Superstitions of a superhero

Superhuman superstitions
When I get to have everything I ever wanted,
Will my old habits have died.
I cannot allow myself to act on superstitions.
That is the habit I learned to contract most.
Because most people carry them,
to only switch roles,
So the imaginary capes may be worn.
Such garments and robes to convey
Strength status and power.
False alter egos cannot truly break your heart.
My ears burn.
My throat pulsates.
Tears to put out fires of the heart.
And happiness on a whole other level.
In my nature lives a vortex of emotions.
They stream in through thoughts of veneer.
And what is the nature of thought then.
Then it is nature.
Nature that dictates your reality as mine.
Those are superstitions.
They remain the same true or false.
Because where thoughts are born,
Fascinates me.
Thinking out loud the greatest lie ever told.

Sitting at Stella's

I am seated at Stella's
Contemplating my life's journey.
I find my peace and sanctuary here.
This cafe's aroma.
Dare I feel special about such things,
In a deepened sense of space and time.
My power is to have myself both be recognized
And not be recognized.
Bravely bribing my own alter ego.
This beautiful beautiful night.

Acting is Being

Manipulating the beliefs of the character fiction resulting in choices and authenticity.
Truthful
Unreserved
Believe what you are saying.
Feeling what the character is.
Freeing

Albert Camus

https://perdidasmusas.blogspot.com/2017/03/existentialism-myth-of-sisyphus-albert.html?m=1

Friendship as a Confession

I must say...
Disrespect is the ultimate illusion.
I find myself in a definitive demographic.
Where my senses meet virtual reality.
A place where in my most sacred sense,
I have a theory about almost everything.
A sad place in my heart that hurts, but
Does not want to hurt back.
After death comes my funeral,
I wonder - I wonder.
How - how will I be remembered.
It becomes a question.
Of what am I made.
Whereas, in this sad place in my heart.
At what point did friends become strangers.
In this predicament...
Who are (or in this case were)
My real friends.
The kids who years passed...
Do not pretend to forget you,
But fail to ignore you.
Instead, those you once thought
Had your back.
Now treat you like a complete stranger.
Rather than find peace in your company.
Now that we've become adults.
That fake filter consumes you.
Not like that before.
My insides turn.
Before you turned me off.
What a poor poor defense mechanism.
Now we're no more.

Rights of Passage

There is something missing in me today.
I've had strange dreams lately,
The kind where I disappear.
Then I reenter from one place to the next.
It seems I am lost.
More so a feeling of being lost.
Lost never to be found somewhere in a distant past,
Just wanting to hold on but it feels impossible to.
As warped and morbid as this sounds...
I find peace here.
And that is all I can be.
Is a warrior of peaceful thoughts
And the victory of mind.

Precision and its Density

Precision and its Density

I'm not a gambler, but for myself if I must say so not being a gambler would imply I refuse to bet against the odds.
The truth is I bet against myself more often than I gamble.
But gambling is nothing.
Nothing more than an investment gone terribly bad.
So gaming to me is a very fragile thing.
I am not much of a player.
I've had too much to overcome.
Maybe it's a cause of having been unconsciously programmed into being.
So now that I presumably know that about myself,
an answer is less trivial.
However,
upon this metaphysical journey of mine,
maybe I am just a sinner at heart.
Corrupting my soul....
Is an unhealthy exercise.
Though putting my soul on fire.
That is a question worth the gamble.
The game has its odds.
And I always bet against myself.
Because everything has a reward.
The devil has ways of orchestrating it.
Although my many demons I have met,
never truly owned me.
They are physical enough entities that I feel
the betrayal from winning and losing.
And I have never been either of these things.
I prefer the animal kingdom.
Where in my trial and error,
my feet are a blaze.
And the game changes almost metaphorically,
metaphysically lying to myself.
Conscious of betting against myself, constant.
Wondering where I went wrong.
In this messy messed up life.
The attempt to defend myself - as it hardens,
is not an assassin looking at himself in the mirror temporarily speaking.
This soul I set on fire.
I want to know what that feels like.
I want to.
To set my soul on fire.
Watching me gamble from afar.
Though no greater distance between a devils romance.
Like fire in my soul.

Parmenides

Parmenides

The art of privilege

Aristotle causation & being

aristotle-causation-and-being

Absurdity & Deviation

This is a very powerful and endearing prophecy for an actor. I have figured this out for myself and the mystery in becoming the kind of actor I want to be in search of truth. The truth is in the action. My brain assembles information in a way that painters paint a picture. And I refuse to judge myself on this. I disarm those who are critics vs the minds eye.  Such feelings I get are enamoured in my pursuit of modelling my coat of armour. That is for what people want to see on screen. What people want to see is what you do as an actor makes the audience feel like they are right there with you.

I am intent on reserving myself as a way of reflection in the work I do, which means I will not fake acting under any circumstance.

