April 14th 2011

 

April 14th 2010

So I received an anonymous tip from someone today, they told me I am the type of person that rich people would love to hate. My first thought of that was, I must be someone not worth stealing from, but vicitimized anyway. (My next thought was one of peculiarity. . .) more so distinctly that I am stranger than ficition.

- Marco

 

April 14th 2013

 You are nothing in my books if you theoretically fail to meet interstellar psychic communication. Prove that you can eliminate risk - it is simply impossible.

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Just because you can minimize risk, you do not understand the intricacies of knowledge.

°○°○°○°☆°☆°°

Marco

If (first) not passion (before) dissappearing

 April 14th 2025

Tonight, I am stepping into my own confessional.  

The facts about who I am.

I am single.

I have never been happier.

Life is not unfair.  I lead a privileged life to no one else's detriment.  What is I mean by that is - to be fair - I am no different in my life than that of a look-a-like.   I don't lead a double life. I am a proud individual.  This alone confuses many people that fail to really know me.

The reason for saying this is simple.

I have been resented for being who I am in life.  Yes.  

However, the rules of life have never been more prominent to me, than to those who seek it for personal gain.  Think of it as our capitalist aims in life.  This juxtaposes how I feel about my growth.  Growth is something I have aimed for in terms of my authenticity. 

The lesson here is this:

I feel I am an artist.  A poet.  A philosopher.  A writer.  An actor (strictly in the Shakespearean sense of the word.)  This is what I have come to in life.

REWIND (2min ago):  As I mentioned herein, already having stated: I am resented. 

FAST FOWARD (to now): if I never accomplish anything other than becoming a failure as an artist. . . I will be more than happy in my grave of rest.  

MY POINT??:  MY point (the endgame) is this.  I have been written off by some.  None too many.  I know I have everything I want in life.  That is why I am resented.  For knowing this.  That's the difference between me and the trend setters. . . I'm on brand.  They are also.  But the trends are for losers that think they know me. (That's how this ends.)  

I am use to having love in my life for no better past.  MY present is a beautiful disaster.  The future - is a secret.  

But because you may still be reading this - it is not a letter to you.  IT is not a feel sorry for myself diary.

This is about typically ending the stereotype or what is prejudice against me.  I refuse to be your victim.  I play that role to no one's interest. 

Here is the confession: I confess, that I live a privileged life.  I really have nothing other than that to confess.  I believe we are in constant renunciation.  Although this renunciation is NOT a purge.  The purge against me has been on for too too long.  I am who you want me to be.  Confessionals can be tricky things.  You can never  tell what the truth is.  But - this.  This is me.  Undoubtedly.  (But do you know what a contradiction is.)

Pentecost

 This is for my grandmother Marta, who was the most devoted relgious god loving woman I have ever known. If I have ever learned what it means to be what is gods name... it is her.

To my fearless and borderline ferocious uncle Anibal Martins who undoubtedly helped instil my faith in god.

My grandfather's David Almeida and Adriano Bastos who mutually respected each other with wisdom and their hearts. I share this bond in what is being a man I am.

My dear Benilde, who loved me unconditionally and I think of often... you should still be here with us my amor.

My godmother Natercia Bastos. I will do your service. You above everyone in my god forsaken life. You believed I was special and you totally totally thought I was one of a kind. I will honor this. My work is not done.

To my parents. Who I would die for.

My sister Marta, her spouse and my nephews. I will protect.

My family in Van town.

All Portuguese aunts, uncles Justino - Antonio - Fernando - Alberico - my cousins Pedro - Tonito. Muitas saudes queridos.

This time of year means the world to me.

- Marco

Fade to black

 I can't compete. I don't think this of me. It is what I think.

What is me, the real me.

Is that I don't care if the world sees me.

What I care about is knowing.

Knowing the difference for what is not a justification for caring.

I care. A lot.

And if I say anything is it because I care mostly more than some people do.

I say, 'yes'.

Yes, I can say I care more than you.

And it is because of this spirit, this free spirit of mine.

This nature of (what is).

What is, Marco.

(end)

Part II

The injustices, the prejudices about who I am compared to what is. I fear none of it. I fear - only god.

Let god. God decide who between your bitter rival and yourself is the better choice.

I fear nothing.

Not now. Not ever.

Part III

That is the greatest thing about, me.

That it is precisely because I care, that the caring never goes away.

And yet, (you know the type) the kind of people that care the most.

Get taken advantage of.

That is not, however, a weakness.

You see the confusion? (my confusion is.)

The source of being liked for who I am and what is.

That's where the final answer is.

The answer to god's purpose in this is.

