . . as in making a marriage proposal right before the New Year arrives? Such would be the case. The syllogism would look like this: If 'x' asks 'y'. Then not 'x'. Therefore, not 'y'. The legend is that 'x' = 2006, 'y' = 2007, and not such good fortune. I find that Safeway do not retail in the mystery of good-luck charms, total the misery of adverse conditions. I do not refuse a slice in return for the history of sedation. Stressed-free in relief.
Monday, January 01, 2007
Consciousness survives the death of the brain?
What is the theory of consciousness about? Since I have been with Tanya, so much of the contentment I've experienced has been a continuation of growth in our relationship. What happiness reveals to me is influenced by such love. I feel less and less threatened, if I were aware, that my life revolves around fear. There is no such thing that prevents me. In doing so, my entire life seems like memories in a large abyss of poses with a magnifying-glass. In my life the true nature of memories has great personal reward. This is my pyramid. No loss in time I gained spending it.
Let the New Year begin
I'm up! I'm up! The first post for the year of 2007. I suppose that is the purpose of New Years Eve? That in knowing you were naked before midnight struck. New Year's fails as it always has. . . that is to say it is not what you would think. This year was different, because everything you can say happened in 2006 is now history. The new found year ahead can change your fortune. It was a New Year to remember for me. I spent my New Year with Tanya, 2 of her closest friends, and Tamara her sister. We ate like Kings, and when our bellies became happier from the non-stop chewing of food, we welcomed 2007 with a resounding tummy-ache. I'm not quite being sarcastic.
Not so much I can resist when it comes to good food, the heart is a happy place I find when I am with people that genuinely care to be a part of the sharing ritual.
However, as I enter this new year - 2007 has taught me how much wiser I have grown.
I like to believe that being part of the workforce is me doing myself a favor, as opposed to the corporation, that I'm aware. When working as a Safeway clerk is not my dream-job, I've given myself the opportunity to see the kind of person I truly am. I can prove to myself, that the corporation does not adopt me, and I do not endorse the corporation myself as an employee. The truth is, I am valuable because of who I am as person. I am an ambassador, not for the company, but for my own. This fuels me to realize how much better I can be.
When I look back in time, I can exhibit thoughts that control what I am in the present moment. Nothing else matters. Therefore, I do not need "my job" employed with Safeway. . . Safeway needs me!
Furthermore, having Tanya as my girlfriend has allowed me to demonstrate my endurance as a challenge. It is how I compare my relationship to those that have no substance on the same level, and more obvious than not might I add. It gives me the strength to truly see through as though the opposing forces that work in other relationships do not account for. The properties or priorities that influence the meaning of a true relationship will be destroyed in the future.
Not so much I can resist when it comes to good food, the heart is a happy place I find when I am with people that genuinely care to be a part of the sharing ritual.
However, as I enter this new year - 2007 has taught me how much wiser I have grown.
I like to believe that being part of the workforce is me doing myself a favor, as opposed to the corporation, that I'm aware. When working as a Safeway clerk is not my dream-job, I've given myself the opportunity to see the kind of person I truly am. I can prove to myself, that the corporation does not adopt me, and I do not endorse the corporation myself as an employee. The truth is, I am valuable because of who I am as person. I am an ambassador, not for the company, but for my own. This fuels me to realize how much better I can be.
When I look back in time, I can exhibit thoughts that control what I am in the present moment. Nothing else matters. Therefore, I do not need "my job" employed with Safeway. . . Safeway needs me!
Furthermore, having Tanya as my girlfriend has allowed me to demonstrate my endurance as a challenge. It is how I compare my relationship to those that have no substance on the same level, and more obvious than not might I add. It gives me the strength to truly see through as though the opposing forces that work in other relationships do not account for. The properties or priorities that influence the meaning of a true relationship will be destroyed in the future.
Saturday, December 30, 2006
My Teeth are Gems
Now that I know I am not blind?
A love elluding to the same hyporisy;
I do not:
care about.
I expect to enjoy;
where the wind blows.
Its pressing needs.
Undertaking the task
of no voluntary withdrawal.
My spirit is alive and well!
My dental work is flawless.
My floss is to benefit.
Talent wise my lips of fire and ice.
That perfect identity,
I have made intentionally.
A tent pitched beneath a sky filled with stars.
Provocative stoic.
I lied about the
truth.
You hate me because
I'm beautiful.
A love elluding to the same hyporisy;
I do not:
care about.
I expect to enjoy;
where the wind blows.
Its pressing needs.
Undertaking the task
of no voluntary withdrawal.
My spirit is alive and well!
My dental work is flawless.
My floss is to benefit.
Talent wise my lips of fire and ice.
That perfect identity,
I have made intentionally.
A tent pitched beneath a sky filled with stars.
Provocative stoic.
I lied about the
truth.
You hate me because
I'm beautiful.
Friday, December 29, 2006
Quality Weight Picked
To see me cry
is no way to be,
sad about nothing.
Volunteer.
I know.
I volunteer my awareness.
I know not what makes
you look bad.
Is hardly worth it.
There is something to be
said for this affiliation
of wisdom I have
had.
Open up to me -
show me how.
What I feel.
Addicted to my lifetime of
such carefully placing selection for:
to execute, achievment, and excellence.
I look to where the time has gone.
The past, I love myself much more better than before.
As I raise my standards higher then afraid or frightened of.
Through and through.
Changes.
No paradise found, - not lost in the fear of it.
My many decisions are made. . . were best.
I'll tell
you what not
to do as you
should trust
me now.
I, to act as
though knowing of
unbreakable threads
or unspeakable acts
of parished habit.
I'm stuck but not moving
up nor down,
going nowhere
sunk in air-tight volume.
Tempted, that I pause and
reflect for something
new, exciting, and
outgoing spread with
intrigue.
is no way to be,
sad about nothing.
Volunteer.
I know.
I volunteer my awareness.
I know not what makes
you look bad.
Is hardly worth it.
There is something to be
said for this affiliation
of wisdom I have
had.
Open up to me -
show me how.
What I feel.
Addicted to my lifetime of
such carefully placing selection for:
to execute, achievment, and excellence.
I look to where the time has gone.
The past, I love myself much more better than before.
As I raise my standards higher then afraid or frightened of.
Through and through.
Changes.
No paradise found, - not lost in the fear of it.
My many decisions are made. . . were best.
I'll tell
you what not
to do as you
should trust
me now.
I, to act as
though knowing of
unbreakable threads
or unspeakable acts
of parished habit.
I'm stuck but not moving
up nor down,
going nowhere
sunk in air-tight volume.
Tempted, that I pause and
reflect for something
new, exciting, and
outgoing spread with
intrigue.
Thursday, December 28, 2006
A Desperate Withdrawal: The Gypsy Alternative
This romance is non-refundable.
Feeling the fear to do it anyway.
A stone-cold sensitivity;
of a misfortune told.
That I took my attention
undivided upon.
Not unrequited of condition
or bribery sought: strayed
in mustard sauce.
Stacked, busted,
turned loose -
apprehended in thought of
panic.
Packed with anxiety.
I haven't lost my touch.
Confirmed and conformed
as a safe individual
fallen sound asleep
a night.
Do not weep for the
assassin, but only
because of the
protective condescending
voice.
No less ignorant than that like
a hotdog strayed in mustard sauce.
Watch me bite!
I bit it whole?
Each morsel followed another
bite, then another. . .
- more and more.
This passion for hunger, -
and my appetite of no false inhibitions.
Feeling the fear to do it anyway.
A stone-cold sensitivity;
of a misfortune told.
That I took my attention
undivided upon.
Not unrequited of condition
or bribery sought: strayed
in mustard sauce.
Stacked, busted,
turned loose -
apprehended in thought of
panic.
Packed with anxiety.
I haven't lost my touch.
Confirmed and conformed
as a safe individual
fallen sound asleep
a night.
Do not weep for the
assassin, but only
because of the
protective condescending
voice.
No less ignorant than that like
a hotdog strayed in mustard sauce.
Watch me bite!
I bit it whole?
Each morsel followed another
bite, then another. . .
- more and more.
This passion for hunger, -
and my appetite of no false inhibitions.
Bread Made in the History of Mankind
To break free from no irregular humility,
unless the rain it pours in need.
The health of my true character.
Permission never becomes granted
through lives of "the saints".
There is a thin blue:
light - you turn both
on and off.
The flick of a-switch is there!
That I refuse
to cut myself short; -
over fascism?
Like the request for a weather vain
pointed in direction
of blue skies.
Testing greed
- taking it back
directly to the
source of opinioned
information.
Each breath I consume
myself, with no lost
sense of self-respecting
nature.
That life is not uninvited.
That life is not made of Alice
in Wonderland "pop up"
fairy tales without the thunder of pouring
rain.
Decensitized endings.
That the tea-party has no end,
in thoughts of cheating thunder.
That life is not made
of Alice in Wonderland
"pop up" fairy tales, decensitized
end in thoughts.
That life is not made
of Alice in Wonderland
"pop up" fairy tales end in death.
My melancholy waltz.
To break free from no irregular humility,
unless it pours rain there is a story.
Decenstized end in thoughts,
that life is not made of Alice in Wonderland
"pop up" fairy tales no end in death.
I save no secrets as I share to generalize
nothing. . . I care about.
Decensitized end in thoughts,
that life is not made
of Alice in Wonderland
"pop up" fairy tales
. . . that unless it pours rain for.
No secrets I will save with the size of
King Kong in the rain.
I will save no secrets with King Kong,
disguised wearing a fake beard and glasses.
The sights and sounds of feeling rain drops,
pour down on me
as they are dripping wet beaded off
the bridge of my nose-tip.
A perfect storm of clouds.
I will save no secrets,
of cheating thunder for the rain.
I do not believe in fairy-tales,
Alice in Wonderland "pop-up" art
without it raining.
Nothing is there.
There is nothing.
There is nothing there.
unless the rain it pours in need.
The health of my true character.
Permission never becomes granted
through lives of "the saints".
There is a thin blue:
light - you turn both
on and off.
The flick of a-switch is there!
That I refuse
to cut myself short; -
over fascism?
Like the request for a weather vain
pointed in direction
of blue skies.
Testing greed
- taking it back
directly to the
source of opinioned
information.
Each breath I consume
myself, with no lost
sense of self-respecting
nature.
That life is not uninvited.
That life is not made of Alice
in Wonderland "pop up"
fairy tales without the thunder of pouring
rain.
Decensitized endings.
That the tea-party has no end,
in thoughts of cheating thunder.
That life is not made
of Alice in Wonderland
"pop up" fairy tales, decensitized
end in thoughts.
That life is not made
of Alice in Wonderland
"pop up" fairy tales end in death.
My melancholy waltz.
To break free from no irregular humility,
unless it pours rain there is a story.
Decenstized end in thoughts,
that life is not made of Alice in Wonderland
"pop up" fairy tales no end in death.
I save no secrets as I share to generalize
nothing. . . I care about.
Decensitized end in thoughts,
that life is not made
of Alice in Wonderland
"pop up" fairy tales
. . . that unless it pours rain for.
No secrets I will save with the size of
King Kong in the rain.
I will save no secrets with King Kong,
disguised wearing a fake beard and glasses.
The sights and sounds of feeling rain drops,
pour down on me
as they are dripping wet beaded off
the bridge of my nose-tip.
A perfect storm of clouds.
I will save no secrets,
of cheating thunder for the rain.
I do not believe in fairy-tales,
Alice in Wonderland "pop-up" art
without it raining.
Nothing is there.
There is nothing.
There is nothing there.
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Off The Record: A narrated joke
10 cents for the next
sequence of events,
is to be placed
into the tin can
seated next to me?
Cling-clank!
Culture without a plumber;
is like life without:
the cookie-jar.
I have found new meaning;
involved?
I'm through without pretending!
My willing explanation -
a big-wet-white
lie.
This fabulous sense
of humor that provokes
interest, persuades, and
convinces me.
A polite - pleasant - smile.
sequence of events,
is to be placed
into the tin can
seated next to me?
Cling-clank!
Culture without a plumber;
is like life without:
the cookie-jar.
I have found new meaning;
involved?
I'm through without pretending!
My willing explanation -
a big-wet-white
lie.
This fabulous sense
of humor that provokes
interest, persuades, and
convinces me.
A polite - pleasant - smile.
On my horse. . . because I feel sad
Maturity has always been an issue for me. I suppose that is the truth? However, as I admit how time has been since I wrote my previous entry. I believe as I approach the age of 30 - have my beliefs changed? What influence do I have now that I've transformed into who I am today?
Perhaps, I dug myself a hole. A hole so deep, the test was to get back out of it? Perhaps, my only refuge was to bury the deepest parts of me and uncover them in seclusion - which lead to my serious bout of depression - and the walls around me were to shield how insecure I became. Isolation was not the answer!
Through all of this I am still alive. However, I did not bury my spirit. With my spirit I refused to give up.
What worried me most of all, is through the age of 20-present where has the time gone? (Which refers to my previous entry titled: 'Role-model'. . . ).
Certainly, my mind-body-spirit connection is essential for me. What this comes down to - is giving myself credit. How far I've come means something. Which is what everything I questioned in this message boils down to. I cannot forget that.
Dr. Gordon taught me about being a better 'horse-rider', and how I've fallen - whether it be making mistakes - or emotionally. I suppose this is one of those times, especially due to my habit of beating myself up - or changing the negative thoughts that affect how I feel impact me personally.
Tanya has noticed how I make decisions effect her as well.
I believe I can make the necessary solutions with courage, I cared to generalize most of what I feel here. These are not 'solutions' per se, but help me define some of what this means. It's self-talk. A method of healing-therapy. Again, as I already mentioned, something Dr. Gordon gave me advice on. To reienforce my positive thoughts as I regard facing my negative thoughts.
I've been doing is what develops into more and more progress being made. That's the most important thing.
I really enjoyed Christmas with Tanya this year, and she's planned to involve me in her Traditional Ukranian Christmas celebrations. She also begins her job in the new year with Carpathia Credit Union come 2007!
In every respect, this year has been hard. My aunt passed away, and her birthday was Decemeber 26. I graduated from university - 2006.
Recently, we had Christmas at home. I found out about a wedding engagement. Part of the problem is how my maturity plays a part in the picture. When I stop and think honestly about myself, I find, how despite my feelings toward the person(s) engagement. . . I am happy for them. I also feel, despite my feelings, I'm not perfect per se. However, the Christmas I had this year means little with the loss of my aunt, but my family came together with strength and compassion. The other side to this being neglect that I felt from the person(s) wedding who's mom who was invited to spend Christmas with us. It seemed apparently awkward. For some reason, this persons who's family we adopted traces back a decade in coming to our house for Christmas-time. Imagine my disappointment to see a person reveal a secret that I would think makes the average person happy to be around. . . but I digress.
The trouble is based not on what I saw but the truth in what I describe reveals much more about what's beneath the layers. I hold back nothing.
Therefore, when I direct my feelings to something, I suppose the wedding being announced was no big deal. What became evident, although in this instance is strictly intuitive, I felt alienated by the person(s) reaction did not make sense to me.
