Transition into my livlihood as an adult

The best way to describe the kind of feelings I have presently are in a word: unsettling. It reminds me of the worst parts of my life up to now. Presumably, I could have titled this personal entry, "Transition into my life as an adult: not an easy task" or "Avoiding how to be an adult: the fear of growing up" - or - "No one said it'd be okay to be on-again-off-again: Marco's manual to a permanent holiday" - or - "The Perfect Guide: From past to present everything you need to do but never thought it'll ever apply to you" - or - "Growing up too fast (. . . while you fall behind.)" I have no idea where I should go with this meaning. My point being, that through the pain and struggle I've felt I've endured, I seriously thought there'd be more to my life. However, as is the case I am working in an environment that demands I work full-time hours during a midnight shift no questions asked on a regular basis. Is this to much to expect from myself as an adult, or am I giving too much of myself to a cause that supposedly is a measure of my success? After all, the "privileges" I must own, are through choices I must make + create for myself in society.

In short, this entire entry is either a rant without a trace of satisfaction, mixed together with self-indulgence, self-pity, and boredom.

As of today, the work I do is resulting in co-workers I do not trust nor respect. The managements idea of promoting group-cohesion is non-existent in implementing good strategies among it's co-workers but are blind to bottom-line "low cost" production. In short - my work-place is a monster-monopoly that cares about little else within promoting a positive ethical framework within the organization.

Now, the point I am making with regards to myself as an adult is not to be used vaguely. Nor is it my duty in signalling something ambiguous that really doesn't appear as reality. On the contrary. As I've become what I am today, my message here is simple: do I care about myself enough that my awareness of a situation as in my workplace? The answer is yes.

I want to focus on concentrating on the positive things I can control as an entity myself. It is my right. Therefore, the paradox I'm currently in do I want to be somebody who takes action or the kind of person that exhibits no solution which the consequences as I see them are. This is type of condition my heart has developed no matter how much I feel betrayed with regard to my psyche. In my mind, I have ability to keep challenging myself into moving further ahead of the game, going in the same direction that enables me to turn next. There are no ultimatums involved, or influences that speak candidly to me in my future as an adult, these are some of the valuable things I have learned to participate in without any other reason.

I am by no means an expert in success but know I have an idea about what being an adult entails. However, I am not going to stand by and watch the time pass without my use of discretion informing my better judgement. That is what being an adult means to me.