Coping has been one of the worst experiences I've had the most trouble with. I look at my life right now with some regret. I feel a sense of loss.

I'm trying to account for where I think I should be with my life today?
What's been causing me to be as depressed as I've felt?

Sometimes, I pray to god about the situation I'm in... but I don't know what to pray for?

I know that I'd like to be an actor. However, I don't need to pray to god to do something I already know I can do! I've gone to train as an actor in university, and I majored in theatre. I concentrated entirely on acting courses that I took specifically.

I don't want to be an actor that just wants to be famous, yet is ignorant to how acting works!! In order for me to survive, I need to do a lot of professional work in acting. (Being famous would be the result of recognition from the amount of contribution I'd have done.) Do I need god to help answer my prayer in that respect?

I cannot sense how I should change my life? What do I need for me to do? Am I not in the right position to be in? If I were at an age, time, and place... it would be now. I can't look back and forget what I thought I'd be one day able to acheive.

Now, I just don't know if I made the right choices. The decisions I've made aren't regretful, I just have to live with what I've done up to now. Living with the doubt is the agonizing part. I've been patient, and tried to keep grounded as best as I can.

Unfortunately, I'm beginning to feel that I'm suffering for my decision. I'm asking myself if I'm at a loss because I took on a purpose... I cannot help but accept? I have to own up to everything I've become as the result. I feel lonely because of my choice and I can't turn my way back.

I guess another problem is women. I remind myself of a time when I only looked forward to falling in love with a special woman. From what I've learned in the past, I've made some mistakes. What I learned is that the fantasy of just loving a woman, doesn't really exist the way I thought it would originally. If there's something I'd pray to god for, it's that I meet a good honest woman for me.