It appeared to me in hindsight, that the reason the person was in attendance had ulterior motives. It was as though, it no longer mattered that my family 'adopted' the people not as strangers. However, it felt totally sureal to me. It became as though the purpose these people were spending Christmas only appeared as orphans, or more like vagabonds announcing that Little Orphan Annie from the musical was adopted into Mr. Warbuck's Estate. It was truly disgusting to bare witness. Instead, with thier idea of Christmas-charity the musical they were invited to attend replaced the original Annie, accordingly behaved as if waiting to hear the evil chorus of, "The Sun Will Come Out. . . Tomorrow, Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow. . . " followed by the Christmas-wish that they'd be on their way because they couldn't wait to visit Daddy Warbucks invasion of abandoned nursing orphans. They had a new home to go to I suppose. Not that ours wasn't built just as good enough, it just conveniently became an afterthought, since some compare living large during the holidays is better in a mansion. Come to think of it, lest we forget the survivors of 'Tsunami.' In retrospect, they decided to behave like nursing-orphans wanting to hear the chrous of, "Tomorrow - Tomorrow I Love You. . . Tomorrow." as if yearning to. That they hardly couldn't wait to see Daddy Warbucks on Broadway in New York City. The time is close to midnight, we have lift-off, "You're only a day away. . . ". All flights bound for New York are now being cancelled.
The real reason I self-actualize this is to stress a far more important idea. This Christmas illustrated how good the presence of these people proved to me, that my feelings truly are spiritually connected to gods will during this time of peace. It brought a whole new concept and meaning of goodwill for me.
This Christmas brought to light why I love. That I am a beautiful person. I thank god for my mom, dad, and sister. I am blessed to truly have a decent person that loves me and I love her back in our place we gather. We call our country 'home.'
Perhaps, I dug myself a hole. A hole so deep, the test was to get back out of it? Perhaps, my only refuge was to bury the deepest parts of me and uncover them in seclusion - which lead to my serious bout of depression - and the walls around me were to shield how insecure I became. Isolation was not the answer!
Through all of this I am still alive. However, I did not bury my spirit. With my spirit I refused to give up.
What worried me most of all, is through the age of 20-present where has the time gone? (Which refers to my previous entry titled: 'Role-model'. . . ).
Certainly, my mind-body-spirit connection is essential for me. What this comes down to - is giving myself credit. How far I've come means something. Which is what everything I questioned in this message boils down to. I cannot forget that.
Dr. Gordon taught me about being a better 'horse-rider', and how I've fallen - whether it be making mistakes - or emotionally. I suppose this is one of those times, especially due to my habit of beating myself up - or changing the negative thoughts that affect how I feel impact me personally.
Tanya has noticed how I make decisions effect her as well.
I believe I can make the necessary solutions with courage, I cared to generalize most of what I feel here. These are not 'solutions' per se, but help me define some of what this means. It's self-talk. A method of healing-therapy. Again, as I already mentioned, something Dr. Gordon gave me advice on. To reienforce my positive thoughts as I regard facing my negative thoughts.
I've been doing is what develops into more and more progress being made. That's the most important thing.
I really enjoyed Christmas with Tanya this year, and she's planned to involve me in her Traditional Ukranian Christmas celebrations. She also begins her job in the new year with Carpathia Credit Union come 2007!
In every respect, this year has been hard. My aunt passed away, and her birthday was Decemeber 26. I graduated from university - 2006.
Recently, we had Christmas at home. I found out about a wedding engagement. Part of the problem is how my maturity plays a part in the picture. When I stop and think honestly about myself, I find, how despite my feelings toward the person(s) engagement. . . I am happy for them. I also feel, despite my feelings, I'm not perfect per se. However, the Christmas I had this year means little with the loss of my aunt, but my family came together with strength and compassion. The other side to this being neglect that I felt from the person(s) wedding who's mom who was invited to spend Christmas with us. It seemed apparently awkward. For some reason, this persons who's family we adopted traces back a decade in coming to our house for Christmas-time. Imagine my disappointment to see a person reveal a secret that I would think makes the average person happy to be around. . . but I digress.
The trouble is based not on what I saw but the truth in what I describe reveals much more about what's beneath the layers. I hold back nothing.
Therefore, when I direct my feelings to something, I suppose the wedding being announced was no big deal. What became evident, although in this instance is strictly intuitive, I felt alienated by the person(s) reaction did not make sense to me.
It appeared to me in hindsight, that the reason the person was in attendance had ulterior motives. It was as though, it no longer mattered that my family 'adopted' the people not as strangers. However, it felt totally sureal to me. It became as though the purpose these people were spending Christmas only appeared as orphans, or more like vagabonds announcing that Little Orphan Annie from the musical was adopted into Mr. Warbuck's Estate. It was truly disgusting to bare witness. Instead, with thier idea of Christmas-charity the musical they were invited to attend replaced the original Annie, accordingly behaved as if waiting to hear the evil chorus of, "The Sun Will Come Out. . . Tomorrow, Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow. . . " followed by the Christmas-wish that they'd be on their way because they couldn't wait to visit Daddy Warbucks invasion of abandoned nursing orphans. They had a new home to go to I suppose. Not that ours wasn't built just as good enough, it just conveniently became an afterthought, since some compare living large during the holidays is better in a mansion. Come to think of it, lest we forget the survivors of 'Tsunami.' In retrospect, they decided to behave like nursing-orphans wanting to hear the chrous of, "Tomorrow - Tomorrow I Love You. . . Tomorrow." as if yearning to. That they hardly couldn't wait to see Daddy Warbucks on Broadway in New York City. The time is close to midnight, we have lift-off, "You're only a day away. . . ". All flights bound for New York are now being cancelled.
The real reason I self-actualize this is to stress a far more important idea. This Christmas illustrated how good the presence of these people proved to me, that my feelings truly are spiritually connected to gods will during this time of peace. It brought a whole new concept and meaning of goodwill for me.
This Christmas brought to light why I love. That I am a beautiful person. I thank god for my mom, dad, and sister. I am blessed to truly have a decent person that loves me and I love her back in our place we gather. We call our country 'home.'
The narration of a role model
Or is it 'not' the role model of a narration? The role model of a narrator answer to the narrator of its role model, but I must digress in thought, because the cost of living in such risk-taking is like a venom that makes me relax. You hear the thought, not before its happened, and because of its venom like state in apparatus, then it strikes you like a vampire in around the neck. Its target is of vile deformity, the venoms bile broods on the open flesh of the wound. (Need you be reminded that this discussion, about narration no-less, is being brought to you by the narration, of the narrators voice. Now, is it the narration or the narrator deciding its course? There is the thought! The thought! The cause of the action.)
Like a mental relapse, the narration has struck its victim yet again with the notion of simplicity, our narrator.
Here I am! Mr. Narrator without a face, and only a label to my name. Yes - yes I am the narrator in fact. How do I know?
You have a face and use the word 'I' in its application of the use of its word 'I'. As in: 'I' the narrator, have to tell you, the narration, better yet we've established my own constitution. Something like the magna charta with a twist of fate in royal decree. Crown me as King. The King - is not dead. The King is alive with a voice, and he strikes of venom that makes the narrator relax in completing the narration of events. The "King" the "narrator" or King Narrator has been taught a lesson in the art of narration. Connected a form of the narrating in the kingdom of narration that its constitution has given a name. KING NARRATOR!
Narrator the King has established much of the same personality as in the narration.
Dearest King Narrator: I have addressed this letter to you in the effort to convince if not persuade you - I mean myself - to sell me clues, buy me vowels. Thank-you. Sincerely yours, the narration. P.S. I meant to state "Yours sincerely, the narrator."
Take care of your imagination.
No, I'll work on it. The old ball and chain routine, or purely skin and bones. How it all began was with a shovel, which I now can tell from all accounts I have been born again, reborn, now this time I return as a Zombie. Apparently, King Narrator's narration took a turn for the best of 'I' the narrator's chosen profession. What is that? You mean my profession? Yes, a confession is required of it from you the narrator's narration. Of course! I mean to ask you what you think of my newly found Zombie. The emperor has new clothes, so the saying goes, or at least that's what they keep telling everyone isn't it. Yes, of course - King Narrator - has now become known to us all as a narration being told by a narrator disguised as a Zombie back from the dead.
Precisely.
And now for the intermission; something of interfering quality. We call it comedy. Ca-ca in the poo-poo. Enough is enough. Now where were we?
Now tell me something, back to the story of how did you actually unearth the Zombie. It is exciting. Apparently.
I tried to bury the King Narrator, the narration is somewhat prophetic as time will tell - or in the King Narrator's case - time heals all wounds. Clever that King Narrator. Yes - very.
The time of King Narrator's demise into the ground, lest we forget, although I was still alive, was a matter of learning what I needed as a narrator in the narration, thus the disguise is only one that I act as a Zombie so to speak, in other words, my costume isn't really there. Quite frankly, I didn't want the costume, nor have I earned it, it feels as though people commited a suicide on behalf of the King Narrator. It was not the King Narrator that buried the narration. - Right on.
The spot of the King Narrator's burial is unknown to most, the mystery is in the words and only the words can plot to where the treasure-map leads us. Symbolically hidden, not trivial, meaningless nonetheless powerful. We're talking about what, here? Metaphor's for the period the King's Narrator's narration was lost. It was during the time King Narrator travelled to university in his home city. The narrator lived on Bannatyne Ave. while attending the University of Winnipeg.
Through the time he spent learning, thought provoking though sometimes teary-eyed, people lost faith in the King Narrator's ability to perform as himself. Now, the Zombie is narrating the story on behalf of King Narrator.
This is good proof of everything that's been told in the story indeed. Not a word of a lie or fallacy detected using Venn Diagrams.
You could call this narration 'genius'.
Not exactly a narrator's narrating style per se.
Therefore, the connection has been made, of course it has, why have you finished the story? Nothing is left untold to the reader, and all the points lead us to the cause of the narrator's narration of events. That is good enough for me.
During what course in time did the story begin to change, that the King Narrator unfolded its map made in time, Zombie decided to heal. Through the history between the time Zombie became buried alive, came back from the dead, explained the King Narrator's narration of the story, and then, returned to its place in the plot to resurrect our King Narrator who is now known in the narration as the former, born now reborn again narrator.
Quite common-sense the narrator's views.
Like a mental relapse, the narration has struck its victim yet again with the notion of simplicity, our narrator.
Here I am! Mr. Narrator without a face, and only a label to my name. Yes - yes I am the narrator in fact. How do I know?
You have a face and use the word 'I' in its application of the use of its word 'I'. As in: 'I' the narrator, have to tell you, the narration, better yet we've established my own constitution. Something like the magna charta with a twist of fate in royal decree. Crown me as King. The King - is not dead. The King is alive with a voice, and he strikes of venom that makes the narrator relax in completing the narration of events. The "King" the "narrator" or King Narrator has been taught a lesson in the art of narration. Connected a form of the narrating in the kingdom of narration that its constitution has given a name. KING NARRATOR!
Narrator the King has established much of the same personality as in the narration.
Dearest King Narrator: I have addressed this letter to you in the effort to convince if not persuade you - I mean myself - to sell me clues, buy me vowels. Thank-you. Sincerely yours, the narration. P.S. I meant to state "Yours sincerely, the narrator."
Take care of your imagination.
No, I'll work on it. The old ball and chain routine, or purely skin and bones. How it all began was with a shovel, which I now can tell from all accounts I have been born again, reborn, now this time I return as a Zombie. Apparently, King Narrator's narration took a turn for the best of 'I' the narrator's chosen profession. What is that? You mean my profession? Yes, a confession is required of it from you the narrator's narration. Of course! I mean to ask you what you think of my newly found Zombie. The emperor has new clothes, so the saying goes, or at least that's what they keep telling everyone isn't it. Yes, of course - King Narrator - has now become known to us all as a narration being told by a narrator disguised as a Zombie back from the dead.
Precisely.
And now for the intermission; something of interfering quality. We call it comedy. Ca-ca in the poo-poo. Enough is enough. Now where were we?
Now tell me something, back to the story of how did you actually unearth the Zombie. It is exciting. Apparently.
I tried to bury the King Narrator, the narration is somewhat prophetic as time will tell - or in the King Narrator's case - time heals all wounds. Clever that King Narrator. Yes - very.
The time of King Narrator's demise into the ground, lest we forget, although I was still alive, was a matter of learning what I needed as a narrator in the narration, thus the disguise is only one that I act as a Zombie so to speak, in other words, my costume isn't really there. Quite frankly, I didn't want the costume, nor have I earned it, it feels as though people commited a suicide on behalf of the King Narrator. It was not the King Narrator that buried the narration. - Right on.
The spot of the King Narrator's burial is unknown to most, the mystery is in the words and only the words can plot to where the treasure-map leads us. Symbolically hidden, not trivial, meaningless nonetheless powerful. We're talking about what, here? Metaphor's for the period the King's Narrator's narration was lost. It was during the time King Narrator travelled to university in his home city. The narrator lived on Bannatyne Ave. while attending the University of Winnipeg.
Through the time he spent learning, thought provoking though sometimes teary-eyed, people lost faith in the King Narrator's ability to perform as himself. Now, the Zombie is narrating the story on behalf of King Narrator.
This is good proof of everything that's been told in the story indeed. Not a word of a lie or fallacy detected using Venn Diagrams.
You could call this narration 'genius'.
Not exactly a narrator's narrating style per se.
Therefore, the connection has been made, of course it has, why have you finished the story? Nothing is left untold to the reader, and all the points lead us to the cause of the narrator's narration of events. That is good enough for me.
During what course in time did the story begin to change, that the King Narrator unfolded its map made in time, Zombie decided to heal. Through the history between the time Zombie became buried alive, came back from the dead, explained the King Narrator's narration of the story, and then, returned to its place in the plot to resurrect our King Narrator who is now known in the narration as the former, born now reborn again narrator.
Quite common-sense the narrator's views.
The Perfected Reflex
Time is of reflection. The reflection is of time to mankind in a history of actions, only once repeated. To make sense of what we recover throughout the course of time, a history of actors in various positions may occur. This is often the thought process of passage through the labyrinth of intent, or what we can think of on the basis of persuasion in a conscious idea of 'ours' = yourself. Therefore, the same actor you witness in life is how time occurs. You are time itself? You are the cause!
In this obvious crash-course in how you made your identity is referred to as existentialism. (The key word being 'referred'.) The interest in time, is of a method that speaks of identity.
Since the time you are made; you were born an infant. That is to say you were born to create a series of models with hats. For example: different hats suit your personality type, that nothing is indifferent to. Your type(s) of personality requiring you is the time you have spent recovered since wearing diapers.
When I think of the elements necessary, questions may emerge, such questions are asked. What do you want? What will you do to get there? - Anything it takes. What have you done to get where you are? - Everything I've done. What are you going to do now? - Ask me another question.
All of this reminds me of truly being myself. The person I am, refers to when I see my dad smiling, because my dads smile helps remind me of good things about me. My father's smile tells me that whatever I've done, something I did was right about it. I was me.
In the interest of imperfection, what I generally believed others may negatively portray, I used to neglect about myself. My enemies became my greatest allies, and my fears, I could embrace. . . as though intoxicating. This becomes a matter of being renewed of the sense in my self-esteem, which is an issue of importance.
You cannot trace a sense of high or low self-esteem, in fact, you must take the time to plug and unplug the prestige involved with the soul.
I am free to be myself as a result of my inner and outer beauty, which can emmanate the entire body in both opening my mind and fulfill me spiritually as well. The will to intensify how much energy you examine with and investigate the truth regarding personal issues with yourself changes over periods of time.
My investment is one of greater satisfaction, morally, physically attuned to the challenge of each and every opportunity I create for myself in the universe.
In this obvious crash-course in how you made your identity is referred to as existentialism. (The key word being 'referred'.) The interest in time, is of a method that speaks of identity.
