Tender Love and Care

When it comes to partaking in the ritual of loneliness? A lot for what it tells me of, is a sense of privacy. Respecting the privacy I have come to bare myself exposed!

Tonight started like any other night. I went my way out the door, and instead of beginning to elude where to go to next. I decided. I will rent a movie.

I did not know what to rent, that is no one else's job description. Easy enough of a job I can fulfill it. Though I never have enjoyed the fact, I set up more obstacles then are necessary. I am not very good at solving equations. But I digress. Mathematics is a principle like any other, you start with the lowest common denominator and work your way following the rules. For myself, the rules of indecision, have always played a part in finding out what the formula has to offer. There seem to be endless possibilities yet only one correct answer can withstand the test of time.

The test of time?

The test of time; so I was not as reassured of this moment. Whereas of this moment, my senses of failing ceased to exist. I usually frowned upon myself, trying to solve a math equation. There were rules and afterall if there are many rules I chose not to care. Too many rules: usually make me lose interest quicker than I care to demonstrate any actual knowledge. Everything has a time and place.

What about solving math equations, happened to draw closer to my interest of becoming less involved. Is an interesting story. You would think.

The question of mathematical equations, intrigues me to no end. Almost a kind of ethical dilemma or a moral code. The type of problem, only the mind can equate, dictate, and thereby formulate into a linear sequence of events. However, the true problem is clearer to me then ever before. What came after the big bang theory of mankinds evolution from the cosmos, or the mystery of unaware yet unknown existence of god.

My trouble in discovered the solution.

That's correct! I said, discovered. Not uncovered. The truth seems to me is an equation that always seems untraceable of facts or better yet? Better still! The truth seems to be not only unsolvable but deliberately poisoned into a well. A poisoned well? Yes, a ritual of people that don't care to sacrifice what the truth may truly be, because they are in fear of a more radical existence.

After the grateful explanation you are expected to gain, from no other like you, for that matter they choose not to talk to you based on this unexplained phenomenon of irresolvable paradox's.

My job here is to explain, that on no uncertain terms, people's language often abides to principles without the rules that became written to follow order that exist in this domain. The laws are written, but code of conduct have little justice in caring individuals that cease to exist on the same level.

Some contradictory messages that appeared to be equations, you must follow the rules to arrive at some form of a conclusion. The answer is traceable and simply you must follow rules.

I recall doing math in grade school, and something in my brain, not that it was I unincapable of performing equations. My thoughts were more astute on the method of getting an answer incorrectly. I would think ahead, after the equation would be done. I would look at my answer and ask myself, how can I trace back my steps, even if they are incorrect, but because I can solve them myself even if they are wrong to answer the question. The answer: math is not a question, it is a problem you must solve using rules that guide you. That I misunderstood, because in basic problem solving, questions and answers all looked the same.

I could not afford to believe that rules were made to be followed, unless they were equally as made to be broken. To follow the rules became something made out of necessity. To deduce from an equation, how to induce a proper answer requires a form out of the method you choose to work with. To that end, nothing can be decided without that metaphysical mindset.

So, the answer to question the equation now is, should I fight with myself as often as I would if the job of a man like every man were a slave.

A slave to mathematics.

I would be poor as a kitten. I would feel more not less patronized. So, I ask myself the next available opportunity I find, if someone were to offer me a correct method of answering questions. Someone might give me the power to predict or have predicted. Such as someone telling me, YOU KNOW ALL THE RULES. YOU PREDICT EVERYTHING. I KNOW NOTHING. NOW SOLVE IT. DO THIS FOR ME.

Such pity. What a pity to be a slave. The slave of denying yourself that chance, mixed with the opportunity to be something contradicted. If people everywhere acted in such a manner, every war, every ear would listen, to the sound of a war being fought where one man was needed to stop an entire army. That would be the sweetest sound of all.

Are we all slaves to this undying love of affection, or are we not being told we must fit the equation for our best interest.

The slave of denying yourself that chance, mixed with the opportunity to be something censored.

Only visionaries like myself can do the acting.

So again, I ask the question and answer through the will of my ability, cannot equations be answered directly whereas everyone that attempts to make the answer correctly. It would seem impossible for that many people, for every single attempt make the exact same answer following the exact same rules. The formula must then be flawless. Therefore, no one can be incorrect. That was what I thought, when I was a child learning about equations for the first time. That the questions regarding such equations seemed trivial pursuit. There was no rational idea, that people were probably all going to follow the rules exactly as they are supposed to be written in order to not mistake the answer. The truth is, you must correct the answer while the question is being made. For whatever reason there is a method, there is an equal answer to that question. The answer is always found in asking why the question came into being.

In my philosophy there are no trick questions, only spare tires. Which explains why the wheel was invented. Much like equations.

It is my image of keeping an ear to the ground, swelled. Like an ear infection, that hurts in pain it ached. That is what an ear infection is, the ear swelling, for whatever the reason. I have dedicated my life, to having cured my ear aches.

I thought of - stuck in a trap of validity. I am addicted to the flavor of learning how not to know.

For all future reference both metaphorically and historically are not lead to be inaccurate.

