Saturday, October 17, 2026

Through there with honor (October 17th 2008)

 If we were ever introduced to a finer or no ordinary search for reason, perhaps, it is a calamity of sorts. To question this self-examination of the present to the future threshold, we embark on a journey to which we hold our word.


This week in Cnd. Politics a rather becoming issue took place, that a third consecutive minority government was elected. The far left of center Liberals watch-dogs will be the opposition as to the far right of center Conservative lap-dogs.

So much I have learned over the past month, simply observing the debates with a keen enough interest - that even so - the outcome was rather predictable at best.

What this allows me to ask myself, is like so many others, for what purpose do we serve a party's platform that the politeia is so petulant, that we answer to this kind of mock-shifting allegiance as if a boat changing its course only to come ashore without any real test of the water. Supposing the water was less than stormy, conditions fair, and the radical thinkers really gave us nothing to bare. Such is the life of political satire, and if mixed with things such as oil, petroleum or the mighty symbol '$' of carnage then have we not failed as a democracy - but stolen it back - and said that we are in fact happier then we were ever before. I suppose there is ideological parody one must view before the election starts, then as it began a grand finale of orchestra's chime bells with clashing cymbals to renounce the old regime with a new and improved voted one fresh off the polling stations.

However, not even a peep was heard.

We elected with due process, the very reason - we are all the same yet better for it in our democratic nation of choice. It seems dubious to me that with so little indifference, so controlled reform, that truly our collective voices seem like mere shadow puppets on an election ballot marking an 'x' beside them in name.

But yet here we are - and as we go - nothing but shadow puppets feared of. As my father contends to me, ignore such fairy tales my son, it is not worth your time, which only further heightens my curiosity level until I begin to realize how right my father is - because - even with my thoughts you can hear a pin drop around them like finding a needle in a haystack. My father is right, as I think to myself, it is a cruel objection to the cause why we hasten to live in a world we feed off of in the quest for capital gains. But then I re-evaluate it again to think about it one more time - after which case - there is no verdict in mind only a scientific brand of silence. Can silence be so scientific that the world according to the space between your ears is still in the continuous process of a void (filled in democratic sounds of delight).

Maybe that is what my father is referring to, that democracy makes not a sound for it to be heard, that it is a sound so unrecognizable he tells me - boy, no one can hear it. Only that the man is a genius for - to reveal the true sound of democracy, which bares no resemblance to a sound whatsoever, that not even a pitch can be heard - so leave it to your senses and fill the mind with useful things such as self-awareness.

I have the pleasure to make sounds of distinction. Perhaps democracy needed a face.

- Marco =====================

Marco’s piece is a dense, philosophical meditation on the feeling of democratic disillusionment, written in an introspective, stream-of-consciousness style. At its core, it explores the paradox of modern electoral democracy: a system that promises voice, agency, and change, but often delivers only repetition, illusion, and silence.

Here is an interpretation broken down across its central themes and narrative movements:


1. The Illusion of Choice and the Cynicism of Modern Politics

The author begins with the real-world context: a third consecutive minority government in Canadian politics. He views the political spectrum with biting satire:

  • The Liberals and Conservatives are framed not as principled champions, but as interchangeable actors in political theater—watch-dogs and lap-dogs playing out a predictable drama.
  • The electorate (politea) participates in a "mock-shifting allegiance." Marco compares voting to steering a ship toward shore without ever testing deep waters—an avoidance of genuine, transformative risk.
  • Elections are dressed up with theatrical fanfare ("orchestra's chime bells with clashing cymbals"), promising a renewal that ultimately yields no substantive change: "However, not even a peep was heard."

2. The Citizen as "Shadow Puppet"

The central metaphor of the ballot is devastating:

"...our collective voices seem like mere shadow puppets on an election ballot marking an 'x' beside them in name."

Voters are not autonomous drivers of history; they are flat silhouettes projected on a screen, enacting a script already written. The system runs smoothly on "controlled reform" and procedural complacency, reducing profound democratic responsibility to a trivial, ritualistic gesture.

3. The Father’s Cynicism vs. Philosophical Curiosity

The narrative pivots into an intimate intergenerational dialogue:

  • The Father’s Advice: Treat politics like a fairy tale and walk away. Don't waste energy on a machine driven by capital gains and empty rhetoric.
  • Marco’s Reaction: Rather than dismissing the subject, his father's dismissiveness deepens his curiosity. He begins to see the truth in his father's realism, but instead of succumbing to apathy, he turns it inward into philosophical inquiry.

