I'm off to see my doctor (pychiatrist) Dr. Gordon. I feared this day would come. Today, I think I have to ask Dr. Gordon for anti-depressants.
I heard today on television somone that referred, "You don't have to accept being refused from a person whose in no position to say 'yes' to you."
I'm by no means a person who's been prejudice or discriminates against anyone.
Yet, through the years I've changed in many perceptions and how I percieve my life.
In particular, I was the most genuine person I knew.
When I went to the Christmas Party on the week-end, I saw a lot of people that knew me. I wasn't "afraid" to be there. The difference being that I wasn't trying to make people see me... instead I dropped the mask I always WOULD have on. Instead, I thought I should be myself.
I saw a lot of different things as a result.
Now, I have a better view of where I am.
I seriously don't want the anti-depressants. I was filled with anxiety and fueled by hatred for some of the people in attendance at the party.
The anxiety has subsided but still lurks deep in my mind.
This Christmas I want to be thankful for how dedicated my family is to each other.
It's hard to concentrate on what I can be? Happiness is a choice and I feel stale about everything, perhaps I don't know what being happy should be.
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