We all have our moment in the sun. I was raped as a child. I'm not afraid to admit that as I've been afraid to in the past. I rather share it. Does that make me a mental case? Perhaps, I feel time will take care of the wounds I already healed.

Always cheer for the underdog.



Your favorite team might lose.



I’m in no great need of supply.



I’m not being demanded.



I have no commands.



Inside the voice listen silent.



An older man I see… now is everything I always wanted to be!

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful worldas it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next. Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

Trust in the LORD with all your heartand lean not on your own understanding;in all your ways acknowledge him,and he will direct your paths.

Proverbs 3, 5-6

Lord, bless me with a woman whom I save myself for.

Someone whom is special in her words, smile, and in heart.

To my family I pray for our departure into heaven, that we spend our eternity together.

My aunt and grandmother, I pray for longevity and the richness of health.

Amen.

Today is mother's day.

If I don't believe that what I know exists... I put my faith in the hands of god.

Last night, I went to a club. Today I awoke from my sleep, and I saw my beautiful mom.

Gestalt and Epistemology

I’ll admit…
I’m learning something ‘new’ as I had called in to work sick for the first time.
For the first time in my life I felt liberated.

No Trespassing: "Off Limits" ...coating frail vulnerability and fragility (intent.)

I'm now officially a tulip gardener, partly due to the same fact, a reason of which cannot altogether be found original though at the same time unique because marriage is narcissism.

I don't want Cait as badly as I lead on. If she wants a boyfriend she can keep him to herself. Last night I accessed Reg's blog, and I visited a link he had. Some guy named Rich Prisk? Then I saw some other link on Rich Prisk's blog. It was some girl named Ashley. Fack is she an idiot.

Anti-gossip

I've never been one to gossip. I think back to the time I used to. Though that might seem incredible... something doesn't add together.

When I was in my high school graduation, today I see what kind of person people saw.

Today, I'm a completely different person.

Wasn't I supposed to change throughout these years? Where has the time gone and why is this a question for me?

I compare myself to where some other peers I grew up with are now. The problem is I don't value myself. That's been such a huge problem. My graduation year was 1995. I'm talking about my experience as though I haven't changed at all! (Circa 2005)

In a span of 10 years... I haven't given this thought until today?

The social aspects between then and now for me have also 'changed'. I want a girl to get on my horse's back and ride with me off into the sunset... like a fairy tale. I wish that my godmother lives happily now that she's doing radiation treatment for her cancer and moves from Belgium to Portugal. I thank god, Jesus our lord and savior, to breath life into my grandmother's health. I'm lost for words. But because of my grandmother, I know I'm forever faithful to the Roman Catholic religion. I shall honor my religion. I won't betray (my) god.

There are many moments in my life, and for each one, I pray... that the permission I give myself to live will be safe and kept free from being stolen. I dispossessed the faults I own and love them for myself.

I'll sign this contract.

M.A.

Dear Mr. Fat Domino

You deserve to get some respect for that comment from me, Mr.

I understand what you implied was correct, credit cards he paid off... with tax payers money.

I'm glad people watched this on television tonight.

I wasn't home to watch, but I do have opinons to give on Canada's PM ADSCAM rebuttal.

I thought the minority of Canadians do understand "credit card" pay-offs equate to the tax dollars government controls. Our taxes create our government in return we get a place within which we move freely? That's the deal of government.

The priorities within that government provides us with a benefiting "plaid suit" (i.e. like sales person approaches you with some interest or forms an ideal partnership with you for commision/profits).

Let's say the priorities are in random sequence, but I will list the ones I think might a majority of Canadians agree upon?

1 Health Care
2 (Quebec federalism)
3 Rights of minorities (e.g. immigration laws/ equal rights etc)

I believe in principle... that the Quebec agenda in government is a priority. However, why didn't Paul Martin just not say, "We want the province of Quebec to be a part of Canada. Therefore, what we didn't tell Canadians wasn't as necessary because its important FOR EVERYBODY."
Instead the feds "screwed up" and it only looks as though we're being screwed?

Why not had Martin able to address to us, something with courage and respecting people's sensitivity on this issue? There's a margin of error involved. If Canadians can grasp the fact, Quebec doesn't want itself on a leash it's only due to their distinct society status. But put the showmanship aside, and it's a leash that every other province already has. Quebec needs a sample size leash that they'll get comfortable wearing and not feel patronized. The problem with the government of Canada's inability, might be how Quebec sees itself. ADSCAM is fundamentally the leash we were attempting to see if it would fit Quebec and draw them nearer. The bigger picture is being totally flushed down the toilet.

Somewhat Perfection (of a self regard…)

Some time ago I met a distant relative of mine.

I’ve led a sheltered life… I live in my own platoon. The laws I had created among the other tribe members. Together with the help of our platoon, built from scratch… everything we made by hand. Almost like the pioneer days, except without the mud huts like in Thailand. Our rules were simple. The “pest control” was meant to keep the rodents from harming us in our platoon. Some minor complications arose that helped us detail and refine the laws as we moved. We created our own civilization. Almost like the eco-system but we called it nature. Nature is our biosphere. Whenever we had heard of the past history, imagination took us to the dinosaur age. I wasn’t quite sure what to make of this at first, but over time… you get used to the conditions. Somewhere in the platoon, (I don’t remember exactly) we kept records of events. If something didn’t seem right, our rights, we didn’t do anything. We had a panic control mechanism. Instead, we would teach our learning throughout each day. Whatever we had learned was transformed! We had the freedom to choose what we wanted. The place as knowledge acts is? A Library. We called our platoon a “library of knowledge.” Some of us knew, that others would disagree with the viewpoints, another would self manage somehow!! Are we right? We didn’t need to declare any wars. Instead, the people in our platoon emerged. We wouldn’t discuss anything in particular. What diplomacy took affect; we reached through the “bought salesman approach.” We couldn’t expect what others did. We’d ask ourselves each, “Are you thinking okay?” To which the answer would be, “Are you sure you know what position you’re taking, I don’t follow.” What was important is factually the side of an argument. (And we’d never ask for directions.) The three main ideas that we objectively subjected out: Platoon Sheltered Panic. Over time platoon sheltered panic was a euphemism, dualism vs. feudalism x the declaration of independence. We thought about not being a monarchy and not being a church. (Practically all day.) Why didn’t England adopt but said ‘no’ to the Christian orthogonal Church? The same countries in Europe such as France, who did Napoleon, and his army, conquer in terms of the Napoleonic Code? The question is what? Wasn’t there a divide among nations? Did the Roman Catholics invade Portugal, which the kings of each state within drove out the Moors? With the help of England, Portugal’s king Dom Alfonso Henriques drove out the Moors. Portugal identifies itself as a Roman Catholic dominated state. What happened to the Kings? Did the Magna Charta unify England? Did the Christians in England reform against the Protestant following? When communism came into effect, generate a new breed of fascist dictators? Until when did the population realize the corruption? The last person to say anything against the state would be executed!! The first person to stand up and not plead with guiltiness, were guile victims. A true visionary leader, intelligent, wise, must face the platoons patrons. “Did you not kill that man?” “I don’t think I did.” Did you murder someone? No, I don’t kill anyone.


Most philosophers like I, take on an inferiority complex of sorts. The rest is self explanatory, really.

Anyway, to pass the time… our culture in the platoon has emerged with slapstick humor involving our leading figure. Spinoza. Spinoza asked himself, “The church of England? What on earth am I doing with my parents in Portugal, a Roman Catholic dominated state, without any elected officials running a head of office, run by kings no less, what is a Jewish born individual doing in this country I was born. I must rebel. But what will me parents say? I’m extremely sensitive to go against the wishes of my parents, that I’m insecure. I KNOW. The answer is, for shits and giggles I’ll come to the churches doors with a language of my own. I can refute the bastards and they’ll exile me. What’s a good place? Amsterdam maybe? I’ll need a job. I don’t know how I can read without my glasses; I’ll have to make a pair of my own. Then I’ll write my philosophies while living in Amsterdam.” I laugh and laugh because we cheer what Spinoza does is the way we’d have done it if you were the man… he did things differently but with alternatives in mind from the days he lived. I’ve studied Spinoza.

Another good joke that’s told frequently in the platoon is the one involving Marylin Monroe. There’s a woman we call Marylin Monroe in the platoon, nobody knows her actual name. We know Marylin Monroe’s real life name is Norma Jean. When we ask if anyone knows what Marylin’s name really is, someone will say Norma Jean, and we all laugh out loud. Then someone else says, “Maybe John F. Kennedy… didn’t know how to look in the mirror?” The women in the platoon were unappreciative of being talked about. In some manner or capacity, women adopted that role. Feminine qualities are a highly given order. If Marylin Monroe thought we were talking about her, what she thought… nobody knew for sure what she heard. She didn’t fit the profile of traditions. She resigned to distractions that a lot of people weren’t aware of. She divorced twice. Had kids. That’s all we know.

When I compare my notes with anyone, I use the Socratic method.

Now, I look to improve my image positively meanwhile accepting the negatives and reinforcing my positives. Depression is common in the platoon. I like to play with eventual ideas in reality. For instance, “Eventually things will happen to get better.”
I get the bigger picture of whom I truly am.

