I feel totally self deprived tonight. I care so much about what I do, in pursuing my acting talent. I know I am a better actor than what contemporary style of acting is out there. I am not going to accept this failure I have been going through. I am so sick of this bullshit acting I have been trying to exterminate from my body. No one can see the changes I need to go through in order to fulfill the type of destiny I know I am capable of.
This is why I have transformed myself over the years, by developing my thoughts through a chorus of ideas made, meant to build my sense of a private nature, that I share with the world through my personal spirituality.
The customs I have come to adopt, in relation to this craft is a learning process unlike any other I have yet to experience. To be able to work on my skill, in training my mind to perform a life altering form of experience is a benefit of mine.
This great ordeal, as I have been working day and night to try accomplish, is truly a force of nature I intend on keeping myself.
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To do a good job in nailing each scene I do, and not feel what I call "the need". Its only reward is that I offer humanity something they know has never been seen before. I become a source. This to me is my pursuit in becoming the actor I want to be.
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"The need" I define as an empty feeling, that I am open and available in my souls operation.
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When I went back into the acting, it gave me renewed hope in my ability. I want no credit for that. As a result of returning, I simply wanted to remind myself what a good human being does, because I think genuinely about another human being - I want what is good for that person. That is the true purpose of my journey. I am just so frustrated when I am in class, I see people that do not want to act. It is hard to get use to.
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