Hear No Evil, See No Evil

Out of sight and out of mind, that's the impression I receive from most of my rational experiences. If an individual thinks they deserve more rights than another, then I believe I have nowhere left to hide. I'm a person with ADD. I've experienced a multitude of failure, that result in exposing the truth I have.

As of today, I live with my parents.

I used to think I was different from other people... now I realize I AM different for various reasons attributed with my ADD!

I'd very much like to move on with my life, and let go of my parents. The problem is that I'm scared about what's out there in the real world.

For example: I dreamed of being a scholar in university and being a philosopher. I was a philosophy major. When philosophy didn't work out for me, I majored instead in the theatre.

Are my rights as an individual not being revoked, if I'm being denied the right to perform what I want to do?

It appears throughout my time at university, my professor's didn't feel I had good enough writing skills to succeed in university.

Therefore, until today... I actually see what my history has taught me. I continue to press on the past and pushed my limits.

I realize that I can write, and I couldn't force my university professors to accept what I did... I refused to believe that I'm worthless!!

I suppose I've explored the resilience with which I can experience, and located a dialogue that nobody appreciates? My style is worthy of introspection, yet existentialist in theory, form, and makes part of my own trivial nature.

The truth is that I've done everything I could possibly, up to this point, in order to uncover and resolve the things that make me who I am.

(I've learned how to feel about something.)

Many things that make me feel and as result make me think insecurely about myself? What I didn't have the knowledge of, was a method to control negative thoughts. Instead, what I used to do was allow my awareness of the thoughts to control my perceptions. The way I avoided perceiving what I was truly feeling made me feel useless or unworthy, the reason being that I'd deny the feelings I truly had. I'd disown my own feelings regarding whatever was that happened, the result that I think something negative without owning my experience of it. I would fear not owning a negative thought that also resembled me. Instead, I'd project myself onto others while denying the negative thought... what I was really doing was removing myself of the guilt I was feeling. I then started to learn that plugging my emotions directly from me (external responses) to another source inside of me (internal responses). I had become used to unplugging the feelings about things I truly thought, without becoming associated through different actual experiences.