I mentioned to you earlier, something about learning. I teach. I teach for free to those who listen. Listening is a skill. I don’t react per se. When I learn, I’m listening. The secret to learning I’m listening to learn and I challenge myself to speak. The pants I wear, are in a lost and found bin. The area of interests that cat and mouse games aren’t played!

Detouring Deception

“Canadians are self-righteous.” The deported Mexican laughed.
I used to be Protestant. The Mexican couldn’t support his argument.
I converted to Catholic. The Mexican tried to hide behind his argument.
Now I’ve reformed and claim not to be protestant but lie about being Catholic?
(I don’t want to be taught why.) You made me sound stupid said the Mexican.

A dampening swith in beliefs... (a switch in 'believing' not "believability" per se.)

“I’ve got this lamp that needs to be fixed but I don’t know where to take it?”
I don’t appreciate the Conservatives and how they’ll downplay their political agenda as an excuse for Liberal policies.

It’s become a comedy of errors, that the Liberal minority government has been upstaged because of their own doing?

It seems almost as unlikely that the Liberal agenda has backed off of its platform. In not compromising with the Conservatives, the Liberals have adopted principle instead of “show-jumping” tactically. The Liberals are the victims of their own crime. However, have also understood the difficulty Canadians have to face, the Liberal minority government is more astute than before. Simply in view of the fact, in light of whatever has taken precedent, the Liberals will not forget what beliefs Canadians essentially value.

The truthfully unsound nature of the Conservative party is not intentionally the solution to true existing problems that have surfaced. As result, the Mulroney government lost the faith Canadians once understood as an alternative, the Conservatives implemented GST to compensate for what is presently known as NAFTA. History shows conservatives struggling to maintain official status in the House of Commons weren’t in the position to hold office, but merely created a front door policy in order to ensure their own form of government practices would make a mark upon federal institutionalization of our nation. The back door was swung open and hit the Conservatives on their backsides on their way out the exit.

The idea of a Conservative ideology to many Canadians was lost in trusting this party. In terms of the ideal welfare of every average or marginalized citizen will receive, after people rushed to polling stations in lieu of tragic misconception. The preceding years had stung that followed the Conservative party’s credibility and became a sign. I challenge a question each and every Canadian shouldn’t consider as typical. Do you really want the Conservatives in office or just another whitewashed Liberal? I think the ‘bargain’ has actually ended.

The Invisible Minority

I like to think in terms of a parallel universe that exists somewhere.
I am YOUR leader…
I AM.
Green Eggs and Ham.
Sam, I am. I am, Sam.

The silent majority, retreats underground to a sanctuary of choice.
In the most exotic places, the travel receipt of first class ticketing to Jamaica.
The oil drums beat a luxurious sound for the Steel clad troops on the south pacific.
There’s been a personal interest among the southern Atlantic voyeurs however recently.
An “invasion” of rebel roman followers to claim the land!!

(The Magna Charta)
“No, we refuse you to teach this to us.”
“But we must, it is our duty.”
“We have our own customs and traditions.”
“They aren’t of any use to us postmodern renaissance.”

The mighty Atlantic Ocean divides between each of the continents.
How can a stones throw ‘split’ decide which one of the ‘tribes’ is wrong?
“Propose something to me.”
“I want you to see me.”
The sounds of oil drums echo in the back, while the automatic responsive effort of a psychological nature formed between the tribal councils.

In the future, a reactionary tale accounts for the 2 most unlikely of hero’s.
They’re in a conversation that actually attempts to recount the historical accuracy of the past events.
One is a Fisherman. The other is an ironworker.
They both have different backgrounds and are Canadians.
The fisherman is from Newfoundland and the Ironworker is from Quebec.

Both of the men… worked as lumberjacks.
Oddly enough, as they recount knowledge, resembles how balanced an equilibrium they took as loggers.
The balancing to keep both feet squares firmly and frame equally parallel on a floating buoyant piece of hard wood in the shore water.
They make it look easy in practice. The application seems as though effortless the logs keep rolling.

I was trained to work on the World Trade Center. They interviewed me to ask questions of surviving construction workers that serviced. I don’t know who they were or where they came from or why, I just answered. The interview went well. Okay, I guess. But anyway, I told them everything I had done building. They seemed interested.

The World Trade Center doesn’t exist anymore. Yeah. I know how the planes hit the towers. Man, that wasn’t pretty. But anyway they’re going to build a new Freedom Tower in New York. The city survived King Kong, eh? The Empire State building was big too.

I hear they call you the lying Fisherman. Do you believe in god?

Oh my god… you think I’m using the god argument.

No I’m not. You said the trade towers don’t exist anymore.

Well for starters they call me the sinning fisherman for whatever their reasons are I don’t know. I couldn’t tell you why or how come. Secondly, I’m not called the lying fisherman.

Okay then. Lying Fisherman.

Well why would you care? Anyhow, enough about me (changes the subject…) I didn’t know until now that you thought about apologizing for being rational?

I’m rationally inclined. Naturally, the discussion I expected could lead to this. What on earth happened you knew about the complaints that were made against me?

I read about them in the newspaper interview you gave about the World Trade Center buildings being hit. You said that it was an act of god.

I never said anything like that! The truth that is, I was asked about my construction. Secondly, it was a television interview.

I remember it was in the newspaper.

They don’t call you the lying fishermen for nothing.

Why should I care?

I suggest if you were in the position that Cinderella was in… you should consider not wearing the glass slipper. Even if the shoe fits DON’T WEAR IT!

Not if the shoe is perfect in every detail, shape, size, comfort?

ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY NOT.

What kind of a society do we live in if all we’re being is lied to?
It is not my discretion to answer everything that question entails… but that I do have some idea. Society falls short of building gaps between the cultures. In other words, the essence of humanity hasn’t become as sterile in today’s day and age. Although judging from experience in my field of work as an ironworker. Many judges cannot pretend the same way most others can. You can act as a judge thinks only.

That’s about as existential as my former job; I shouldn’t say that though, I love being a fisherman.

I miss being a logger sometimes.

I don’t.

If you were denied your freedom, how close would you measure it then? How safe are you to imagine it that way.

I never considered freedom as a personal matter; to me freedom is like a bird that’s caged in its cell.

You must always keep your enemies closer than your allies.

Those are words to live by.

Have a piece of the banana bread my wife made for me, …and some monkey juice.

Monkey juice?

Apple juice.

I see I’ve rubbed off on you the right way.

Apparently.

My wife is gorgeous.

My wife is modest.

My wife is simple.

My wife is delicate.

My wife is ordinary.

Your wife is ordinary.

My wife is sexy.
My wife is foxy.

My wife is totalitarian right wing.

My wife is militant left wing.

My wife is anti-fascist.

My wife is anti-socialist.

My wife isn’t independent.

My wife is.

Your wife is independent?

No. Yes she is divine and good-natured, but no is also beautiful inside and out, humble and is great in the kitchen.

My wife loves cooking in bed.

Congratulations.

Pride is definitely a trademark of sorts.

Not I fisherman. Not I.

Are you still in search of blinds?
No the window store closed earlier then usual weekday hours over the weekend, and I’m extremely lazy on the weekends. I’m extremely happy because it gave me the opportunity to afford purchasing these super pair of pants I’ve been wearing.

The pool shark

The pool shark

Right ball in the corner pocket…
I speak with the parrot on my shoulder.
The parrot mimics everything I do!!
Joyless creature you are, Polly.
Why is it that the woman knowingly mocks how strange you look??

Keeping a balance upwards and downwards.
You wreak havoc from shoulder-to-shoulder.
Woman’s issues are a tad bit unleashing.
Ask her a question; she becomes defensive as you… only she mimics the style.
Polly, why doesn’t it matter what I feel?

Is she trying to creep up on me from nowhere, Polly?
Where do I find the answer\s?
I find funny how she retreats Polly.
Maybe it’s my immigrant skin, the status of being a first generation born Canadian?
I thought there was a fairer mistress that might want to give me pleasure.

My grade 3 teacher I had my first crush on.
Her name was Mrs. Rodriguez.
She was a beautiful lady, Polly.
How she gave free uninhibited ‘love’ you could feel!
In fact I remember that she loved Tina Turner!!

My medicine cabinet is empty.
The truth has all but been forgotten.
I’ve deceived my government.
I hold secret anti-government rallies that only I attend.
They have no idea about my whereabouts.

Superficiality

Things truly making you an artist become a learned habit, a ‘distant’ trait you’ve earned.

Superficiality

The devil is invited not to attend.
You find yourself yet?

My mind boils and a flow of lava streams that followed turning rock solid.

A blue-collar worker…
White male in his mid-late 20’s has been informed.

Crusty worn attire, the clown leads his flock across the bridge into Twin Peaks.

Painting a Picture

What have they been whispering, talking behind your back?
In my dreams I see shadows.
Only shadows.
They’ve created the monster I mistake myself for in the mirror!
Medusa shows herself to me, and my cloud of stone faced horror!!

Who’s been pulling the strings?
Yanking on my chain?
Been in my medicine cabinet?
Given me parking tickets?
Hidden from me?

Reality is a deconstruction.
You see an “expecting” wife to have created something not only to lose it.
What happened to enthusiasm?
Where did truth found the mystery flavored?
Why isn’t color in dreams?