Last night Onalee put us through a meat grinder type of audition where we had one chance to make it count.  I took it as a learning moment. You don't have the immunity to do your scene until you get to point you've nailed it. That is the hardest part. Trying to uncover the layers between you and the character in a meaningful yet authentic manner.

As I was doing my pretend audition I felt myself wanting to take risks in the product of my character. Once I felt something my brain couldn't process, I fogot the line and I drew blank. In my mind I wanted to do something relative to the moment and I wasn't able to produce the movement behind my intent. This is a positive thing.

I am better aware of what making choices are. The result of the audition never materialized. I can find peace in myself and my acting. 

When I was asked how I felt about my audition I said it went great. On second thought I had more to be grateful for. It didn't work for the audience but in my mind it worked. You need to be desensitized from reality in order to respond to an inner life.
In finding yourself needs no particular thought process or belief system, so in acting it is more important you face the fear of acting in your personal life.  My fear to act dictates my whereabouts. Last night I knew all my lines but none of it matters in the end. In the end what matters is how hard you fail in life. Real life dictates your fears. Ultimately I failed last night. And that is the magic of freedom to act. To eliminate the fear and connect the dots.

In memory of future time

My life's purpose

Philosophy in the future of philosophy (probability)

Anything but a true genius will have their ideas lived because other individuals will copy it and present it as their own. This is the most common form of plagiarism.

The most basic way to defeat it is to think in terms of constant values being placed as though you plant fallacies of logic to be disproved. Once that happens and it stands the test of time that the idea cannot be disproved, you have in turn created history.

Mission statement

I have enemies because I've created a reality normal people don't associate with, or are out of touch with my  spirit child or are disconnected to me as an individual. That is my talent. I have issues but not out of the ordinary under the same conditions, so if you are a friend you'll know it.

Who I like is not up to me. It is through the use of my discretion I leave up for the person to decide under fair pretense. It is both intuitive and intentional. I know I am a good person with conviction. Aside from people's pragmatism which is out of anyone's control....

If you are some douche bag white trash idiot out to victimize others I will take exception. So innately you will feel me. Not test me.

Aristotelian ethics

aristotle-ethics

What causes fear based reality

the Canadian Dream

My life's purpose

Acting Class

Another acting class and a place I feel safe with my insecurities as an actor but the frustration follows me. That is what I need to focus on here. That my scene work isn't as good as it should be uncomparitively speaking. What my frustration allows is a window to my insecurity as an actor but not my immunity to the ability to act. I have ability. I just feel I am not truly fulfilling my potential.

So Onalee brings out the best in me. Last night was me at my best. But as onalee instructed us last night what will manifest as success also brings about failure in order to fully gravitate and celebrate what your mission is. (Read on as my intention relates back to this point later on.)

I feel grounded but my personal level of acting has to be self described as I am doing here. My reason for this is simple, my desire for acting is a very important concept to me. It requires a great amount of strength. If not found I feel lost in time and space only because my acting has no magnetic feel to it. Feeling magnetic is the goal my acting.

Last night the scene I did was uninspiring. I wasn't able to channel into something organic in my experience. When I feel blocked in a scene my mind draws blank. Therefore, inability appears to self defeat my character in the scene. The truth about the character never lived and that to me is disappointing.

However, my internalization in all of this enables something I mentioned earlier, that with success comes failure. Knowing how I enable these ideas are psychologically healthy to examine. Rather than shut down and self destruct, I intellectualize the polarity. It is a kind of a metaphysical approach to step back and allow the universe to adjust as you shift.

Onalee has taken a radically new approach to acting, she is not enabling our bad habits nor criticizing what those habits may be. She is allowing the work to dictate how vulnerable we are and in order to fully embrace the closest thing to acting we can become.

My conclusions:

Nobody can tell me how good an actor I am or not. I know that I can act. I can even be the best at it. I need to remember this, always.

As far as this personal reaching out is concerned I feel I have been locked in a prison and put into a corner. This is my power. I use myself as an example of introspection that has a talent to articulate something universally. So I share this part of who I am because it is relevant.

Finally, I come here to use myself as an example of what the students Onalee has should do. Come here to be thoughtful and interact with a mind for caring. It takes a certain amount of courage to talk about things concretely and with substance. I feel I offer that as an emotional support type of system. If you value beliefs you have the duty to empower others. I say beliefs are ideas. Ideas are concepts. And this consists of the spiritual realm.

