Proverbs 10:19

 I find myself asking the same question in a hedonistic sense. Maybe the real question in this particular sense is to keep your mind guarded. The truth is harder to come by? - Marco

Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut.

Proverbs 10:19

The habitat for Renaissance

Is it normal to offend oneself.

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This weighing on my mind I find relief in just coming out to express how I feel.

I don't truly understand myself at times.

Sometimes I feel like the world is talking to me, not as though I'm unaware of my immediate surroundings... but a subliminal psychological experience.

This feels like I'm incubated in some formal social experiment testing my space, of, a sociological norm. (Think of it as though when you see life testing your patience...)

I don't like my life as theoretical as this language presents itself.

I have never been happier in my life with who I am presently.

It's bordering with what I see in myself as nothing short of seeing... what that means is... whatever it is I've now become... there is no return to the same person I once was.

I recall everything I encounter.

It's a matter of conveying my memories with an energy that travels with me.

In space and time.

I connect and reconnect with my place in life no matter if my brain circuitry is telling me lies or truth according to the superstitions I have in everything.

According to all this is an investigation which floods my insides and spills out (here).

Accounting my life as a type of recording right before my eyes.

Reading this false sense of reality may come across as tooth and nail, either falling into a category in an infinite realm of possibilities, or maybe an axe to grind testing my lost faith in a humanity gone blind in this... a personal day and age of reckoning. My own doing. The drum I beat to the percussion of my own intentions.

But never in my life have I encountered people in my life that have betrayed me to a point I no longer care.

What I am talking about is that I will always always care. Care about people. Whatever that may look like or whatever that may have looked like to others throughout my course in life. My future will depend on this as an emotional release in life.

What I can't understand or process is how I feel when I see people that don't know me for what I've unhatched through in life, rather, look at me as if I am a mental patient.

This by no means makes me out to make myself out to be a victim.

On the contrary.

I feel safe. I feel I keep friends are the right ones that matter.

I don't need a pity party to acknowledge how indifferent others are toward me.

I just wish they knew this before passing judgment on me.

God is my reason I keep things real. As real as I do here.

If you've reached this far down in my words... I urge you to know I appreciate you. And I can only reason my way through like a game of life we play and keep learning from. That I'm not detached from reality. That, yes, I have failed in many many ways. But I can count on one hand how I arrived this conclusion. I'm a sinner and not proud of the times I've hurt anyone. I will keep moving. The unshakeable trembling kind of thinking that goes with my sacred self. That is the truth I hang my hat on.

Yes, I'm overweight.

Yes, I get angry.

Yes, I do feel very deeply (to a fault.)

And yes.

I won't give up.

- Marco

May 7th 2010

For the most part (chauvinist) retreat from no better lack of option's; as the rest stand to watch. . . time moves on before it even happens.

- Marco

May 7th 2014

 It should never be a habit to make idiots out of what they are incapable in inferring.

- Marco

energy for observation

 We use language to manipulate thoughts others and ourselves. Take that with a grain of salt. Forget those things. Throw it away. All you have is observation. It's a form of energy only you are left feeling it. That's the simplest way to understanding.

- Marco

Light red for light green

 I don't believe in the power of the collective. I believe in the energy for being thought of as powerless. When you reach this level. This level of realization to the point of excess in your heart. The revelation is only true. Why - why. Because everything you know comes from a place you know. The identity politics people play in life attune to a societal norm. Only it's in a vacuum. This vacuum has no lens from which you look out through it. And if this is how your mind functions. Then, and only then, can you hit the bottom from reaching you.

"The bottom" is life and everything in it you are less than equal to.

I feel this in me everyday.

It is why we accept things to be as they are.

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My point here is that as a trembling individual, I can smile at the most unassuming person without knowingly possessing that person. Think about it.

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As simple as the above sounds, people in life are not quite what they think you are. We question nothing. We offer things to believe in living with comfort. (Not my style.)

I would support myself as living a life without the intention for the same things other's do not have. But, that would be a lie. And for this lie, I am bored.