Since the time you are made; you were born an infant. That is to say you were born to create a series of models with hats. For example: different hats suit your personality type, that nothing is indifferent to. Your type(s) of personality requiring you is the time you have spent recovered since wearing diapers.
When I think of the elements necessary, questions may emerge, such questions are asked. What do you want? What will you do to get there? - Anything it takes. What have you done to get where you are? - Everything I've done. What are you going to do now? - Ask me another question.
All of this reminds me of truly being myself. The person I am, refers to when I see my dad smiling, because my dads smile helps remind me of good things about me. My father's smile tells me that whatever I've done, something I did was right about it. I was me.
In the interest of imperfection, what I generally believed others may negatively portray, I used to neglect about myself. My enemies became my greatest allies, and my fears, I could embrace. . . as though intoxicating. This becomes a matter of being renewed of the sense in my self-esteem, which is an issue of importance.
You cannot trace a sense of high or low self-esteem, in fact, you must take the time to plug and unplug the prestige involved with the soul.
I am free to be myself as a result of my inner and outer beauty, which can emmanate the entire body in both opening my mind and fulfill me spiritually as well. The will to intensify how much energy you examine with and investigate the truth regarding personal issues with yourself changes over periods of time.
My investment is one of greater satisfaction, morally, physically attuned to the challenge of each and every opportunity I create for myself in the universe.
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Seduced from the Introduction
Shock me.
Feel me.
Touch me.
The monkey off my back.
Tell me.
Assure me.
The monkey off my back.
Feel me.
Touch me.
The monkey off my back.
Tell me.
Assure me.
The monkey off my back.
Candy Cane Lane
Holding hands
to the -
train ride.
This plot of revenge
and anxiety is no
friend of mine.
I take care in
making my decisions
that matter.
Trusting the narrative element
is an assembly through time,
choosing between perjury and patronage.
A philosophy of learning.
How I have changed.
Counter intuitive are for
those who do not know
any better to surprise.
I shall not forget nor regret.
Like fine antique china:
unbreakable -
I enjoy the finer
- things in life.
Its been phenomenal.
Its been a wonderful
premonition - and even
better to follow.
My middle name is status,
boss of no planet.
While nothing can eclipse
the nature of my soul,
my spirit, my humanity
may reveal.
As the victim stops to
keep an expected role,
none will anticipate it.
I slayed the beast;
within me,
trapping the monsters shadowy
figure.
As I transformed
to become itself. . .
a tower of thoughtful power.
What am I - but not
if gods own mercy
my poetic will for survival.
For those that practice
martyrdom, the concept
of evil lives without
peace.
I am not a sinner to confess of it.
Martyrdom is a dogma in
the false belief of fortune.
An inherent evil - I will not adopt.
No less than I care
for an apology.
I am attracted only
to the source of
an energy.
I consume myself with
no need, want, or the
desire in being refused.
How I love to gaze
at sparkling star-lit
night skies.
How it lifts and
propels me, my
heart swollen wide.
Streched out, and open spirit.
Aboard the pirate ship,
he who walks the plank
will plunge into the depth.
Condescending and immature,
martyrs will not deny
they have fallen out of
favor or obey the
rules of god.
The rule of god alienates every
martyr as mortals.
Therefore, in martyrs
immortality does not materialize.
Martyrs are of false witness
to god, baring no resemblence
in the challenge of gods will,
charity, or in sacrifice.
I am not a martyr.
I do not believe in martyrs.
A true believer sees what the
martyr cannot face, the martyr
runs to hide behind = from facing its fear
of god as
deathly.
Like a revolt
leading the revolution
. . . a rebellious band of hippies,
tribal groups, that refuse issues of conformity,
like martyrs guess
they have nowhere to turn
live upon as though an "educated-lie"
entitles them with privilege to act
as if god cannot exist
in the universe known
to man.
I will wager against a dragon-
dressed-to-kill, in my
wager I will win.
This sound I hear, if you
listen to me, is a song of fire
I release.
Eternity: has a perfect pulse!
God is independant of
virtue = requires
"group feeling"
mixed with prayer,
blended in hope.
It is easy to be yourself,
why martyrs simply look
like jerks?
to the -
train ride.
This plot of revenge
and anxiety is no
friend of mine.
I take care in
making my decisions
that matter.
Trusting the narrative element
is an assembly through time,
choosing between perjury and patronage.
A philosophy of learning.
How I have changed.
Counter intuitive are for
those who do not know
any better to surprise.
I shall not forget nor regret.
Like fine antique china:
unbreakable -
I enjoy the finer
- things in life.
Its been phenomenal.
Its been a wonderful
premonition - and even
better to follow.
My middle name is status,
boss of no planet.
While nothing can eclipse
the nature of my soul,
my spirit, my humanity
may reveal.
As the victim stops to
keep an expected role,
none will anticipate it.
I slayed the beast;
within me,
trapping the monsters shadowy
figure.
As I transformed
to become itself. . .
a tower of thoughtful power.
What am I - but not
if gods own mercy
my poetic will for survival.
For those that practice
martyrdom, the concept
of evil lives without
peace.
I am not a sinner to confess of it.
Martyrdom is a dogma in
the false belief of fortune.
An inherent evil - I will not adopt.
No less than I care
for an apology.
I am attracted only
to the source of
an energy.
I consume myself with
no need, want, or the
desire in being refused.
How I love to gaze
at sparkling star-lit
night skies.
How it lifts and
propels me, my
heart swollen wide.
Streched out, and open spirit.
Aboard the pirate ship,
he who walks the plank
will plunge into the depth.
Condescending and immature,
martyrs will not deny
they have fallen out of
favor or obey the
rules of god.
The rule of god alienates every
martyr as mortals.
Therefore, in martyrs
immortality does not materialize.
Martyrs are of false witness
to god, baring no resemblence
in the challenge of gods will,
charity, or in sacrifice.
I am not a martyr.
I do not believe in martyrs.
A true believer sees what the
martyr cannot face, the martyr
runs to hide behind = from facing its fear
of god as
deathly.
Like a revolt
leading the revolution
. . . a rebellious band of hippies,
tribal groups, that refuse issues of conformity,
like martyrs guess
they have nowhere to turn
live upon as though an "educated-lie"
entitles them with privilege to act
as if god cannot exist
in the universe known
to man.
I will wager against a dragon-
dressed-to-kill, in my
wager I will win.
This sound I hear, if you
listen to me, is a song of fire
I release.
Eternity: has a perfect pulse!
God is independant of
virtue = requires
"group feeling"
mixed with prayer,
blended in hope.
It is easy to be yourself,
why martyrs simply look
like jerks?
Rent-to-own
Yesterday, I discussed the purpose of Christmas. Today, I propose the same type of discussion. Since the latest 2006 Christmas has officially come to a close, my alter-ego takes precedent, to weigh in on future prospects. I am tired of the anti-fashion Christmas followers pretend to exhibit. Perhaps, I am thinking of a time when things in my worldview of life were different? (However, I digress but I must make the narration something that keeps on topic.) Many who are ignorant to the spirit this season brings, that there are so few that unplug from the reality - then recall what happened - only to plug back into it. In other words, the reality generally speaking. . . you must first be unplugged, be willing to accept the time of year in terms of the holiday spirit, of course, unless most people stay plugged in without ever unplugging themselves for reflection from the jovial and festive promises all to expect of it. So many people mistake the latter as a "family for rent" or attend the "church for hire" as many Christmas followers do. After all, if not during Easter, religion has something to do with Christmas sometime along the way! None of this is not all that important.
After Christmas
Today is like any other day - only better because of Christmas. I gave Tanya a gift of the perfume she wanted. I had heard from my sister that the perfume is the same as my godmother wore.
I also realize, how much I've become less superstitious toward those that do not believe in Christmas?
The story of good will about Scrooge who was a man of enthusiasm as "Christmas past", then as "Christmas present" and "Christmas Future". . . in some untold mystery of its true meaning. Scrooge, might dictate how the carossel of emotions combine his lack of mystery in real life. The moral of the story itself is about why Christmas has such 'mystery' for many who care to celebrate it. Unlike Scrooge, the true hero identifies with Scrooge in order to define what characterizes Christmas can only be done as Scrooge renews his mystery that explores what Christmas really signifies. Perhaps, Scrooge although not 'himself' per se acts as the solution to those that lack clarity to act.
Such a story reminds me of how lucky I am to be here with my family, my sister Marta and our parents. This year, Tanya helped me remind myself of this important time of year.
I do see how special Christmas is for some people though not most would care to admit. I'm thinking about how for others unlike Scrooge fail to commit to any amount of significance behind the spirit of Christmas. Therefore, for people that fail to act like Scrooge forget what Christmas truly means.
I suppose it is easy to overlook such people that neglect the spirit of Christmas, create their own world-views see it as a fairy-tale without considering the value of how Christmas is typical of finding Scrooge.
This year, I found my Scrooge. It is a process of renewal.
It is a step forward.
There are those that will displace the meaning of Christmas, strictly adopt the rules of consumership "marketing Christmas" as though it mirculously or magically saves them. These people (as there are many) fail to find Scrooge as the kind of thinking it takes to be in the spirit of Christmas.
As we joined together at my parents house on Bannatyne, I discovered how little others have learned in identifying with Christmas. Instead, from forming a type of purpose thought, "Christmas is here - it only comes once a year." It was sad to see. I also found out how naive people associate Christmas with tradition, escape into their own warped cacoons and prefer to celebrate with racoons rummage through garbage? Like I said, this was said to see. The truth is, it did not - it will not - spoil what I've been taught. That is the key.
You cannot change the world, unless you decide to be the difference maker. I was proud to be with my family and know the Christmas I have inside.
Last week, when I attended a Christmas gathering, the entire atmosphere was neglected of anything that Christmas for me is about. Now, a week later those same people were supposed to meet us for Christmas.
As we gathered earlier in the day, we discovered that one of those who were supposed to attend declined the invitation. We can call him The Scrooge.. The Scrooge decided to make a marriage proposal to "the future" Mrs. Scrooge. However, this is not to be confused with as a story about Christmas. Remember this as a story about ignorance. Mr. Scrooge might have proposed, but he'd never have the full-meaning of what Christmas actually means. The Scrooge is in a world divided without the meaning of Christmas. Therefore, he feels as though he exists bigger than Christmas. In fact, he chose to propose in New York because the present - to be future - Mrs. Scrooge actually believes that she's bigger than Christmas too.
I realize that for the Scrooges of the world, have no concept of the word Christmas or for that matter what it fails to demonstrate. As for the future Mr./Mrs. Scrooge, they'll always be obsessed with the rest of the worlds Scrooges.
I can honestly say, my house is A Scrooge-Free Zone.
Amen. ~
I also realize, how much I've become less superstitious toward those that do not believe in Christmas?
The story of good will about Scrooge who was a man of enthusiasm as "Christmas past", then as "Christmas present" and "Christmas Future". . . in some untold mystery of its true meaning. Scrooge, might dictate how the carossel of emotions combine his lack of mystery in real life. The moral of the story itself is about why Christmas has such 'mystery' for many who care to celebrate it. Unlike Scrooge, the true hero identifies with Scrooge in order to define what characterizes Christmas can only be done as Scrooge renews his mystery that explores what Christmas really signifies. Perhaps, Scrooge although not 'himself' per se acts as the solution to those that lack clarity to act.
Such a story reminds me of how lucky I am to be here with my family, my sister Marta and our parents. This year, Tanya helped me remind myself of this important time of year.
I do see how special Christmas is for some people though not most would care to admit. I'm thinking about how for others unlike Scrooge fail to commit to any amount of significance behind the spirit of Christmas. Therefore, for people that fail to act like Scrooge forget what Christmas truly means.
I suppose it is easy to overlook such people that neglect the spirit of Christmas, create their own world-views see it as a fairy-tale without considering the value of how Christmas is typical of finding Scrooge.
This year, I found my Scrooge. It is a process of renewal.
It is a step forward.
There are those that will displace the meaning of Christmas, strictly adopt the rules of consumership "marketing Christmas" as though it mirculously or magically saves them. These people (as there are many) fail to find Scrooge as the kind of thinking it takes to be in the spirit of Christmas.
As we joined together at my parents house on Bannatyne, I discovered how little others have learned in identifying with Christmas. Instead, from forming a type of purpose thought, "Christmas is here - it only comes once a year." It was sad to see. I also found out how naive people associate Christmas with tradition, escape into their own warped cacoons and prefer to celebrate with racoons rummage through garbage? Like I said, this was said to see. The truth is, it did not - it will not - spoil what I've been taught. That is the key.
You cannot change the world, unless you decide to be the difference maker. I was proud to be with my family and know the Christmas I have inside.
Last week, when I attended a Christmas gathering, the entire atmosphere was neglected of anything that Christmas for me is about. Now, a week later those same people were supposed to meet us for Christmas.
As we gathered earlier in the day, we discovered that one of those who were supposed to attend declined the invitation. We can call him The Scrooge.. The Scrooge decided to make a marriage proposal to "the future" Mrs. Scrooge. However, this is not to be confused with as a story about Christmas. Remember this as a story about ignorance. Mr. Scrooge might have proposed, but he'd never have the full-meaning of what Christmas actually means. The Scrooge is in a world divided without the meaning of Christmas. Therefore, he feels as though he exists bigger than Christmas. In fact, he chose to propose in New York because the present - to be future - Mrs. Scrooge actually believes that she's bigger than Christmas too.
I realize that for the Scrooges of the world, have no concept of the word Christmas or for that matter what it fails to demonstrate. As for the future Mr./Mrs. Scrooge, they'll always be obsessed with the rest of the worlds Scrooges.
I can honestly say, my house is A Scrooge-Free Zone.
Amen. ~
If only indiscretion
The name says it all;
no threat in what I honor!
The best?
On such short periods of rain.
In both worlds: the best of both worlds.
No threat in what I honor.
You cannot control others decisions vs.
those which of are hardly worth it.
How the fire burns as I turn,
changing in time.
no threat in what I honor!
The best?
On such short periods of rain.
In both worlds: the best of both worlds.
No threat in what I honor.
You cannot control others decisions vs.
those which of are hardly worth it.
How the fire burns as I turn,
changing in time.
Permission Slipped
When I think of something with vulgarity:
I laugh out loud as if it's funny but not -
false in its reality.
Fake - fake?
It might have something to do with;
off-chance something makes you feel badly about yourself.
However, it only feels like something awkward has happened!
Take it easy - but take it.
The fact you've been taken for granted,
isn't meant to amuse me.
Disrespect and perjury.
My beauty is inconspicuous -
inauspicious this reaction.
No secret is there.
I laugh out loud as if it's funny but not -
false in its reality.
Fake - fake?
It might have something to do with;
off-chance something makes you feel badly about yourself.
However, it only feels like something awkward has happened!
Take it easy - but take it.
The fact you've been taken for granted,
isn't meant to amuse me.
Disrespect and perjury.
My beauty is inconspicuous -
inauspicious this reaction.
No secret is there.
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Purging Test
Once you keep trusting me;
the volume increases.
Once you make me a habit,
the speed increases.
Once you make me natural,
the presentation becomes perfect.
The method of a science in natural selection,
divine intervention.
And the revelation of time,
my permission.
My decision for a freer inspiration.
There is no secret to success,
its only key is in the discipline to honor such truth -
of eternity.
- Reject.
the volume increases.
Once you make me a habit,
the speed increases.
Once you make me natural,
the presentation becomes perfect.
The method of a science in natural selection,
divine intervention.
And the revelation of time,
my permission.
My decision for a freer inspiration.