The subject of my inquisition based on principle and methodology through mathematical property.

Arithmetically as I described is an ideological function, is in my virtue a history of competition. I competed against myself in order to achieve what this thought accomplished.

A history of competition I am addicted only to its flavor. A history of competition as it has been served.

Recognizance Mission

I want to be boring?
More of me;
the less of you I can handle!
It is time to go into the disgusting details:
I get the disgusted with this thought.
A detailed hilarity of discussion.
I was discussed, herein the event of delusion.
Those tentacles. . .
like an octopus.
I can count on my hands,
what doesn't bite off more than I can chew.

Hypothetically Obvious

It has been hypothetically obvious, to anyone, that my position in life has reached its totem pole. The opportunity that exists, as I lay ahead? I have to think positive about what takes place. I remain in a paradox of the choices left to make. For some reason: my mind, body and spirit are telling me different things. My conscious efforts are dedicated to eliminate the negative self-esteem. Therefore, I can only help myself explain that doing the necessary things are for my best interest. My thoughts are extremely superficial during this time of reflection. I can only hope that the limits are past me.

My options seem to be fooling with a never ending spiral. Like a drought.

I will not trick myself into being or becoming something I am not!

My political will of changing.

Purchased Ordered

Today I recieved my confirmation of graduam. My university era is coming to an end. I will close my tenure this Sunday as a BA in Theatre.

Many factors are involved since beginning, when I first attended my Psychology lecture. I was 21 years of age. Now, I am 28 years old and still counting. During that time, I found myself without fear of knowing what I would become? I had some questions, before I knew the answers. Those were my hurdles to clear. The fact I survived with ADHD or most recently making aware of the secret I overcomed. I succeeded! It is my story of survival.

I traced back the challenge knowing what I will be not to live a lie. It is about revealing my identity for the future and my true sense of self. I will be that goalie facing a slap shot in the crease.

I am not a shrinking violet for which I have prepared, outlasting many obstacles. I can see the light after reaching my tolerance level for failed misjudgment. I can choose in doing everything I limit myself to. I can be anything. A thoughtful focus.

No leads regarding my sanity

The future? As of now, I became a university graduate. I am feeling the effects of looking for a place that I fit in. It seems to me that finding a job, is not a guarantee. My life is changing gradually as it is tasteless. Life is scentless as it is senseless.

Play things

There are these things important to me:

1 - I need room to grow. I do not want to be like my dad in the cleaning business. In order to do this, first I must move out of the house.

2 - I realized lately that Tanya, because I have been committed to her, she understands me well enough. She listens to me, and I need to respect that. Her life is changing. People she knows, can already identify with me as her boyfriend material.

3 - Dr. Gordon telling me to move on with my life. He stopped seeing me.

4 - My sense of duty. I feel I have become everything I am meant to be.

Anonymity

I am nothing -
like the beast.
This eye of mine.
I patronized.

-------------

Since I have evolved, more of me continues to want what is best. Not the material kind of possessions, but a definitive immaterial nature that sparks internally. I would hope, that in my most benevolent and caring image I can reveal.

about being an author

I wrote my last peom, involving how much I have become.

In life I have transformed into something. I have changed in many ways. The reason as I have changed, brings me a wisdom to choose what I do and why it makes myself important?

Perhaps, it is to do with my well being. Not having grown up too-fast, but knowing the difference of increased purpose to sense the world around me. Now I can admit, how I admire my qualities, and continue to acknowledge myself based on reasons unknown to many others.

I expect a certain manner of respect. I also, know how to make reference to being my own person. It requires a balance.

Tanya, left for Europe early in the morning. She has trusted me, and I trust her. She is making herself a better person. A lot of what I feel regards the future with us.

The looking glass self

With the environment at my doorstep,
I welcomed it in.
What a guest to provide myself with!
I am much like the environment?
However, the truth is a greater mystery.
This reminds me of;
the weather on days like today.
Unattended:
The weather invited itself indoors.
Such a concept in my company.
I care to protect my environment.
Much - like the love of my intention.
- Intented of love, been thought.

No Room For Privacy

I celebrated my new found freedom today:

I had a successful interview with Safeway. I can look forward to hearing back, to enter the work force in a new environment that suits me.

Tanya leaves tommorrow. When we spent the weekend in Gimili, we were in a gift shop, and the salesperson saw us inquiring about a ring. I felt it was better to have avoided the confrontation, seeing that we acted as tourists. The commission (which the salesperson wanted most) she should have earned for making a sale, would cheapen the experience.

The movie Napolean Dynamite is hilarious.

I know how Tanya and I have our conflicts, our differences between us, but we are good together.

I also know that as I continue to become more and more aware of what my future has in store for me? Acting has a place in my heart. The acting I have done, I have given everything I can.

Today, I had my hair cut. My hairstylist gave me a great compliment. She said I would make a decent father. My greatest compliment in life, is the one I recieved after being told I'd make a great father. It really made my day. However, not that I wish to have children. As they say, be careful what you wish for! How wonderful those words.

Stacey, the hairstylist offered that my attributes are my patience, and easy-going nature. I agree with these characteristics of mine. My virtue.

