It was last night I realized... the last time I cried myself to sleep. When I was depressed this week end, now I can recall the effect it has. Yesterday, I discovered a cousin of mine named her newborn after me. Marco. The child is her second.

Tomorrow, I have another way to simplify things that carry over.

Today, I've fired a parking patrol official in case he'll give out tickets to unsuspecting victims. The sure way to help... Rxaxbxexcxcxa had threatened me in a verbal manner last night!!

As far as I'm concerned, judging by my own reaction, I let Rebecca know we wouldn't be seeing anymore of each other. She called me last night. After attending the fringe festival, she refused to leave my vehicle. I asked her to leave. She wouldn't.

Before I told Rebecca, that we won't see each other, she told me that she'd tell people about my sexual abuse, "Just fucking get over it, you jerk. I'm going to tell everybody. Exactly. It's going to be a great laugh. Funny. Too bad." Just after I removed her purse and asked her to get out of my car, she stepped out, and repeated, "Yeah, well tomorrow good luck with the cops coming for you, because I'll give myself a black eye. Yeah, good luck with that."

I drove off.

I was parked outside in front of her house. I didn't want to have sex, and she took offense to that. In any case, I couldn't take my feelings for granted. I knew Rebecca isn't what I wanted. Therefore, sex was out of the question last night.

I had a lot of thinking to do. Especially meeting Janessa. Having met Janessa, changed the way I feel about myself.

Seeing Dr. Gordon, helped for me to gain understanding. The power of positive thinking, brought me a renewed belief. I've had food for thought.

Saying no to both Janessa and Rebecca, was a gift to me. I gave myself.