December 24th, 2019

Christmas Eve brings me that feeling cast like magic. It's always always been such a special night. I feel the birth of Christ in it but more importantly what it reminds me is of peace and only peace. I carry it. That in me I am part of something far greater than even I realize to which I am aware. I thank God for the sadness I've been through. The depression. The change. The weight gain. The transformation from one person in place and time to another. I am all these things.

But through it all, although nothing has been glamorous. I am a proud individual. I am a good person. I have a quality unmistakably human that intimidates or makes others feel threatened. To my measure nothing is calculated. It is all random states of being. Where my psychlogical mastery is only gods doing. Only God is in control. I control nothing.

God bless those that seek mystery in all things, not just truth not just justice but everything that is living deserves no misery or unbecoming of abuse.

Thanks be to god.

Merry Christmas