I bore myself to the point of utter discontent. Until you realize you were not into living "the good life" because living the good life = is arduous. Especially harder when you fail to fall without getting up to regret the actions that got you there.

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If this sounds confusing to you, it isn't. It's that the lie I am professing you must observe as the pursuit of happiness.

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When you classify persons into groups, as I said in the beginning, (the group you identify with) is not the same as the one nature intends for you. Yes, yes. It's that simple.

- Marco

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PSA

I have come to the revelation that there, as I know there are. . . too many false actors out there. Being an actor: I do not subscribe to any other. I am perfectly confident in my ability to create. This means I make being in my element, a straightedge reputation.

People don't like that about me, and I could care less that they think it.

My point here is: if I can rely on myself living my life as though confessing to a diary my secret life. That is what separates me.

This is awareness put into practice. I will die before compromising my place in life for it. I know who I am, I dictate the terms that allow for me to prescribe why that is. I know it in my blood.

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The real actors out there I admire are women.

I can't fathom what it is like to act what is a woman's place in life.

I never will. (Understand it.)

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There is something so incomplete about the same things we require to know nothing about, that if we did, we'd be entirely different the course of reasoning in our lives. This is how I function. Function like adept to feeling free. It is a personal wish upon many. Many things that would wish the same thing, the way the same things matter.

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I have openly called myself a Canadian born philosopher, and I openly admit that I might be wrong about that (because I prefer it).

So that last sentence is proof that I am perfectly aware of what it means to be rejected on no uncertain terms.

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What my point is, that no matter the concealed fate is for me, I rather be seen as a philosopher (than be validated) as not being one. What that means, is no one is the wiser for better judgment. And that takes talent.

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It's like as if being an actor, thinking you are only seen as an actor - only once the cheque bounces. What are you left with? You were played for a fool from the beginning. What matters is what you are telling yourself throughout this life.

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I rather see myself in my element and know it than projecting what the cave walls had drawn on them.

- Marco

May 2026

 The death of you becomes a warrant to see innocence, harmed.

-Marco

May 6th 2023

 I have to agree with the master here. I read Bible passages as they are meant to relate to the worship of Jesus Christ. But the scripture is meant specifically be the dialogue that represents only Jesus Christ as an entity to himself. That much is undeniable. If what I say is true it is not to be what some would perhaps look down upon as scrutiny of his holy name.

Therefore, what I argue is that you CAN put aside the Bible as you must also respect that it serves a one dimensional aspect of Jesus Christ. The Bible essentially doesn't teach you to think for yourself but of Jesus Christ's empowerment being the focus upon yourself as a disciple.

I can't make it any clearer.

Both sides of my argument are honorable. One the one hand you are a free thinker and on the other hand you are allowing for religious freedom. That is a win/win situation. Not too good to be true.

Fear is a reaction. Courage is a decision. God is the freedom to choose. Religion is the freedom to become.

What we neglect in thought, the freedom of thought, is the freedom from religion.

That does not negate religion nor its word against Jesus Christ as a savior.

Philosophical inquiry requires that you divide the two as separate entities through a logical equivocation.

Again, my argument cannot be any clearer.

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Krishnamurti

"The resource for informative action"

I refer to myself as an avantgarde.  I think I can offer, what is this thought upon words, which I connect the space I am in with the outside world.

My intuition will not fail me.

I say this because I am as straightedge as they come.

I tolerate no abuses.

It's written all over my face and decoded in the stars.

As I have this revelation turned outward, the movement I take hold of in a private nature all my own.

As far as I can tell, people see that I haven't won in life.  (Maybe that is true.)

My point here, is that because I live my life each day like it's in a diary.

I make choices.

These are choices that I make believe who I Am.

I am the way I choose and this is a testament for virtue.

I prefer to test myself based on the virtue I possess as some form of circuitry in the brain.  My choices are deeply personal (to me) in practice.  Put into a perspective that challenges the status quo.  Which is why I articulate my thoughts each and every day of my life.

