Let the New Year begin

I'm up! I'm up! The first post for the year of 2007. I suppose that is the purpose of New Years Eve? That in knowing you were naked before midnight struck. New Year's fails as it always has. . . that is to say it is not what you would think. This year was different, because everything you can say happened in 2006 is now history. The new found year ahead can change your fortune. It was a New Year to remember for me. I spent my New Year with Tanya, 2 of her closest friends, and Tamara her sister. We ate like Kings, and when our bellies became happier from the non-stop chewing of food, we welcomed 2007 with a resounding tummy-ache. I'm not quite being sarcastic.

Not so much I can resist when it comes to good food, the heart is a happy place I find when I am with people that genuinely care to be a part of the sharing ritual.

However, as I enter this new year - 2007 has taught me how much wiser I have grown.

I like to believe that being part of the workforce is me doing myself a favor, as opposed to the corporation, that I'm aware. When working as a Safeway clerk is not my dream-job, I've given myself the opportunity to see the kind of person I truly am. I can prove to myself, that the corporation does not adopt me, and I do not endorse the corporation myself as an employee. The truth is, I am valuable because of who I am as person. I am an ambassador, not for the company, but for my own. This fuels me to realize how much better I can be.

When I look back in time, I can exhibit thoughts that control what I am in the present moment. Nothing else matters. Therefore, I do not need "my job" employed with Safeway. . . Safeway needs me!

Furthermore, having Tanya as my girlfriend has allowed me to demonstrate my endurance as a challenge. It is how I compare my relationship to those that have no substance on the same level, and more obvious than not might I add. It gives me the strength to truly see through as though the opposing forces that work in other relationships do not account for. The properties or priorities that influence the meaning of a true relationship will be destroyed in the future.

On my horse. . . because I feel sad

Maturity has always been an issue for me. I suppose that is the truth? However, as I admit how time has been since I wrote my previous entry. I believe as I approach the age of 30 - have my beliefs changed? What influence do I have now that I've transformed into who I am today?

Perhaps, I dug myself a hole. A hole so deep, the test was to get back out of it? Perhaps, my only refuge was to bury the deepest parts of me and uncover them in seclusion - which lead to my serious bout of depression - and the walls around me were to shield how insecure I became. Isolation was not the answer!

Through all of this I am still alive. However, I did not bury my spirit. With my spirit I refused to give up.

What worried me most of all, is through the age of 20-present where has the time gone? (Which refers to my previous entry titled: 'Role-model'. . . ).

Certainly, my mind-body-spirit connection is essential for me. What this comes down to - is giving myself credit. How far I've come means something. Which is what everything I questioned in this message boils down to. I cannot forget that.

Dr. Gordon taught me about being a better 'horse-rider', and how I've fallen - whether it be making mistakes - or emotionally. I suppose this is one of those times, especially due to my habit of beating myself up - or changing the negative thoughts that affect how I feel impact me personally.

Tanya has noticed how I make decisions effect her as well.

I believe I can make the necessary solutions with courage, I cared to generalize most of what I feel here. These are not 'solutions' per se, but help me define some of what this means. It's self-talk. A method of healing-therapy. Again, as I already mentioned, something Dr. Gordon gave me advice on. To reienforce my positive thoughts as I regard facing my negative thoughts.

I've been doing is what develops into more and more progress being made. That's the most important thing.

I really enjoyed Christmas with Tanya this year, and she's planned to involve me in her Traditional Ukranian Christmas celebrations. She also begins her job in the new year with Carpathia Credit Union come 2007!

In every respect, this year has been hard. My aunt passed away, and her birthday was Decemeber 26. I graduated from university - 2006.

Recently, we had Christmas at home. I found out about a wedding engagement. Part of the problem is how my maturity plays a part in the picture. When I stop and think honestly about myself, I find, how despite my feelings toward the person(s) engagement. . . I am happy for them. I also feel, despite my feelings, I'm not perfect per se. However, the Christmas I had this year means little with the loss of my aunt, but my family came together with strength and compassion. The other side to this being neglect that I felt from the person(s) wedding who's mom who was invited to spend Christmas with us. It seemed apparently awkward. For some reason, this persons who's family we adopted traces back a decade in coming to our house for Christmas-time. Imagine my disappointment to see a person reveal a secret that I would think makes the average person happy to be around. . . but I digress.

The trouble is based not on what I saw but the truth in what I describe reveals much more about what's beneath the layers. I hold back nothing.

Therefore, when I direct my feelings to something, I suppose the wedding being announced was no big deal. What became evident, although in this instance is strictly intuitive, I felt alienated by the person(s) reaction did not make sense to me.

It appeared to me in hindsight, that the reason the person was in attendance had ulterior motives. It was as though, it no longer mattered that my family 'adopted' the people not as strangers. However, it felt totally sureal to me. It became as though the purpose these people were spending Christmas only appeared as orphans, or more like vagabonds announcing that Little Orphan Annie from the musical was adopted into Mr. Warbuck's Estate. It was truly disgusting to bare witness. Instead, with thier idea of Christmas-charity the musical they were invited to attend replaced the original Annie, accordingly behaved as if waiting to hear the evil chorus of, "The Sun Will Come Out. . . Tomorrow, Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow. . . " followed by the Christmas-wish that they'd be on their way because they couldn't wait to visit Daddy Warbucks invasion of abandoned nursing orphans. They had a new home to go to I suppose. Not that ours wasn't built just as good enough, it just conveniently became an afterthought, since some compare living large during the holidays is better in a mansion. Come to think of it, lest we forget the survivors of 'Tsunami.' In retrospect, they decided to behave like nursing-orphans wanting to hear the chrous of, "Tomorrow - Tomorrow I Love You. . . Tomorrow." as if yearning to. That they hardly couldn't wait to see Daddy Warbucks on Broadway in New York City. The time is close to midnight, we have lift-off, "You're only a day away. . . ". All flights bound for New York are now being cancelled.

The real reason I self-actualize this is to stress a far more important idea. This Christmas illustrated how good the presence of these people proved to me, that my feelings truly are spiritually connected to gods will during this time of peace. It brought a whole new concept and meaning of goodwill for me.

This Christmas brought to light why I love. That I am a beautiful person. I thank god for my mom, dad, and sister. I am blessed to truly have a decent person that loves me and I love her back in our place we gather. We call our country 'home.'

Rent-to-own

Yesterday, I discussed the purpose of Christmas. Today, I propose the same type of discussion. Since the latest 2006 Christmas has officially come to a close, my alter-ego takes precedent, to weigh in on future prospects. I am tired of the anti-fashion Christmas followers pretend to exhibit. Perhaps, I am thinking of a time when things in my worldview of life were different? (However, I digress but I must make the narration something that keeps on topic.) Many who are ignorant to the spirit this season brings, that there are so few that unplug from the reality - then recall what happened - only to plug back into it. In other words, the reality generally speaking. . . you must first be unplugged, be willing to accept the time of year in terms of the holiday spirit, of course, unless most people stay plugged in without ever unplugging themselves for reflection from the jovial and festive promises all to expect of it. So many people mistake the latter as a "family for rent" or attend the "church for hire" as many Christmas followers do. After all, if not during Easter, religion has something to do with Christmas sometime along the way! None of this is not all that important.