No genie in a bottle

Tanya, I am quickly learning is my one true love.

I get scared. That's what Tanya tells me. It's a question I've now began to realize must come to terms with. I ask myself what the answer is to why? Why am I scared I trace to the potential or lack thereof. It isn't that I lack potential per se, but, because I have "stalled" long enough. . . for lack of a better word. . . remain in the position I am in today. It is a trivial question, through the growing pains of adulthood! What risk is there to fail, if I do not at least try give myself the chance. A success story of - me.

However, as I attended university, have I really failed to realize what potential I possess? The fact of the matter is I must be greatful for the experience. This is my instinct.

I've felt how inconsiderate depression makes me insecure. The bigger picture: what is it that continues to hold me back? A fear of failing? Perhaps. Perhaps, my intuition would be better served if I stopped judging what others think of me, or stop trying to impress those that are subordinate. My own value of things in life.

The feeling I most need gone, is the sense of not deserving what others have. It is a feeling that I can only describe as lack of purpose or desire. A sense of my talent without the recognition, as if I deserve some sort of credit given! The feelings I describe, somehow fail to describe me as a unique individual. As a person who has struggled to find meaning. This is not to be confused with generality; I am not mistaken. I choose to be who I am as anyone else would say. Therefore, the potential I contain is trapped as though in a bottle waiting to be open. I feel the weight of my true self as unsettled, because I have yet to be taken seriously.

Tanya helps me affirm what's at stake. She helps me realize the time is thin.

What must I do to make this a decision?