I know for a fact that god made me to care about things I can't control.

And this is how I will die.

Part IV (epilogue)

And in this Shakespearean dichotomy (if you are still reading. . .)

is to be the example you crave.

Do not confuse being as an example.

Commit yourself to you. To you and you only, Marco.

Marco, my child.

This is why god sees you, because you care more than most.

(Most that do, do not know the difference.) And this is, more powerful than your relationship to god.

To care about those things that most of those - those that do not. Everyone knows this about you. Think about it.

That time you believed and than had it taken away from you. For a second - for if even a second in time, that you had god renounce you for it The moment you believed in something less than god. Where does this leave you.

It elevates my thoughts about other people and what they are missing because it is me who lost their sense of becoming. And then you realize that the sense of being, is found.

Found in your most intimate secret. A secret you never had until now.

And that is god in me.

(Because I care.)

But, because I have failed god and I probably will so many time more.

I always go back to god.

(And that is how I care.)

Because most people don't know why.

Faith is my greatest of assets.

And this is why I am blind.

Until the day I see.

- Marco

Irony in a sovereign asceticism

 “For one does not become a man through science, art or religion—to say nothing of philosophy—but through a self-conscious rejection of happiness, through a fundamental inability to be happy.”

-Emil Cioran

If I am an extortionist (the opposite of an ascetic for purpose in making my point) and I am acting as what is a dictator without which boundaries are not intended nor made. That makes for 'recreation' in the event they mass commit to murdering people in war. I question Nietzsche cause in everything he ever expected us to understand through reading his philosophy. There is a larger scope to make sense of here. To be a leader of the MAGA movement today, brands you a hero. The cause nor purpose of my reason for saying it is not insufferable of me to say so. Therefore, I am like 'most intelligent men, like the strongest, find their happiness where others would find only disaster:" Further to Nietzsche disparaging position in this, as example of a professional extortionist "to play with burdens that would crush all others." This appears fallacious as if to say the war effort is justified in Iran right now. Evangelicals' are the real terrorists.

- Marco

 Reverse psychology

Dream state as equilibrium

 Acting

I heard this and instantly thought to myself, why.  Why haven't I - I in my most vulnerable state informing other's through my body.  That, in contextually interpreting the conscious mind of others, my observations are not as subconsciously driven to what is the agreement for social contract (is).  

My point is being true or not - people don't act as if they are in a dream state in real life, how does that convert into real time is another question entirely/.

What concerns me more is how he states equilibrium is something you can not achieve as focus or concentration.  To make contact or regulate the senses (register impulse) is something completely normal.  

I concern myself as an artist connecting to my personal faith.  My faith in others does not confuse me to the end of having a relationship to god.  It is the ancient most fundamental way for symbolizing what acting is.

To live as if you are in a dream state is something that takes skill.  Not acting.  I have never met an acting coach who is equally instructive to my purpose as to find what true acting is, because (most acting instructors) don't have the skill.

- Marco

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Link

seeing

 

False Stereotype

 I love what is this quote by Krishnamurti. He also says: The highest form of intelligence comes when you are completely aware that we evaluate without judgment.

- Marco

Meditation as movement

 With respect to what is movement in ideas from the unknown. That my ideas are a byproduct before, not after - any altered state of mind taking place. We are the universe in movement with what is living in ourselves. That much can be seen and felt with the heart. In my mind we call this form. In the outside world we see it as art.

- Marco 

Prayer

 It is not in life as in my fangs.

It is because my blood thirsty fangs,

measure what is I want god to feel.

If I had the power to make god 'feel'.

Feel how grateful I am for the sensations he gives me.

The same sensations I want to believe are hers.

And that in receiving that kind of power,

god's wishes I fulfill.

She is pleased.

And for this I feel everything.

- Marco

My purpose (Marco)

 

the law and the not

 

Church of the Holy Sepulcher

Church of the Holy Sepulcher  
The Church of the Holy Sepulchre in Jerusalem — the church that stands today over the traditional sites of both the crucifixion and the resurrection — has a foundation story that most visitors standing inside it have never heard.