Radar is inside police cruisers and keeps the sirens off.

Intolerable Cruelty

There’s a certain sense of humor that amounts to something unusual.

I telephoned a travel agency yesterday…

I had asked to book a spot to heaven.

We have no flights to heaven.

You mean nobody has ever asked? I found astonishing how something couldn’t have been inquired about before. EVER.

Well, you’re the first person that’s asked… and no such thing has ever been sold through our travel agency.

But their might be a chance the airlines may open a flight to heaven?

Not to the best of my knowledge.

I thought you people were supposed to be more helpful!

I’m only telling you the details don’t exist.

I see.

Heaven is as beautiful a place that the sun appears on a warm summer day.


The rules for existentialist ideology:

(1) Creating the appearance

(2) The achievement of something desired.

(3) *Catch the abstract.

Vengence


If P, then Q.
P.
Therefore, Q.


Vehemence



If P, then Q.
Q is false.
Therefore, P is false.

Reaction to Probability Calculus (Modes Ponens vs. Modus Tollens…)

I give you my invitation to procrastinate with me… however only feel free to react until I say the ‘word’.

Would I trust Jesus as my mechanic, unless I change the fact? I don’t trust ANY mechanics to being with. Must I forgive the faulty work on my vehicle?

What kind of logic within the frame of mind an intellectual such as Jesus himself would CRY!!


Progress is change. I service my fleeting ship for navigation and survival.

I must serve a purpose. Emotions. Emotionally I color my world. I cover my tracks in the desert sand.

I’ll only react if spoken to with the dogma of relief.

Chain reactions of self-depreciating events don’t do me justice. Justice is blind. Naturally an injustice has yet to occur?

I suffer from the injustice of my own doing.


Must I serve a person or preoccupation?


The challenge of this time on trial, “He always sounds like that.” My god in heaven… what did happen? Could it be if a tree falls in the forest it made a sound. Quite a miracle you can quote me on!

(Yes mommy.)

The Artificial Intelligence Factor

Objects for Hire...

(Milking the cow. )

I am guessing that it is a shovel?
Yes , No , Close
29. I guess that it is a snow shovel? No.
28. Do you use it in your home? Doubtful.
27. Is it straight? Maybe.
26. Is it human powered? Probably.
25. Does it require specific knowledge to use it? Doubtful.
24. Is it brown? Irrelevant.
23. Is it made of metal? Maybe.
22. Is it white? No.
21. Would you find it on a farm? Maybe.
20. I guess that it is an iron skillet? No.
19. Can any age group use it? Irrelevant.
18. Is it outside? Irrelevant.
17. I guess that it is a colander? No.
16. Is it colorful? No.
15. Does it burn? No.
14. Does it hold water? No.
13. Do you hold it when you use it? Yes.
12. Can you lift it? Yes.
11. Does it get wet? Yes.
10. Is it colorless? No.
9. Is it usually visible? Usually.
8. Is it round? Yes.
7. Can it change size? Yes.
6. Can it be easily moved? Irrelevant.
5. Could it be found in a classroom? No.
4. Does it bring joy to people? No.
3. Is it smaller than a loaf of bread? No.
2. Would you use it in the dark? No.
1. It is classified as Other.

(Someone here can try guess what my object is.) Knock yourself out.


You won!
Is it one of these ...
a rake (for leaves)
a wheel barrow a dumbbell (exercise weights)
a plunger (plumber's tool)
a spade (shovel)
a garden hose
a pitchfork
a lasso
a machete
a garden hoe
a hose a pot (cooking pot)
a garden fork
a rolling pin
a katana
a pizza cutter

Enter what you were thinking: “Self Esteem” (issues)

Personal longevity.
Satisfaction.
Self talk.

I was questioned on my thought.

…“Umbrella.”

If I’m not just an object, I’m a human being with feelings.

I’m not a robot.

I can say no without the worry.

I can measure the anxiety.

I can say the word ‘no’.

I can believe in myself concept.

I can maintain a positive self-image.

I can eliminate negative thoughts.

I can refute the ideas without coming across “perfect.”

I won’t step on someone else’s tail.

I can share my toys and play.

I can say ‘uncle’.

I can knock on wood.

“Mum’s” the word.

I beg to differ.

The dichotomy beneath the umbrella tree I love to eat fruit under.

I feel the warmth dried direly.

My apparent blame and self-loathing only disposition like a grape in the California Sun.

What Isn’t Evil (Not a 'dogma'... of beliefs.)

Do I naturally not feel guilty for not saying ‘no’ or do I feel the guilt for what I didn’t do?
So much for happy endings, which isn’t ‘good’.

What is evil?

Is evil something that takes what it doesn’t give back?

I WILL NOT STOP.

I will stop being ‘evil’.

Why the panic? Not for a ‘dogma’… of beliefs.

I just said ‘NO’ to fundraising addicts… schooled in their philosophy of spin doctoring. A treat of chocolate almonds and raisins dipped in chocolate. If only my fingers tasted like the dripping.

Leonard Cohen coughing out the words, “There ain’t no cure for love.” I’ve been witness to the Dead Poets Society.

Peace and smoke. Mirrors are smashed. The heart is broken wide open, like busted vault.

Fascination Infatuation

I aim to please because I just want to be ‘nice’.
My beliefs take on a weight of a bear?
On my back I wear the skin.
I leap frog through a wilderness unknown.
In seclusion I damage my own ego “self concept”: not a shadow of my true nature.
A natural habitat surrounds me, and I exit to avoid the fears I struggle without keeping.
Instead, I refuse to believe that I have a soul that is worthy of my love.
I don’t honor the kindness I hide from myself only!
I plug into an outlet that negative energy translates.
My positive remains unopened?
The criminal comes out of a bank, yet I take a ‘hit’ without reason!!
I’m not responsible in any way for causing an attack against myself being guilty.
Then I surrender to myself not guilty, and I feel immobile… I disown my risk of feeling.
Not true to myself, "I'M A TERRIBLE TERRIBLE PERSON."
I disown myself.
I remain harbinger like a catcher in the rye… and feel criminally insane.
I take the good with bad inhibitions.
I differ my actions onto others.
Sometimes acting irresponsibly out of lack of prior knowledge.
FA
SC
IN
AT
IN
G

FASCINATING.

GNITANICSAF.

Fascinating.

I gamble on the sublime and only have myself not to blame or feel ashamed.

The wind outside is a breeze that acts as a tornado I cannot control within my reach. Anything I did I actually didn’t cause to have happened… to me the future is a well I’ve poisoned?

I look into the well, I drop a bucket and I must look back inside myself.

Anything that I realized came with a chance.

I don’t lie.

I do tell the truth occasionally, and without every time an occasion presents itself… I disappear somewhere.

Out of nowhere I vanished into thin air.

I’m a trapper caging lobsters that ‘snap’.

“Well, isn’t that interesting.” I said.

The Sleeping Giant (Snoring…)

I’m not a loud person.
We all want to be found.
Love to bare witness.
I snored while I was awake?
Because of the time I took to come across!

I’m a person of definite inaction.

I like to drive pretending, I’m as though a caricature of ‘truth’.

Wisdom that’s not always unseen but deafening to the ear goes unheard!!

There’s an anomaly involved?

(A paradox.)

In the act of pretending “not to hear” you or I and nor not me myself.

Maybe I felt to indifferent and differed my rational interests?

I do tend to worry a lot about nothing important, events that only meet the eye.

My unlimited potential to suffice concise enough not to be measured in tablespoons or actions speaking louder than words; on occasion I will try something new.

(Dogma is nothing new among the lesson spent.)

I purged my own sense of self to continue onward. I carry on a discussion while in labor of the obvious nature surrounding me. I contain the fortune of a dream.

In the mind, a universe of midnite air mine contains riches of plenty.

In the neighboring field, I fuel a fire... that sparks my imagination and talks to the gods "my ancestors".

I fear nothing.

Yet anything is possible?

A split hair on my head, a person of divine intervention does wonders.

Left Center Right (Creative Thinking... / Revelations)

Haven’t you ever once heard the story? I met a little birdie that told me, “DEAD MAN WALKING.”

This embodiment of god’s creation was shivering when I held it.

I nursed god’s creature back to health.

A Hero's Unwelcoming

Why not urinate in the shower?

What do people do for a living?

A “standard” shortage of good workers or might it be a supply of high quality demands?

A lot can be said about how the rates of inflation fluctuate.

If the supply is ‘high’ and consumer demand is ‘low’, translates that people aren’t buying. The collateral is being made up in taxes as result.

To maintain a regular range of inflation the consumer is spending their money on goods and the costs outweigh the taxes in gained revenue.

I call this the left/right of center.







What difference does Harper, the Bloc or Liberal/NDP ridings make, the people who are voting must make a deciding choice. Harper can distance himself all he wants, if in reality his own bigoted views are alienating the common good. We're talking about what ideally should happen.

Conservatives wouldn't be in power unless the will of majority (i.e. status quo) says otherwise... but why think in terms of status quo? Impartial views are of minority interest, yet Harper insists that traditional principles are what a majority of Canadians want. The Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms as our nations constitution isn't being violated, it’s Stephen Harpers secular version of what is forcing the average Canadian to feel obliged.