The Promised Ring

I have lost that sense of gravity,
the presence of a thought.
The honor from which I missed.
A cost of a bridge.

My desirable passions.

This one shot; do not take for granted.

The ruby slippers, Dorothy?
Are those yours!
Give them back:
or be faced with it.
You must be, fascist.
Are you, Dorothy.
Are you a fascist thinker.

As you shake all over. . .
I watch as I listened.

In slow motion.

Its smile.
Its ambition.
Its motivation.
Its success.
Its will.
Its anxiety.
Its growth.

The influence of my weight.
It was made to.
It was my courtesy, I created.
Such a insecurity, of the monster.

The Integrity of valued thought

Since travelling back from the weekend, I have started to realize, a process of self actualized experience.

I realize now. . .

Dr. Gordon: helped me understand how incomplete I am. The world does not revolve around myself, and my image is reflected best without negative thoughts. However, being a victim only prevented me from determining how I must act. The role of "Mr. Nice Guy" is only a mask.

The mobility of imagination

There was a fire in the eye,
that reflected my independence.
My independence has;
the ability to move forward.
From the time I built a tree house,
I drew the blue-print before.
After, I started to build it?
What a view!
I created the tree-house:
with a few different ideas there I gathered.
High on the branches. -
Not far-down below, there is a ravine.
- Perhaps it was too cold,
frigid.
Perhaps, the tree house caught on Fire.
That was when we cut the old tree down.
TIMBER.
CRASH.
For firewood.
The heat heals me.
A fine intense hot stove of flames,
of crashing wood that burns.
Quite an imagination,
that crackled noise of wood burning. . .
ashes rise.
Nothing can be escaped or can hide it.
The kindness of my inhibition,
that of a sad day in hell.
The calmness of my expressions,
that of a calamity.
That I have not voiced my exterme displeasure.
I have dismissed,
the vulnerable use of any disadvantaged a time.
The riddled anger of an obscenity or not as such.
However, this I have done.
I have swayed into my perfect conditioned attitude.
I have perfected an altitude without myself being in risk of danger.
I am of no greater a need to demonstrate my thoughts or wishes.
For this I pray, I not do.
Not to deprive myself of the imagination.
The occupation I founded.

Not mistreated

Its other symbol.
My self-respected, other.
Together, we are all disgraced.

Revealed Out of luck

Yesterday. . . I saw The DaVinci Code the movie. I am fairly confident without reading the book, it was a good adaptation of the original.

Simply put, the film is redundant.

1 - It starts with the main premise:

The movie begins telling us that Leonardo DaVinci is a master coder, once a head of a secret council, that protected the message of Jesus Christ. (e.g. Holy Grail)

2 - "The Holy Grail"

The assumption that Jesus was married. This was the purpose of the Holy Grail. That in order to prove Jesus existed, there is a rose line (i.e. Blood Line) of descendants. Jesus in fictional sense, did not have a wife or a child rearing mother. In the non-fictional reality of birth, the factual evidence if it were to exist would prove that Jesus existed empirically. In other words, it could not be proven false, that beyond a reasonable doubt Jesus had passed on his seed.

3 - Opus Dei

This sect/cult of religious followers of Jesus, act as disciples of the word of god. The church, is a head of which hitherto Opus Dei. However, the divide of believers and followers on behalf of Opus Dei will resort to any means to guard the "secret" of a blood line that proves Jesus divinity.

The scenario becomes rather redundant, and plays out of necessity.

The fact there existed a "son of god" that members of a secret society included a Blood Line, if it were protected.

My reasons for the refuting of the DaVinci Code:

- There is no surprise that there exists the idea that Jesus was Married.
- There is belief that Jesus created a belief system known as Christianity.

All of the time Jesus did exist, he may or may not have a child to bare his name. If that is true or false, makes the purpose of the DaVinci Code a story within a story that claims to prove nothing. If a blood line were to be the cause of people's faith in Jesus, the Church would be irrelevant. These points are the central focus of what we must precede with emphasis of.

I make emphasis of the fact, that the Catholic Church and its head: the pope.

I can tell you, in its entirety the movie is redundant. It makes a fallacy of history, using some questionable logic to understand the film. The film, without giving it away: is a good film to watch. But it comes out with little truth to offer, which is what I was hoping to get from it.

1 - There is no shock value.
2 - Jesus: may have had a wife. This, if it were true is not a surprise.
3 - The main premise of the film questions whether Jesus created offspring.

The DaVinci code is set to instruct of a secret society that believed Jesus left a blood line of descendants. Therefore, it would refute everything Jesus stood for in subjectivity. Faith would be a renewal of ones upbringing without the church being involved. Also, the trust in the role Jesus played would largely refute anything to do with fascism. No rules would be allowed or should be followed with justice in mind.

Mens Rea: without the just cause or beyond a reasonable doubt

Hamlet is the greatest story ever told in my opinion. I aced this in High School.

I wouldn't call Polonius's death manslaughter because Hamlet intentionally stabbed him. More like second-degree murder because it wasn't premeditated.