When Constantine became the first Christian Emperor in 312 AD one of the first things he wanted to do was locate and honour the physical sites of the death and resurrection of Jesus. He turned to his mother Helena — one of the most remarkable women in the history of the early church. Helena was approximately 75 to 80 years old when she undertook the journey to the Holy Land in 326 AD. She had converted to Christianity earlier in life and was known for her deep personal faith and her extensive charity work — founding churches, ransoming prisoners and caring for the poor throughout the empire. Constantine gave her unlimited access to the imperial treasury for her mission. In Jerusalem Helena sought out the site of the crucifixion and tomb — guided by local Christian tradition that had preserved the memory of the locations through nearly 300 years of Roman occupation. The site she identified was occupied by a temple built by the Emperor Hadrian around 135 AD during his rebuilding of Jerusalem — a pagan temple deliberately constructed to suppress Christian veneration of the site. Hadrian's strategy had backfired. Rather than erasing the memory of the location, the prominent pagan temple had actually preserved it — marking the spot so clearly that local Christians never lost track of where it was. Helena reported her findings to Constantine. He ordered Hadrian's temple demolished and excavation of the site begun. Ancient sources record that during the excavation a tomb was discovered consistent with the gospel accounts — cut into rock, with a rolling stone entrance. Constantine commissioned the Church of the Holy Sepulchre — a magnificent basilica complex incorporating both the site of the crucifixion and the tomb — which was consecrated in 335 AD. The church has been destroyed and rebuilt multiple times over the centuries — by the Persian invasion in 614 AD, by the Caliph al-Hakim in 1009 AD, and partially by the Crusaders who rebuilt it in the 12th century. The structure standing today incorporates elements from multiple historical periods but rests on Constantine's original foundation. An elderly woman in her late seventies. An imperial mission. A pagan temple that accidentally preserved the location it was meant to erase. And a church that has stood — in one form or another — for nearly 1,700 years over the site where the resurrection occurred.

The truest mark of genius

 

Church

 Church is a community based concept in all of time' (historic). If you think for a minute that you are not welcome there. You are the problem. This means you believe in one god everyone believes in related to the monotheistic regime. This also means the 3 main religions.

If you consecrate yourself to something, then take the same position that someone (else) doesn't have the right to express there religions regardless for who or where. You are a bigot. Simple.

My point is where does it matter where or how someone worships. But the minute you say it 'belongs' someplace because you don't like it. That's not how religion works. That is not the reality.

- Marco

Church ⛪

April 11th 2013

 The reason I write as is my experience of it described here:

"With age and experience we learn to use words with caution."

"We misuse them, put them back to front without noticing, until one day we discover they are as threadbare as old clothes, we feel ashamed of them, just as I can recall being ashamed of trousers I once wore with frayed bottoms which were meticulously trimmed every week to disguise the constant repairs."

"I believe that in writing these pages I have shown some concern for words and the way they are used."

"Before, I hardly ever used the word "love,"

And when I did, the word did not refer to me, or only to part of me."

"Now that it really concerns me, why should I not be cautious?"

"I would even go so far as to mask the word if necessary, use other words, as in those anagrams we composed in primary school to act as props so that the real world might emerge and flourish."

"However, having given this some thought,

I prefer to invoke the word "love" loud and clear and see what happens."

- Jose Saramago

the French language (standard deviation :: a critique)

 French dialect is a challenge. My personal thesis: : 'of the French language'. . .

Its inventive nature often requires as "something-or-other" of itself interest, which can not be surrounded as non-specific narrative related to linguistically reduced terminology. (In logic is called non-sequitur) My point being that to understand French ideals, there is no parallel between French and English literature. (Non-sequitur) Think about you putting language into a box. (If true, then the box is closed.) With your conscious mind, incredibly you failed in not considering it open, even with or without being told about this box. There is no idea stored in the box. You just want to get this 'hidden' idea out of it! (Did you fail to realize what is in the box?) I never told you - in which case you were guarded against seizing the box, what if then, you decided to alter what's inside of it - instead. This is French without the logic at work. (Deliberately charged non-sequitur can work in language.)

My question when reading French philosophers: What is the speaker trying to relate to me on subconscious level? The French like to romanticize this as a love affair, with language, out of its own poetically charged neo-liberal cause. I think of this as 'the particular or peculiarity of language in a transfer of non-sequitur.)

This archetypal language acts opposite in search of natural criticism toward it. This "opposite" (i.e. mystery) of the French dialect compels me to believe the literature as something that is best read as imagined without words. This allows me to describe what is the language (e.g. what acts as information) can be interpreted, into various forms of thought. What I am arguing, that invariably speaking French made literature offers its own dimension of how thought metaphorically intercedes for its reader. What is taking place goes beyond reasoning. This would help understand the challenges of reading inspired as French literature as a whole. Just my observations.

- Marco 

I, the confessor

April 11th 2026

If I must. I would go to hell to face Netanyahu, Trump or Putin myself. Only to make sure they burn. If god were to refuse me, I would end at the gates of hell just to be sure those that killed so many on earth are purposely made vile. I would do this on command, if it meant the death of the most vile perpetrators in since WWII. To execute this would be the ultimate sacrifice. This is why I fight the way I do.