The charter protects everyone's right equally and independently of one another. Each person should use the charter and equate that with how Harper has taken a lethal position against the status quo.

In reality, people that view economics in a Conservative fiscal manner, have another thing coming if they believe in Stephen Harper's values. The government doesn't run a country... the people oppose what the government shouldn't be doing is why the Liberals have been opposed. In fact Canadians should feel opposite of what the Conservative's agenda would factor aren’t as ‘afraid’ but possess fearlessness to feel the opposite of whatever the Conservative’s affair within Canada do manage to solicit… will not favor all Canadians neither!

This is Royalty

As I walked up the stairs from my basement, into my kitchen where I prepared myself a sandwich to eat. I ate over the kitchen sink, as I faced the window that looks outside located directly above the sink.

For a moment I felt a mild sense of ‘panic’ but an ease that was calm or inspiring.

I had experienced a fear.

Something told me about this fear.

Was it Conan O’Brien on his late night talk show, or did the talk show host have anything to do with my own premonition?

My senses tell me otherwise.

I’m a lot different now then I was before.

I got off my high horse and came back down to earth… the horse had never escaped. My wisdom remained in tact. My feelings were subdued.

I thought, “This is royalty.”

Inferiority Complex Examination

If only a woman gave you bedroom eyes… and what about her pink eyelashes or her pink eyeshadow?

What kind of a lie would you explain that with?

I pretend not to notice… of course not!

If you do the opposite she vanishes into thin air.

(There’s a lady I want.)

Not Artifical

Hips…
Lips…
Thighs…
Eyes…
Brain.

Oh yes.

Let’s not forget the brain!

But I tell myself she doesn’t exist.

I tell myself that no women care to be sex objects.


I only think sensually about them.


Women.

All women.

All of them put together can’t stick like ‘glue’.

Shame on me… ‘the predator’.


Everyone of us wants a piece of the pie.


Everyone of us wants another piece to the puzzle added.


I’m a first generation born immigrant son. (I also happen to be Canadian born.)


I’m not ‘flawed’.

I’m only human!

...

I find myself posting a lot of my own personal ideas in the form of scholarly work that I'm providing in the blog.

Philosophy/ Poetry/ Verse/ Prose

All in the language I speak.

I've done a lot and come a futher mile to stretch reality as I seen fit.

Reason and Intellect ("The conditional"...)

The intellectual* (language) ß “in brackets”

Fiscal responsibility = denial. (Anti Liberal rhetoric)

Liberal “responsible” government = arrogance? (Intolerance)

Non-traditional roles* such as minority groups and the subject of a persons belief/value systems.

The Victims Conviction

I’m disappointed.

Fortunately it was a victimless crime.
Only monkeys reading comic books without the abuse of anabolic steroid use.

No one will believe the argument you committed to, “God protects me.” That’s the one argument nobody cares to hear spoke… it spooks them wildly silly.

There’s no refutation of agreement:
i. Refutation for agreement
ii. Agreement of refutation

If Moses was a locomotive, then Jesus was a rock… and Jesus looks more like a pebble in the sand.

I leave my imprints behind to recollect the memories had here.
I’ve made the trip to Paris over a trail of footprints or breadcrumbs?
Though the answer came before the question… true jeopardy waits.


As I roll down my window, driving the automobile is the limousine’s chauffer.


I asked to make the next stop.

“Hollywood.”


From the backseat where Red Hot Chili Peppers spilled onto the floor!!


(From the start of this powerful poetic verse.)


Each letter crumbles from the top to the bottom of this page, a mixed Matrix of ideals.
Yet to each word becomes a variable that owns an infinite piece of the universe above?


Below the meaningfulness became a shadow in translation, an interpretation if you engaged with me.


The idea of reality is infinitude.


Many people establish the things in life I may never attribute?

But I’ve custom built my rocket-fueled ship, and I endeavor to a place of candle lit dreams… series of romance and mystery perhaps?



I only wish that great longevity… long outlived hegemony and hyperbole.



As I mentioned already, the truth be told, …I already have struck gold! The lottery.
The entire jackpot is mine.



Hints of Hamlet trace the mind of an identity crisis. He wanted a piece of the pie!!
His unhealthy obsession of Ophelia, she ordained his identity crisis… he wasn’t helpless.



Such great impact a woman has, happens to blossom as a red rose in full bloom. The stem… supports each structure of each petal intricate and fine as her bosom.

The guilt isn’t a virus that protects against the roses scent, but prevents the anguish of 1000 corpses.

2 in 1 (Poems for the mind connect...)

The Threat of Corruption

I saw, _______.

Yeah, I saw him when I went to ______.

No, I meant I saw him ______ not the same place you did.


Aren’t Marco’s parents awesome… they don’t believe in god the way most other people do and they helped my mom after she divorced?



What do you describe Marco as?



A VERY UNIQUE AND EXQUISITE PERSON!! (But nobody believes in god do they? Remember that.)




The Role of Destructive Devices

Falling out is deadly as sin?

I favor to be found.
I don’t like a prostitute.
Therefore, watch out for me.

(I know a “cop” who makes victims out of his prey.)

Today, I saw her walking across a bridge.

But I won’t marry one!!





I’m a PI.





And all I said to her face… was, “I’m (not still) thinking about it.”


Then I look at how I acted!

Rewarding, indeed.



“Didn’t I teach you anything?”

“You want to wear the pants in this relationship don’t you?”

“YOU DO.”

“I don’t wear ANY pants.”

“Then let me have them.”

“I FORBID YOU.”

“YOU CAN’T FORBID ME.”

“I think your innocent… and I won’t let you!!”

“What are you talking about…?”

“I mean that you’ve changed since I met you, since we’ve met, we’ve changed… we’re both changing very rapidly.”

“I still don’t understand, why are you saying this?”


(Their emotions are at a standstill.)


“ I never thought you weren’t an angel.”

(Points back in the direction.) “I AM AN ANGEL.”



(Their emotions are at a standstill.)

“Then stop intimidating me.”

“You should stop and think twice about what you’re saying.”

“Everything is hurtful.”

“I’m hurting too.”

“Do you remind yourself about how rude I’ve been lately?”

“All the time.”

“I just want you to love me the same way I love you.”

“I do.”

“Then what were we talking about?”


(Their emotions are at a standstill.)



* Standards control

* Itchiness

* Snakes and Ladders


* Forgiveness

*…None of the ‘above’.

The Guilt Trip

All religion is false.
Don't you believe in god?
I think they thought, "They'll figure it out."

Let him go there...

The postcard I've stamped without a return address, I mailed it to Tom Hanks.

Place the skull back where it belongs!

Give me peace of mind.

Not your intense fear of gods existence... aren't you more afraid of mice and men?

My humanity aims in abundance.

Drink it up Dr. Pepper.

Drink up.

The Level Headed Guy From Winnipeg… Marco is his name.

Common sense logic < Existential logic

They call me Marco. It’s my own idea of god, that I don’t hear myself asking much of him. Today it’s raining. This month is April. Thanks for lighting my fuse.

Life's Picnic Reception (An empty aluminum refreshment...)

No, the doctor isn't 'in'.
Please take out the rubbish.
I'm not here to make you excuses or take the blame.

The Motherland Stinks

You god damn prostitute... now the well is dried?

I still love you however.

I carry your interests.

You don't belong on the street, I'm not a pimp.

Therefore, stay with me... and I'll stop spinning my wheels.

My Tribute to the Fatherland

The Preparation Phase

Layers upon layers of cool flavor… one lick after another.
Judging criteria for ice cream.
I thirst for adventure, a rule of happiness, closing in properly.

*My three ‘heteronyms’ are:

1) The existentialist philosopher
2) A Poets (language)
3) Haiku artist.


“Thou shall not commit adultery.” This commandment is a particular interest of ‘sinning’.

The characteristic is inherently implied.

A person that concentrates upon basis of religion x3: Judaism, Christianity, and Islam.

There’s a prophecy that each partaking religiously must be obeyed within those rules.

In the postmodern era, reality shifted among the three great religions of the world. The pilgrims of the earth have been given to differences in their meanings. Belief in the word of God as the highest-ranking power!

Protestants disown/disavow to the non-traditional methods taught. The reformation is a sign/symbol of the post-postmodern era. The pre postmodern era is: “The Reformation.”

To disobey any commandment is held in vigor despite the action, sins will be forgiven if you believe in god.

I ask the question of who is your god? When do you reach the same verdict god has given to you unconditionally? That you’ve said, “I love you.” Doesn’t god create this dynamic as true automatically? Does the truth that god exists, his meaning among men, not relate unless God’s voice is heard back whispering, “I love you too.”

There’s a mystery involved, because the essence of what human relationships gather, the words, “I love you.” Are these words not incredibly powerful enough to drastically change/alter the course of any relationship? Do the dynamics of any relationship not depend on what ‘love’ necessarily implies, if why the statement effects for how you live and another person such as I governs.



The Poet’s (language)

Jesus.

You’ve adorned me, and I haven’t said anything.

Yet perhaps in light of Plato’s cave, the allegory has been reached?

May I give you a phone call, but you’re telephone number isn’t listed!

