My weight has become a problem of rather elusive quality, that scientific proportion, between what I feel about my weight to how it dictate the world around me. I - myself have a personal view of the world; not that I feel the world is telling me how I should look or feel about it, that is my dilemma. I need to challenge all of that.
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Just had a conversation with my sister, which involved me switching roles with Danny DeVito, as I compared my appearance to Arnold Schwarzenegger in a comedy of my predicament. It felt as though I was on an episode of The View, speaking to Elizabeth Hasselback, while playing the role of an American Jewish lady ready to wear her yoga pants for the first time. We text back and forth regarding my physical elements as if I was Sofia Petrillo on the Golden Girls, mocking Blanch Devereaux for her compulsive yet tastefully promiscuous sexual habits and eating cheese cake for breakfast.
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My 'not' to do list:
- I will not give up Coca Cola. That would be like settling for Pepsi as a beverage.
- I will not cut out my indulgence for food that I like to eat, this includes A&W bacon & eggers.
- I will not limit my dietary condition to that of a poor man consuming formaldehyde.
- I rather not drink than be drunk off of coffee.
- My body weight is of nutritional value, foods I enjoy, I will not limit myself to emotional eating habits.
^Which ever of these are lies I will not honor.
So, pretty much all of it means I need to be truthfully aware in identifying the problem. That this is 1- no bacon & eggers 2- coffee is okay 3- starving myself is not an option 4- I can eat things I necessarily still want, not to avoid having.
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Faith in oneself only copies without trying, it is not up to me if I fail in admitting it.
^All this leads to, means that it is easiest to 1- self regulate how faith works, 2- unless I admit, that faith becomes a CAUSE. Can I make faith 3- (create an ambitious will) 4- in myself that delivers me from my contentious habits, 5- of not committing myself.
Is my cause true enough - what should require I stick to something that is more important than (faith) me failing at it. How do I know what is pertinent to understanding my self-image, without it being a form (my) self-vanity.
It is truly a mind bogging experience to measure if the truth in my ambition is (a) false (b) am I confusing my idea of weight with faith as (c) a duty to its real purpose. What is more important, my faith as I see it, or my false idea of weight being less than important.
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"Is my cause true enough - what should require I stick to something that is more important than (faith) me failing at it. How do I know what is pertinent to understanding my self-image, without it being a form of (my) self-vanity.
It is truly a mind bogging experience to measure if the truth in my ambition is (a) false (b) am I confusing my idea of weight with faith as (c) a duty to its real purpose. What is more important, my faith as I see it, or my false idea of weight being less than important." (MA2012)
I am truly in search of an answer to this dichotomy between faith vs. logic. Do I really feel the need to put my energy into something such as body mass, to meet my false idea of a status quo, which I feel does not benefit me.
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" to measure if the truth in my ambition is (a) false (b) am I confusing my idea of weight with faith as (c) a duty to its real purpose. " (MA2012) Is losing weight a reality worth crediting/investing my most basic or supreme cause of faith. Do I really lack the faith necessary (to want) to be physically active.
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I really see that people use their obsessive habits over self-image with a great deal of vanity. What does that help produce in self-value, self-worth, or self-thoughts. Honestly, I do not know what to think about this most imperfect dilemma.
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Is losing weight really a worthy cause. That is my question I put forth myself, as a deviant discord of my self-faith. Do I really believe that my weight is an issue.
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"Faith in oneself only copies without trying, it is not up to me if I fail in admitting it." (MA2012)
People might see your faith, but will rather than acknowledge it, negate your only purpose in that. That on the other hand, people rather than acknowledge your faith - will not do so - because it empowers you. They feel superficially threatened that if they were to cohort your faith as a person, they would be acting as an accomplice to your cause - control - purpose - not theirs. To effectually manipulate faith the easier its effort is stolen. (i.e. discontinued)
^Case in point, we experience cause in a society where faith becomes mainstream only as it becomes rejected. Inasmuch the same way science debates the existence of gods autonomy.
What is DECIDING its FAITH for you.
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