This is me, the confessor. You think I am antisemitic, let's see how far that gets you. You're just some MAGA clone. I know in my heart what is right from wrong.

And what my point is - if I am wrong. I am willing to accept that I am. Only in the eyes of god. That yes, I would totally sacrifice myself for the killing of others who are innocent. It is because of this I have no care in the world for people that 'like' me or not.

IF you don't like me, care for what I say or express what I think. It doesn't bother me, since I don't mind what happens.

IF there is a god, she knows what this is. It's about honor. I need no one's sympathy. I am perfectly sane.

I am Catholic and will die Catholic. I will not accept false beliefs. Let me be wrong. I am sick of this. Especially towards those without a spine for these matters. Immaterial of god.

My wish is that may those who need to be held responsible for their crimes -are. And that I am a sinner for it. Burn in hell. I'll meet you there first, you cowards.

- Marco

High Intention

 If I fight. It will always always be for a reason. If you should move around that? I will give you that choice of freedom. Therefore, if I catch someone (double cross) = (the cause) that your action is based on something that I refuse to respect, and expect me to act stupid. (Read back the first sentence to yourself but keep it secret.) I don't make rules. I abide to them.

Most people act not as they are but only make you a formality. To that effect make you feel inferior. That's when everything needs to slow down, and then reform. Recalibrate to the position that is most sensible.

If that is not as exception to rules based theory, then the conflict is on you, not on the object of your inferiority complex. (i.e. infirmity)

I object to no one's freedom to affect me openly (only if) as an equal, in that, I make (e.g. freedom) a personal observation of mine. Everyone should. But test me for my purpose (only to forget about how that works) is a metaphor for convenience. That's just a shadow puppet in your imagination working on how to make others feel badly about themselves. Have you even told yourself about how you were made responsible to make other people feel poorly about themselves. However, they (are) that put you in a position of inferiority. It's a made up second hand truth. No one should be made to 'fit' in anyone's life. Even if it's not common sense for you to act in sedimentation. (Look up that word.)

Today's assimilation of what it means to be a racist is that model.

My point is to take it, then, reverse it. (What do you see?)

Now revert to the beginning of this dissertation and what does it tell you.

- Marco

Money by ABBA

 I am next to sure how I fit into the alpha stereotype of success. Money is not something that I measure. I chose to be what I wanted (key on the word want-ed) it means I knew about my needing to search for something [before I knew or not,] that I'd be able to attain. I am convinced of this, in fact.

That because I went down this rabbit hole (I am still - I really can't say.) The point I am trying to make is certain failure. You follow my path, makes you a failure or just an informality of it.

But through it all, I'd do it again. The search for truth. I think of dedicating my life to a life I wanted, only to learn about who I truthfully am.

That is enough.

My point is that I chose to dedicate myself to University in my pursuit of being a scholar in leaving my own impression on the world, through either tired poetic inspiration, earned-not-borrowed, philosophical inquiry, and tested in thought, made to be a writer even if it's all in my sorry state of a ironic form taken.

Working as a class conscious hero, based on what I learned was in not to adhere the elitist standard of life. I am only a slave to god. And that's money for me in this personal assessment of it. Zero currency. Just ideas. And the idea that I am ready for anything being the sinner I am in my faith. Blood is the awareness of my body. Spirit something you wish you were born not to die without.

This all comes at a cost.

The cost to learn what's made from clay as to respect myself as the shape. Not because of title's or status. The same way a lion is ruler of their own domain. A lion doesn't rule she simply obeys. (Only what leads as an undying example for a wilderness that's her own.) I will follow that.

-Marco

Religion in war

 If there is a hit mafia that I wish were made. The only names that belong is signed next to Trump, and Netanyahu's heads on it.

This has noting to do with hate because Zionism is in fact hateful.

You draft legislation to execute Iranians and Palestinians at will.

Yet to allow the death certificates to amount this as an irreligious trap where terrorists are the ruling class in the world. You are all being lied too.

You hypocrites that stand doing nothing but revoke another mans religion says a lot.

I know if anyone were man enough to look at what this religious war has done. You would NOT measure your religion against god, would you. This is not about liberating terrorist countries. Iran is a nation built on its sovereign right to exist. To examine this through autonomous ends. The lens which is covering up why Judaism is some kind of god fearing religion does not consider this.

My point being the 3 major monotheistic religions focus on god no less than 1. My second point being that because concerning monotheistic religions 1 god is worshipped. Therefore, the same god. It is conclusive. Conclusive that god knows this. Why. What is god in each of the 3 main religions, is based on the same idea. If you believe otherwise, you are what god is NOT. A fake. A false witness to a merciless traitorous cause.