I really liked where kdawg is coming from in the argument he made. It is a relevant argument. Which is why I make use of the word "perverse" to describe the killing. If one asked why the argument Hamlet has, case of perversion? The answer would be: Hamlet himself is not self-describing his own madness. The audience knows that Claudius has plotted to kill Hamlet using Polonius and Laertes to make Hamlet a pawn in suffering death. Therefore, there is no way one could concieve that in factuality or as evidence.

That is the irony involved, otherwise Hamlet would just be a madman without a cause.

One could also argue, Claudius conspired for his own death. That would be a valid argument as well.

what's his face would go down for first degree murder if he pre-meditated the murder of cladius, fucked up, and killed this other dude. if he didnt plan it he'd get second degree murder, but he could try his best for manslaughter if he was "provoked."

Thusly.

Here you go:

"There is nothing politically correct about Hamlet commiting a murder, it was not his intent, because Hamlet suffered from an idenity crisis: Hamlet is a tragic hero and perverse at the same time."

Devalued

I have been trying hard to reflect about what my next step should be? The problem is a lack of confidence. Though when I realize how my confidence affects me, it makes me wonder. . . why not worry less and stop thinking as often as I do. The reason for this turning of my soul, is because since I graduated from university. The fact it happened, having graduated, almost made me forget something.

I started university with a purpose. To accomplish something I knew I could finish. I have. What thoughts I did experience, were to become a person of my decendence, as the first in my blood line to graduate with a university education. To set a bar that would only serve to my future ancestors. This I must remind myself.

It is as though I forget how important that thought became of me.

Now, I can reflect with some amount of admiration.

Now I can look at the effort, and in effect take advantage of fullfiling a career choice. It is giving me the opportunity to write down some ideas I should act on for myself as an individual. I can focus on leading a healthier lifestyle, and do more fitness training. Exercise is a great objective to relieve stress.

I can feel free to believe in myself, that I am someone important.

It is like talking in a conversation with myself, and telling me to consider how I hope for a better future. That I can decide on who I am, and why I have this feeling of potential. That I can own the kind of persuasion, of being a power that lives inside of me. That to the world on the outside I am only my best. That nothing looks like a type of perversion upon my character. I could not conceal it. I have the vision, to provide myself with memories to come. I will reveal my character.

A kindness of the perfection to serve purpose

I started to do something, that I threw myself into, being in university. I am now experiencing this sort of relapse, post-graduated, sort of feeling that I have lost something? What I thought I set myself out to find, what I searched all over for now seems trivial to me. I ask what is any of it worth. I am in a kind of denial, or a relapse per se from when and where I began this journey all for not.

space

I saw a couple of guys I know. They had refused to listen to what I had to say, about my decision to quit acting. I really hate it. . . when in this particular moment, my ability to help people comprehend is limited. They seemed to want that I continue acting? I simply do not want to be an actor anymore!

Dr. Gordon: he asked me to leave. I will not be seeing him, anymore. The reason for this is because I was not making the necessary changes in my life. (i.e. indpenedence) He accused me of behaving complacent "like a baby", without doing what I need to in order to survive. (e.g.get-a-job, move out, etc.)

I have no idea what I will do now. I continue to take anti-depressants.

Validated bad habits rejected

I say the "independence is based on not mooching off of other people", which is the source of what caused this argument - is probably valid. Also, the best debate we have seen on the board in quite some time.

The noise of change

sadie doesn't have her own identity because she is copying baby boomer's identities. jeez, can't you people read?

yes, it's important to form your own identity and be your own person, but you actually have to go out and be your own person (not depending on your parents forever)

I agree with both of those points: furthering my appeal to negate the popular opinion of baby-boomer gen-x'ers. I did not choose to make an example out of Sadie in that regard. She is free to do whatever she wants to. My obervastions are made strictly on the basis of people that gravitate toward acting like baby-boomers.

I would like to own my own home one day. Do I not have an identity?

That would mean I also agree. Owning my sense of duty, is another matter. Tamar's quote (above) illustrated what I said perfectly.


The nature of it is being realisitic, which I do get. Sadie is totally on a baby boomer boat. That is what I was referencing gen-x'ers, I was comparing how (not by necessity) gen-x'ers "pretend" to be baby-boomers. They want us to fit the profile, those gen-x'ers that care to immitate what baby-boomers can expect. (i.e. purchase home, get job, etc. etc. . .)

The example I gave (e.g. safeway worker) was of a gen-x'er wanting to fit the profile of a baby-boomer lifestyle. If I am an employee that is desperate to meet the status-quo, and all baby-boomber lifestyle demands? That is where gen-x'ers are in a dilemma. That is why Sadie is an excellent example. She may feel liberated enough to fit an image, and she likes to compete. However, what are the odds that it makes her or people around her happy? I beg to differ.

I am completely as intelligent, if not, more than most of you who think I am mentally challenged. The true reality is, you rather watch gen-x'ers who have not "become" what baby-boomer people have. You believe I am digging my own grave. I am arguing it is the opposite. The more you try too hard to make yourself a carbon copy of what people expect, you try to model baby boomers, the more the belief is I make myself a reject.