There is no secret to success,
its only key is in the discipline to honor such truth -
of eternity.
- Reject.
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Paralyzed Threshold
The need to accomplish something is life,
is not limited by;
but limited to those that often give advice -
need it most?
is not limited by;
but limited to those that often give advice -
need it most?
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Cabbage Rolls of a failed ambition
This Christmas I see my mom doing what she's always done since I've known her. . . my mom will keep giving everything she has to give. Tanya, is inviting me to attend this Chirstmas Eve after I work at her house. I think this is the most I've ever wanted. It reminds me of Cabbage Rolls, you can only want more of them they're so good!
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Not in saving face
The passion of choices:
choices!
Symbolic of models in turn.
I indulge;
in the love for chocolate.
I haven't lost track of time.
Despised, by the way you've acted.
Aren't you a sight for sore eyes.
Am I over-reacting,
unplugged from vanity.
My misdirected anger a
- purity of the heart is to will one thing. -
For old time sake.
Greatness lies not in being strong. But in the right use of strength. - Henry Ward Bucher
choices!
Symbolic of models in turn.
I indulge;
in the love for chocolate.
I haven't lost track of time.
Despised, by the way you've acted.
Aren't you a sight for sore eyes.
Am I over-reacting,
unplugged from vanity.
My misdirected anger a
- purity of the heart is to will one thing. -
For old time sake.
Greatness lies not in being strong. But in the right use of strength. - Henry Ward Bucher
Monday, December 18, 2006
In the new year
I have decided to seek full time employment and quit working at Safeway. The progress shall continue as I 'zero' in - in search of another opportunity suited to my personal goals.
Intelligence is the presence of virtue not of thought. - I wrote this phrase about 10 years ago. It meant the same thing then as it does now, only its meaning has changed in me.
Intelligence is the presence of virtue not of thought. - I wrote this phrase about 10 years ago. It meant the same thing then as it does now, only its meaning has changed in me.
Sunday, December 17, 2006
An emmanation of no sour grapes
A lot of ammunition doesn't exactly make a defenseless person stronger. As was the case of an ugly greedy man and the blinded woman.
Nearly 5 years ago you'd have thought, "How special of the blinded woman to give such false impression of herself. She'd almost make you believe she's blinded." It was around that time,
the ugly greedy man became seduced.
About 5 years after you see an ugly greedy man and the blinded woman without any remorse for their actions.
It reminds me of where all the time has come: not where-has-it-gone? You begin to realize how much time has played an important role in your own life. That while those others haven't a clue about what it means to actually see!
What this tells you is that through the emancipation of your own nature. It is a lens. You are able to see what others cannot. That is truly a gift you possess.
That throughout that time you have become something worthwhile, not outspoken, but thought-provoking in your intellect.
As the story begins to unfold for both the greedy ugly man and the blinded woman it ends in tragedy for both of them.
You know how it feels, what it means to see - everything. Unfortunately, as for the ugly greedy man and the blinded woman, they cannot - see - everything. It seems that as time moves on, it goes right past the blinded woman and the greedy ugly man. The story is without a plot. The blinded woman must move aimlessly throughout the story with a greedy ugly man. They have no recollection of the story, and in time they forget how to move within the story.
The tragic tale turned graphic, when the greedy blinded man had his eyes cut out and the blinded woman had her ears ripped off. The metaphor for each of these mutilations is regarding how the blinded woman took her hearing for granted. After all - if a blind person neglects to use their hearing - their one true source of gods gift - then she has lost meaning. As for the greedy ugly man, let him parish the thought of a life not worth living is a case of mistaken identity - as he acts condescending toward those around him for materialistic purposes. The blinded woman forgot how to hear, she cannot be guided by an ugly greedy man. Therefore, god took her ears away and gave them to someone far more capable of moving within the story.
Both of these inferior individuals, have no imagination, and even less character. Although, the purpose of this is to make certain - no matter how unsure - the ugly greedy man and the blinded woman have no place in the story. They both are figments of imagining spoiled or selfish endeavors, that remind us in the story how important the 'soul' is. The nature of the soul is in not "selling-out" per se to neither the ugly greedy man or the blinded woman. It is important to recognize these characters possess either false inhibitions. Its characteristically unproven of them that everyone else can see through it - with the exception of the blinded woman and ugly greedy man - make everyone else suffer for it. The moral of the story is that the characteristics the blinded woman and ugly greedy man possess are really what they are unable to see for themselves.
Amidst the element of surprise, the ugly greedy man is short-sighted and the blinded woman doesn't know everyone else realize how deaf she is.
None of this is entertaining for those others who can see.
As the blinded woman and the ugly greedy man are leaving, you can investigate some of the thoughts others are having. Such as those who were prevented from having fun, for example, begin to picture the ugly greedy man and the blinded woman naked. As opposed to when they entered the party, the ugly greedy man and the blinded woman never really showed up. They only arrived "fashionably late" considering they have no awareness of time within the story. It just goes to show you how tolerable people can be when they see those without natural defenses as we began this lovely story.
However, the thought of a naked ugly greedy and blinded woman will eventually wear off . They essentially serve no purpose in laughter, since they do not arouse the sense even - for a minute.
The truth is that the ugly greedy man and blinded woman are fully aware of how inept the others feel toward them. Yes, they actually choose to live their life the way they do. It is sad - very saddening in fact. It is that kind of knowledge that they lead others to believe they have defenses, and in doing so figure it impacts the rest of the group. How wrong of the poor old ugly greedy man and blinded woman.
An endearing message to the ugly greedy man and blinded woman such as, "Persias ser burro." - which from the Portuguese translates into - you are an idiot. That would be directed to the ugly greedy man. The blinded woman, for all her taste and pleasure, defends the ugly greedy mans honor - since he lacks the eternal spirit - or what the majority with masculinity call testicles. The blinded woman acknowledges how deaf she is of hearing, and chooses to ignore how mentally unstable she really is, and for that matter disguises herself. The blinded woman never had any interest in getting naked herself, because the blinded woman rather keep herself up on a pedestal. The blinded woman is blinded by evil for a reason - she masks herself in order to keep control of what any situation the blinded woman can manipulate. For example, "I don't intend to allow the ugly greedy man to speak for both of us, because we're equally as unattractive and unflattering. I can't hear and he looks horrible when he's naked. It balances out perfectly."
The ugly greedy man is seriously challenged. Perhaps it speaks to the contempt of most who are like the ugly greedy man, after all, in a room full of zealots how many would raise there hand if asked, "How many of you are bigots?" Then, the reply one might offer could be, "One too many." Which, is clearly the case between ugly greedy man and the blinded woman. Perhaps, it also speaks of a turkey dressed in costume, such as ugly greedy mans wardrobe, that the first thing out of the closet makes a turkey look like the oven is its only destiny.
As for the tragic ending to the story, ugly greedy man and the blinded woman boarded the earliest flight they could for New York. The Musicals off Broadway might intrigue the blinded woman and ugly greedy man, everybody knows that Musicals were only created as a result of charity. Most people who want to forget about the rest of the world should watch more musicals, since musicals are only made to inspire the desperate hollow space that ugly greedy man and the blinded woman have. Have fun in New York, but leave your greed at the door.
The best part is about the fact both ugly greedy man and the blinded woman enjoy masochists. As they each arrogantly cared for nothing ugly greedy man left to New York with a sulk behind the blinded woman who followed ugly greedy man not-so-grown-up pouty yet immature face.
Nearly 5 years ago you'd have thought, "How special of the blinded woman to give such false impression of herself. She'd almost make you believe she's blinded." It was around that time,
the ugly greedy man became seduced.
About 5 years after you see an ugly greedy man and the blinded woman without any remorse for their actions.
It reminds me of where all the time has come: not where-has-it-gone? You begin to realize how much time has played an important role in your own life. That while those others haven't a clue about what it means to actually see!
What this tells you is that through the emancipation of your own nature. It is a lens. You are able to see what others cannot. That is truly a gift you possess.
That throughout that time you have become something worthwhile, not outspoken, but thought-provoking in your intellect.
As the story begins to unfold for both the greedy ugly man and the blinded woman it ends in tragedy for both of them.
You know how it feels, what it means to see - everything. Unfortunately, as for the ugly greedy man and the blinded woman, they cannot - see - everything. It seems that as time moves on, it goes right past the blinded woman and the greedy ugly man. The story is without a plot. The blinded woman must move aimlessly throughout the story with a greedy ugly man. They have no recollection of the story, and in time they forget how to move within the story.
The tragic tale turned graphic, when the greedy blinded man had his eyes cut out and the blinded woman had her ears ripped off. The metaphor for each of these mutilations is regarding how the blinded woman took her hearing for granted. After all - if a blind person neglects to use their hearing - their one true source of gods gift - then she has lost meaning. As for the greedy ugly man, let him parish the thought of a life not worth living is a case of mistaken identity - as he acts condescending toward those around him for materialistic purposes. The blinded woman forgot how to hear, she cannot be guided by an ugly greedy man. Therefore, god took her ears away and gave them to someone far more capable of moving within the story.
Both of these inferior individuals, have no imagination, and even less character. Although, the purpose of this is to make certain - no matter how unsure - the ugly greedy man and the blinded woman have no place in the story. They both are figments of imagining spoiled or selfish endeavors, that remind us in the story how important the 'soul' is. The nature of the soul is in not "selling-out" per se to neither the ugly greedy man or the blinded woman. It is important to recognize these characters possess either false inhibitions. Its characteristically unproven of them that everyone else can see through it - with the exception of the blinded woman and ugly greedy man - make everyone else suffer for it. The moral of the story is that the characteristics the blinded woman and ugly greedy man possess are really what they are unable to see for themselves.
Amidst the element of surprise, the ugly greedy man is short-sighted and the blinded woman doesn't know everyone else realize how deaf she is.
None of this is entertaining for those others who can see.
As the blinded woman and the ugly greedy man are leaving, you can investigate some of the thoughts others are having. Such as those who were prevented from having fun, for example, begin to picture the ugly greedy man and the blinded woman naked. As opposed to when they entered the party, the ugly greedy man and the blinded woman never really showed up. They only arrived "fashionably late" considering they have no awareness of time within the story. It just goes to show you how tolerable people can be when they see those without natural defenses as we began this lovely story.
However, the thought of a naked ugly greedy and blinded woman will eventually wear off . They essentially serve no purpose in laughter, since they do not arouse the sense even - for a minute.
The truth is that the ugly greedy man and blinded woman are fully aware of how inept the others feel toward them. Yes, they actually choose to live their life the way they do. It is sad - very saddening in fact. It is that kind of knowledge that they lead others to believe they have defenses, and in doing so figure it impacts the rest of the group. How wrong of the poor old ugly greedy man and blinded woman.
An endearing message to the ugly greedy man and blinded woman such as, "Persias ser burro." - which from the Portuguese translates into - you are an idiot. That would be directed to the ugly greedy man. The blinded woman, for all her taste and pleasure, defends the ugly greedy mans honor - since he lacks the eternal spirit - or what the majority with masculinity call testicles. The blinded woman acknowledges how deaf she is of hearing, and chooses to ignore how mentally unstable she really is, and for that matter disguises herself. The blinded woman never had any interest in getting naked herself, because the blinded woman rather keep herself up on a pedestal. The blinded woman is blinded by evil for a reason - she masks herself in order to keep control of what any situation the blinded woman can manipulate. For example, "I don't intend to allow the ugly greedy man to speak for both of us, because we're equally as unattractive and unflattering. I can't hear and he looks horrible when he's naked. It balances out perfectly."
The ugly greedy man is seriously challenged. Perhaps it speaks to the contempt of most who are like the ugly greedy man, after all, in a room full of zealots how many would raise there hand if asked, "How many of you are bigots?" Then, the reply one might offer could be, "One too many." Which, is clearly the case between ugly greedy man and the blinded woman. Perhaps, it also speaks of a turkey dressed in costume, such as ugly greedy mans wardrobe, that the first thing out of the closet makes a turkey look like the oven is its only destiny.
As for the tragic ending to the story, ugly greedy man and the blinded woman boarded the earliest flight they could for New York. The Musicals off Broadway might intrigue the blinded woman and ugly greedy man, everybody knows that Musicals were only created as a result of charity. Most people who want to forget about the rest of the world should watch more musicals, since musicals are only made to inspire the desperate hollow space that ugly greedy man and the blinded woman have. Have fun in New York, but leave your greed at the door.
The best part is about the fact both ugly greedy man and the blinded woman enjoy masochists. As they each arrogantly cared for nothing ugly greedy man left to New York with a sulk behind the blinded woman who followed ugly greedy man not-so-grown-up pouty yet immature face.
The ambition of meaning
There was something about last night that really told me something? It did.
You can't 'change' anyone else!
The good news is: Tanya is about to embark on a new path as she starts her position working at a bank. I'm sure she'll learn quickly, since she's exceptionally smart.
It was about 5 years ago, when I first read the books titled, "Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway" and "Happiness Is A Choice". It was 5 years ago during the Christmas season, that around that time I realized how to value my true potential. From then on, the crystalization of my thoughts are caused.
My journey has taken a form recently, because, I've witnessed how little or insignificant people mistake ambition with greed.
Tanya possesses ambition, with honesty and a true sense of what success manifests.
You can't 'change' anyone else!
The good news is: Tanya is about to embark on a new path as she starts her position working at a bank. I'm sure she'll learn quickly, since she's exceptionally smart.
It was about 5 years ago, when I first read the books titled, "Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway" and "Happiness Is A Choice". It was 5 years ago during the Christmas season, that around that time I realized how to value my true potential. From then on, the crystalization of my thoughts are caused.
My journey has taken a form recently, because, I've witnessed how little or insignificant people mistake ambition with greed.
Tanya possesses ambition, with honesty and a true sense of what success manifests.
Uniform mentality
Tomorrow I don't work again. Thank goodness. After tonight, I don't expect much of what I say next to be completely understood. This story is about a Christmas dinner I attended with my family. The rest of the story is in a context of how I felt being there.
I hadn't anticipated the evening as I thought I would. A person I despise, would be in attendance, and I'm only grateful Tanya came with me. It was about 5 years ago, I stopped my relationship and had enough of the alleged individual. I will never forget the last time I saw him. It was about 2 years ago, on my birthday, when he stood behind a friend of his acting as though 6 feet tall?
No matter how much I despised him then or now; my determination held firm. I would not spoil this evening by embarrassing myself or my family and especially not my girlfriend. After all, I do have dignity. My integrity is greater than the patience I need in proving anything of myself to a person not worthy of it. I demonstrated tolerance instead, and I think it showed. I examined my behavior the way I believe it meant that it leaves dogma.
I acted myself, without overreacting in place of discouragement or second-guessing my nature.
Although some may mistake this for weakness on my part, on the contrary, I took control of the condescending inhibition not without giving myself a chance. I am not a sell-out!
I hadn't anticipated the evening as I thought I would. A person I despise, would be in attendance, and I'm only grateful Tanya came with me. It was about 5 years ago, I stopped my relationship and had enough of the alleged individual. I will never forget the last time I saw him. It was about 2 years ago, on my birthday, when he stood behind a friend of his acting as though 6 feet tall?
No matter how much I despised him then or now; my determination held firm. I would not spoil this evening by embarrassing myself or my family and especially not my girlfriend. After all, I do have dignity. My integrity is greater than the patience I need in proving anything of myself to a person not worthy of it. I demonstrated tolerance instead, and I think it showed. I examined my behavior the way I believe it meant that it leaves dogma.
I acted myself, without overreacting in place of discouragement or second-guessing my nature.
