May 19th 2023
This. This right here is a language ahead of its time. 
I am not saying that because it's untrue of me but because I know in my heart no matter the scrutiny I have faced as result of my social media outlook... critics of myself be damned!! I fucking prove myself through the words I've not just come up with to melody. I earned my venture. Being an outcast has proven me right along. I, the critic.
I am not saying that because it's untrue of me but because I know in my heart no matter the scrutiny I have faced as result of my social media outlook... critics of myself be damned!! I fucking prove myself through the words I've not just come up with to melody. I earned my venture. Being an outcast has proven me right along. I, the critic.It was over fucking 13 years ago I wrote this. How was I to know.
The young women in am talking about were real girlfriends of mine.
I am so glad I met them. They both proved to be wrong for me. In gods eyes he protected me from them both. It was a block. Not just a mental block preventing me from a marriage I never wanted. I never acted!! It's a blessing.
This all means one thing and one thing only. Things that aren't meant to be are meant to be.
=============
When directed at shapes, I forget that those things are no more real than just simple geometric illusions. That is to say something about, a type of image that configures an exact reading. Easily, to be fooled into thinking it is better than the real thing (which may not quite exist as a particular recourse due to action.) In fact, the opposite has happened, inaction became the lifeblood, desperate to make itself heard somehow.
Perhaps this is why memory, plays an inopportune place in why the mind works this way.
I am reminded of a sequence of dreams I've been having lately, which all involve a girlfriend past, unlike any other I've had since she arrived, my dreams slowly draw me closer to her, at this odd moment in climax to the plot. . . a plot unheard of by my own virtue. I know she is there, I know who she is, I've kept referring back to her in my thoughts, the strange thing is, there is no obsession. Absolutely no obsession explains why the dream-life has taken shape, or instructed its form, it's created through memory, of things I cannot nor have I control over. Therefore, the mental faculty of dreaming even in wakefulness, is a given right, I am actually beginning to live my dreamlife the way I want to. Which to some may seem odd, not so much to others for unknown reasons (unspecific) to the Nietzsche archetype of dreamlife.
My mind has examined these things, congruently to a measure of self to self-satisfaction. My dreams involved two different people, of whom I've encountered very briefly in my dreams, and I've told them to get out.
Not only have I applied my sense of authority, I can actually live the thoughts I has (whilst in process of REM sleep mode), I truly recall as I can right now, the thought I had when approached by these two people. They become shocked, frightened at the sight of me, as if they've been exposed of something not unusual to my earthly habits, as if they've read my mind in a way that I know they can understand what I'm doing in real time, has unduly made them aware that they've served a prohibition on my part. . . to get out of my real time life.
They are now aware they've acted as threat toward my better judgment, not worthy of the same judgment I bestow upon myself, which is a matter immaterial of the heart. It is an unconditional kind of love, which they've dismissed, as if they're merely children playing the role of devils advocate, they realize I am no longer the person they tried to engage without bribery.
Everything as it happened, happened verbatim to this description of those powerful semi-divided events which took place, simply able to relive that event unfolding in the dreamlife. In my real world reality, it is a measure of the thoughts I placed, took place in the dream, were there to illustrate something I probably already knew about them, though my thought processes arrived at a definitive conclusion.
Having been able to interpret this dream, eventually leads me to a former (as mentioned earlier) girlfriend, who I cared very deeply for to this day.
It reminds me, that the dreamlife can signal varied effects on the psyche, as if to resemble what another person may telepath about myself, through their own experience in memory about me.
This time in my life, as I observe this coming of age - so to speak - is as if I've carried an allowance or spiritual nature which has been demonic against myself for no better reason than my own.
She inspires me on this level, that I can freely advocate, professing the kind of love that true love can only be. I still love her very deeply. And I thank her. I thank her for her guidance.
It's as if the psychic part of my emotional well being, was meant to be lifted through this guidance, of a non-specific part of my life. Though, not having met her would have never made me aware of it myself. I can see the effect she had on me, was an ill-advised reproach on my part. My fragility, my vulnerability, my sense of wanting to be with her. . . escaped me completely. The reasons may be factually simple enough to presume, being scared, or just naive, foolish, or just lost in puppy love, those are all false ideals which carry no real meaning.
It's what she gave me - what I missed. It's time to change all of that.
Perhaps this is why memory, plays an inopportune place in why the mind works this way.
I am reminded of a sequence of dreams I've been having lately, which all involve a girlfriend past, unlike any other I've had since she arrived, my dreams slowly draw me closer to her, at this odd moment in climax to the plot. . . a plot unheard of by my own virtue. I know she is there, I know who she is, I've kept referring back to her in my thoughts, the strange thing is, there is no obsession. Absolutely no obsession explains why the dream-life has taken shape, or instructed its form, it's created through memory, of things I cannot nor have I control over. Therefore, the mental faculty of dreaming even in wakefulness, is a given right, I am actually beginning to live my dreamlife the way I want to. Which to some may seem odd, not so much to others for unknown reasons (unspecific) to the Nietzsche archetype of dreamlife.
My mind has examined these things, congruently to a measure of self to self-satisfaction. My dreams involved two different people, of whom I've encountered very briefly in my dreams, and I've told them to get out.
Not only have I applied my sense of authority, I can actually live the thoughts I has (whilst in process of REM sleep mode), I truly recall as I can right now, the thought I had when approached by these two people. They become shocked, frightened at the sight of me, as if they've been exposed of something not unusual to my earthly habits, as if they've read my mind in a way that I know they can understand what I'm doing in real time, has unduly made them aware that they've served a prohibition on my part. . . to get out of my real time life.
They are now aware they've acted as threat toward my better judgment, not worthy of the same judgment I bestow upon myself, which is a matter immaterial of the heart. It is an unconditional kind of love, which they've dismissed, as if they're merely children playing the role of devils advocate, they realize I am no longer the person they tried to engage without bribery.
Everything as it happened, happened verbatim to this description of those powerful semi-divided events which took place, simply able to relive that event unfolding in the dreamlife. In my real world reality, it is a measure of the thoughts I placed, took place in the dream, were there to illustrate something I probably already knew about them, though my thought processes arrived at a definitive conclusion.
Having been able to interpret this dream, eventually leads me to a former (as mentioned earlier) girlfriend, who I cared very deeply for to this day.
It reminds me, that the dreamlife can signal varied effects on the psyche, as if to resemble what another person may telepath about myself, through their own experience in memory about me.
This time in my life, as I observe this coming of age - so to speak - is as if I've carried an allowance or spiritual nature which has been demonic against myself for no better reason than my own.
She inspires me on this level, that I can freely advocate, professing the kind of love that true love can only be. I still love her very deeply. And I thank her. I thank her for her guidance.
It's as if the psychic part of my emotional well being, was meant to be lifted through this guidance, of a non-specific part of my life. Though, not having met her would have never made me aware of it myself. I can see the effect she had on me, was an ill-advised reproach on my part. My fragility, my vulnerability, my sense of wanting to be with her. . . escaped me completely. The reasons may be factually simple enough to presume, being scared, or just naive, foolish, or just lost in puppy love, those are all false ideals which carry no real meaning.
It's what she gave me - what I missed. It's time to change all of that.
- Marco
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