Are people being forced to deny you’re will… then they aren’t defenders?

Therefore, let the cats loose in the back yard, they can escape their nine lives and clean up after their own litter!!

Babies wearing bowties or their father’s suit?

Prostitution became the end of me.


The Highest Master (Haiku Heteronym)

I’m curious. Are you happy?

What’s the most conventional type of leadership you can find… focus.

Be the rain.









Think about it mang? The Liberals are fresh off the Sponsorship drama. It's quite a theatre of the absurd. The reality is that Canadians were impressed with missile defense becoming annulled. With the Conservatives leadership of Stephen Harper, Canadians would have to be severely desperate. Not that Canadians would want to pay in excess of millions, only to secure an election result for a leadership they already know is incompetent as the Conservatives. IF a non-confidence motion were held created another election call, the Conservatives would be made fools of. I'm confident of that everything we see happening as of now, could only bring Canadians back down to earth. "What the hell, we're paying for another election and our time has not only been wasted I feel like an idiot for it?" It's all water under the bridge.

The Reverse Decadent (Autonomy)

My search for why Conservative ideology has Ben Mulroney on top? In Manitoba we're led by the NDP (socialist) party. They suceeded a mandate from the former governing PC (Conservatives).

I believe that Manitobans spoke when voting NDP 2 consecutive trials since the last elections. Manitobans gave the NDP an opportunity to provide us with our most crucial issue. Health care.

Health Care is on the minds of everyone in Canada, because if the Conservatives were to be given political authority to make decision... the importance of Health Care would be relinquished!

In fact, the result of a Conservative elected political power, could devestate our interest as Canadians. Once health care were (hypothetically speaking) privatized, this would open the door to the business aspect providing of health care and close the door to Canadians.

Alternative Epistemology Innovations

While the Liberals are putting a foot ahead of the other, taking each step firmly kept in place.

The difference (to the Conservatives) is that they’re playing twister.

*Each flag represents a Conservative bias.


“You’re hypocrites… weh.” *Flag


“You don’t want us to raise you’re children do you?”


“Didn’t you know that the next pope might be the first colored (black skinned) in the history of the papacy?” *Flag


“Yeah, …I sure do hope. That’s the best choice.”

Protection

Protection

I heard the voice that denied you.
The same old wisdom, “He wants to do it all himself.”

Something strange was happening.

When I reacted to the spirit of the Holy Ghost, did someone not say why?

(In this shadow.)

My eyes were lit with a luminous light, an undeniable force I possessed in the image.
Wouldn’t he be writing a poet’s serenade to the gods?

That every word written represented a language only he could understand?

Whatever that meant, clues to the answers came to mind.

A surge of energy that not even surgery should be made operational.

Until a thought became a toy object spinning his wheels?

Give him the dice to make him happy, although the rubix cube would’ve made him happier.

The fear of god in his eyes became a musical note.

He didn’t notice the facts!!

Alleluia echoes in the cathedral of his mind, and a concert playing… he tuned the wires connecting within to the external parallel universe.

The argument for subjugation of religious ritual, every Sunday morning pagans repent!

Their soul on display while god preys on the devils sins, and a deity that isn’t present does not exist through prayer.

Religion in the sects of men, women and child, the blindness thickens.

Yet there are those who confuse posture for immortality.

Might one seed have been the cause that doomed all humanity?

The monsters on earth shall prevail war upon world leaders?

Ignorance, defiance, insolence and virtue, I feel something false in vicinity.

You witness a man for his disobedience.

I accuse myself of guilt.

The cradle of justice for all, seems far off in the distance… a ship that hasn’t come?

Insulting is the hand of love within the hollow entrance of an open coffin.

Believe me, the story of riches in spite of efforts is gray.

Everyone wants a puppy.
Pavlov’s dog “to train” and have followed orders.

Commands: that ring like a telephone you wonder?

You’ve acted on inhibitions for nothing in return?

Do you seek the medication that will cure yourself internally?

For that I drink Coca-Cola.

My mother tries to scare me from time to time.

I resist having snacks, in order to keep active.

Might I ask the greatest poem you’ve ever written, or poetry cannot be read aloud?

It’s business as usual.

Nature hasn’t born.

I’ve worn rank.

I file under god.

Salty Value Systems

The absent element, a refined intellect... something unlike ability but finer still.

Coloring my emotional world with a handful of sand, the wind blows away as you watch held in your palm.

This smell of jasmine... sweet, sweet plants. An aroma you can sense strongly you can almost taste? (But I've never had jasmine before!?)

I say if you sold yourself out to the devil, "Once a sellout always a sellout."

I had a couple of dreams last night. One of the dreams I had, related to playing football. All I can recall is having an ability to perform well of myself.

The Liberal sponsorship Scandal in Canada is ridiculous. The majority of Canadians don't want to elect another government other than the one already in place. From what I understand, the minority government is a form that best represents the needs of Canadians. I risk sounding harbinger, without the resolve of taking a side on the issue.

It's like riding in the trunk of the Headless Horseman!!

Would I rather that $40mil dollars be infused into a cause like Quebec, or having sold out to American interests under the Conservative leadership former Prime minister of Canada Brain Mulroney gave NAFTA for something Canadians CANNOT CONTROL.

This reminds me of last earlier in the week, when a man instead of giving common common courtesy, "After you, please." had cut myself off in order to be first in line. I remember asking a woman 3 weeks back, if she'd mind I remove my jacket and obtain a coat check ticket. She refused. Instead, she'd rather have instructed that I should wait and she felt she shouldn't!

On the Greyhound to nowhere, the Tragically Hip suck.

"I can see a 'cold war' starting to form from all of this back-and-forth bantering...Simple.
Straight to the point. No self ball licking patronising crap. I like it."

I was sitting in front of my computer, I happened to overhear another person proclaiming how unequalled and self-important he is.

I realized I was in no position of power or authority to contradict anyone other then myself.
I'm not an equal.
Therefore, unequalled?

Why is it that if you knew this man (who thinks of himself as being human...) are all unreasonable human beings such as him so convinced of their own humanity itself?

I just answered a question with another question of my own!

There's this little voice inside of me I hear that cannot escape.
RACIST
There.
I said it.
I hope I wasn't too loud.

A retrospective analysis tells me that my means are justifiable… this means that my Christian values are solid. The decisions I make today and my strength as a Christian tomorrow and yesterday, have the exact feeling, I’ve become a good human being. This I know.

When I view myself as a Christian man, I don't take advantage of other people or only to use them at their expense.

A couple of questions:

Did Jesus Christ exist?
Does the will of a majority account for people's experience that refuse the right to life?

I'm proposing that both of these questions are a false dichotomy of the real issues, because the answers are true/false.

a) Jesus Christ did exist, but the evidence that he definitely existed are in doubt.

b) Terri Schiavo died recently due to her illness, doesn't mean that she refused her right to life. A refusal of an individual's right to life, "I don't believe a person who has an illness or goes into a coma should have the same rights as every person." Therefore, how do we know that a person whom thinks they rather not live if they were in coma not deny their right to life with absolute certainty?

The will of a majority is an entity unto itself.

Otherwise any person that rejects the idea of reality in a world of chaos "the majority", must also admit that an individual who is comatose, "Doesn't have the right to life."

Jesus Christ during the time of Judea, were people that denied beliefs Jesus taught, and threatened how people thought of themselves as human beings. It was an existential defiance of the beliefs Jesus had taught, and ignorance on the part of others.

My beliefs are unlike anyone else's, and false dichotomies are secretly marked through the making of knowledge. If someone refutes the belief I have, such as, "People that believe Terri Schiavo was inferior, also must admit they refuse her right to life because she's comatose." My true question is: how do we not know that Terri Schiavo herself thought people unexpectedly didn't want to care for people in comas. Therefore, why do people that think Terri Schiavo should have died, are also well aware of Terri's thoughts? What if Terri Schiavo had the capacity for speech said, "I'm glad I had people care for me, even though I stated once before I thought it'd be better if I didn't live as a comatose patient, I can both appreciate and be thankful I'm consciously able to respond to people's kindness except I can't physically speak the truth... and communicate my appreciation to another individual who'll understand me talking."

I have a retrospective analysis that my means are justifiable... this means that my Christian values are what inform my every decision. That every decision I've made and the past mistakes presently form the decision I make from today and tomorrow or yesterday. That I'm a good human being.

When I wake up in the morning, I'll usually have corn-flakes for breakfast. The milk will taste like sweet vanilla. I drink a lactose reduced brand of milk.

I once saw a movie titled Vanilla Sky starring Tom Cruise and Penelope Cruz. Tonight I saw Tom Cruise in the movie Cocktail... that's inspired for me to write an entry about what I'm feeling right now.

I've had a lot of thoughts involving the kind of person I attribute myself to be. I ask myself questions about, how something might be holding me back from my true potential?

The answers I've come to, are "sketchy" but give me an idea. My alter-ego is telling me how bad things are attributed to me feeling depressed. The depression I experience is a result of other people, who've negatively influenced the way I think. I feel resentment toward many people that have given me nothing but grief. I blame those people that hurt me.

For example: "people are only doing what they had to in order to move ahead in life and at the expense of others they disregarded anyone."

I wonder about what marriage has in store if I were to marry a woman? Could I have kids if I hoped to marry?