Although some may mistake this for weakness on my part, on the contrary, I took control of the condescending inhibition not without giving myself a chance. I am not a sell-out!
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Anal Retentive Zealots
Working at my Safeway is a rather anal retentive environment. My explanation is simple: it's as though a nation of amerites? Here I am musing the rational thought processes of blaming as I am all but used to myself, confessing my victim's impact statement. Instead, I realize it is not a family they want me to be a part of. What they want from me, is something they can't have. . . my very soul tells me to 'stop blaming' and start by accepting the roles associated within the company's hierarchy. There are a handful of people that work at Safeway who aren't of the family mentality, but amerites in their anal retentive nature.
I feel there is a blend of tyranny within the ranks. One of the store managers, who leads the colony of amerites, not "accidentally" but deliberately disqualifies my lack of better judgment (for offering from it.) It is a state of denial currently I am in facing. When I see this monster, I say it's sour grapes, instead of blaming the usual suspect - myself! -
My attitude has shifted in the experience, while working at Safeway and categorically singling out the anal retentive foolery I mask it;
a) as a happy-occasion in doing my job.
b) leading by example
c) knowing full well these amerites falsely label me in their belief I want to own-the-place
However, what my attitude and behavior exemplify, does not make it an intolerable resistance involved.
I feel there is a blend of tyranny within the ranks. One of the store managers, who leads the colony of amerites, not "accidentally" but deliberately disqualifies my lack of better judgment (for offering from it.) It is a state of denial currently I am in facing. When I see this monster, I say it's sour grapes, instead of blaming the usual suspect - myself! -
My attitude has shifted in the experience, while working at Safeway and categorically singling out the anal retentive foolery I mask it;
a) as a happy-occasion in doing my job.
b) leading by example
c) knowing full well these amerites falsely label me in their belief I want to own-the-place
However, what my attitude and behavior exemplify, does not make it an intolerable resistance involved.
Upon such banal opportunities
On this happiest of happy occassions,
the smell of a christmas tree. . .
- its scent quickly reminds me how I've -
cut my losses.
Time, came and went!
An anonymous criminal?
That: the fire in me.
Gravity in motion;
like a candle flickers in my eye.
Only the act in decieving loses all meaning,
which I trace back.
I'll not neglect my own defenses,
for the purpose of living a lie.
the smell of a christmas tree. . .
- its scent quickly reminds me how I've -
cut my losses.
Time, came and went!
An anonymous criminal?
That: the fire in me.
Gravity in motion;
like a candle flickers in my eye.
Only the act in decieving loses all meaning,
which I trace back.
I'll not neglect my own defenses,
for the purpose of living a lie.
Friday, December 15, 2006
The future presents itself
As the models are examined,
like a coupon book in hand. . .
I place the scissors directly
over the dotted lines.
It helps as they guide me,
to cut a straight line.
The thought of obsession?
The metaphor of an electrical switch!
As you can't change what's - what;
I can only make a difference.
There: I refused.
You, nothing dared.
like a coupon book in hand. . .
I place the scissors directly
over the dotted lines.
It helps as they guide me,
to cut a straight line.
The thought of obsession?
The metaphor of an electrical switch!
As you can't change what's - what;
I can only make a difference.
There: I refused.
You, nothing dared.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
The generalized other
There are no weaknesses involved in what you expose to others; once you exploit yourself.
Only, once you've blamed yourself have you asked to betray your generalized other. Your generalized other is the extension from yourself - to anyone - others cannot see.
What if drinking your favorite beverage is your greatest 'weakness'? Imagine, if you will sacrifice not drinking that beverage, what if not drinking it became your greatest weakness? Would you still consume the beverage? You probably would make the choice most vulnerable to you.
Only, once you've blamed yourself have you asked to betray your generalized other. Your generalized other is the extension from yourself - to anyone - others cannot see.
What if drinking your favorite beverage is your greatest 'weakness'? Imagine, if you will sacrifice not drinking that beverage, what if not drinking it became your greatest weakness? Would you still consume the beverage? You probably would make the choice most vulnerable to you.
Experience is powerful
There is no shame in falling down - the only shame is in getting back up. . . and it is glorious.
If you want that people respect you, not because you "want" their respect per se - but that a person is respected unconditionally. The difference being: if others fall into a category, but fails to acknowledge people in the same reciprocal manner. . . in other words they want superficial unequivocal "respect" - not because they've earned it - but demanded or expected the unattainable.
If you want that people respect you, not because you "want" their respect per se - but that a person is respected unconditionally. The difference being: if others fall into a category, but fails to acknowledge people in the same reciprocal manner. . . in other words they want superficial unequivocal "respect" - not because they've earned it - but demanded or expected the unattainable.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Hair App. Thursday - 2pm
Tanya and I are happy together. Not that what I say, should it be confused with sounding like an old married couple?
The true nature of this post, has no relevance, only some sort of prize offered to me for sharing my beliefs!
That is the true nature of my post: that I've become a confident human being. That is the prize.
The true nature of this post, has no relevance, only some sort of prize offered to me for sharing my beliefs!
That is the true nature of my post: that I've become a confident human being. That is the prize.
Fish Net Stockings
The timing isn't off, quite.
The maturity is inescapable.
My sweetness is potentially sickening.
My predicatbility is almost as gentle.
Bruises - not in the least.
The maturity is inescapable.
My sweetness is potentially sickening.
My predicatbility is almost as gentle.
Bruises - not in the least.
Monday, December 11, 2006
Giving and Receiving
I'm taken.
Play hard to get.
My confidence
an all time
highest or lowest.
The glass half-full
or half-empty.
Digressed, such is the fact from
gravity in spoiling my narration.
In the popular opinion of many -
not all impregnated in thought are.
There is no duress
in vital-signs; which
of yours is junk?
I prefer: no sarcasm!
The jealous monster's closet,
no normal shame leads me behind the closed door.
Play hard to get.
My confidence
an all time
highest or lowest.
The glass half-full
or half-empty.
Digressed, such is the fact from
gravity in spoiling my narration.
In the popular opinion of many -
not all impregnated in thought are.
There is no duress
in vital-signs; which
of yours is junk?
I prefer: no sarcasm!
The jealous monster's closet,
no normal shame leads me behind the closed door.
Inexpensive Crackers
I enjoy the taste of expensive crackers;
I bought them, cheap.
However:
STOP GIVE ME ORDERS!
Insubordinate clown?
I bought them, cheap.
However:
STOP GIVE ME ORDERS!
Insubordinate clown?
Present Day Dogma
Chocolates and things;
rotten (expired) challenge.
Buckets of tears;
piles of socks . . .
pails of laughter.
Rough:
around the edges.
Tough on spinach.
Nothing uninspired.
Silk like heaven.
Money bags?
Princess!
I don't deserve
the baby thorown out
with the bathwater.
I find to be breathtaking
what most people, don't.
rotten (expired) challenge.
Buckets of tears;
piles of socks . . .
pails of laughter.
Rough:
around the edges.
Tough on spinach.
Nothing uninspired.
Silk like heaven.
Money bags?
Princess!
I don't deserve
the baby thorown out
with the bathwater.
I find to be breathtaking
what most people, don't.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Sorry
Headless horses in volume.
A code blue of trifecta.
The human nature of emotion.
No risk?
The derby's nature ran wild on far-gone;
apology.
Time to eat.
Time in the plam of your hand,
safe and ripe:
ready to entertain!
Trapped in heat all to important.
Both a sheppard and in angels
that no mistake.
Misguided judgment.
Misinformed interpretations.
Direction of choices.
No hurt surprise,
worth in saving my breath over.
A class for consideration,
that no avoiding guilt.
Giggling for points.
Volunatry actions.
And involuntary apathy.
I am not a victim
of hell close to
the reigns of fire.
A code blue of trifecta.
The human nature of emotion.
No risk?
The derby's nature ran wild on far-gone;
apology.
Time to eat.
Time in the plam of your hand,
safe and ripe:
ready to entertain!
Trapped in heat all to important.
Both a sheppard and in angels
that no mistake.
Misguided judgment.
Misinformed interpretations.
Direction of choices.
No hurt surprise,
worth in saving my breath over.
A class for consideration,
that no avoiding guilt.
Giggling for points.
Volunatry actions.
And involuntary apathy.
I am not a victim
of hell close to
the reigns of fire.
Friday, December 08, 2006
Categorical Change in Observation
1 -You both can of can't pretend flaws that do exist in us all, don't make you more or less then perfect and no more or less than imperfect.
People that strive for excellence / increase their full potential / capacity for understanding and compassion, heighten their awareness in learning new things about themselves and the world we live in, accept the values we create in society as we work together independently as well as in groups. However, not all will become as tolerant or accomplish those things in life that others do achieve for the same circumstances. Therefore, we develop defense mechanisms we're capable of inhibiting emotions, or fail to fully accept embracing, thus empathize with those negative traits. Instead, we rather conceal those in the mistake that our inferiority is unworthy of becoming part in your identity. We become afraid to express our weakness openly and regrettably use them as security blankets. . . when in fact you own the good and the bad as positive characteristics. When you attribute yourself and with respecting others, you demand the best possible "you" in life that only you reveal, all without limiting yourself, your self worth, or your own reputation in comparison. You will benefit in the attitude of a cost to compromise. No price is better then, you.
2 - You can switch 'on' or 'off' the way you think and behave; but not if you believe change is something you'll control or influence in others exhibited "for-you".
People that strive for excellence / increase their full potential / capacity for understanding and compassion, heighten their awareness in learning new things about themselves and the world we live in, accept the values we create in society as we work together independently as well as in groups. However, not all will become as tolerant or accomplish those things in life that others do achieve for the same circumstances. Therefore, we develop defense mechanisms we're capable of inhibiting emotions, or fail to fully accept embracing, thus empathize with those negative traits. Instead, we rather conceal those in the mistake that our inferiority is unworthy of becoming part in your identity. We become afraid to express our weakness openly and regrettably use them as security blankets. . . when in fact you own the good and the bad as positive characteristics. When you attribute yourself and with respecting others, you demand the best possible "you" in life that only you reveal, all without limiting yourself, your self worth, or your own reputation in comparison. You will benefit in the attitude of a cost to compromise. No price is better then, you.
2 - You can switch 'on' or 'off' the way you think and behave; but not if you believe change is something you'll control or influence in others exhibited "for-you".
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Criminal White Noise
Hurry-up?
Yes - yes!
While, the meter is running. . .
cab-fare's are high.
It encourages us to buy.
I'll pay you in candy canes, sir.
An assorted variety of wonderful candy canes,
delicious and sweet.
All about chocolate Christmas bears,
and almonds for charity-like-cherries
full of flavor.
Sounds like a deal;
but I insist.
You must:
accept my payment method.
I leave you no risk.
I intend you no harm.
You see me as the slave in time.
I recede into memory.
I work from memory.
Working from it,
I've already worked out the fine print.
Christmas cards that read,
would you rather drive a Buick -
or a Le sabre.
- Would you like Pepsi,
or do you not prefer Coca-Cola.
You MUST have a choice,
than the less you settle for.
An unhealthy obsession, perhaps.
That the will of gods-will.
I'm travelling on route to the North Pole,
flying south.
I worked it into memory.
I worked from memory.
My Christmas Wish for this year - 2006 -
is a hug from big old Santa Clause himself.
Why must he retreat into the evaporation of a chimney.
That this state of the virus is an incredible smell of irony.
The present state of the virus, is a curious obsession.
For maximum results of a stoic vanity,
undressed not 'naked' only cannot be repeated.
If, naked not "too good to be true".
I keep an eye out on the state of the virus.
Success, comes naturally to me,
not all those as opportunistic per se.
I do not enjoy the company of such,
"strange opportunists"
or how they'd act like.
Ambition - as is in the nature I acquire - of an ambitious independence,
independence - for all my fruit in achievement - forms an independant ambition.
It is this virtue I possess.
My candid future.
No ulterior motivation, from a necessary curiosity.
All I seek to that end.
No indifference to compatibility,
desire in change,
or playing with shoe polish.
A shinning example I've defined myself.
An example of decision with incompatible-opportunists
who've masked their emotions,
hidden beneath the flaw.
That, their apparition is an illusion trapped in thought
because they've fear you see right through
their 'imperfection'.
I kept my eye on the status of the virus.
No more.
All that I intended in such peace.
Feeling sad and blue? Don't wipe out what resemble your emotions best. Face the reality of every situation, and reflect on your innermost thoughts. Just a simple reminder never to stop believing in yourself. - (Circa, 2006) - Marco Almeida
Yes - yes!
While, the meter is running. . .
cab-fare's are high.
It encourages us to buy.
I'll pay you in candy canes, sir.
An assorted variety of wonderful candy canes,
delicious and sweet.
All about chocolate Christmas bears,
and almonds for charity-like-cherries
full of flavor.
Sounds like a deal;
but I insist.
You must:
accept my payment method.
I leave you no risk.
I intend you no harm.
You see me as the slave in time.
I recede into memory.
I work from memory.
Working from it,
I've already worked out the fine print.
Christmas cards that read,
would you rather drive a Buick -
or a Le sabre.
- Would you like Pepsi,
or do you not prefer Coca-Cola.
You MUST have a choice,
than the less you settle for.
An unhealthy obsession, perhaps.
That the will of gods-will.
I'm travelling on route to the North Pole,
flying south.
I worked it into memory.
I worked from memory.
My Christmas Wish for this year - 2006 -
is a hug from big old Santa Clause himself.
Why must he retreat into the evaporation of a chimney.
That this state of the virus is an incredible smell of irony.
The present state of the virus, is a curious obsession.
For maximum results of a stoic vanity,
undressed not 'naked' only cannot be repeated.
If, naked not "too good to be true".
I keep an eye out on the state of the virus.
Success, comes naturally to me,
not all those as opportunistic per se.
I do not enjoy the company of such,
"strange opportunists"
or how they'd act like.
Ambition - as is in the nature I acquire - of an ambitious independence,
independence - for all my fruit in achievement - forms an independant ambition.
It is this virtue I possess.
My candid future.
No ulterior motivation, from a necessary curiosity.
All I seek to that end.
No indifference to compatibility,
desire in change,
or playing with shoe polish.
A shinning example I've defined myself.
An example of decision with incompatible-opportunists
who've masked their emotions,
hidden beneath the flaw.
That, their apparition is an illusion trapped in thought
because they've fear you see right through
their 'imperfection'.
I kept my eye on the status of the virus.
No more.
All that I intended in such peace.
Feeling sad and blue? Don't wipe out what resemble your emotions best. Face the reality of every situation, and reflect on your innermost thoughts. Just a simple reminder never to stop believing in yourself. - (Circa, 2006) - Marco Almeida
"Survivor Guilt"
The day I turned 18, I was involved in an almost fatal car accident. The thought seems like yesterday; it was a moment I virtually escaped lucky to be alive. As I try to put these thoughts into perspective, today, I'm willing to say I've accomplished myself. Last year in finishing my university degree, and now working full time between 2 part time jobs. One is with Safeway and the other with my parents. The objectives are quite different: my job at Safeway, being, a type of playground for 'kids' that are my age when I first started university and held down a job part-time. As I can relate to that, I cannot relate to the fact these same "young adults" who're aspiring students in university, use Safeway as a place to parallel their habits at school. These employees, don't see themselves as employee's but rather call Safeway (as I referred the term: a playground). For their lack shaped identity, I can empathize with the construction of how seeing the world through their eyes deserves some credit. However, I am also a leader fo my own destiny, and my patience doesn't run thin per se. . . but its enlightened me. It tells me how far I've come. It reminds me of the person I've become, while going through university and the time and effort I invested into it. It took some of that energy in my experience and made things count.
