Tweezers

If there is one thing in life worth experiencing, in my opinion, the concept of true love. Of course I would aim in speaking highly of myself as an idealist of it! However, I came to the idea of the central meaning behind my own. It came into focus, at the age of 30, how this question becomes full circle. The answers were present in context last night as I left a beehive, or in that case, a bar scene filled with youth.

I used to go there quite often.

My inhibtions as they were then cannot compare to what they are now. Today is much - much different, but stepping outside of yourself puts things into perspective. When you regard the way things used to be - depends on what you already thought - in a previous time.

Therefore, the lights flashing on and off, the kids once an age ripe with vigor, I saw what I used to be? Now, what have I become. The kind of individual that seeks without affirmation, but holds my own ground.

As I entered a Tavern, sitting there with Tanya and her friend, an old 'buddy' of mine arrived. After he showed up, we sat, they drank, we talked.

He made me realize how far I've come. . . that one time or another. . . we really never quite understood where we'd end up together or why the purpose of life seems so less meaningful or impressionable up to standards that are illusions. The internal part of me thinks otherwise, and grateful for the experience.

He knows I've changed, but not 'how' I've done anything to change the world.

In a world of exhibitionists, such as the life I used to lead, last night broke myself open. A huge crowd of not yet wounded, but also, naive stereotypes. The ones that are girls and guys not ready to cast a spell worth fighting for, but who instead play a superficial game of chance, only in the effort to see if they can 'score' a pretend boyfriend or girlfriend. And then, immediately, almost as if by intuition or lack thereof, escape as the victims of consequences they don't understand themselves enough. Yet, they feel powerful to have pretended they made passes at each other and vulgar sexual references or innuendo to say: "I want you - you're mine - but we're not serious about it."

When I left the bar, I remembered all of it. As a manner of speaking, after my car accident from 12 years ago. Back then, up to last night, none of my friends knew me. They still don't.