When I feel anxiety I become more abrasive in how to manage situations.

Managing my life right now, is something I'm feeling all too unaware or unfamiliar about. As a result of the way things are right now, I think I'm in a pursuit of unhappiness?

What my situation boils down too, is coming to a realization of where I am (presently) and the person I want to become (future).

Living with my parents, I know that I feel more scared about leaving and living on my own. However, I also need to take responsibility for myself!

Survival hasn't been easier for me then compared to many other people. That I know.

I've convinced myself that I've changed from the younger man I used to be,
transformed I'm an adult that cannot be threatened because of skeletons in my closet.

I believe in the truth. The truth being, like drinking my favorite soda Coca-Cola. If tomorrow a health inspector found a dead rat floating in the basins where coke was produced? Would the inspector have the authority to close the entire operation? Could it be that such an undiscovered occurrence, may happen regularly in other places coke is being made? The answer is probably that the consumption of the coke wouldn't infect people with a disease nor should it kill anyone. But would the consumer deserve to know about such a problem? Could it be that the consumer not being aware of something, (such as a dead animal contaminating the production of the product) can in fact go unnoticed?

It'd be lethal if the health authority, making the discovery were to publicly renounce Coke to its buyers.

In reality, nothing stops Coca-Cola from the power they have to produce their product. The discovery becomes maintained inside (internally) and the industry won't be exposed to outside (external) sources of public information.

The nature of Coca-Cola's domain, will not be violated but it's protected under the law. The rules for penalty for things such as fraud will be covered, unless the inspector tries to cross ethical guidelines. In which case if the inspector decided to pursue the information publicly, might challenge Coca-Cola interfering with fair practice. In such a routine inspection of the Coca-Cola plant, (where a dead rat was found contaminating the drinking product...) an inspector doesn't have to compromise their position of authority. The inspectors job is committed to standards that won't jeopardize the industry and can have a choice of resigning.

The obligations associated with being an inspector of health, might explain my dilemma, because I can tolerate the association I have with Coke as my favorite drink. If someone else is only in it for what they want in return, the health inspector knows exactly what is needed for the supply of Coke to remain uncontaminated.

Hear No Evil, See No Evil

Out of sight and out of mind, that's the impression I receive from most of my rational experiences. If an individual thinks they deserve more rights than another, then I believe I have nowhere left to hide. I'm a person with ADD. I've experienced a multitude of failure, that result in exposing the truth I have.

As of today, I live with my parents.

I used to think I was different from other people... now I realize I AM different for various reasons attributed with my ADD!

I'd very much like to move on with my life, and let go of my parents. The problem is that I'm scared about what's out there in the real world.

For example: I dreamed of being a scholar in university and being a philosopher. I was a philosophy major. When philosophy didn't work out for me, I majored instead in the theatre.

Are my rights as an individual not being revoked, if I'm being denied the right to perform what I want to do?

It appears throughout my time at university, my professor's didn't feel I had good enough writing skills to succeed in university.

Therefore, until today... I actually see what my history has taught me. I continue to press on the past and pushed my limits.

I realize that I can write, and I couldn't force my university professors to accept what I did... I refused to believe that I'm worthless!!

I suppose I've explored the resilience with which I can experience, and located a dialogue that nobody appreciates? My style is worthy of introspection, yet existentialist in theory, form, and makes part of my own trivial nature.

The truth is that I've done everything I could possibly, up to this point, in order to uncover and resolve the things that make me who I am.

(I've learned how to feel about something.)

Many things that make me feel and as result make me think insecurely about myself? What I didn't have the knowledge of, was a method to control negative thoughts. Instead, what I used to do was allow my awareness of the thoughts to control my perceptions. The way I avoided perceiving what I was truly feeling made me feel useless or unworthy, the reason being that I'd deny the feelings I truly had. I'd disown my own feelings regarding whatever was that happened, the result that I think something negative without owning my experience of it. I would fear not owning a negative thought that also resembled me. Instead, I'd project myself onto others while denying the negative thought... what I was really doing was removing myself of the guilt I was feeling. I then started to learn that plugging my emotions directly from me (external responses) to another source inside of me (internal responses). I had become used to unplugging the feelings about things I truly thought, without becoming associated through different actual experiences.

1 I can't fall asleep/ I won't attend cooking classes.

2 To act the way Jesus did not to be neglected from others.

3 I need to get a job that I find myself working with intelligent people I like.

Parables and Fact

My mystery awaits.
Abacadabra...
Decribe a teacher's face without it threatening to me? (Jesus.)

If Jesus had a face,
if Jesus were my wisdom.

Happy Easter.

Not taking risks in bad situations... chocolate tastes better.

What works for you, not necessarily what best works for you, but what works for you in a sense of relation to shed light on a matter is important.

I think my philosophy professor in logic says it best, "People often try to get the better of one another."

This is an accurate assumption.


I want to put my feelings (in a perspective) and exhibit a quality of my emotions openly and freely. Yet ensuring that with every situation my best is offered with a proper orderly manner. To achieve this takes a lot of practice, and above all training or developing the minds landscape to do so effectively.

These are not my first choice of thoughts. Mine are much deeper than that. I think writing is a means to develop this intrinsic revelation of myself, but I digress. Feelings are both inspirational and foreboding. I think or feel rather, that life is a constant predicament that one has the envious task of having fate sitting at the palm of their hands and destiny is the direction which these same hands aim to yonder. One need constantly discover.

You cannot expect anything, from anyone in life. This is safe to presume. I really don't want to think or keep to myself that everyone who is anyone makes themselves feel that they are better than another, for their may not exist a lesser truth. I exist to reveal these sentiments.

(This excerpt above was written October 20, 1999.)


Dec. 04, 2000

There exists in life something called ability. Its essence requires from us all a quality by which we apply ourselves. This of which is a sense we commit to and find who we really are by figuring out as much as possible about ourselves. We inquire in question what is better known as our spirit.


Dec. 29, 2000

Emotion. Doing things in slow motion, will help you get better fast. Think and react, then make sure your soul is in tact. Love one and all. Always love those who are most important to you.

Dec. 12, 2003

Even amidst my daring pride, for all that I find holler is to smile upon with not a frown but with grace.


Ethical Relativism: Who's to Judge What's Right and Wrong?

Ethical relativism is the doctrine that the moral rightness and wrongness of actions varies from society to society and that there are no absolute universal moral standards binding on all men at all times. Accordingly, it holds that whether or not it is right for an individual to act in a certain way depends on or is relative to the society which he belongs.

Ethical relativism holds that there are no universally valid moral principles, but rather that all moral principles are valid relative to culture or individual choice.

Kant: Deontological Systems

Every rational being is able to regard oneself as a maker of universal law.

Kant: Categorical Imperative

The principle of ends, is: "So act as to treat humanity, whether in your own person or in that of any other, in every case as an end and never as merely a means."

Maxim (M)

Second order principle (CI) > rejected maxims

First order principle (P) surviving maxims

Reason in history (Hegel)

That spirit is Freedom Hegel shows in our text in three ways. Man is part Nature and part Spirit, but his essence is Spirit. The more man develops spirituality, the more he becomes conscious of himself, the more he becomes himself, that is, free.

Beating a Dead Horse

When I walk into a room, into any situation, I present myself able. It is with this parable in mind that come with my strengths, and weaknesses. I know exactly what to expect in the sense of what someone is giving to me and in return they can anticipate no more or no less. I am a free spirit. A man of intelligence, peace, honor, sacrifice, fortune and good will. I have a family that loves me and who I hold dear to my heart. It is Easter, my name is Marco Antonio Bastos Almeida and I am proud.

Life is not about everything you want. That I hold suspicions against no one in this regard is no great matter. I carry no suspicions unless took for granted. The truth of decisions that we make in life are based upon how we take things for granted. Broadly dependent on how we feel is what makes us who we are. To transgress emotions openly and honestly. It is why one cannot merely go through the motions, so to speak, it risks portraying an unlearned past. One cannot pretend to learn who actively searches for meaning. It is hardly a constant state of mind but a transgression of fate and it is equal to virtue. Which one of fate or virtue is more important?

Neither.

They both work together... go hand in hand... arm in arm. The way memories are remembered is looked back upon the way moments are shared and is the way once applies with such pretense in mind that memories are best had. This resembles the way you act in ways that the universe cannot be won. To give a sense of what you are doing, and get a sense of what you need to perform, take the time to feel. By default the virtue of mind is discovery to which everything else we avow.

The Captain's Office

I need to remain calm. I feel like I'm not going anywhere, and I only keep talking to myself about the same things. This is a part of who I truly am?

The pope is in critical state right now, and I turn to god that helps find answers.

It's easter weekend, yeast, chocolate and the easter bunny.

Do you share a fish to eat, or fast on the thought of bread, flick on hunger (not responding) to the Gettysgurg Address.

As the rats retreating from intense heat, a lieutenant slides down the fireman's pole.

A bad case of cabin fever, I've set up at the pole position in F1.

This brilliant charade between the have's and the have-not's.

I'm in no rush to hurry, slow hurry to rush.

If for a minute you believe someone is going to validate you (a priori) then you're only kidding yourself, or just taking the world for granted!