I have reached a point in my life, that being the actor I want to be, is present in my everyday occurrence.  If that doesn't make sense, it's because I have made this my mission.  Nobody is supposed to refer to me as an actor.  That's the difference between losers and those that never win anyway.  I rather be straightedge avantgarde that has the ability to examine things on a peripheral level of which, of which, common sense does not apply.  This takes skill in the order of things.

My life lived as a diary.

Where my fantasies are never met, nor will they ever be meant to be.  I completely abandon myself to the idea.  The idea, that I need something to fulfill myself other than myself.  (I don't need that - 'it factor').  The IT factor is a cheapened sense of options given to you, in the idea you are less than enigmatic in life.  Once - once people see that.  That the fact you are a loser doesn't entitle you to the winner mentality you wish you had been awarded by every one that sets their eyes on - you.

I am a highly contentious individual.  

If someone says: 'f-a-l-l' (do you ask 'h-o-w-h-a-r-d.')

My (other) secondary point in all of this: is that I rather be seen dying as a fighter of a cause I never met.  The truth is found in that.

-Marco  

May 6th 2023

 Anxiety isn't normalized but riddled with inconvenience in the body. Once its felt with the heart it blocks your receptors and the nervous system causes a moment to moment type paralysis. Which the brain can't decidedly process things that'd otherwise be noted as a psychological malfunction. A human error in the brain that all matter is subject to. You miss cues and may get a constant guilt you've misconstrued. Anxiety can only be notified as a safety mechanism. The right adjective would be to predicate that the anxiety is a system of defense against a material cause. The environment you are in has no real trap yet it consumes the same style of behavior from which you can only escape (if you could.)

The only real solution to this problem is experiencing a relation of being free from fear and the same awareness.

The question you may consider raising is why not feel safe.

- Marco

My theory for life as quantum theoretically holds

 This can only be true because, if it makes any sense, black holes are basically energy. An endless amount of energy. Essentially what black holes are, are made up of dark matter. In theory, we are in a black hole made up of dark matter, because all dark matter is - is light that died. "Light that died" per se, is light that collapsed on itself became a black hole from which nothing can escape. We are living inside an endless supply of dark matter. A vortex. Think of a vacuum that we cannot escape. We are living in a vacuum of energy that can not nor will it escape from this black hole. We are alone. Let alone. The miracle.

Edit: and but of course I can prove nothing of this (my theory). It is verifiable only through what logic dictates. Our only way if knowing life exists inside a black hole "we are trapped in" would be untestable. My point being true. That we cannot escape the force a black hole has. To test this is therefore unverifiable. Unverifiable, because we know light cannot escape. The earth cannot be reduced to this constant energy because we are the trapped energy of this black hole made up of dark matter entirely.

°○○○•••○•

Black holes 🕳

for source for cause

I would not look upon anger as something foreign to me that I have to fight... I have to deal with my anger with care, with love, with tenderness, with nonviolence.

― Thich Nhat Hanh

Invisible storm (by Marco Almeida)

The air gets more and more complicated at times when simply, in appropriate response, is merely not enough.

My karma is of free thinking intellectuals. . . with a flight on a ticket to nowhere - branding opportunity.

(May 5th 2010)

A showdown between dimwits (May 5th 2010)

 The laws of enforcement have undergone a change in their dynamics, as recently as today, pales in comparison. Some, will also say this is true of fact's, so subjective, fear, or interference of those norms suggest something strange.

This safe-collision comes in the form of common sense most day's, when re-numeration of a fragrant such as the smelling soap of 'clean' remains on your hands after washing. How did those same hands smell or scent reflect your memory before your choice of 'washing'. Such a thing is conducive to our inner-most thoughts, lost in hypocritical breaths, perhaps even forgotten thoughts. How very true that is to say, privilege is not unity to procrastination - which could exclaim that forgotten breath you once never took. Not once.