Sadie is no different. She will keep displaying her indifference toward people like me, who probably rather form an identity. I express my views against those people.
--------------
I think you're making a mountain out of a mole hill, bigc. I mean, yeah I agree that there are a lot of gen-X'ers trying to fast-track life. Find a SO, get a steady job, buy a house, buy a car, etc. But that's not abnormal. Different people are ready for those things at different times. The smart ones know when they have the capital to buy a house and not get screwed by mortgages, but mortgages are not wrong per-se. Sometimes you just want to live in a nice place, and renting doesn't cut it.

As for the ones who are fast-tracking life, I laugh at them because their plans always fall apart. The irony is delicious.


You offer what I think is good perspective. Not exactly the idea I have in mind. In my opinion, it is a criticism without offering a contradicition. I would say I am the opposite of what you implied. As for Sadie? I believe that is not her intent either! However, I know EXACTLY what you mean.

The tolerance of complacency

The majority of the time,
I have?
I have!
The trust of being;
in a fantasy.
The fantasy:
of a model from which I,
- I of a fantasy.
Not, my fingers crossed.

proposed to have

You know? I have to understand, why the generation x - try hard to exploit the baby boomer generation on the way out the back door. Today, I am part of a group of the x'ers. Find that job. Buy that house. But, I have not made that a priority. I see many competitive people, the kind you see on Trump's prime-time show.

There was this guy I used to know. Worked at safeway. His boss, whom he informed of acquiring a new job. This guy told me about seeing his former boss, who still worked at the same grocery. He described this encounter as one of power - ( probably because this guy I know is condescending by nature / he was insubordinate. )

Anyhow, he tells me that his boss looked at him, using his words, "he looked jealous about some kid who used to work for him is now making more than he is. . ." I thought about it for a second, it took myself only a second to realize. What the boss really saw was a gen x'er, a person, that the former boss falsely had to believe in. It was a former safeway employee, that the same boss probably perceived the gen x'er as "what on earth do people see in you." Like I already said, the gen-x'er was condescending and a bigot.

I concieve this as us all in the same boat.

Sadie, has a guy who is her bf.

She is doing what we are supposed to. All of us? I suppose.

But really, I feel like I can be fairly objective about what I expect from other gen-x'ers without purporting to material stature. I could swear that is what makes Sadie more depressed then she deserves to be? Only she knows. I know I do.

The state of apprehension

This is the anxiety of being.
The guile of ones opportunity?
For the moment;
- I hate it!
I, am not the one to be judged: -
how busy of it.
The voice of that it sounded, like.
Apprehended.
I apprehended the culprit, of a guilt.
This is the result of an experienced leisure,
not to have yelled,
of it.

Not to have thirsted

The freedom of thought to; change.
Sexuality is the enigma: not -
to be. . .
- eradicated.
Inward flowed outward -
let the music,
outward flow inward.
Hunger - appetite not lust.
Thirst - knowledge.
"Mortgage your life to a bank."
I, ruled to have it.
I, ruled it to have.
Pick?
Choose!
Clouds in your head, cleared,
not "clouded".
Decensitized of time.
That money making method,
to spend more wisely than most save less, of.
Drive my age.
I a philosopher, king.

The Emperor Penguin

The machine?
Perhaps, a matter of inhibition rather!
No time to prolong. . . the rest of my humanity;
there is all that is left.
My, my only:
- my.
My only. -

Blue Bombers 2006

We can put it in this way.

"Mr. Roberts, do you know the BB's are signing another RB?" -

"No."

"What do you think, is he better or worse then you." -

"OMG - the BB's should have respected me more."

Yadda-yadda-yadda newspaper.

-the end.

Poor interpretation: I would say, that, because Roberts wanted to save face in a tabloid-worthiless newspaper such as the Sun is? Give your head a shake. Of course Roberts did it to himself, but for lack of knowing better, I doubt he chose to shoot himself in the foot. Taman knows that the Sun used Roberts to get that kind of a reaction. If you say, "omg - you people have no idea what ur talking about." I would suggest you lighten up. Taman can easily laugh it off. Roberts, is not bigger than the team, and he would quickly be my least favorite player for selling out in fact, he could potentially be long forgotten, if that is the path he chooses to continue on. So, you are ABSOLUTELY correct! The rules DO apply to everyone, and you can become very much our least favorite.

I think Robert Mimbs has a ring to show on his finger. Moral of the story: that was the last time we won a GC. Mimbs is nothing compared to Roberts, but if it were with Cal Murphy, Roberts would not be playing for anyone else. Murphy would say, "You play here or nowhere."

Re; unionized thing Yeah. I said it. I remember a time, when I used to work for a union, and not knowing any better? Today, I am of the opinion I can do a lot better for myself without a union. I believe Roberts should stick with a mentality that people DO appreciate, if he knows what is good for him. Taman can drop the ball on the situation, or, he knows better than not to take Roberts for face value. That is. . . let Roberts continue his talking on the field where it belongs. Everybody on ourbombers.com wants the guy to stay obviously.

