I have my moms voice inside and the blood of my father in my viens. I decide who sees me and who doesn't.

I feel in a very difficult position in my life. I'm old enough to move forward, but I feel vulnerable.

The problem is I cannot understand why I feel bad about myself. I always have fallen into this mind-trap no matter what I do.

I want to blame everyone else but myself, however, I don't have myself or anyone else to blame. It's a cycle I go through no matter the changes I think I can do to help me.

Saying something to myself such as, "My life is horrible..." does not have any answers that follow.

I just want the pattern of looking my failures to stop preventing me from doing what's best for me. No matter what I've done, I've had trouble coping with the changes I've made.

I think back to when I was a child growing up, and how safe my environment was. I would have my sister, and then something started to happen "differently" I needed to learn about taking responsibility for my actions.

I look at the success and failure I've experienced along the way, most of what I've done can't measure the same way as peers my own age. I'm only saying that this is what makes me feel weaker than other people?

My parents have an energy I used to have myself, my own identity, now I no longer carry the way I used to. I've changed for reasons I understand that were associated with trying to be a man. I wanted to have my identity understood for integrity and I was once a person with pride and confidence to spare.

Now I feel I'm someplace else. I've tried to foster my identity with god. I changed because I knew that god asked me to search for him and his glory.

I vowed for myself to make changes that I could examine what was important to me. Now, I feel that I'm at the end of that journey with nowhere else to go!

I went to university and completely made the effort I needed.

Today, I'm almost finished the degree I had valiantly fought for... except I'm 1.5 classes away from that goal. I can't finish the bachelor's degree because I don't have gas left in the tank. I have nothing left. I don't want to go back into university.

I feel that I'm cheated out of something that my true destiny isn't in my future?