Everything is automatic

 It is my birthday in the next 48hrs.

This is an immature look into my sophisticated mind:

When in my 20s were the best years of my life, which flew by, and then - then came 30.

On Wednesday comes 48.

I felt like 30 only yesterday. (It was all up the air.)

I don't know where I have come or where I've been, but I have spent my time trying to be someone true to my vision.

It has meant that even if I feel older than I'd care to admit, I can only have imagined where it'd end right now as I am.

I suppose all I can say is I have become a good person. And in stating that, it must mean something more or less than I actually feel. Life is great. God is good.

I am lucky, lucky to be who I am.

I never married.

I never had children.

But I know what is the heart, made.

If life were to end for me - I have done nothing wrong that isn't worth knowing out of promise.

I wanted to be an actor, and even though I'm not. . . .it doesn't mean I am not a self proclaimed artist.

I have a love of doing philosophy and direct my love of doing it through poetic language.

This is my world; and everything in it, but my romance will live as it dies in perfect wisdom. What is it I have learned the most in life to this point? It's that the world is full of pessimists. (But not.) No one owes me anything. And I live as a beggar of it.

Right now, if everything goes accordingly, my love of music will be my backseat lover. It will take about 500hrs of practice before I become proficient at playing the strings. This is the goal. I am at an infant stage of being unapologetically inclined with my expression in music. But the result outweighs the risk of failure. I keep trying to do what I love in life. That's all one can truly ask of themselves.

As for my life. . . the page is blank. As blank as it were, as blank it will be tomorrow, and memories that I will honor. All in the name of doing something for the sake of blurred art. Art in my mind is a grey area. Is a sacred right. It connects me with a higher purpose. And that's what I'm fighting for. The use of it. So much as I value words and the ideas I want to change something in the world as inspired someplace. Same as it lowers myself to the same thing I said earlier - related to immaturity and what is ageless. That my birthday. . . make the bubbles (rise) in champagne.

- Marco

August 25th, 2025 Perfections? Every person I know hide imperfections. Never mind being clueless of it. Complexities, impulses, come on Steve. . . Eccentricity is the least obvious of the losers that are Hollywood types. Maybe actors that are Daniel Day Lewis, Adrien Brody, Johnny Depp, Robert DiNiro come to mind that have eccentricity but are unaffected by Hollywood. To rewrite history is something that challenges the status quo. Everything you mention does not define the human condition - it is order that refines our experiences out of disorder - which we deny either internally or externally. Unless you take a role of resistance in life than nothing else changes. My experience as an artist is to make example of others in myself. (Most actors have no idea what that means.) Most artists would never run that risk. If I don't agree with something, I make it known, on terms which are mine and no one else's. That's what truth is. - Marco Almeida The Peg -