What of the importance

The impact of such a decision?
But despite that reaction!
Despite of that, it became a reaction.
Despite that of, it.
The recovery of a real scared;
type of vigilance.
One that I see:
included my - senses.
I will not forget.
I will remember how not to remind myself,
of it.
How that the attention whore,
vanished into thin air. . .
when the reality infected.
This day of an infected reality,
her fantasy needed.
Her humanity disappeared altogether.
Vanquished.
Revealed.
Her son, Edgar, a fool.
That I Marco, Marco suffered no fools
gladly.
However, to have enetered his home the last time
it should be my last.
Tricked into a decision, despite his condescending nature.
Disgusted and distastefully.
Edgar's needy house.
How not thoughtful a threat of, it.
Of what the importance in being earnest,
- Mr. Noel.
Drive your age. -
I, the philosopher king.
Spended me money, wisely.
My whitened tanned baby skin.
Not, threatened of self-importance.
Of no self importance,
despite that of a reaction.
All despite that.
All, despited that of a reaction.
Cold.
Cold.
Cold.

Recieved from an experienced credential

I might not give it back;
the time I kept forgetting?
The same time I not, forgot!
The same time:
I recalled can.
None of it was.
None of it was, real.
Only images.
Images that were needed and in place.
I have them all replaced.
I want to have travelled there.
For the distance I became,
embraced of.
That I distanced myself from, it.
Not having loved,
how my idea returned.
Now is I see. . .
- a false witness.
Now I see is.
Now I see it is.
Now, I identified the object.
A purpose of false intention.
Such as in the time I saw,
that movie -
the one where there is an attention whore.
She filled the screen awkwardly.
Her face was not made, to the.
I sat and watched her performance, not knowing.
She screams scared.
How good is it to act, when no one listened,
as she screamed.
She becomes ignored.
Simply ignored for no better person.
Simply, that she has no occupation for it.
The movie has ended,
before it even began.
After the film was in progress,
it became evident she was unable to perform.
An attention whore of this kind.
You cannot help.
You will not.
Not, that I.
I needed.
A brilliant idea, I had.
What caused my nostalgic relief.
I asked how I should.
I remember my aunt, my godmother.
She I embraced.
It is she I love.
In my experience of travel, surprised.
I was connected with carrying her on my shoulders.
Her laughter.
I laughed.
We both enjoyed the moment, we shared.
Not that I was discouraged of it.
I, it felt encouraged.

Invaluable cruelty

The word of a casuality?
What is it for!
WHAT IS IT, FOR.
I was hoping you could depend on me;
like that child.
I had thought I should:
depend.
No, the limit has been reached.
As benefit of he doubt would have, it.
To you, I understand.
I have.
Let you experience the last laugh.
I wanted to depend on, me.
I wanted you to be able to, try, it.
That skin of a forgived flesh, thought I.
How, could I not depend.
Whereas, I thought you were becomed something -
I should depend, upon.
Whereas, I thought of you.
ONLY YOU.
ONLY FOR YOU.
That I thought,
- I should depended, to have.
To have not, depended.
My only opinion on the matter,
was that it was.
I should depend on, myself.
Not you or me.
However, I should have thought.
Not to depend on what I should have, thought of.
Not to depend on what I should have, not thought.
Not thought of, depended.
Not thought of, depended on my trust.
I once thought about not to try,
but not to quit trying.
Of metaphysical neglect.
Of a nature in being the cowboy, and philosophy.

Big Minds

The fly on a wall, a dirty fly, on a dirty wall?
There is an ant farm,
with tiny!
Tiny little ants. . .
and surrounding;
the walls.
The walls are surrounded:
surrounded with ants.
Almost impossible.
To hold onto.
So, that we all might think,
they are alike.
Big minds.
We do think alike.

I wanted to own an expensive condo - this is what I found

Best investment you can make.


What is an investment, when you are paying out the nose for a mortgage on top of it?


one day, owning means you don't pay for it.renting means always paying for something that isn't yours.


And when house avg. house prices are always going up, it really isn't an "investment" if you're making lateral moves or moving up throughout the same vincinity.

Sure, if you're planning on moving to Sask. or Zimbabwe, you're rolling doe, but otherwise, not an investment, just building security for other loans.

Also, even calc'ing out any ammortization table over 25 yrs. and seeing that you're putting triple in of what the principal is, nobody in their right mind would call it an "investment".


edit: smut put it spot on with his argument!
Good logic. I followed that.In reference to Mr. Galt, I can understand that point of view. However, paying a mortgage rate is essentially the same as "paying rent", an amount you pay renting equates to the amount of a "monster" mortgage is what we are getting at. Good luck trying to sell a home, that you "invested" in and have the mortgage to pay it off. If you were a prospective home investor and you needed to purchase the "home of your dreams" on the condition you accept a mortgage, that is the wrong side of an investment idea.

well, whatever, its your perogative.personally, i like the chance that i could one day make a profit. also, i don't prefer to help others pay their mortgages off.

or help landlords live for free

Hey, owning a home is cool and all (course you really only own it if you've paid it off), but it's not an investment if you're rolling a full term mortgage to pay it off.


