March 27th, 2020

 I feel revelation at a time like this in my course of life. My personal history. I am living in a very small bubble as result of my own.

I just wonder, as if by some magical stroke of genius.

What has happened to me or better thought as who am I.

I see myself without an ego and strip my senses bare. It comes to me from a place I use to think I had some form of objective which perhaps the universe conspired.

I am a person not guilt free from what has brought me to this point.

I simply serve an important message that has rapidly traveled though the instruction orbiting my mind.

That no matter what I think, is out of my control. People who have touched me in ways that I only hope something connected no longer exist.

I have self respect and that my self respecting nature exalted all forms of needs. Mainly, the need for love.

I guess I've dabbled in experiencing love at the same time being taken for granted. I just don't know what I have realized set me apart.

I miss a lot of what used to be.

So sitting here purging myself of what has been not meant to be or to be.

What I am ultimately trying to share is my vestige.

That somehow throughout time did I cease to exist and no one else noticed.

I suppose that is experimental in light of what we see say or do.

But at what point did people forget to notice.

I am talking about my image.

Where at some place else in my life's journey has the apple dropped, figuring out who I now am.

As the past has unraveled it takes us to never never land never really knowing who would become what.

All I now know is how really fragile I feel at times.

And that fragility is what keeps me trapped in a bubble my ego subsides.

I cannot blame other people I used to know who no longer see me for what I am. I know that much. I also know I feel what people see me exist in some level of mastery and those who have no intent of a connection.

Reality is very superficial in how some of us survive though things we can afford. So I've learned that people cut their losses even at my expense.

I never truly truly knew that until now.

I always thought people would just fall in love with me for no better reason. They would envy myself in some psychological state of euphoria. I am indeed very naive of me.

So I take a deep breath and now that I realize I no longer exist to some people I don't know what is left for me to offer in life.

I am not so certain of myself as I once lead myself to believe.

There is no comfort in being forgotten. So maybe this sadness has evolved over the years. It has caused great depression and impartial weight gain. I am not proud in that respect.

I simply wish I were seen or then maybe made not to be. That is paradox. How do I make people feel is not up to me. How I exist is not up to me. Why I am forgotten is not up to me.

I just know how scared I've become to witness it all.

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Marco