Although my poetry is limited to, many different turns of phrase, and metaphor of ideas. There's truth behind it's meaning.

I'm a marshall of prowess.

My dad celebrates his bd in a couple of days.

This week I've been weighing heavily on my mind. A girl I met over the week-end for the first time. And her nature... her body, her spirit still ignites me like a lit fuse. I don't know why? I find myself in a situation, that I refused sex she offered.

The reason behind Janessa, I saw bruises on her body that told me she had been attacked by someone.

Janessa told me her bf had hit her in a struggle.

All I could do was feel the pain she was hiding. Not that Janessa was hiding herself from me, but I could see that she was a well rounded individual.

She phoned her father. Just to let him know, that she had a ride home.

Janessa is 21. She had an extrodinary personality. I had butterflies in my stomach when we were together that night. A feeling she gave me unlike the kind I've been used to experiencing about anyone else, Janessa had an affect on me internally.

I'll regret saying that I wish we had sex, even though I refused, but the way I refused... under the circumstances was.

I wanted to hold her. That's all I wanted. Though strange enough, ...I didn't know how to come across asking that from her. When Janessa propositioned me for sex, "What do you want." Janessa asked me, and I told her I wanted to be with her. That I liked her. That she gave me butterflies in my stomach.

Fuck.

I loved looking into her eyes. I loved it when I held her face, and touched her skin gently as my lips pressed upon hers softly. I loved her in every way in each moment that passed. Intense as it was.

My feelings.

My feelings weren't repressed in any manner.

Did I supress any information? That could have helped her better?

I don't know if I should have obliged to the sex. But whatever happened was so much more then that for me.

I needed her. She needed me. Did I fail? That is the question.

I think I did, do something about failure. I didn't disregarded my own personal satisfaction, if I hadn't refused the sex... then we'd have acted a lie. The base of the sexual act is so much more powerful that way. I knew it in my heart, in my bones, I could feel the connection between us further. Maybe not Janessa. But as for me, I knew this girl deserved so much more, and I Was praying it'd be. In fact.

It's something else, to wonder about gods order in his command, and that he meant for me to meet Jan.

If only I knew better. Maybe I wouldn't have wasted the opportunity. "Why do you have to think so deeply about things, sex is sex, love making is with someone you're with for a long period of time... you were raped as a child... how old were you... I don't want to talk about my ex."

But Janessa, ...it was so much more then that for me, my feelings are involved. I just didn't want to be a rebound for you. I couldn't live with myself looking in the mirror that way.

I felt I disappointed her more then it's probably worth.