I do not believe for a second that Sadie honestly thinks she made a bad investment. I think it is ridiculous, to have made the same move myself. My sense of this (e.g. perogative) is not a lack of ambition, but not being in over my head. I am sure those Flames fans in Calgary thought how good they were, are shitting the bed. Hardly like dealing with a mortgage, even if I could afford the principal.

The principal would be easy, the 66+% an avg household is paying into interest over 25 yrs. is what makes not an "investment".

Edit: I'd like to clarify, I have no problems with home ownership, just calling it an "investment" if there's a full term mortgage involved, I must correct.


What does the principal amount to?


The amount borrowed. 2/3 is just a rough figure base on 7-8% rate (If memory serves me correctly

For example, the avg. house price in Calgary is 350,000 and a starter avgs. 280,000. Lets just say for shit and giggles Bank of Canada doesn't dick around with the rate and keeps it contstant at 6.5% (which, all told, is still pretty reasonable) and you had 30,000 down, how would your moprtgage play out?

Month 1: Opening Principal $250,000. Your first mortgage payment based on 25 years is: $1689 where $1354.17 goes to interest and $334.83 goes to payment on principal, leaving you with a remaining principal of $249,665.17.

Good news is as time ticks the amount to interest will drop and the amount applied to principal will rise, so after 8 and some years its $1117.40 to to the bank an $571.60 to pay down your house.Lesson is: put a big fucking down payment, and pay the thing off ASAP.

Ah. I see what we are talking about.

What area in KW is your house in Sadie? That's not by Forest Hill/Forest Heights is it?

Anywhere but not: hickville, ONT.

what does that even mean [to bigc]

Her new house is not located somewhere near a trailerpark. Good punchline, thanks.

As I've said, when I think about how much money I pay in rent in a year - money I'll never see again - that gives me whatever the opposite of "peace of mind" would be. But like I also said, rent is a plausible option for people who are young, want to keep their options open, have unstable jobs or just really, really don't like the idea of being owned by a bank for 20 years.

Do whatchya gotta do.

between renting and owning? BIG difference - one you're putting the money in your own pocket - especially in the later years of your mortgage and you leave with a house. Renting = you piss away your money so someone else can pay off THEIR mortgage. How is that the same?

Like I said, people pay what I'm paying in mortgage in some places for fucking rent.

THAT'S crazy.

I think I've already stated that owning home is cool. You gain an asset and have something to work towards, but it's not really an "investment" because most people aren't making money off of the things. The banks are.

One of the things that impressed me about this thread, is your knowledge is expansive on the subject. So, I am not playing anyone for a fool, although I do think sadie it is difficult to undertake as justified in making her decision. If someone like me, wanted to buy a condo, how should I buy the thing? It seems like a viable option, considering what property taxes might be? Another consideration, is the amount of interest you owe a bank, if you decided to sell with a mortgage you still owe. The banks owns the right to profit on the value of the home, say if it increased in the value, the interest you owe the bank (based on the value you sold) also increases the interest amount. Therefore, the bank is entitled to the interest involved in you selling the house. Correct?

Canyon of Echoed thoughts

Very much I have become, it.
I have very much, become.
I have very much become.
The sacrificed?
The, sacrificed.
That of opinion!
In search;
of a humanity: -
my only. . .
- choice I had to make of,
it.
A choice I had to make.
I have very much become, it.
I have very much of it become.
I have very much become of, it.
I have wanted myself a, favor of.
I have done the myself, a favor for.

Easy Stop Buttons

Not knowing what is good for you?
I am the model, of!
In my order of thoughts;
I seek innovated quality.
Not respected:
to quit on the job.
Though I thought of a candid vision. . .
one which I struggled.
A kind of mediocre blindness,
that is concealed.
Mystery, of bread recipe.
A music that I stole,
for tragedy to become reality
in place of practiced autonomy.
That I practiced how bread is made,
then formed.
A ritual,
the ritual of recieving.
What I need most of.

The not excused, not adopted

I had been approached like nothing it before?
I was executed with hunger!
A famine of thoughts;
my thoughts -
of famine:
- and diseased I became.
The very, experimented.
How I not suffer fools gladly.
I risked not.
I have not a fear of failure.
I have not a fear of weather.
The weather I predict in what I feel, now.
Today, was.
Tomorrow, is.
Is not, the fear of being.
If yesterday, if only yesterday
I thought to myself.
That tomorrow. . . my only fear would be,
what would it be for.
What would I tell it.
That I fear not being happy,
and to be happy should come without fear,
of myself.
That to be happy means how we
gravitated to the meaning itself.
The meaning of what is a universe filled with
happiness in euphoria.
The sense of belonging into a world.
Out in the world of fashion sense.
A fashion.
A sense of.
Translated only into fashion sense,
we gathered there.
That sense of self esteem,
no longer wasted potential or
sensed vulnerability were a caused thing.
A thing caused because of only fashion sense,
and not happiness in the world.
That pretensions of it, were a thing that pretended
in happiness.
But the truth of happiness, were acting the lie.
Was happiness all that would have mattered in the universe.
In a universe with thoughts,
and here we make happiness a model of it.
Though in fantasy we are only afraid not to think of what,
makes us infinitely superior to us.
We forget about not feeling as happy,
as we forget being sad.
In reality of a happiness,
sadness is unacceptable.
There is a choice to be made.
Only a choice.
I expressed it as a virtue.
It fuels my hunger into unspoken thoughts,
unheard of after.
As I whistled them into tune,
and percussion and precision.

