It's funny how much of an illusion the mind is. People who you once took for granted in knowing you, even if just through simple observation aimed at your psychological well being, never were really truly aware of the person that you made them aware of. And the worst part of this is they have forgotten you or worse still you realize how little you matter(ed). As if erased from the existence you thought was being recorded in the unconscious camera of their minds.
What it tells me today is how much of an imbecile I became as result of that naive brain of mine.
I think I have changed but not to the extent I don't enjoy playing hide-go-seek, where the trick is played, that you never really wanted to find me.
I see a lot of people today that simply never had my best interest in mind. And I am not a stupid human being. Why repress these candid views of mine if I feel them wholeheartedly to the point of - of a guarded metaphysical action. It is sad. Very sad. But not because I am the self creator of a demise unknown to me.
I write this because of the person I am with qualities that will equalize any kind and quickly seize any opportunist. Sadly this is not a defense mechanism, it is a test in my personal quest for truth in what I see in others I once loved and love still. Despite my disappointment, despite what you think, I want what's best for others as I do myself. Since going on this journey I have suffered great trial and error incurred are beliefs that we all have, but some holding more water.
I guess my damn mind is a vestibule with a crack in it ready to burst. I really am trying to be the best version of myself I try. Some would confuse that for self improvement on some level. Although I choose to be far more straightforward.
I am a part of this space we all contain. We live on a globe where I hopefully find nothing but rain.
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