It was the least terrifying experience one may find, if one might travel on a manual device, where skill meets excellence of intervention on nothing short of a whim, blended, branded even in the course of an assembly line, which manufacturing meets the cost of reward, on the cord of a cause so stringent they forget to breath with you. That same person we have no idea got rid of truth, then injustice forever more.

After reading this, you should feel first free, then liberated to consume every breath you want to, as an intellectual pursuit. Not of reason, but how spelling errors are made, you are that canine instinct, anonymous in forgiving. I would think fabricated guilt of a lie. That clever - clever way I put things in perspective for you.

So, back to common sense, before it became a clever fear of it, because fear always remains clever against the tide of exploitative reasoning, the re-numeration, then smelling soap, that jogging of a circular memory gone blind, even after you experienced the continuity of hand washing cleanliness, the show down between dimwit stared straight at you in the mirror image of yourself.

The showdown came between a driver's edge, the comet, and the apple, a designated drunk.

My choice already has left, made to in fact seek the remedy in solution, probable solutions, that carry me to a predestined fate. So ornate in it's thinking, the splurge, my choices always seem to leave me wanting more. More of a problem to search. (The last step I took in my search.) Says the comet.

No problem (drunk). Says the apple.

The collision was the safest choice they each had to make. It's been the least terrifying experience one could have. It was the privilege in washing hands in smelling soap. . . a re-numeration.

The comet never felt so bright as it did right now, the apple a happy drunk.

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If there is anything I hate more so in life, they are unromantic's, the same one's that judge me for not who I am, but cannot see how dually uninformed they are. It's those alpha-omega types that act as earthly aliens, as if they have a trust fund on your value in life. I say fuck them. (And proud of it.)

I'm just going to say that this was fucking awesome to read.^

Quite the story. . . B-O-O-M.

- Marco 

I am from Winnipeg,

that I rather be from here,

other than from...

New York or Los Angeles.

Because I'm a prairie son at heart.

I dream of dreams,

Where wheat-tails,

trace for fields of gold.

It is here, 

Where my dreams are prayers as answered.

And the longing for daylight serves,

each time the sun graces its place.

A place wherever there is, 

is a blue sky found

by the eyes of its maker.

My heart will always live here.

The prairies is who I am.

That candle flickering,

its guiding light.

The flame glows,

out in a dark dark world,

as breeze whispering in your ear.

How beautiful life on the Manitoba prairies,

will always be.

- Marco

May 4th 2021

 I feel a lighter side of anxiety when it comes to acting. However, it is a dissociation from what I have previously gone through. My present body has experienced a shift through which my dissociation has raised red flags. Rather than take issue with it I rather now completely ignore. It has more to do with being avoided for the type of person I am. This is my reality. The infringement or intrusion I feel on purely unconscious or psychic-ly fused level. I take no prisoners as result of my personal enlightenment. Acting authentically is opposite of acting independently from your own intuitive measure. All things are measurably divided into guilt and grief especially when it comes to rejection. We are all built from the inside out.

To me acting is very much a test of will.

Think about it this way....

How long can you last in the dark without being lost. Its like riding your bike, driving, or walking with your eyes closed. You feel the danger because you can't operate like that in your body.

- Marco

then we take berlin (May 2nd 2009)

 I haven't stopped thinking about so many of the small insignificant details about my experience, then having, one of the most enlightening moments of my life. I've wanted to be the same type of artistic integrity, which one could only dream-the-crazy-dream. Maybe I should start off, small, very small, just the way I always thought of it.

- Marco

Supremacy's lethal ingredient (October 7th 2013)

 I have largely learned that as a Canadian living in this country is attending to its own code of honor. (Whatever that is - is a mystery to the average citizen.) I come on facebook and challenge the idiom and linguistic element of people's subservience.

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I refuse to pretend to be something I am not. Those are the monsters I refer to, the one's that always looked to me by saying 'look there is that same guy trying really hard to be liked. . . that's cute. . . let's play along. . . he makes it easy.' The thing I made easy to most people, is so hard for them to do of themselves. When it came to being a free soul, those that knew me could hardly imitate it. Today, when they see the real version of me - they do not want to see the culprit is looking at them through the dark veiled mirror.
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I saw people at the #NHLJets game last night that I always knew had nothing to offer in terms of my past, and when I see them now they think they are better than me.