4. The "Sound of Democracy" as a Scientific Silence

The most poetic, abstract section of the text wrestles with the quietude of institutional politics:

  • When Marco seeks a definitive truth or moral verdict, he finds only a "scientific brand of silence"—a cold, vacuum-like quiet where real debate should be.
  • If democracy is supposed to be the roar of the public will, why does it make no sound? His father suggests that true power operates imperceptibly; the apparatus functions without needing to scream or even make an audible pitch.
  • The conclusion drawn from this silence is a turning away from party dogmas toward inner self-awareness: instead of looking for truth in the political arena, one must cultivate it within the individual mind.

5. The Closing Affirmation: Giving Democracy a Face

Marco ends not in total despair, but with a quiet declaration of personal agency:

"I have the pleasure to make sounds of distinction. Perhaps democracy needed a face."

While the system is faceless, theatrical, and eerily quiet, the individual thinker does not have to remain a shadow puppet. By choosing to think critically, articulate distinctive thoughts, and cultivate genuine self-awareness, Marco positions the individual human consciousness—not the party or the ballot—as the true, authentic "face" of democracy.


Key Takeaway

Marco’s reflection moves from political satire (the absurdity of predictable elections) to existential alienation (feeling like an insubstantial shadow puppet) to an epistemological resolution: when external political rituals prove hollow and silent, the only meaningful antidote is rigorous, vocal individuality and self-awareness.

 The sentence:

“Why is the relationship model to true intimacy, can only take place in my own private mentality, where sexuality is not a cause of that.” - Marco Almeida

is grammatically broken and convoluted, but when unpacked, it reveals a profound psychological conflict. It essentially asks:

“Why does genuine closeness feel possible to me only within my own private thoughts, completely separate from physical sex and other people?”

Here is an interpretation of what this statement means on philosophical, psychological, and relational levels:


1. Intimacy as Solitary, Not Relational

  • The Contradiction: By definition, intimacy is an interpersonal experience—a shared bridge between two people. By claiming intimacy can only happen in his “own private mentality,” the speaker defines intimacy as something fundamentally solitary and self-contained.
  • Internalized Connection: It implies that real connection only exists when it is imagined, idealized, or felt safely inside one’s own head, free from the messiness, vulnerability, and unpredictability of an actual partner.

2. A Defense Mechanism Against Vulnerability

  • Protection from Rejection: Confining intimacy to the “private mentality” is a protective wall. In one's own mind, intimacy cannot be rejected, criticized, misunderstood, or abandoned.
  • Control: Real relationships require mutual compromise and risk. A mental model of intimacy allows the speaker total control over the narrative and the emotional stakes.

3. Decoupling Sexuality from Intimacy

  • Sex as a Threat or Distortion: Saying “sexuality is not a cause of that” suggests a strong split between the physical and the emotional/spiritual. The speaker views sex not as an expression of closeness, but as a distraction, a performance, or a superficial impulse that clouds or corrupts "pure" connection (as he later puts it: "sexuality is extremely misleading on the subject of intimacy").
  • Avoidance of Physical Exposure: Physical intimacy requires bodily vulnerability and mutual physical desire. By discarding sexuality as irrelevant or contrary to "true intimacy," the speaker absolves himself from having to navigate physical/romantic dynamics in the real world.

4. An Unresolved "Why"

  • The sentence is structured as an implicit question ("Why is..."), suggesting confusion or frustration. The speaker is puzzled by his own alienation. He recognizes that his experience of intimacy doesn't align with how the rest of the world functions, yet he attempts to frame this isolation as an intellectual or philosophical virtue rather than an emotional limitation.

Summary

At its core, the statement is an expression of emotional detachment masquerading as philosophy. It reflects someone who desires deep connection, but because interpersonal and physical intimacy feels threatening or unattainable, retreats inward—concluding that the only "pure" and safe relationship is the one that exists entirely in his own imagination.

October 17th 2012 "the forces of sexuality" a conversation

 


(1) Why is the relationship model to true intimacy, can only take place in my own private mentality, where sexuality is not a cause of that.

Marco can you elaborate on this please. It is said that intimacy does not necessarily involve sexual contact. Is that what you are saying too?