As I prepare myself for my future, I do not wish to waste equality as an issue. The value I see in myself, I protect, with my family who've helped me realize my full potential.
I often forget why happiness is a choice? I'm quick to add how people, generally speaking, bury themselves, and their flaws. . . but no one is perfect! I tell myself to unplug the fear of isolation, threatens me. If I challenge it, I will do things necessary to keep it positive. Instead to digging a grave, and taking my sense of shame with me, I can release it. In order to reveal my true self, I must take the challenge in not burying the negative thoughts I may or may not consider seriously.
Bering self-motivated through ADHD, is a dedication I owe to myself with great success. I ask myself, to talk about making choices what is the cause behind making those choices. The influence I create over decisions in my everyday life are exteremely important to me.
As I prepare myself in moving forward, there is a sense of appealing to ignorance in others that have affected me. Most times, I've been misunderstood in feeling misjudged or treated unfairly.
Some examples I describe of are selfish desires, vaguely interpreted in their meanings, but nevertheless I can admit.
It was at Christmas with a family style gathering, that we were all invited to attend. I arrived with my parents and my sister to a friends house, which unfortunately didn't make me feel welcome. The last time I saw this person, was on my birthday, when we were in the same location at a night club. The individual in question did know it was my birthday, but didn't care to acknowledge me. The previous Christmas was when I saw that same unbenownst subject; with farmiliar face of another female from a New Year's Eve party whom I recognized was in attendance. The 2 left the house unannounced in a perturbed fashion.
The result of this leads me to believe how change in my life has later altered my perceptions of these events in time.
What once seemed trivial to me, now I understand how these are experiences that make me a better person. What once consumed me to the core I've reconciled in spirit within.
As I prepare myself for my future, I do not wish to waste equality as an issue. The value I see in myself, I protect, with my family who've helped me realize my full potential.
I often forget why happiness is a choice? I'm quick to add how people, generally speaking, bury themselves, and their flaws. . . but no one is perfect! I tell myself to unplug the fear of isolation, threatens me. If I challenge it, I will do things necessary to keep it positive. Instead to digging a grave, and taking my sense of shame with me, I can release it. In order to reveal my true self, I must take the challenge in not burying the negative thoughts I may or may not consider seriously.
Bering self-motivated through ADHD, is a dedication I owe to myself with great success. I ask myself, to talk about making choices what is the cause behind making those choices. The influence I create over decisions in my everyday life are exteremely important to me.
As I prepare myself in moving forward, there is a sense of appealing to ignorance in others that have affected me. Most times, I've been misunderstood in feeling misjudged or treated unfairly.
Some examples I describe of are selfish desires, vaguely interpreted in their meanings, but nevertheless I can admit.
It was at Christmas with a family style gathering, that we were all invited to attend. I arrived with my parents and my sister to a friends house, which unfortunately didn't make me feel welcome. The last time I saw this person, was on my birthday, when we were in the same location at a night club. The individual in question did know it was my birthday, but didn't care to acknowledge me. The previous Christmas was when I saw that same unbenownst subject; with farmiliar face of another female from a New Year's Eve party whom I recognized was in attendance. The 2 left the house unannounced in a perturbed fashion.
The result of this leads me to believe how change in my life has later altered my perceptions of these events in time.
What once seemed trivial to me, now I understand how these are experiences that make me a better person. What once consumed me to the core I've reconciled in spirit within.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Little Hypothesis
I keep myself plugged into a mystery of sorts? I'm not trying to overcompensate. . . in this case.
Quite simply, I have my sense of privacy in life that matters most to me in what I've accomplished. It is a very fine line between fantasy and reality, which I speak of. Therefore, through the destruction and fear of war people are going through in the world today, my place in this life is secure. I can feel safe. I have made choices - some good but none bad - were mistakes that've costed nothing. I learned to create and establish myself. In a consumer-branded holiday that Christmas has become, I'm proud to admit the little things count to me, being, a true sense of what this time of year means. I haven't lost it, nor will I ever.
My feelings and sensitivity as I am, I do accept, and I can embrace those parts that make me who I am. I don't anticipate or neglect myself in a manner of thinking. I care to demonstrate equality in things, without being manipulated or made unaware.
Quite simply, I have my sense of privacy in life that matters most to me in what I've accomplished. It is a very fine line between fantasy and reality, which I speak of. Therefore, through the destruction and fear of war people are going through in the world today, my place in this life is secure. I can feel safe. I have made choices - some good but none bad - were mistakes that've costed nothing. I learned to create and establish myself. In a consumer-branded holiday that Christmas has become, I'm proud to admit the little things count to me, being, a true sense of what this time of year means. I haven't lost it, nor will I ever.
My feelings and sensitivity as I am, I do accept, and I can embrace those parts that make me who I am. I don't anticipate or neglect myself in a manner of thinking. I care to demonstrate equality in things, without being manipulated or made unaware.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
In the future of no excuse
What it feels like to love yourself. The feeling I get because Tanya is with me, is unconditional love. Today, while I was working at Safeway, "Personel from produce phone on Line 1, please." I answer in a hurried pace, "Hello." The other voice sounded as if to demoralize, as though a possessed demon might be cursing back for my poor edicate? I started working at Safeway about six months ago. Funny - funny how things work out.
Japanese Haiku Dolls of Duality
My interest of intent is to share flowers.
And after hours in my vestibule of thought;
thoughts that cycle -
touch and go?
Where my thoughts carry words:
instructions of my own voice!
A nature that monikers
in the duration of time. . .
I change the subject.
I share my flaws,
- a personality so distinct in my character.
I don't hide behind
my insecurities.
After hours, in my vestibule of moniker
the duration of time I changed the subject.
AGAIN.
I'm the centipede.
It is in my style.
I don't enjoy drinking coke
if I have to buy it from
point of purchase.
I pay to the inhibition
of a tambourine's sound.
I play like a man.
I make not an easy victim.
Nor am I irresponsible, pretentious or unresponsive
to accidental tripping of mistakes I've encountered.
All in the effort to keep my head up,
on guard and set free.
I please in moccasins.
As I take my fall from heaven back to a future time.
I have a deep affection for diamonds,
that qualifies in contradiction.
As I collected monster's from crisis.
In this collection of monster's and musical dolls,
I spent far to much time in collecting.
IT became a rather natural habit,
in creating the ideally perfect habitat.
I habituated myself within every external circumstance.
In response to demoralization,
degraded,
or devaluing my chance for freedom.
Defaced of patronization.
Immune to temptation.
Sharing in appreciation as I care to demonstrate,
such this is knowledge capable.
But I spoke too soon in a rush,
can you believe my ineligible luck.
'88' times to be exact,
in quiet words.
From quality I pick and choose my battles.
A refined search for truth in the supply,
of nothing more important.
It is not how you win or lose,
but how you play the game.
A mentality of choice.
A renaissance of agency,
danger and opportunity
to instill the fear from no ordinary complacency.
A kind of driven purpose.
The noble lie.
Monkey see,
monkey do keep secret.
The tables keep turning,
the chairs spinning.
Interrogating such beauty. . .
"Mirror-mirror on the wall" I claimed to have none of it,
without an insurgent of proof for such logic.
Such is being interrogated of beauty in the eye of the beholder.
Such beauty for a freedom in choosing.
Freedom is choice.
Is a choice not 'freedom' per se,
that infuriates the mind of an inner psyche.
I'm obsessing over what answered freedom have I chosen.
In this nest of broken dreams we dance.
In this choice of freedom, no favoritism rests.
However, I must not obsess for an answer.
The most insecure of human thoughts,
are flaws based on emotion.
Yet, there are many thoughts imposed.
Implying case in pain, death or destruction.
Therefore, there are many more important things in nature.
That - that to determine the duality.
I possess no instinct for destruction.
I soon speak, so soon to be spoken.
And after hours in my vestibule of thought;
thoughts that cycle -
touch and go?
Where my thoughts carry words:
instructions of my own voice!
A nature that monikers
in the duration of time. . .
I change the subject.
I share my flaws,
- a personality so distinct in my character.
I don't hide behind
my insecurities.
After hours, in my vestibule of moniker
the duration of time I changed the subject.
AGAIN.
I'm the centipede.
It is in my style.
I don't enjoy drinking coke
if I have to buy it from
point of purchase.
I pay to the inhibition
of a tambourine's sound.
I play like a man.
I make not an easy victim.
Nor am I irresponsible, pretentious or unresponsive
to accidental tripping of mistakes I've encountered.
All in the effort to keep my head up,
on guard and set free.
I please in moccasins.
As I take my fall from heaven back to a future time.
I have a deep affection for diamonds,
that qualifies in contradiction.
As I collected monster's from crisis.
In this collection of monster's and musical dolls,
I spent far to much time in collecting.
IT became a rather natural habit,
in creating the ideally perfect habitat.
I habituated myself within every external circumstance.
In response to demoralization,
degraded,
or devaluing my chance for freedom.
Defaced of patronization.
Immune to temptation.
Sharing in appreciation as I care to demonstrate,
such this is knowledge capable.
But I spoke too soon in a rush,
can you believe my ineligible luck.
'88' times to be exact,
in quiet words.
From quality I pick and choose my battles.
A refined search for truth in the supply,
of nothing more important.
It is not how you win or lose,
but how you play the game.
A mentality of choice.
A renaissance of agency,
danger and opportunity
to instill the fear from no ordinary complacency.
A kind of driven purpose.
The noble lie.
Monkey see,
monkey do keep secret.
The tables keep turning,
the chairs spinning.
Interrogating such beauty. . .
"Mirror-mirror on the wall" I claimed to have none of it,
without an insurgent of proof for such logic.
Such is being interrogated of beauty in the eye of the beholder.
Such beauty for a freedom in choosing.
Freedom is choice.
Is a choice not 'freedom' per se,
that infuriates the mind of an inner psyche.
I'm obsessing over what answered freedom have I chosen.
In this nest of broken dreams we dance.
In this choice of freedom, no favoritism rests.
However, I must not obsess for an answer.
The most insecure of human thoughts,
are flaws based on emotion.
Yet, there are many thoughts imposed.
Implying case in pain, death or destruction.
Therefore, there are many more important things in nature.
That - that to determine the duality.
I possess no instinct for destruction.
I soon speak, so soon to be spoken.
Monday, December 04, 2006
Casa Almeida
The time, many-many moments I shared. . .
when I once lived on 443 Elgin Ave.
in Winnipeg.
There, I would sleep by our Christmas Tree.
With lights.
And a warm place we called home.
My sister and I.
We'd wait for the man with a beard,
and a happy face.
The resemblence of an entire lifetime.
when I once lived on 443 Elgin Ave.
in Winnipeg.
There, I would sleep by our Christmas Tree.
With lights.
And a warm place we called home.
My sister and I.
We'd wait for the man with a beard,
and a happy face.
The resemblence of an entire lifetime.
Renewed of confidence
My soul emanates in the direction
of the star I
was born.
Not one thing other,
but only from which you
are born.
I am there,
not in isolated
alienation.
It is my spirit! -
Rules that only symbolically apply;
- good luck?
As I am made aware,
all these are judgements
that I'm walking through the fire.
An less than over-confident hinted smile I'm leader.
From ear to ear my teeth shinning brightly.
The controversial gypsy pure of sense.
The terrifying defintion safe in quicksand.
A travelling psychic,
an attached ear to companion me in narration,
that nothing will discriminate against
me.
True skills,
carefully choosing your friends wisely.
Not selling out.
A sense of humor.
I will not snub a sunset made of stone.
Naive sterotypes come across only as
Marie Antoinette.
A healthy attitude is contagious but don't wait to catch it from others. Be a carrier. - unknown
of the star I
was born.
Not one thing other,
but only from which you
are born.
I am there,
not in isolated
alienation.
It is my spirit! -
Rules that only symbolically apply;
- good luck?
As I am made aware,
all these are judgements
that I'm walking through the fire.
An less than over-confident hinted smile I'm leader.
From ear to ear my teeth shinning brightly.
The controversial gypsy pure of sense.
The terrifying defintion safe in quicksand.
A travelling psychic,
an attached ear to companion me in narration,
that nothing will discriminate against
me.
True skills,
carefully choosing your friends wisely.
Not selling out.
A sense of humor.
I will not snub a sunset made of stone.
Naive sterotypes come across only as
Marie Antoinette.
A healthy attitude is contagious but don't wait to catch it from others. Be a carrier. - unknown
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Scarface: not based on the movie
For all immortal flesh sealed wounds!
The hypocrites lack of self-control?
However, for face value. . .
- I do not seek a slave mentality.
I followed rules to make it here. -
Such opposing forces;
made for very little anxiety.
I've expressed such a sarcasm of delight,
in survival instinct these words.
Whistling along to the tune of longevity.
Frozen next to me,
in memory
of
inhibitions.
The hypocrites lack of self-control?
However, for face value. . .
- I do not seek a slave mentality.
I followed rules to make it here. -
Such opposing forces;
made for very little anxiety.
I've expressed such a sarcasm of delight,
in survival instinct these words.
Whistling along to the tune of longevity.
Frozen next to me,
in memory
of
inhibitions.
Friday, December 01, 2006
The silence of patronization
How foreign are my inhibitions?
That the rest conceal my true olive-like. . .
taste!
The promise of something better has been
my most request.
Of no empty contradictions;
or illusory objects.
My confident nature is not pretended in fate.
Excellence is not a skill. It is an attitude. - Ralph Marston
That the rest conceal my true olive-like. . .
taste!
The promise of something better has been
my most request.
Of no empty contradictions;
or illusory objects.
My confident nature is not pretended in fate.
Excellence is not a skill. It is an attitude. - Ralph Marston
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Experimenting with "concrete magic"
I am feeling - EXTREMELY - extremely tired. However, I have a few thoughts to share. I've been experiencing very different dreams lately. I suppose the medication has some cause. But the dreams I have are not of concern for me. Lately. . . I have realized the value or lack thereof regarding my full potential? It seems to me, as I encounter the place and time I'm presently in, this moment in my history has taken precedent over anything back to the future. That is to say: how much I've become recently! Therefore, some of these are thoughts about nothing in particular. The truth is the mystery.
Rational displacement theory
There are some things that make me wonder, which are good in fact? Trust, has always been something very important to me. It is this issue above all else that trust I deserve most of, from the people that matter most to me in life.
Saturday, November 25, 2006
Racism
The title doesn't really justify how I see things that are true in the world.
What the title is about makes me feel inferior. My family and Tanya seem to be the pieces of my life, holding me together? Kind of like Humpty Dumpty!
My story is a half-truth. I understand some things in the world, and some I will never understand.
What the title is about makes me feel inferior. My family and Tanya seem to be the pieces of my life, holding me together? Kind of like Humpty Dumpty!
My story is a half-truth. I understand some things in the world, and some I will never understand.
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Superstition Easily Unpredictable
You pout too much;
taking it like a man should?
When your common sense
lacks logic, you can
easily tell the future
outcome fate provides
us with events!
In search of my own
vanity: is where I belong. . .
to. -
I do not lose such:
- ominous presence of thoughts.
Religion, all religion is pagan.
Rather, religion is based on a model of superstition.
A paradox of the method.
In a theory
all require
rational displacement.
A weakened conflict of personal confidentiality.
As I wipe the proverbial tears,
I see fireworks
in my eyes.
No choice in the danger.