I had a dream the other night, about myself.

I need to navigate and consider the options that I have are mine to begin with and mine only!!

Pink Sand Hot Spots

An expensive kind of language, I read in the darkest tunnels beneath my loins.
A kind of eccentricity, anywhere I like that mostly matter.

Generic (Generated) Haiku

What can exist therefore cannot (also) exist?
I Overvalued
Images of shadows in my mind

The Luso Canadian

Sporting (SCP) beat F.C. Porto 2-0.

Today, I realize how much I've become.

Sometimes, the reading between the lines, I found myself somewhere in the middle of... now all I need is a special woman.

Protection against the female, or she’ll take me for who I am?
I’m not needy.
I’m a man.
I have to walk around with this stench on me, but what can I be done if I haven’t done anything yet?
This nauseating discount of events!

I'm single. I guess that means I'm also still available!!

Purgery... killed by death.

My fire burns deep within me, the flickering flame.

I can see through the heat, the vulnerability and (the) passion.

It’s a second-nature reading between the lines of vulnerability, a kind of vulnerability or psychological nature… that the existential meaning in life will emerge.

What’s wrong with not being you, yourself just a shadow in the blink of an eye?
I’m not one to be needy, but in a prisoners dilemma.

Today after meeting with Dr. Gordon, I established that I need a lot of the help that I’ve been receiving.

- I’m going to be 28 this year.
- I’m working with my parents.
- I have ADD.

Coping has been one of the worst experiences I've had the most trouble with. I look at my life right now with some regret. I feel a sense of loss.

I'm trying to account for where I think I should be with my life today?
What's been causing me to be as depressed as I've felt?

Sometimes, I pray to god about the situation I'm in... but I don't know what to pray for?

I know that I'd like to be an actor. However, I don't need to pray to god to do something I already know I can do! I've gone to train as an actor in university, and I majored in theatre. I concentrated entirely on acting courses that I took specifically.

I don't want to be an actor that just wants to be famous, yet is ignorant to how acting works!! In order for me to survive, I need to do a lot of professional work in acting. (Being famous would be the result of recognition from the amount of contribution I'd have done.) Do I need god to help answer my prayer in that respect?

I cannot sense how I should change my life? What do I need for me to do? Am I not in the right position to be in? If I were at an age, time, and place... it would be now. I can't look back and forget what I thought I'd be one day able to acheive.

Now, I just don't know if I made the right choices. The decisions I've made aren't regretful, I just have to live with what I've done up to now. Living with the doubt is the agonizing part. I've been patient, and tried to keep grounded as best as I can.

Unfortunately, I'm beginning to feel that I'm suffering for my decision. I'm asking myself if I'm at a loss because I took on a purpose... I cannot help but accept? I have to own up to everything I've become as the result. I feel lonely because of my choice and I can't turn my way back.

I guess another problem is women. I remind myself of a time when I only looked forward to falling in love with a special woman. From what I've learned in the past, I've made some mistakes. What I learned is that the fantasy of just loving a woman, doesn't really exist the way I thought it would originally. If there's something I'd pray to god for, it's that I meet a good honest woman for me.

I guess instead of feeling sorry for myself, all I've ever tried to accomplish is figuring out what about me is different?

I have ADD. I'm a 28 year old male with extremely low self esteem. I think I have value, what I don't have is confidence. That's the "way I'm built."

I feel a lot about things, and I carry unnecessary weight on my shoulders. (For whatever the reason.)

My issues at home are with my parents, who support me and whom without the support I'd be lost.

The trouble is that I'm unstable as an adult, who has ability and unlimited potential, but little self-concept.

The issues I have most trouble with, are the stereotypes that my mom for example labels me with. For example, last week I didn't know why our car had anti-freeze leaking. My mom looked at me and said, you're a man, men usually know better about these things then women do. YOU should know, not ME.

It's all part of the bigger picture.

For instance, I don't like someone who is associated with my family. These are certain people I experience insecurity with from my past. Although I'm doing the best I possibly can to cope, (...and myself not being a "perfect" human being) I'm unable to cope or help realize the actual experience. Because I don't agree with certain people, my mental state is fragile. Dealing with an event becomes extrodinarily difficult, since these are people that trigger negative thoughts that I experience when they're present.

I've been guilty of taking my feelings out on my family, mostly due to the fact I have issues with those people!

The unresolved feelings/issues stem back to me, and not being resolved... my parents expect me to behave and conduct myself in a certain manner. I appear unreasonable in the situation, and my true feelings are lost. The process is a vicious cycle, that my fear and resentment are kept inside of me.

I blame my guilt, shame, and my parents for the attitude that's expected of me.

When I'm in such a situation that I've described, the mask I really should have on I keep off. I present myself in a way that others don't accept. Therefore, the maturity that anyone would normally expect, I refuse to show. The reasons for this, aren't necessarily because of my parents, rather because I haven't been able to develop a healthy sense of self.

The ramifications are terrible to overcome. I'm very unhappy.

At the time I broke up with my ex-girlfriend, I couldn't accept myself. I used to think that external events caused my suffering. I now realize it's about my responses to things that happen... make a difference in how I feel. My emotions are controlled by me!!

I guess the saddest part about remembering how much sadness I felt, is the depression and withdrawal I went into.

I always needed help to cope, and today I'm still making changes from learning about how things affect me, and why I'm a sensitive individual. Today I see a psychologist and I'm taking medication.

I first experienced depression when I was in my later teens and I'd rebound then the depression would come back. (Unless I receive treatment as I do today... I didn't know of what to do back then.)

The healing has been the most difficult.

I need to reclaim the parts of myself I've disowned.

Now, I'm better able to identify with what has effected me the way it did. Yet, I'm only human... and I recognize I still have fears about different things from the past. I still feel self-doubt. I still feel scared about my future.

Returning some Mexi-fries...

Last night I heard on my car radio, (as I was sitting in my car... while it was warming up.) A man that described himself as an American Libertarian. He characterized himself, in a curious manner.

He characterized that an American Libertarian such as himself, didn't vote for George W. Bush but wouldn't undermine the president in any way.

The voice on the radio went on to mention, that as a Libertarian (...such as himself I supposed) took interest in the politics of the nation. That the American's were the best for a reason he didn't specify, and that how self-important being a citizen is to him meant not to be controlled by the government.

The answers that arose when I asked myself the questions from the logic he proposed (arose my concern), is the contradictions involved in his idea of being an American Libertarian.

The man suggests unequivocally that as an American it's important, the government not control his actions and promotes an individuals freedom.

He used the example of the 9/11 attacks made against the US, if they were commissioned by George W. Bush and if he was fully aware that he knew they were going to take place? The focus must turn away from defying the odds that the president knew anything, and committed genocide against his own people.

The irony being that the voice of the American Libertarian was convinced that, government shouldn't control the will of the people. However, the fact remains that the US government takes action unequivocally to protect their own interests... isn't unfair to the world as a whole?

The position the radio announcer took as a Libertarian/American was laughable.

It's in this sense that I'll create my own identity knowing the values of a basic overall principle, instead of having my rights attributed through the means of others! The affect America has on it's own people, is to influence another breed of followers in the ideal that any response against their own interests is a threat!!

Furthermore, I do not pretend to be something I'm not. Therefore, I feel its in everyone's interest to generate accords fairly and not unequivocal of other people's beliefs.

How does a person like the American-Libertarian radio/announcer cue his beliefs onto an audience... only to attain the listeners to his bigotry?

Personally, my response to everything I heard shouldn't believe represents America... I think that my response to what I heard is far less arrogant. Maybe the radio announcer could listen to himself??

1997 Tiago and I 

It's 3am in the morning. I've just arrived home from the bar. A lot of promiscuous looking women were there.

I also saw some old friends from high school. I felt like I was a different person compared to how I saw them before. Now, 2 of them are teachers. 1 of them teaches in elementary school and the other teaches math in junior high. Enzo, who used to be one of my good friends throughout attending junior high and high school... works at home depot. Enzo mentioned in the conversation we had at the bar tonight, they had gone to Grand Forks to see Canada play at the World Junior Hockey Championship.

I got to wondering how much time I've spent without being happy. I started to see myself in a negative light compared to my former friends. They've all kept together for all this time after finishing high school. While I'm struggling with coping issues and visiting my psychologist!
I feel dejected tonight, yet I'm 28 years old. I feel as though I've lost ground? I feel like the time I've taken to sort out my mental health problems from past experiences, has left me feeling left out in the cold.

Speaking with Enzo, made me remember a connection I once had, that I no longer feel exists. I'm my own person, not like the friends I've seen again today. They've grown together and created a bond, and I don't seem to have that bond with them or anyone else in the same capacity I witnessed?

I remind myself of a time that is my "shadow self". The shadow self is that picture I have of all the bad things I don't like about myself. I see this early 20's male, with long black hair who loved to party excessively. A person who had to change his ways.

When I broke up with my last ex-girlfriend, I fell into a great depression. I couldn't cope the way I felt. My emotions get the better of me, because I'm a very sensitive human being. I didn't know how to accept myself the same way I always did. I began to change from that point on... I broke up with friends I couldn't face anymore. For some reason or other, whatever I felt I knew I had to deal with myself. My shadow self had issues that I had buried with guilt that I left unresolved!!

