Is it normal to offend oneself.
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This weighing on my mind I find relief in just coming out to express how I feel.
I don't truly understand myself at times.
Sometimes I feel like the world is talking to me, not as though I'm unaware of my immediate surroundings... but a subliminal psychological experience.
This feels like I'm incubated in some formal social experiment testing my space, of, a sociological norm. (Think of it as though when you see life testing your patience...)
I don't like my life as theoretical as this language presents itself.
I have never been happier in my life with who I am presently.
It's bordering with what I see in myself as nothing short of seeing... what that means is... whatever it is I've now become... there is no return to the same person I once was.
I recall everything I encounter.
It's a matter of conveying my memories with an energy that travels with me.
In space and time.
I connect and reconnect with my place in life no matter if my brain circuitry is telling me lies or truth according to the superstitions I have in everything.
According to all this is an investigation which floods my insides and spills out (here).
Accounting my life as a type of recording right before my eyes.
Reading this false sense of reality may come across as tooth and nail, either falling into a category in an infinite realm of possibilities, or maybe an axe to grind testing my lost faith in a humanity gone blind in this... a personal day and age of reckoning. My own doing. The drum I beat to the percussion of my own intentions.
But never in my life have I encountered people in my life that have betrayed me to a point I no longer care.
What I am talking about is that I will always always care. Care about people. Whatever that may look like or whatever that may have looked like to others throughout my course in life. My future will depend on this as an emotional release in life.
What I can't understand or process is how I feel when I see people that don't know me for what I've unhatched through in life, rather, look at me as if I am a mental patient.
This by no means makes me out to make myself out to be a victim.
On the contrary.
I feel safe. I feel I keep friends are the right ones that matter.
I don't need a pity party to acknowledge how indifferent others are toward me.
I just wish they knew this before passing judgment on me.
God is my reason I keep things real. As real as I do here.
If you've reached this far down in my words... I urge you to know I appreciate you. And I can only reason my way through like a game of life we play and keep learning from. That I'm not detached from reality. That, yes, I have failed in many many ways. But I can count on one hand how I arrived this conclusion. I'm a sinner and not proud of the times I've hurt anyone. I will keep moving. The unshakeable trembling kind of thinking that goes with my sacred self. That is the truth I hang my hat on.
Yes, I'm overweight.
Yes, I get angry.
Yes, I do feel very deeply (to a fault.)
And yes.
I won't give up.
- Marco
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