(2) Kenia, yes. You hardly even needed validation, you understood it perfectly. Some people do not give themselves enough credit "to think" in terms of said intimacy which our needs are met.
True intimacy takes place in the heart.
This is why I have taken to art, I practice my own philosophy the way I believe in the world. It makes up consciousness of a universal quality.
Sexuality is extremely - extremely misleading on the subject of intimacy.
I participate in the world with "intimate knowledge" based observations in doing philosophy, because we live in a world which hypocrisy rules our better view of life.
I am Socratic, I am a romantic in my pure findings of philosophical medium. I promote purity in understanding and I am not shy to admit it. The real world does not want to allow this of me.
I have been branded against the norms in society. It has been a struggle, but I am in gods hands now.

(3) And to take this one step further, my moral acclimation is well spent here.
When I derive my path, from where I have come, you reminded me once of popularity in High School.
To be perfectly honest, I am well aware I was the best looking guy out of the entire peer group I represented.
That being said, it is funny how I chose a far removed distinguished persona NOT based on the alpha male mentality. In fact I redefined it.
As I have grown, I have taken a road less traveled when in hindsight I could have gladly "taken advantage" of the opportunism which deviates in societies larger scheme. However, for some odd reason I choose to go against the current.
Think about it, these words to me in this world mean a great deal more than the average seventy thousand dollar a year salary.
How ironic of me.

(4)  And yeah, when I say I mean I was the best looking guy in high school you can quote me on that. Because its true. Its also true I feel it today, the same way I was in high school. It is funny how sexuality takes a back seat, when it infuriates the most mindless creatures. I have fought for it. I have earned it. No matter what "mentally impaired" labels, people in my own community have of me. I am not mentally impaired. I fully mean I was the best looking guy in high school to further active my point. It means something that goes over most people's heads.
The fact I am Canadian and say that about myself makes me rather unpopular. But I can live with it.
I am working on becoming an actor.

(5) Oh btw I mean "artist" when I say actor. There are no real artists I know of who actually believe that. Most actors are rather anonymous; the rest just fake it.

(6) Sadly, I have had to seek therapy for the better of my past ten years, simply to gain self acceptance despite what my doctors tell me I should be doing. The truth is I am not a sell out, I am proud of that. I have no real friends, but I openly blame god for that one. Yet, I fight the good fight, yes - I am a fighter. All this boils down to debunking myths of my hypothetical nature, relative to my own habitual nature which I promote, (rather obviously) as contingency theory takes us.
I hated the gang mentality I saw growing up; where young girls my age would gravitate toward boys who acted like wanna-be's. It truly hurt me, and I suffered because of that. Through the heart ache, I found it rather mysterious of me, how I had the vivid lucid impression of a mans vision, I was fascinated by Pierre Trudeau, Wayne Gretzky, Leonard Cohen, all figures beyond my prime and that I never grew up with.

(7) My first hockey game was in 1988, when I first saw Gretzky as a member of the Los Angeles Kings. I fell in love, and knew I had a heart that night. Then, there are the real heroes that come to life, like my father - my grandfathers - my uncles - cousins. I call it my own magic.
Viva Sporitng - SCP forever.

(8) When it comes to my first love, her name is Crystal Clark. I knew her in Jr. High, but she really impacted my life in High School. Her special nature, really made me feel wanted. To this day the most beautiful Canadian girl I have ever known.
So just to make it certain, the world we live in, I know, does not revolve around me.
We are talking about intimacy, so this has been a lesson in story telling it.
My most sacred self is in all these words.

(9)  When we speak of hate fueled desires, I loathe the word "slut" that associate with a woman's private need for feeling sexy for herself NOT others. I make things random in my private feelings toward why a woman portrays herself the way she does. There is a precariousness between being nasty then there is to being lovely.
Just a pet peeve of mine.

(10)  So in the end what does all this mean: it means I am going to change the world with my ideas, one steep step at a time.
There, I am done.

(11) "...when I say I mean I was the best looking guy in high school you can quote me on that. Because its true. Its also true I feel it today, the same way I was in high school." (MA2012)
"So just to make it certain, the world we live in, I know, does not revolve around me." (MA2012)
It is curious I am aware, to be the only person that stands up for what I believe in, despite how others believe makes me (mentally) impaired.