The meaning is the method.
taking it like a man should?
When your common sense
lacks logic, you can
easily tell the future
outcome fate provides
us with events!
In search of my own
vanity: is where I belong. . .
to. -
I do not lose such:
- ominous presence of thoughts.
Religion, all religion is pagan.
Rather, religion is based on a model of superstition.
A paradox of the method.
In a theory
all require
rational displacement.
A weakened conflict of personal confidentiality.
As I wipe the proverbial tears,
I see fireworks
in my eyes.
No choice in the danger.
The meaning is the method.
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Muscular (cold) frowning in time stopped
A wise man once said;
grind the axe before you blow
- your whistle!
The story goes like this:
when the man was asked -
why that is true?
The moral of the story,
is in order to observe
he who is not listening.
You understand the meaning
fully.
It is in the actions,
that one who pretends
the other has in deciding
which is depressive or instinctive.
To my satisfaction greed is not an option.
grind the axe before you blow
- your whistle!
The story goes like this:
when the man was asked -
why that is true?
The moral of the story,
is in order to observe
he who is not listening.
You understand the meaning
fully.
It is in the actions,
that one who pretends
the other has in deciding
which is depressive or instinctive.
To my satisfaction greed is not an option.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Cohort of replacements
Griped on reality:
I instruct a fact value theory.
In place of (not)
"selling out" per se?
That, a tug of war
to the top of
the food chain!
Lunactics on the fringe of despair.
There can be hero's in
time that are.
I have the stomach for such patience,
imminence. . .
peace without ignorance.
The will of god true nature without contempt.
All this for the nature; of
change in a music box. -
No greater
- threat.
No matter what
you retire from,
it's what you retire too that
matters.
What is a sociological question.
Green Chinese Madarines.
Greed and arrogance for the sweet nectar fruit.
Far more perfect than that you desire.
Decensitized into
thinking.
I instruct a fact value theory.
In place of (not)
"selling out" per se?
That, a tug of war
to the top of
the food chain!
Lunactics on the fringe of despair.
There can be hero's in
time that are.
I have the stomach for such patience,
imminence. . .
peace without ignorance.
The will of god true nature without contempt.
All this for the nature; of
change in a music box. -
No greater
- threat.
No matter what
you retire from,
it's what you retire too that
matters.
What is a sociological question.
Green Chinese Madarines.
Greed and arrogance for the sweet nectar fruit.
Far more perfect than that you desire.
Decensitized into
thinking.
Smile I'm Grinning
The question I must ask -
from the time my answer arrives?
The pandoras box!
In fighting the problem:
what object is the base of one's
sexual act. . .
- or
all things considered consent.
The idea of taking ability and
transfering the energy that emits light.
Like, "cooped-up" chickens in darkness,
with bags over their heads.
They heard gun-fire.
They run around,
all of the chickens,
run.
Without their heads cut-off.
Therefore, the original question has altered
quite significantly.
The answer in question now is,
how do you get chickens to run around like they've
had their heads cut off.
You picture the chickens all with bags over their heads,
and you place bets on the winner.
Then, you turn off the lights without ever knowing.
Only, you know all of the chickens aren't "dead" per se.
And, you also realize that they've become aware of something.
The chickens have been taught,
what it would feel like to run around if they had
their heads cut off.
It's quite an amazing thought.
That those poor chickens weren't even told the reason,
they're running around with bags over their heads.
Is only to save them from themselves.
It'd be like whispering into the chicken's ear,
(if they had a conscious).
Listen to me, you silly chicken.
Once I place this bag over your head,
it means you'll run around as though you're head
will be cut off.
Then, in some spontaneous burst of energy,
the chickens all scatter wildly,
like mad little chickens running for thier lives.
They'd yell out in vanity.
"You've taken away my ability to cock-fight."
"You've taken away my ability to copulate with my
fellow chickens."
The chickens, never stopped to think.
They're running around in the dark,
as though no bags exist covering their
troubled little minds.
Poor chickens.
The real ending to this story is the moral.
Chickens need enough motivation that requires them
to feed on false predictions.
Poor chickens.
The secret is not yet out to this riddled population
of chickens.
I grin.
You might not imagine.
I'm smiling.
This mystery is safe with me.
The chickens are in such misery.
Always, the chickens get their signals crossed.
Never, can they lose sight of what's missing.
from the time my answer arrives?
The pandoras box!
In fighting the problem:
what object is the base of one's
sexual act. . .
- or
all things considered consent.
The idea of taking ability and
transfering the energy that emits light.
Like, "cooped-up" chickens in darkness,
with bags over their heads.
They heard gun-fire.
They run around,
all of the chickens,
run.
Without their heads cut-off.
Therefore, the original question has altered
quite significantly.
The answer in question now is,
how do you get chickens to run around like they've
had their heads cut off.
You picture the chickens all with bags over their heads,
and you place bets on the winner.
Then, you turn off the lights without ever knowing.
Only, you know all of the chickens aren't "dead" per se.
And, you also realize that they've become aware of something.
The chickens have been taught,
what it would feel like to run around if they had
their heads cut off.
It's quite an amazing thought.
That those poor chickens weren't even told the reason,
they're running around with bags over their heads.
Is only to save them from themselves.
It'd be like whispering into the chicken's ear,
(if they had a conscious).
Listen to me, you silly chicken.
Once I place this bag over your head,
it means you'll run around as though you're head
will be cut off.
Then, in some spontaneous burst of energy,
the chickens all scatter wildly,
like mad little chickens running for thier lives.
They'd yell out in vanity.
"You've taken away my ability to cock-fight."
"You've taken away my ability to copulate with my
fellow chickens."
The chickens, never stopped to think.
They're running around in the dark,
as though no bags exist covering their
troubled little minds.
Poor chickens.
The real ending to this story is the moral.
Chickens need enough motivation that requires them
to feed on false predictions.
Poor chickens.
The secret is not yet out to this riddled population
of chickens.
I grin.
You might not imagine.
I'm smiling.
This mystery is safe with me.
The chickens are in such misery.
Always, the chickens get their signals crossed.
Never, can they lose sight of what's missing.
You know - nothing fancy
Barrels of explosion?
The source of these words!
I've caused;
such a paradox.
I'm a pioneer:
- I dare you,
to do anything -
about nothing.
Are you in the business
of blowing bubbles
or did you forget the words.
The source of these words!
I've caused;
such a paradox.
I'm a pioneer:
- I dare you,
to do anything -
about nothing.
Are you in the business
of blowing bubbles
or did you forget the words.
Monday, November 20, 2006
Losing Sight
Last night I saw Borat the movie. It was a cross between, "Wayne's World meets Andy Kaufman."
I have not lost my common language for responsibility, my middle name, 'responsibility' is a big deal.
Life is not measured by the breaths that you take, but by the moments that take your breath away. Barrels of explosion. The source of these words causing such a paradox. I'm a pioneer. I dare you to do anything about nothing.
Optimism is the one quality more associated with success and happiness than any other. - Brian Tracy
I have not lost my common language for responsibility, my middle name, 'responsibility' is a big deal.
Life is not measured by the breaths that you take, but by the moments that take your breath away. Barrels of explosion. The source of these words causing such a paradox. I'm a pioneer. I dare you to do anything about nothing.
Optimism is the one quality more associated with success and happiness than any other. - Brian Tracy
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Seeing the future
Choices unannounced.
You're almost too
sincere; to sound
unapologetic.
There is no excuse!
For an injured vanity?
However, never
have I met
a person whom
hasn't underestimated
my being incredibly
'nice' with incredibly
sharp.
On some
unknown edge
of reason: its
defined my
character.
You're almost too
sincere; to sound
unapologetic.
There is no excuse!
For an injured vanity?
However, never
have I met
a person whom
hasn't underestimated
my being incredibly
'nice' with incredibly
sharp.
On some
unknown edge
of reason: its
defined my
character.
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Sensed instinct of deception
Not to insult the
pretense for intelligence
based on anothers pretension.
I offer no excuses
for living; but the desire
I feel to
feed my appetite.
Hot blooded:
scrap metal?
The discretion from
repitition!!!!!
pretense for intelligence
based on anothers pretension.
I offer no excuses
for living; but the desire
I feel to
feed my appetite.
Hot blooded:
scrap metal?
The discretion from
repitition!!!!!
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Red Herring Mountain
The following scripture was addressed:
"Mr. Mountain".
Keep climbing the ladder;
that is until you snarl!
The step will break in half -
or
- the dog will keep you from moving,
while its grabbed hold of your pant leg.
From this moment onward. . .
you are my true companion,
in this house of mirrors.
Truly, yours is a magnificent kind of
intention without such cruelty to things.
Perhaps, it is the distance of independence between
us both??
Considering, that the philosophy of human history
has never been given a ladder to retreat and remove from one
side of the bookcase to another.
The location present in this case and time.
A library of thoughts.
And quite the opposite account of delusional tactics
have been found recorded.
We must be able to correct these problems of institutional
arousal.
Solutions, I credit to the seduce me with great amounts
of pleasure.
However, the bureacracy bores me still.
Therefore, I have no interest to carry the burden.
I've guessed wrong all my life.
Let us invite the black horse to attend a ceremony,
until a later decision can be made.
The horse will signify our communion to the state.
It'll be that way.
In our minds eye.
In possession of the truth.
And quite ordinary in fact.
Like a game of tetris.
Only thoughts combine, to convene,
to persist,
to convey,
to reflect,
to converge,
to convince,
to persuade.
All in the act of courage.
All in the action of a probability to reason.
I have not been hurt,
or felt neglected from my victims.
It is this temple of energy.
The, to appreciate in a cookie cutter reputation.
A tragic routine.
A kind of escape into suddenly sponataneous
laughter and reprieve for nature.
The experience of true satisfaction.
No memory have I sacrificed this event.
The master of my own voice.
I won't allow others
to give or recieve the
worst impression of me.
For rainy days I enjoy to cook.
Recipes of dust clouds.
"Mr. Mountain".
Keep climbing the ladder;
that is until you snarl!
The step will break in half -
or
- the dog will keep you from moving,
while its grabbed hold of your pant leg.
From this moment onward. . .
you are my true companion,
in this house of mirrors.
Truly, yours is a magnificent kind of
intention without such cruelty to things.
Perhaps, it is the distance of independence between
us both??
Considering, that the philosophy of human history
has never been given a ladder to retreat and remove from one
side of the bookcase to another.
The location present in this case and time.
A library of thoughts.
And quite the opposite account of delusional tactics
have been found recorded.
We must be able to correct these problems of institutional
arousal.
Solutions, I credit to the seduce me with great amounts
of pleasure.
However, the bureacracy bores me still.
Therefore, I have no interest to carry the burden.
I've guessed wrong all my life.
Let us invite the black horse to attend a ceremony,
until a later decision can be made.
The horse will signify our communion to the state.
It'll be that way.
In our minds eye.
In possession of the truth.
And quite ordinary in fact.
Like a game of tetris.
Only thoughts combine, to convene,
to persist,
to convey,
to reflect,
to converge,
to convince,
to persuade.
All in the act of courage.
All in the action of a probability to reason.
I have not been hurt,
or felt neglected from my victims.
It is this temple of energy.
The, to appreciate in a cookie cutter reputation.
A tragic routine.
A kind of escape into suddenly sponataneous
laughter and reprieve for nature.
The experience of true satisfaction.
No memory have I sacrificed this event.
The master of my own voice.
I won't allow others
to give or recieve the
worst impression of me.
For rainy days I enjoy to cook.
Recipes of dust clouds.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Zero
Obsession meets change?
Methods in common sense revealed!
It is something;
you wish for.
Passion worthy.
In the philosophy of human history:
and emotions.
- There is one thing
that will always -
remain a mystery. . .
"love".
Methods in common sense revealed!
It is something;
you wish for.
Passion worthy.
In the philosophy of human history:
and emotions.
- There is one thing
that will always -
remain a mystery. . .
"love".
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
kicking trash and plastic bottles
This is my own unthreatened
universal scope.
The treasure hidden
within happiness
and fill me in
dark starlight.
An empathy heightened paranoia.
My teeth sunk into my spine.
Only, all these are things I
can recognize.
Prepared to strike
- target. -
The quality an instinct;
a quantifying logic based
upon impersonation
or a slave mentality.
Not to test your
luck or press
the limits:
"pushed".
No missed apprehension or
role reversal.
No pretend ambition.
A fake.
You're a fake, Alice.
A fake.
In the goldfish bowl,
a tale of water.
Blub.
Blub.
Blub.
You didn't drown it?
It scrapes the surface.
A maturity of psychic retreat!
Too scared to stay on as devil's advocate.
To play hurt not the victim.
Independence is the nature of virtue.
Intellect is the voice of all thoughts.
And the cradle to a scorpion. . .
is the candle to a camels back.
Safe inferno,
information to secret passage of the fire.
My whole life changed in an instant,
a pleasant sight of
an entire log burning .
Ability is what you're capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it. - Lou Holtz
universal scope.
The treasure hidden
within happiness
and fill me in
dark starlight.
An empathy heightened paranoia.
My teeth sunk into my spine.
Only, all these are things I
can recognize.
Prepared to strike
- target. -
The quality an instinct;
a quantifying logic based
upon impersonation
or a slave mentality.
Not to test your
luck or press
the limits:
"pushed".
No missed apprehension or
role reversal.
No pretend ambition.
A fake.
You're a fake, Alice.
A fake.
In the goldfish bowl,
a tale of water.
Blub.
Blub.
Blub.
You didn't drown it?
It scrapes the surface.
A maturity of psychic retreat!
Too scared to stay on as devil's advocate.
To play hurt not the victim.
Independence is the nature of virtue.
Intellect is the voice of all thoughts.
And the cradle to a scorpion. . .
is the candle to a camels back.
Safe inferno,
information to secret passage of the fire.
My whole life changed in an instant,
a pleasant sight of
an entire log burning .
Ability is what you're capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it. - Lou Holtz
Monday, November 13, 2006
Man of the earth
I've repelled a lot from false:
inhibitions.
Being a person of principle that I am!
This is the reason I present;
such emotions that swirl about?
Premeditated assault on my better judgment -
character profile.
- Below the belt I feel it.
Such revolt.
A title.
Altercations of human nature.
I don't give up without a fight.
I feel sworn to the passion of a secrecy gone blind.
An intense interest.
inhibitions.
Being a person of principle that I am!
This is the reason I present;
such emotions that swirl about?
Premeditated assault on my better judgment -
character profile.
- Below the belt I feel it.
Such revolt.
A title.
Altercations of human nature.
I don't give up without a fight.
I feel sworn to the passion of a secrecy gone blind.
An intense interest.
Fragile Egos
In a twist of fate;
such is behaving for attention!
Complainer annonymous?
Don't motivate me:
I've afforded -
much
- much too many.
Not of my own faults,
that costed me.
One of the worst
Presidents in recent
memory.
Without a moral compass.
Where are you Pierre Trudeau?
A performer of great
courage and conviction.
Sacrifice, "don't take it".
Such happiness guided
in the history of myself.
Filling holes of charisma in.
such is behaving for attention!
Complainer annonymous?
Don't motivate me:
I've afforded -
much
- much too many.
Not of my own faults,
that costed me.
One of the worst
Presidents in recent
memory.
Without a moral compass.
Where are you Pierre Trudeau?
A performer of great
courage and conviction.
Sacrifice, "don't take it".
Such happiness guided
in the history of myself.
Filling holes of charisma in.
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Spiritual Alliance
The secret of success is to do the common things uncommonly well. - John D. Rockefeller
Contrary to popular belief;
an undivided attention.
