Born again: mentally

I just finished a conversation with Tanya re; depression. Her interest in the subject is related to my experience and I've learned a valuable amount through her teaching. Tanya is taking a class in abnormal psychology at the University of Manitoba. This relinquished a lot about how my historyof depression is treated; with the intent to create a better me, a future, - a future I can look forward to without 'patterns of depression' which may lead to develop negative self image.

The influence I must create over my depression is the courage to own it.

Owning the past events (i.e. post traumatic stress disorder) such as being in a horrible life-threatening car accident alters my human experience and changed my self-esteem. Incredibly. . . I was able to survive the aftermath. Without fully acknowledging or embracing myself in the depression it triggered, caused my inhibition related to these events to turn inward. On the outside, people would recognize me but not how I was affected drastically changed the manner I looked at myself.

The purpose I now have in mind is to correct the negative thoughts associated through depression with their positive counterparts. Not all of me is 'bad' but is also 'good'. Dr. Gordon helped reach this as his diagnosis.

Today, my purpose is to face the fears of judgment based on my own positive self-image. As Dr. Gordon said I aim to please people, but the main part of my character is not to reveal depression instead accept the mistakes I encounter without fear of guilt or being judged. Essentially, I must provide myself with learning from my mistakes and not shatter my fragile ego as result of it!

All these are things I must not overlook but 'sooner rather than later' consider this as a model per se, a method from which I make choices to validate my own conscious upbringing. That I have a desire to throw (using Cinderella as a metaphor. . .) her glass slipper away, and put myself in her shoes. That I am a man who is not perfect, but someone who has empathy and understanding from his virtue.

If I intend to lead a virtuous life = being honest in my abilities, not through conflict. That I can make choices without falling into traps in my own mind. Therefore, I have the will, ambition and determination to find out and solve problems on my own terms, that I can figure this all out in my personal space.

These are not boundaries I require of me, I have set boundaries that I can NOW CONFIDENTLY measure provide everyone else with. It is the respect and reasons I demand from myself of others, . . . because I deserve it.

Satisfaction for a better life.

Only I can make the difference count. I am obligated to make mayself matter more than not less of me.

I must train myself like I used to be a blindman that can now see? Truthfully, inspired because I'm worth it.

If there were a trophy given to me with my name on it, it would read, "Awarded to Marco's letting go of his depression." or "Not holding onto depression anymore." Then with that purpose in mind, I would imagine holding the trophy out in front of me, out for the world to see it. I could think about its power over anything and anyone I conquer? It should act as a symbol of my belief, a renewal of the sort of person I've become. I'd lift the trophy high, and whenever I'd raise the trophy, it'd remind me of my own qualities against any counter-intuitive approach.

Then, I would not challenge the amount of rejection or dejection I should feel. . . instead, I will face it and embrace it.

As I slip out of my bathrobe into a beautiful bathing ritual.

My romantic departure into faithful outlook not everyone can see in me.

Somewhere in this I decree, my quality of life hasn't altered from depression. I see myself wearing underwear with a few bullet holes in them.

Depression is not an enemy that you abstain from as though holding a gun to your head.

I am of a high emotional intelligence, that makes me "emotionally available" and easy to read what I'm feeling. However, people that I know pass judgement don't know exactly who am I as a person on the inside? I find understanding in the fact that because of my depression I've become more aware of it. Therefore, my psyche is less enept from insecurity or self deception and inadequate behavior. I am not decencitized from the limits of my depression, but it empowers me.

I have the right to say 'no' to depression and it reserves me the power to renew that 'yes' I can change. Not obsessed with myself as a latin lover or armoured in self-deception of the depression. But, reflects common sensibility.