enmity

"Wickedness is a myth invented by good people to account for the curious attractiveness of others."

-- Oscar Wilde

 December 5, 2012

There is so much I need to say, with regard to my acting. The fact my scene partner thought I was lagging behind in the scene - really said something to me. In all honesty, I was trying to find myself (in a manner of speaking), from an 1- emotional stand point 2- to a time and place I was vulnerable in my personal life 3- this particular scene is anonymously unrelated with how sensitive am I.

I was trying to show myself as a person, as opposed to what the character may have demanded. That is the antithesis of method acting.

I was trying to tell a story about myself through the character, a man, revealing his infatuation toward a woman, although she has no real feelings for me.

All of this is significant, because it plays a prominent role in my identity.

That same idea is as to why - my true sense of self has made a character.

I work on acquiring the sense of skill, that demands myself living a secret lie.

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Tonight could have been more special than it was. In the scene I feel apart from myself, a repressing urge, that the outside world rejects of me. My scene partner kept acting in the scene, though I am not sure knowing how vulnerable I was portraying my character. (I.e. I was in character based on my vulnerability as a human being). What my character wanted was to be loved, and my scene partner completely rejected that. I tried my best to establish my character in the scene (the key word being 'share') to the other character without over acting.

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I invested so much into the scene I felt as though, I truly feel that I am a capable actor, without pulling a disappearing act. It is curious to me how actors behave in scenes, without the believability, fail in getting away from the scenes real purpose. There are two parts to scenes, 1- a reality that does not exist, (belief) 2- everything before the scene actually happens (situation).

Credibility as an actor is to develop my own skill, in training I possess any language as my vehicle, to provide, process the intimate knowledge necessary, in learning how the brain functions. So dividing reality devises strategies to master the art and quality of each scene I create - becomes that character.

I felt that I settled into my character, connected with the other persons character, and understood my complexity of the situation.

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December 5, 2012

I had someone tell me something. Naturally, I found it unusual, if not modifyingly abnormal how uncaused intolerable sarcasm can, be mislead, be misdirect, be unintended, even in my silent understanding of it, is a general misrepresentation of true infallibility. My broken sense of rules being nakedly exposed. As an actor, I now am able to spot all of it, why the worst actors actually have no concept of their own. This is my private nature, coming out- in a perfectly stainless manner.

And to that person who insulted me yesterday, here is a hypothetical for you - you claim you read what I have to write is somehow or other a collection of words, verbs, adverbs, adjectives, nouns, pro nouns, all because you make the effort to find fault with me. I am afraid you are in error, my language is far too revealing to incorrect you. Therefore, you act like somebody unworthy of your time. I am "trying too hard" - well I have news for you, I can make myself sound a lot smarter if you knew what that takes. Now kindly fuck off.

^If people know how to use language to further the rhetorical fabric of its society, we would be living a renaissance. However, people rather pretend to act content with nothing worth having. Only a fool cries wolf with an empty howl.