The rules of identity

The indentity of rules that I, created.
How has it?
What I am;
made of?
My thoughts.
My thoughts,
in a sandbox filled with!
Thoughts, of pepper.
Thoughts, made of salted butter.
Salted butter made of thoughts, that make:
the difference.
I held open a dentist's mouth,
as if to believe in the condescending persuasion.

From less of a former mentality

I had more than I thought could reveal -
itself.
I did not support the kind of view:
. . .of a purpose.
Something
- more of?
That I experienced an air of confidence;
and a sigh of relief!

Not metaphorically speaking

Signalled up into orbit.
A sense of my imagined source.
I call my source of reason?
Weight I wait.
Gravity has chosen!
So, that nothing can talk
myself out of me,
the guilt or a lie.
Not a faulted cause of mine.
Of its self induced.
The power have I achieved; has
it accomplished.
Not that it helps my stomach:
and to think without a weapon.
The weight. . . it drops,
of my imagined source is intellectual.
A stimulated roller coaster - as
I falled - I watched
- it.
Its natured of a
travelled component,
changed good.
It tricked me metaphorically.

grounded it - continues. . .

The I better?
The I is better if I tried!
The I is a narrative assembly;
of thought.
It is:
. . .the narrative.
The better the narrative.
The better if I tried.

A perfected - communicated stigma of ideals

There is no sign of it.
I have created a revealed sense.
. . . Of wisdom.
To have thought of elite power;
a narcissim of myself!
I rejected?
It improved:
it impressed my stomach.
The healed time of what I have become.
Not having,
a false pretense of ideals to match anything other.
Somewhere, inside a monster hided.
OUT LEAPED THE MONSTER.
I did.
Such a perfect voice the monster revealed.
QUITE LOUD.
I thought louder than it did - the monster.
A common sense revealed.
A common sense perfected.
Over time,
my image of identity became something bigger than itself.
It is a duty.
A moral tranquility.
This beautiful monster.
I dreamed of it.
I spoke myself out to it.
I walked toward it.
I watched in awe.
I felt inspired.
I proceeded with extreme caution.
I became a witness.
I became witness,
to my image.
My identity became a wonderful monster of choice.
A beauty that resonated true.
Truth be told.
Why I kept it in closed quarters.
My pet monster,
became a real thing.
A reality.
Of a reality gone wild.
Identity of what is.
What is identity.
When something cracked,
like a precious collection of antiques.
The stolen arttifice of a world of great belonging.
A world in view of ideals.
My world of a monster.
A monster, that sees.
A monster, that is not in likeness of itself.
But faces the mirror image reflected.
A beast, that is deaf to have ears.
A beast, that is immune to plague.
A beast, that can read novels.
A beast, that has its identity.
The tables that turned on a light,
the monster is a community of.
That the whore, will be slayed in sight
of the monster's mother.
This is my edifice.
These are the ethics of a huge monster.
A story of great riches,
until a property of little or next to no value.
The monster has already escaped near the exit.
But no image can ever require,
such a copy of the.
The invented story line of this beast,
what it will reveal next.
What will it find in common sense to reason its nature.
Every solution to a problem not found.
I have founded myself a monster image.
I founded, a monster image of myself.
I founded a thought of my own survival to benefit with.
I founded not without what it has taken me.
I founded where not to be.
I founded how I became.
I founded why.
I founded the adult in me not uncompromised.
I founded the child of fears.
I founded the breast of my ideals.
I founded the monster defeats religion and the purpose of
images are not being worshipped.
I founded images do not save you.
I founded that religion does not save you.
I founded paganism is FALSE not RITUAL,
but is a PLAGUE.
I founded a place when Prague might exist as a city have to.
I founded the history of mystery in myth.
I founded a picture,
of dreams not blocked from having viewed life.
I founded what is life,
in the view of a monster that cared
to achieve the impossible, probable.
I founded what a revealed common sense,
wisdom has to offer.
I founded a desired thought - desired.
- I founded in prayer of it.
I founded as I have bordered between,
fantasy and a reality
paralled the monster.

grounding it

The better if tried?
Certainly, if I happen to forget. . .
the next time.
That was.

The book on dreams

If there was ever a book not written,
it' is not.
Therefore, I leave myself to luck.
Leaded me to here.
A judge of my love,
that no other is like it.
Perhaps; only perhaps. . .
a greater chance may emerge?
Before I get serious!
After the dream:
I said it.
Everything I ever said became one.

Clothing for Orphans

I have not lost the sense of what I have, to sound?
That I gained in what is that I have, found!
A museum for the dead.
A monument for the causes.
No charity;
only thoughts.
That I know of the excuse:
while assumed the image of an identity.
I have formed a reflection of myself.
The steps that lay ahead for a future.
A future for.
A future craved.
A craved future for.
A future I craved.
A future of which I am.