- Marco

Self mastery

 Bruce Lee

If you know the medium behind the message.  If you are psychic enough to enter the train of thought. You might see it.

The value in Bruce Lee's premonition is not one of violence.  It is a direct metaphor of what is the body.  The bodies impulses.  The bodies awareness. It multiplies inside and magnifies the minds eye.  This is training myself to be the artist I aim for.  To find myself liscenced artistically.  That's beauty.  That's neuodivergency in action.

I might not be given credit for what (I know) I do know.  But to work at it I am not gulty of not doing.

I know what is from my heart shows in  everything I stand for.  My brain is this mechanism that attaches itself because it is made not to concern with what it attracts.

This is (my) source.

I may be accused of a lot of things.  But let's see how far you get with it.

- Marco

○°°▪︎°▪︎•○°▪︎°▪︎°

My random response re; ADHD

 “If you have ADHD, would you recommend antidepressants or not? Why?”

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Someone like me who has taken antidepressants my entire adult life. (Effectually from about the age I began taking AD around 20yrs old to present).  

I say coming from experience.

That medication together with therapy.... is life altering.

Keep in mind I am a product of life long commitment to doing both.

No cheating per se, meaning there is no quick solution or easy outs. You face youself with dealing through your fears and objections to treatment. My point is unless you participate as an observer of your personal journey, where you take the wheel. No one is going to save you. You are the help you deserve. You are not a hostage to this voluntary process. Step by step, piece together your best version of yourself. It's worth it. I promise you.

I am 50 years old.

Edit: I decided to list the meds I take. I fear nothing/with nothing to hide.

Abilifi is my primary source of Antidepressants. I also mix it with a small dose of Bupobrion and Lemotrigin. You will ot require this. I take this dose because it works for me. Everyone is different. (Sorry if my spelling is off on the meds.)

Do not listen to nay sayers! Go with your heart, dear friend. I do not bullshit anyone. I come straight from experience.

I am an actor, a poet, a philosopher. I have scribed (i.e. journalled) for years on end.  

God bless,

Marco 🇨🇦

2015 premonition

 

 “Hunger not to have, but to be”

John Dewey

April 8th 2019

 This is really my ultimate purpose.

A goal I have always had since the inception of my most vulnerable sense of self. This is a place most will never come to be aware of, grow in, or govern their very own idea of: such a sacred law that its inward path to the universe carries over and beyond.

- Marco

April 8th 2021

 When I feel like it's a lie I don't go through with it. 

- Marco 

The truth in being happy

 Happiness does not cost you a disguise because happiness does not defy reality. Therefore, because happiness does not dictate reality - I have never been happier. In fact, I can only reach higher.

- Marco

April 8th 2024

 Nothing can be taken from you with God on your side and nothing shall ever take God away from me.

This is my view of how everything works in the world.

That God is our life force. We all live under one God the same God that can only be taken for granted. When you see it nothing can be of more value.

The value of god is synonymous with how we function and that that function is not of earthly things nor of prayer but of belief. This is contingent.

I am not afraid to express my love for God and we live in a world that doesn't care to. Instead we live in a vacuum of modern day cat and mouse. The chase for God has only been compromised by the romance for wisdom.

To be able to express this kind of thinking isn't to be confused with that of a high priest. It's worth feeding stray pigeons on the street. The less than I am in gods eyes. I am gods servant. We are all mastered by this divine will. We are all sinners by confession. It's such a gift and we all decide to hide it or choose to keep private. This is more than religion. You do not have to be religious to believe in God and act in such an image of one common element. That rule I mentioned earlier....

(That nothing.)

(Absolutely nothing.)

Nothing can take God away from you.

How I care to express it is my intention. 'It' is my desire. And everyone should know that intention takes place in all of us.

In conclusion, there is no predicting war or what that may or may not look like.

To me war - the war to end all wars on this planet - is in my view. That war will happen if and only if a group try to take god away from us as individuals.

We all worship the same God: as I also mentioned earlier.

My point here is this, that, this image we have of god can never not ever be manipulated into thinking we must be forced to condemnation for our belief in one God. Paganism would eliminate that. Our world view if ever challenged that God is not our only primary source of inspiration. Keep it safe. Keep it on not off. Keep it in your soul. Make it a part of your mind. In gods trust. Think about it.

The war to end all wars will only be against God if we take God for granted or in vain. Never confused as a religious war. But a war that we must fight for gods existence in our lives. It's not a drama. It's non existential. It is the very fabric of humanity. Our morals. And how we feel. MA2024