I cut my long black hair, and completely left the shadow self behind me. I was determined to make a commitment to changing the way I was, and better my future.

I began university, and to make a long story short, I made changes that turned into a person I thought I wanted to be but still have a hard time accepting who I am.

I had thought that changing myself, meant disowning myself completely. Instead the negative thoughts I had didn't change anything about me. I concentrated on burying that young, wonderful person who had so much to give not forgiving myself.

Tonight, when I look back at that guy, that same guy who had become so depressed... I want to cry about burying him yet embrace everything wonderful about him. I wanted to realize that was me who wanted to love and be loved accepting everything that was good about me, ...even if my ex-girlfriend couldn't. It's been nearly 7-8 years since I cut off my shadow self and buried it.

(During that time to the present...)

I went to university, I tried to mirror everything I wanted to be in a way I could bury the guilt. With all the things I learned throughout progressing in university, I tried not to realize I could do it without facing my guilt.

The guilt I've carried with me about things that happened to me in my past. Tonight I realize I carry that same guilt, and transformed myself into believing that I can accept me for who I am!!

The guilt I've managed to face, dealing with things that have happened to me and say it wasn't my fault. Things such as my sexual abuse, my friends betraying my trust and feelings I disowned because I was too afraid to admit.

Tonight however, was a different story.

The time I've spent digging my own grave, felt like an eternity watching how happy I thought my former high school buddies were better off then me.

I want to remember how far I've come to reach this point and recognize the changes that I've allowed to take place in my mind.

This journey has been extremely difficult for me.

From the day of my birth a row of random numbers...
began to automatically count down.

9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

... 0.

When the devil isn't watching you where is he in hiding?

I'm climbing a ladder with the sweat off my brow.

...

I had been thinking lately about what characterizes my humanity? I've found my answers in the book, The Dark Side of the Light Chasers written by Debbie Ford.

I remember feeling extremely dejected about things. Today, the beliefs I had before reading the book I better understand what to do with. Without the book, I probably would've still had the same doubts!

I can reaffirm myself because I know I have the power to withstand things, not to mention why I'll continue to illustrate what things I learned... and how that'll change my life.

Shadowing my defenses

I see the beginning, I can see what lay ahead of me. I've seen many things along the way. Now, I know.

Tomorrow begins a new day. Each day that arrives, I can believe what a great future I have.

I see the things I leave behind, I've left for the way back home.

Making Fear a Factor

He’s looking at me with those eyes again…
Somehow the broken arrow has made me turn into a zombie.
I can’t reverse the spell.
But this psychological death has become a nature unto itself.
It can’t be expressed in charts or graph-form, numbers and letters, fractions and pies.

It’s a small price to pay for golden bullets.

Such rarities like asking would you rather live cancer free or starve… not to death?

Wheel of Fortune

Here is a synopisis of what I'm currently contributing from a societal perspective:

I’m going to meet a girl and talk to her.

The shadow self (ego: parts of yourself you disown or deny) <> acceptance (The sacred self)

Movies <> being a professional actor

Cost benefit analysis.

My Ears Are Ringing

I just got back from the Empire.
I just stood there waiting like a man.
When I saw the train coming, nobody had stopped.
The Line-up of women and men offering them victims and such?

In the spotlight, I saw many different colors.
Laser beams of light…
But I stood my ground.
Wondering aloud, while thoughts (past) lingered in the moment.

Then she approached me, and my shadow.
I smiled and answered her politely.
As I watched her face, my brain in command…
I ordered nothing from the waitress.

I went to the washroom.
Where I saw the optical illusion of a urinal.
I pissed out urine and then some.I didn’t forget to wash my hands.

My godmother begins her chemotherapy on Monday... the hardest part. My mom is devastated. I feel incredibly positive about my aunt surviving. I also think to myself, how truly insignificant I must be as a mortal?

Tonight, I watched about 15 minutes of a movie... together with my mom. My mom and I were laughing to some parts of the movie. For that short amount of time, I could distance myself from the near death experience my aunt has been facing. In a situation where all I want to do is help, but I don't know how? This movie seemed to help put things into perspective, because I can thank god why my mom and I shared a moment of peace, ...considering what my aunt is going through.

I've begun to feel better about myself as a person.

I've done a lot of work since I left my university studies. I think that I've progressed since leaving university and seeking guidance. My psychologist has helped me realize my difficulties, and my disappointment has curved into enthusiasm.

It will be matter of time before I consider going back to finish my university, the question is only when will I go back to obtain my degree?

As of today, I believe in my aunt, may she be blessed with the strength of Jesus Christ and live with us to tell about it. Oh god, give my aunt life.

The Horse's Back

I shot a commercial today. I felt on the path to my future. The greatest of feelings.

I've been through a lot of failure. I don't have any true friends.

I've recently been given a commercial job for a furniture company.

I'm uncertain if I have any future to be an actor?

When I travel in the future, I think about my career taking off... working as a professional actor. Looking to my past, I see myself as an outgoing individual. Marriage is a definite possibility?

My truth is showing.

All of my fears are turning into smiles.

Any person ahead of his time will not relent.

I've been through pain, suffering and neglect.

My parents (...mother and father...) are my salvation.

Right now I know that limiting my potential has its boundaries. However, I've set the boundaries necessary for me, because through the process of healing I've won the battle!!

Negative thoughts were the things that I didn't realize I could discard at any given moment. When I had negative thoughts, I wouldn't know what to do with them!

It's about weighing in on my own pros and cons, strengths and weaknesses, habits, interests and desires.

When children begin to "rebel" (reasoning the way a child may act towards you...) is to prove that children are more capable then you? The boy or girl, (...as they're influenced in their behaviors), aren't allowed to act.

You see the parent, wondering if the child isn't obeying the rules or haven't the rebellious boy or girl broken the rules a parent has made?

The parent/child relationship is a molding or labeling of the child/parent bond. The bonding only infers that the child has permission to act based on the environment, provided that the parent offers them permission.

The identity of the child, probably could be independent if the parent becomes punitive? Does the child only view the parent as the guardian or legitimately a police officer? How successful have the parents become in the authority of the children, doesn't this depend on the quality of ones ability to foster care and strategy to administer what's best for the child?

My question: reflects that parenting attunes the child to adapt and adjust a psychological nature... is an existentialist answer. In other words the child becomes an existentialist property of the parent/child bond. The camaraderie is ritual. Ritualized in the patterns of behavior that links the child to its parent, "troubling world of reality." That is to say that the child fails in the real world to synchronize the patterns that the parent adopts. Perhaps symptoms would include, anger, frustration and resentment. Resilience, restraint and resistance of the laws in an existential world? Therefore the child is constraint to philosophical imperatives.

The child will experience infinite variables of good, evil, greed or the question of who is god. However the child's experience is finite.

In retrospect or if you will divulge with agreement, the hindsight a child would experience?

The parent must approach the child in an attempt to reach a mutual accord or understand, so that the trust in a relationship can harden before "cracking". If the child can intercept the parents wishes, then the parent is in understanding with what the child's needs are... than the child can benefit. The conduct of the child represents the parent.

I'm trying my best to find myself. I need to develop in my self-esteem, without beating up on myself.

I want to be sorry for things that I've done, and that I failed to do. I don't want to neglect myself.

I can accomplish whatever I set out to do, with a plan of action and resolve. I possess a system of keeping true to myself... with faith that's internal as well as external.

I had a strange dream about playing on the drums last night. I can't play the drums!! I also had a dream about painting my house pink, and that the entire neighborhood were renovating their houses. I couldn't recognize my house, with rooms I didn't recognize!

My tired demeanor, can you see me?
The beauty of such a life I’m tainted with.
However, I cannot move in this time of desiring the safety of your pretension.

My only companion true to me lives within.
These eyes of mine are alive from the depth of the hearts center.

You, you lord have this wisdom that calls to me.

You my lord… I have been found.

I’ve been trying to figure myself out within me fires that cannot be extinguished.

Forget the shadow, about my poor openly objective.

I fear nothing, but I beg you to spare my godmother.

It would be a fair trade, and this I promise you my life.

My fear of the unknown has been true.

You gave me the words I express in your image, and I respond to you.

You have tainted my life.

You have tainted my vision.

Now you’ve tainted my blood.

Your beauty taints my judgment, oh lord.

Your beauty taints my judgment; I can’t find the words to express… the words that repeatedly whisper strength.

But lord the devil will not be in the eye of my hearts center.

I beg of you lord to banish the devil from my godmother’s womb, let her be free of her tainted cancer. The devil laughs at her, mocks her; you’ve got to save her oh lord to fight for herself. That you’ve taught her the evil of the devil, has trapped inside her itself? That the devil himself mocks her through cancer, she cannot escape?

The devil laughs loud…

LOUDER.

Dear lord, the Devil will not fight back. Oh lord, she will win the fight!!

Oh lord, let us fight!

Together lord, my promise is to win, the devil will lose its tail.

I'm as depressed as ever. I don't know how to cope with anything that happens to me. I'm giving up on my university studies and thinking about not doing what I thought I dreamed about. Education for me was overated. I should have done something else instead of wasting the last 5 years of my life over nothing. It really hasn't been worth it.