When I look back to last night, I wonder about how Dr. Gordon's interviews with me have gone. Dr. Gordon usually directs my attention to one small yet significant detail: "Be comfortable in your own skin." The advice is seemingless, but effective. When I place myself into the context of being "in my own skin" it's been a devastating experience, something I would describe as working my entire life to do just that. I can't say I've succeeded, in fact, I have only failed. However, time and time again I continue to try. Why - why I ask myself.
The truth is in all the time I've been given to take charge in this world we live, my inner voice gives me harsh passing judgments. I must tune them out. Instead, I visualize everything as it develops in front of my eyes. The challenge is reaching within those limits, without pushing my boundaries in excessive self-deception, lies, or doubts that linger whispering softly to me.
I bury last night without a shovel into the depth of my hollowness.
There were two evident things that were said to me, that I felt I did not deserve, but were candid gestures made. "Hi big guy." "Thanks for coming Marco, it's nice to see you." These immaterial gestures were given to me from past figures in my life, after years of torment in being isolated by them. I had not spoken a word to these people in over 8+ years. The thought strikes me as 'unbelievable' but Marco fought long and hard to survive it's aftermath.
In spite of going back to work tomorrow, the past month has been one of the most tiring since recently turning thirty.
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