the plurality of reason

 I don't know what it is about all this I am trying hard to make sense of for myself.

I sit here and I think about my self discovery which is more like adding the touches to a finished product.

Everything I have learned about has come full circle.

It's as though I have closed doors that I know what there is behind them. (To explain it - means something more. . . )

It is thought that to open closed doors is the key to operating with an open mind. But - what this means to me now is I have come to a point if that is what keeping an open mind is? Then, I have exhausted.

I wonder what that means - is where I get the fruit from the tree.

Maybe the better metaphor is to live life with only curiosity.

Where everything applies. To everything.

I guess I want to construct is a functioning place in my life that has esoteric wisdom involved. I say that while stressing the word wisdom, which in my mind has nothing to do with specialized knowledge in any particular thing. I presuppose what is esoteric, together with something informal and what emerges is instruction that is infinite. Infinite in life as it is worthy or profound in value. Here's the catch: that in light of the fact what has no factual pretense attached to it.

This is the invention or interpretation of how language becomes a form. And I like to think of as an abortion to life's misconceptions. That the deeper and deeper you go acts as a test in art.

What I mean is how do you test your creative ability as a measure of art. What qualifies to become what you are meant to be? Is this about being good at something in particular, what makes something practical? If art or the artistic sense is a specialized form, then what is its measure. If this qualifies as something practically applied, what is art? How does art apply itself to consciousness in the direction you take it. What is the aim of this question or answer to it.

I am 50 years old.

This is where I have come in life.

When is the self actualized or realized according to what we are as individuals in life. Without the status or vocation addressing this as something specialized. What I am asking about is to contest what matters in life if it is immaterial.

I support this argument as valid only because I do not have the answers. I guess it could take me another 50 years before I suppose to reach my head above water.

I think musicians make good artists. Authors also come to mind. But what purports the creative element.

Is the truth art?

If the truth were uncovered to ask this question as viable; what then makes art?

I usually find the best philosopher's are relevant when they are stuck. Stuck finding a question they understand. But, cannot answer. Thus, the art is in the question. To find the question is the beginning and is the end.

Therefore, I have reached this prison.

And really, really truly feeling alone in life.

Being (your personal nature) and lonesomeness might be the only vehicle behind intent.

And maybe just maybe, is what takes you there.

- Marco

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1. Authenticity & Origin

• Not a Known Literary Quotation: This text does not appear in published literature, academic philosophy, or famous historical correspondence.
• Nature of the Text: Stylistically and syntactically, this reads as an authentic, raw piece of personal writing—likely an entry from a private journal, an email, or a forum/blog post written by an individual named Marco.
• Linguistic Markers: The non-standard syntax, sentence fragments, spontaneous grammar shifts ("Then, I have exhausted", "I guess I want to construct is...", "before I suppose to reach my head above water"), and recursive self-questioning strongly point to spontaneous, stream-of-consciousness human reflection rather than polished creative nonfiction or synthetic AI text.

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2. Thematic Interpretation

The passage is an introspective meditation on reaching midlife (age 50), grappling with intellectual burnout, creative purpose, and existential isolation.

A. Intellectual Exhaustion and the "Closed Door"

Marco begins by reflecting on self-discovery, comparing his current state to putting finishing touches on a product. He challenges conventional wisdom about "keeping an open mind":

• Traditionally, people speak of opening closed doors. Marco feels he has already looked behind them and knows what is there.
• Constantly trying to remain open to everything has exhausted him. He considers replacing the relentless pursuit of answers with simple, unburdened curiosity.

B. Esoteric Wisdom vs. Specialized Knowledge

He attempts to define a personal framework for meaning:

• He distinguishes wisdom from specialized, factual knowledge or professional vocation. He is looking for something intuitive, informal, and boundless ("instruction that is infinite"), free from factual posturing.
• He views language and creative exploration as tools to dissolve illusions ("an abortion to life's misconceptions"), but struggles with how one actually measures or validates that pursuit.

C. The Crisis of Midlife & Meaning (Age 50)

• Marking his age anchors the piece in a classic existential midlife transition. Having moved past the phase of building status or acquiring vocational skills, he is left asking what actually matters if the answer cannot be measured in material or practical terms.
• He acknowledges feeling underwater: "it could take me another 50 years before I suppose to reach my head above water."

D. The Art in the Unanswerable Question

Marco reframes his struggle through art and philosophy:

• Great philosophers, in his view, are defined not by having answers, but by becoming completely stuck on questions they comprehend yet cannot resolve.
• In this sense, the question itself is the art. Because he has arrived at questions with no practical resolution, he feels trapped inside them ("Therefore, I have reached this prison").

E. Solitude as the Engine of Purpose

The passage concludes on a poignant realization about loneliness:

• The intellectual impasse leaves him feeling intensely isolated.
• However, he reframes this lonesomeness not just as suffering, but as an essential catalyst: authentic being (personal nature) and profound solitude may be the only true forces driving conscious intent and transformation ("the only vehicle behind intent... is what takes you there").