My choice of verdict

January 1st 2013 

I have never been one to inflate the nature of my self-concept, and I am a lot different today than I have ever been before, some people simply do not recognize it.  Now, I look in the mirror, I can say that I have always been the same person.  So too, as others have addressed their kind of judgments based on something, that to them no longer exists.  I feel a lot more sensitive to my self-interest, then I have ever before.  

 

 

The question is why, why - why have I been so unimpressed to those that know nothing of themselves.  

 

If I am capable of seeing, what is fascinating to me, the past happens because none of it was intentional.  How does one correct themselves from being incapable of something.

 

That all, to me, means a great deal.

 

For me to feel the gravity of this portrait I am in, as if being painted onto a canvas, my true colors never were concealed.  The colors used to establish my sense of self, I was perhaps made unaware of.  So, the day I began my own transformation is what I am in search of.  That most of all, my very real nature was ever meant to be captured.  This would not be an accurate portrait of myself if I were to look at it.

 

So my belief all along was not to establish my sense of self-concept, but to observe myself, in learning how I act in the world around me.  This is what gives me great pleasure.

 

Remember, I did not say how TO behave, or how I MUST act properly: what I said was how I have learned to act in the world around me in no specific detail. That is my true choice of verdict.  It is a question of character.

 

I rebound my intentions - carefully.  Some people are clever in not reacting to matters of the heart, so they become professionals at it.  I never use to second guess the nature I felt in me, I think I am much the same as everyone else.  The trouble is, that not everyone else practiced unconditional nature.  Not rebounding intentions turns out to be a skill, but an improper skill at best.  I am sure of it.

 

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Nothing quite better than waking up this New Years Day to my best friend in bed with me, (and by that I mean the dog), after a night spent eating Chinese Food, which all good signs of fortune telling come from, are no longer predictable as its year previous. At this point in time, here sitting in between years separated only by virtue of itself, is an unspoiled dinner in stale air dried frozen, (leftover chinese food from the year before) sitting on the edge of its time's now pale interests, that this year compared to last now just a shadow of its former self. What are the new disguises, which will less happier people choose, feel must they wear - seeing as how their unmet needs, are not so that this coming year then can save them from the last. Save them from another year of a false meditative quality, that they fake being held out to despair, false hope, and inequity.

 

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I dare say, that represents my dedication to a duty done in secret. I am not one that will fake my happiness, due to the shallow ignorance of others that care to join.

 

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In all circumstances - there is a world that unfairly divides itself, ones virtue is the one thing that holds you back. 1- Find your virtue, you have nothing else to worry about. 2- Is that an event or a fact, 3- is thinking an event or a fact. 4- Can you factually think the truth, or do you (a) rely on the truth (b) defying what is evidence of actuality. 5- When you think (c) about what is actual, the whole world seems different.

 

Forget what is factual, because what is fact - does not mean its true.