I am not going to be the guy that pleases other people anymore, I am not going to hold myself under such duress for people that think in terms of their own expectations - not now that I know better what honor means to me as a person.

I refuse to go through a threshold where all I see are people I always put above me, and now if they see me cannot handle the truth themselves.

I no longer care about what these monsters think.

May 2nd 2013

 Everyone should read this in its entirety.

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How do those that fail to question themselves; reinforce their double standard, instead, inform themselves of manipulation as a tool to free load on the human condition without contributing to it.

What free loading entails, are the bridges that in western civilization we are more concerned of ourselves as consumers rather than fighting for your rights. The hypocritical few that carry FALSE beliefs are those whose elevated sense of harm and being harmed, so enabling their FALSE sense of ownership is an ambush. The "ambush" is how the government subjects itself as reality passed onto its citizens. Therefore, history would entail, a democracy. That indicates an open and free society that is 'just', or in the spiritual sense an unholy example of Man vs. Man himself that propose YOU are the person individually responsible, as it is YOU (the one) that raises alarm - however - if you do raise alarm you are branded as foolish which suggests your CAUSE is unjust.

These "causes" are branded as fascist in mentality, that act as criminal organizations operating in a free society. Ironically, the government conspire that, in the name of God; religion separates man and god from state intervention - stripping you away of your ability to act freely. This focus has been ingrained in the public conscious as a metaphor to conceal its already diseased societal approach, until the minds of a collective epoch in its time has its hero to expose all of it.

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You have to love western society, that if you actually expose its racist underground compartment, which acts as a major proponent in deviant behavior (1- in its guise) takes on a non-victimized approach. (2- Racism is normalized in our society.) Therefore, racism is normalized and divided as an abnormality - basically a mental state which you allow yourself to write off another persons views as censored along the same lines which sexual abuse, homophobia, and xenophobic (terrorist-enab­led) tendencies relate, this includes the abuse of animals, women, children, and the capitalist class are also elements of RESPITE.

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Think about it, racism is no different in terms of its influence in how society is programmed to believe. If I hold up an egg and say I am going to throw it at you, does not mean I have the right to throw it. The point being, racism is used as a psychological element in "relating" the egg as a threat to its target. You cannot see the threat, but it is commonplace as its result. It is a clever way to ignore the problem if it arises, so rather than challenge it, the person that does is suppressed for his or her actions. How is this acceptable in society.

- Marco

May 2nd 2014

 I am in my private domain. It is here I will be to the end of my days.

-Marco

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You can set fire to my bones and I still wouldn't be any hotter than I am already.

- Marco

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I get suspicious of other people watching me. It is ironic when I feel I am on my best behavior. Shame.

- Marco

the neurotic element without improvisation

I know what is it to feel.

For no lack of conditioning, in this nest wondering.

Where time has gone.

(Someplace other.)

Where the breath of angels

taking shape,

in folded origami.

That colorless map  - 

of a coded world,

not made up dreams.

This little faith I have.

Such a small sense of irony that won't fit into a wording all my own.

To understand it all. 

For lack of purpose in everything.

It stems from the nest (above) in this dark poetry. 

The first verse: I know.

Just not the ending.

- Marco

May 1st 2013

 I am not an exhibitionist and by no means am I attention seeking, but my behavior is not often confused with anything other than temptation.

- Marco

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I appreciate how the sexes choose whether or not to be nice or just plain out creepy themselves, though enough not to accuse you of it.

- Marco

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It is a pleasurable skill when every moment I experience feels like a victory.

- Marco

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It sucks the life out of you to think first, act second, it is the first part that masters the second - you act as if it is second nature.

-Marco

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What acts as true definition of passion? It is simple: passion is a logical romance which is done in the most illogical of circumstances. - Marco Almeida