Marco, you definitely were ONE of the most good looking guys in high school. And keeping on the same subject of being good looking. I have seen that some men while not good looking in their teens or twenties, somehow look good in their forties. And sadly but true, what most people know is, regarding both men and women, age does take it toll. Beauty goes away, and what do we have left flaunt?

(12) Again Kenia, Iove your enthusiasm and I only wish there were more people that know what I mean, when I say they should be more openly aware to things - like you have done. Because, believe me when I say that no one truly is. I have a penchant for healthy sarcasm in looking over the psycho semantics of others.

Marco

=================

This interaction reveals a sharp contrast between Kenia’s grounded, relational communication and Marco’s deeply solitary, fragmented monologue. While it begins with a philosophical question about intimacy, it quickly devolves into an extended, self-referential unburdening by Marco, characterized by grandiosity, alienation, and a craving for validation.

Here is a breakdown of the dynamic and key psychological themes:


1. The Disparity in Communication (Monologue vs. Dialogue)

  • Kenia’s Role: Kenia acts as an empathetic, grounding conversational partner. She attempts to clarify his initial convoluted thought (“intimacy does not necessarily involve sexual contact. Is that what you are saying too?”), and later offers gentle reality-testing. When Marco insists he was the best-looking guy in school, Kenia tactfully reframes it (“you definitely were ONE of the most good looking guys…”) and tries to bring the conversation back down to earth by reflecting on how physical beauty fades with age.
  • Marco’s Pattern: Marco does not engage in a true two-way exchange. Instead, Kenia’s brief prompt opens the floodgates for 10 consecutive, sprawling entries (2 through 11). Even when Kenia responds, Marco dismisses the content of her point to praise her for listening to him, ultimately centering everything back on himself.

2. Grandiosity Masking Vulnerability and Alienation

Throughout his stream of consciousness, Marco oscillates between claims of superiority and admissions of deep isolation:

  • Ego Inflation & Self-Mythologizing: He repeatedly insists he was “the best looking guy out of the entire peer group” (even quoting himself as “MA2012”), claims he “redefined” the alpha male, labels himself “Socratic,” and declares he will “change the world with my ideas.”
  • The Reality of Isolation: Directly beneath this armor is acute pain:
    • He admits to having “no real friends” and seeking therapy for a decade.
    • He feels misunderstood and labeled (“mentally impaired labels, people in my own community have of me”).
    • He admits he goes against the medical advice of his doctors (“despite what my doctors tell me I should be doing”).
  • Defensive Coping: To cope with social rejection, loneliness, and clinical diagnoses, he reframes his struggles as a heroic, martyr-like choice: he isn’t isolated because of social dysfunction; he is isolated because he is too pure, too enlightened, and too philosophical for a hypocritical society.

3. Flight of Ideas and Associative Drift

Marco’s discourse exhibits classic signs of tangential thinking and loose associations:

  • What starts as an inquiry into non-sexual intimacy meanders rapidly through:
    • High school physical attractiveness.
    • His disdain for a 70k/year corporate salary.
    • Aspirations of being an actor/artist.
    • His childhood fascination with Gretzky, Pierre Trudeau, and Leonard Cohen.
    • A soccer team shoutout (“Viva Sporting - SCP forever”).
    • His junior high crush (Crystal Clark).
    • Random social commentary on women and the word “slut.”
  • While he attempts to tie it back to intimacy at the end (“this has been a lesson in story telling it”), the thread was lost almost immediately. The text functions as a personal journal or stream of consciousness rather than a coherent argument.

4. The Core Irony of "Intimacy"

The central irony of the exchange lies in Marco's opening thesis:

  • He argues that true intimacy exists solely in the mind/heart and is detached from physical or superficial elements.
  • Yet, almost immediately, he fixates obsessively on his own high school physical appearance, status, and how others perceived him.
  • Furthermore, by delivering an overwhelming, self-absorbed monologue that barely leaves room for Kenia as a distinct person, he demonstrates an inability to engage in the very mutual, interpersonal intimacy he claims to have mastered.

Summary

The exchange reads less like an intellectual discussion and more like an individual struggling with narcissistic defenses and social alienation. Kenia provides polite, patient, and normalizing boundaries, while Marco uses the conversation as an echo chamber to assert his worth, deny his vulnerabilities, and convince both her and himself of his exceptionalism.