Not jumping to conclusions:
condescending
conceit
competition
The cat's meow!
If a tree falls in the woods,
does it make a sound?
Such egocentric energy.
Such fate in the rush of my ferocity.
No dust of an idol.
Without validating the power of consequence.
The moments of a greater refuge never -
leave me
- in denial.
There is no difference in trying. . .
no indifference without pleasure.
Impartial to the bone.
My face is flushed in desire.
My flesh is invaluable to invite.
Contrary to popular belief;
an undivided attention.
Not jumping to conclusions:
condescending
conceit
competition
The cat's meow!
If a tree falls in the woods,
does it make a sound?
Such egocentric energy.
Such fate in the rush of my ferocity.
No dust of an idol.
Without validating the power of consequence.
The moments of a greater refuge never -
leave me
- in denial.
There is no difference in trying. . .
no indifference without pleasure.
Impartial to the bone.
My face is flushed in desire.
My flesh is invaluable to invite.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
An unrehearsed deviance
The call of something gone wild?
What name is it!
Perhaps; perhaps the skill of -
design.
Perhaps: weak.
The power of imagination running on
higher inuition.
What name is it!
Perhaps; perhaps the skill of -
design.
Perhaps: weak.
The power of imagination running on
higher inuition.
Importance of Rhetoric in a dialogue
The narrator predicted this would happen;
a great escape from fate.
That the instant amount of time:
would reflect all known variables?
In the universe!
A collection of stars. . .
- taken above.
The heavens -
have created.
In the sweet sorrow of words,
fascination proved me wrong.
The entropy of an inveitable love.
Failed to fake.
The magic of ethic.
A sound of trash in the democracy.
The is a sign of life in ruins.
I've spotted a grease stain,
and its isolated my grief.
a great escape from fate.
That the instant amount of time:
would reflect all known variables?
In the universe!
A collection of stars. . .
- taken above.
The heavens -
have created.
In the sweet sorrow of words,
fascination proved me wrong.
The entropy of an inveitable love.
Failed to fake.
The magic of ethic.
A sound of trash in the democracy.
The is a sign of life in ruins.
I've spotted a grease stain,
and its isolated my grief.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Some lack of deception
I suppose the greatest of challenges that lay ahead, are not worth procrastinating about? I don't call this an ethical dilemma or a dramatic life altering decision. I'm just tired of being judged; especially because I've been misunderstood throughout my time on earth.
Of course: this is the paradox. . . do I take some form of intitiative in order to pursue the cleaning business my parents have established - or - go back to school? Not the latter!
I do not feel any ambition for one thing or the other. It's better just not to make ANY decision.
Right now I find myself in a very bad situation I'm facing. Some would think it's good, others would tell me to do the right thing and not realize how difficult a question this is for me. For me it regards so much more than just a simple fact of life.
However, I don't know what to think (which has greater implication) for me.
Personally, people don't care to believe how difficult a decision this might be. It's too trivial to give it a second thought when people have their own lives to worry about. Therefore, I wish I knew the answers, but I have no idea where to turn.
When I attended the social on Saturday night it was as if a flood gate opened and washed away my fears. The fear of being judged and not judging others for my shortcomings. It was a test of when and where I came from.
The purpose of attending the wedding social on Sat. had little to do with any of my present state of affairs. It affirmed the things I already knew. How much I have to offer and why did everyone seem smaller than in the past. It was an indication of my own history.
I kept being asked if I still speak with Edgar. I said, I no longer associate with him. But they already knew this, it was as if to say they knew he hides behind some designer outfits as though it creates his personality. "Hello, my - my what nice clothing you wear Edgar, feel free to walk all over us."
"People change." Victor told me. People of Edgar's nature do not change per se, Victor was referring to a shift in what people realize might be called 'change'. Although, in reality change is much bigger. What Victor wasn't saying kept repeating in his mind. That for some people change in terms of our inhibitions, as Edgar, remained the same. In truth Edgar hasn't changed he's hidden behind a sterotypical role of power an external self-image. If Victor failed to realize what he proclaimed as in his word 'change' requires a significant deal more.
Unfortunately, for the type of person Edgar is he'll never find the underlying difference of the need for change. That is in fact the true meaning behind the nature of this matter. Edgar will only exist as an individual based on how "successful" he is in competing. Edgar, only aims to serve a narrow-minded intuition without the ethical satisfaction or psychological aspect of being himself.
Edgar makes me feel unfortable, but I have the courage to say it. I feel intimidated if I dewll too much on it.
I have found happiness with Tanya. She is everything to me.
In case this sounds like I possess multiple-personality disorder, it has no indication of anything but my personal beliefs. A medium of confessing an opportunisitic message without revenge. It is more of a question about how you convey meaning, without lying through your teeth, as it converts itself into something I find within my silver lining. I call it the truth.
- end.
Of course: this is the paradox. . . do I take some form of intitiative in order to pursue the cleaning business my parents have established - or - go back to school? Not the latter!
I do not feel any ambition for one thing or the other. It's better just not to make ANY decision.
Right now I find myself in a very bad situation I'm facing. Some would think it's good, others would tell me to do the right thing and not realize how difficult a question this is for me. For me it regards so much more than just a simple fact of life.
However, I don't know what to think (which has greater implication) for me.
Personally, people don't care to believe how difficult a decision this might be. It's too trivial to give it a second thought when people have their own lives to worry about. Therefore, I wish I knew the answers, but I have no idea where to turn.
When I attended the social on Saturday night it was as if a flood gate opened and washed away my fears. The fear of being judged and not judging others for my shortcomings. It was a test of when and where I came from.
The purpose of attending the wedding social on Sat. had little to do with any of my present state of affairs. It affirmed the things I already knew. How much I have to offer and why did everyone seem smaller than in the past. It was an indication of my own history.
I kept being asked if I still speak with Edgar. I said, I no longer associate with him. But they already knew this, it was as if to say they knew he hides behind some designer outfits as though it creates his personality. "Hello, my - my what nice clothing you wear Edgar, feel free to walk all over us."
"People change." Victor told me. People of Edgar's nature do not change per se, Victor was referring to a shift in what people realize might be called 'change'. Although, in reality change is much bigger. What Victor wasn't saying kept repeating in his mind. That for some people change in terms of our inhibitions, as Edgar, remained the same. In truth Edgar hasn't changed he's hidden behind a sterotypical role of power an external self-image. If Victor failed to realize what he proclaimed as in his word 'change' requires a significant deal more.
Unfortunately, for the type of person Edgar is he'll never find the underlying difference of the need for change. That is in fact the true meaning behind the nature of this matter. Edgar will only exist as an individual based on how "successful" he is in competing. Edgar, only aims to serve a narrow-minded intuition without the ethical satisfaction or psychological aspect of being himself.
Edgar makes me feel unfortable, but I have the courage to say it. I feel intimidated if I dewll too much on it.
I have found happiness with Tanya. She is everything to me.
In case this sounds like I possess multiple-personality disorder, it has no indication of anything but my personal beliefs. A medium of confessing an opportunisitic message without revenge. It is more of a question about how you convey meaning, without lying through your teeth, as it converts itself into something I find within my silver lining. I call it the truth.
- end.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Charity without freedom
Freedom without charity? That is part of my external conflict in trying to understand the meaning of my present situation in life. The most difficult thing to comprehend is what to benefit from. I think outside of the box, without the mentality of staying within boundaries acting dependant on what others think of me.
I believe I've accomplished a great deal to manifest the true answer to these questions!
Over the weekend. . . I attended a wedding social where many old schoolmates there gathered. Part of my question: "freedom without charity" extends from my observations and what revealed from it.
The entire evening consisted of that group I can attest identify thinking inside of the box. I felt no different around these individuals. I could read them like a book. Part of the crowd that showed up were the "rich kids" whose attention seeking behavior only relate to image, a reflection of power, appealing "look at me. . . look at me. . . I have no personality but I'm better than you."
Some would think I've changed, but not one of the people I used to go to school with that truly think outside of the box haven't changed whatsoever. It was sad.
The moral to the story is somewhat sarcastic depiction of reality that I care about mentioning. The purpose of my adult life was as though acted in conspiracy.
I was only disappointed and with no degree of independence to show for it, I felt gigantic compared to the small assembly of people in attendence. Maybe those whose egos were too big for the occassion simply couldn't fit past the front entrance into the building.
All I know is how history up to this point in time has created many of the answers I saw given that night.
I believe I've accomplished a great deal to manifest the true answer to these questions!
Over the weekend. . . I attended a wedding social where many old schoolmates there gathered. Part of my question: "freedom without charity" extends from my observations and what revealed from it.
The entire evening consisted of that group I can attest identify thinking inside of the box. I felt no different around these individuals. I could read them like a book. Part of the crowd that showed up were the "rich kids" whose attention seeking behavior only relate to image, a reflection of power, appealing "look at me. . . look at me. . . I have no personality but I'm better than you."
Some would think I've changed, but not one of the people I used to go to school with that truly think outside of the box haven't changed whatsoever. It was sad.
The moral to the story is somewhat sarcastic depiction of reality that I care about mentioning. The purpose of my adult life was as though acted in conspiracy.
I was only disappointed and with no degree of independence to show for it, I felt gigantic compared to the small assembly of people in attendence. Maybe those whose egos were too big for the occassion simply couldn't fit past the front entrance into the building.
All I know is how history up to this point in time has created many of the answers I saw given that night.
Monday, November 06, 2006
No genie in a bottle
Tanya, I am quickly learning is my one true love.
I get scared. That's what Tanya tells me. It's a question I've now began to realize must come to terms with. I ask myself what the answer is to why? Why am I scared I trace to the potential or lack thereof. It isn't that I lack potential per se, but, because I have "stalled" long enough. . . for lack of a better word. . . remain in the position I am in today. It is a trivial question, through the growing pains of adulthood! What risk is there to fail, if I do not at least try give myself the chance. A success story of - me.
However, as I attended university, have I really failed to realize what potential I possess? The fact of the matter is I must be greatful for the experience. This is my instinct.
I've felt how inconsiderate depression makes me insecure. The bigger picture: what is it that continues to hold me back? A fear of failing? Perhaps. Perhaps, my intuition would be better served if I stopped judging what others think of me, or stop trying to impress those that are subordinate. My own value of things in life.
The feeling I most need gone, is the sense of not deserving what others have. It is a feeling that I can only describe as lack of purpose or desire. A sense of my talent without the recognition, as if I deserve some sort of credit given! The feelings I describe, somehow fail to describe me as a unique individual. As a person who has struggled to find meaning. This is not to be confused with generality; I am not mistaken. I choose to be who I am as anyone else would say. Therefore, the potential I contain is trapped as though in a bottle waiting to be open. I feel the weight of my true self as unsettled, because I have yet to be taken seriously.
Tanya helps me affirm what's at stake. She helps me realize the time is thin.
What must I do to make this a decision?
I get scared. That's what Tanya tells me. It's a question I've now began to realize must come to terms with. I ask myself what the answer is to why? Why am I scared I trace to the potential or lack thereof. It isn't that I lack potential per se, but, because I have "stalled" long enough. . . for lack of a better word. . . remain in the position I am in today. It is a trivial question, through the growing pains of adulthood! What risk is there to fail, if I do not at least try give myself the chance. A success story of - me.
However, as I attended university, have I really failed to realize what potential I possess? The fact of the matter is I must be greatful for the experience. This is my instinct.
I've felt how inconsiderate depression makes me insecure. The bigger picture: what is it that continues to hold me back? A fear of failing? Perhaps. Perhaps, my intuition would be better served if I stopped judging what others think of me, or stop trying to impress those that are subordinate. My own value of things in life.
The feeling I most need gone, is the sense of not deserving what others have. It is a feeling that I can only describe as lack of purpose or desire. A sense of my talent without the recognition, as if I deserve some sort of credit given! The feelings I describe, somehow fail to describe me as a unique individual. As a person who has struggled to find meaning. This is not to be confused with generality; I am not mistaken. I choose to be who I am as anyone else would say. Therefore, the potential I contain is trapped as though in a bottle waiting to be open. I feel the weight of my true self as unsettled, because I have yet to be taken seriously.
Tanya helps me affirm what's at stake. She helps me realize the time is thin.
What must I do to make this a decision?
Tommorow Columbo
There is no tracing the complacency
of happiness; from -
difference of pushing
the limits upon another territory
- with a canon.
From the brief apocalypse:
thought in time that 'no' gift-any-longer
can it have received. . . as to be known.
My only hope is fair?
That in life my name
is honored!
The honor of a hero welcomed.
Such contingency.
Every memory in each moment.
The quality of such ambitions.
Some form of potential inerted with force.
A positive obsession.
of happiness; from -
difference of pushing
the limits upon another territory
- with a canon.
From the brief apocalypse:
thought in time that 'no' gift-any-longer
can it have received. . . as to be known.
My only hope is fair?
That in life my name
is honored!
The honor of a hero welcomed.
Such contingency.
Every memory in each moment.
The quality of such ambitions.
Some form of potential inerted with force.
A positive obsession.
Saturday, November 04, 2006
Possibly not possibly
I've ripped into an attitude of some kind?
Thoughts of prejudice!
But in loving;
there is no escape.
I can only survive:
if the work of miracles provides me with.
Thoughts of prejudice!
But in loving;
there is no escape.
I can only survive:
if the work of miracles provides me with.
Friday, November 03, 2006
Spooked lucky
het ctfa i nac wims, nemas i eooshc otn oto.
The fact I can swim, means I choose not too.
The way I see things yesterday might not be the same they were today.
The definition of that is its exact opposite: what you may have today might not be there tomorrow.
As of yesterday everything changed. I thought about a lot has to do with fear. I'm not reminding myself of the purpose of the fear itself, but what the "fear" was telling me!
I now realize how fear tells me lies?
It has something to do with failure.
I was tired last night. I grew more tired as I thought about why surviving in this world wears down on me. The experience was real. I felt my sore body informing me of how tired I was. Truly, mentally and from exhaustion my mind did not invite it in. I began to fear it. It made me ask question contrary to the spirit and virtue I possess.
The fact I can swim, means I choose not too.
The way I see things yesterday might not be the same they were today.
The definition of that is its exact opposite: what you may have today might not be there tomorrow.
As of yesterday everything changed. I thought about a lot has to do with fear. I'm not reminding myself of the purpose of the fear itself, but what the "fear" was telling me!
I now realize how fear tells me lies?
It has something to do with failure.
I was tired last night. I grew more tired as I thought about why surviving in this world wears down on me. The experience was real. I felt my sore body informing me of how tired I was. Truly, mentally and from exhaustion my mind did not invite it in. I began to fear it. It made me ask question contrary to the spirit and virtue I possess.
Thursday, November 02, 2006
If I were an incoherent psychic
My independence as a 30 year old man, is capable in making conscious decisions rationally, I look into my imagination. The more depressed I become, the more I know how the right path has taken me to get through the struggle. Probably, because of the decision to voluntarily encounter such an evolution, the development I've encountered, and release negative forms of energy from every thing else that considers me. However, not as an individual of particular pessimism. I've become a person that used to defeat myself, set up failure, as 'automatic'. Earlier tonight: when I lost - a personal matter of feeling - I choose to perform my ulterior personality.
My motive here is simple. -
When you walk through the fire - it represents my fear - without laying an egg.
The question is: how did I get it right this time?
My motive here is simple. -
When you walk through the fire - it represents my fear - without laying an egg.
The question is: how did I get it right this time?
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