In am not here to rationalize my existence, I am here to inspire.

the Misconception of Power

The power of misconception is a terrible thing to waste.
A silent killer that never lets go.
From a window - wide open.
The property of gods pain goes away.
So now you can imagine.
Your mental relapse taking cause
from what common sense may breakdown.
Triggering a common denomination.
Vulnerability for day for night...
staring death in the face.
What we all are 99% are made.
What do you fear 1% of the time,
as your own worst critic  - only to repent.
That is your power.
Is your power in 99%,
or the 1.
Daring to be different.
If vulnerability can't be afforded;
it must be learned.
Acceptance through your own isolation.
Do not look for vulnerability as feedback search for it in others.
This is your power.

Fragmentation

Conceptualization & Empowerment

Plot twisting irony

Put in a time capsule the holy dove.
Living in that larger than life mentality.
Empty sadness is the deadliest of emotions.
Trust is nothing more then many different feelings
falsified into being.
That is where sadness presides.
Learning not how to land.
Taking an honest punch at it.
Because the art of pretend is exhausting.
So now blow me a heroic kiss.
Tell me how blindly you want me in your life.
Right up to your bleeding heart gets broken.
Smiles in response.

Conservation of an actor

The ugliness in acting

Ego
Judgment
No Fun zone

The joy of acting

Growth
Spirituality
Self Examination

Hegel

hegels-master-slave-dialectic

Unpopular truth

What makes the expressable, unexpressable.
Then what makes perfection unattainable,
elegant both inside and out.
Man is not man without being
effeminate in nature.
Vulnerabilty in nature is not to make one appear comical but....
absolutely liberating.
All so flawless.
Flirting with disaster,
in the saftey of an emotionally inspiring
blow up doll.
Critical moments of the hidden art
in slavery.
Having nothing to do.
Nothing to say.
Nobody to explain it to - to.

Game Ending Circuitry

Phantom pride lives in all of us.
Pay close attention to thoughts you own.
Take pause in what you're dying for.
Now think.
What amount of stimulation goes into
creating shortcuts.
What path worth taking is there
to cheat with.
Is your transparency a danger
to the auheticity you provide.
Be your true and only equal.
It will be what you feel to the
last breath you take.

The manipulation of a guilt free mind

Thinking is a very dangerous concept.
Look yourself in the mirror without waiting for feedback.
For fear of knowing what another person is thinking,
you must learn how to feel from what the feedback is.
How to convey medium in the message.
Try not to embarass yourself,
with only a hint of spoiled behavior.
Tunnel vision in the fog.
Fog is a beautiful type of therapy.
For history for beauty
and a separation of worlds upon worlds
which nature speaks.
Each word becomes a thought
as for each thought becomes a feeling.
The question is not in what you see,
find answer in what is you are not seeing.

The circumstances of surrender

The surrendering of circumstance.
The acuity of edifice.
The sound of children playing.
The injection of hostility and anger.
The mixed transmission of communication.
The missed understanding of -
how selfish you become as you get older,
and your luck in between.
The same reality to blame over and over again,
as in losing touch with a long lost lover.
Good honest value
is a terrible terrible thing.
Because I have a funny feeling
about thinking outside the box.
There is no art in training the mind
into knowing what you think it knows.

Ludwig Wittgenstein

Ludwig Wittgenstein

Pausing

To take pause in the sleeping giant.
What are signs of great distress.
Must you pray for peace;
is peace already made in you.
How will you unarm me.
An awkward Jeopardy.

Disposition in language.
Status quo - tricked -
into voiceless desperation.
Winner takes all.
Need's of human nature.
The strong silent type.
Sacred style.
From stunning jeopardy.
To such crushing defeat.
Awkwardly
Awkwardly
Awkwardly
Will it never fail.

Channelling my insecurity (I'm bored but not boring)

I come dressed well.
Like my grandfather.
But don't laugh...
because he is far more profound -
then you are.
Sometimes
I'm a bore.
Other times I feel it.
And I'm not such a bore
anymore.
How comical.
Comical like the devil.
Like in the pit of my stomach.

the Rubric

The sound of art is found in God's voice.
I possess the art of sound in mine.
I often wonder it out loud in my mind.
But you cannot hear it.
Only touch.
It is a scope that nears its target.
And is whispering in doubt...
Like a prayer.
It entitles me to find where it is
God might dwell.
What it is
that God may feel.
Quite a curious thought,
into imagining the feelings of god.
Whether good or not or whether or not bad.
To imagine feelings is a powerful concept.
The actions which make up sound.
Not just of god but of songs.
Songs make you feel and feed off nostalgia.
What does god do to you,
to make you feel,
to make you wonder.
What does it sound like.
It sounds like speaking in gods voice.
Every little thing being gods.
To learn how to speak.
Speaking to learn gods name of secrets.
It's a long time coming.
A long long time.

Like a song or that prayer you've learned to participate in.

In gods name.

What is thinking.
What is being.
What seeing is believing.
What noise does a sound make.
Thinking in gods name.
In thinking you learn how to think in sounds,
as though you've never heard that song before.
On repeat.
The sound lives on forever.
In your mind,
in your body.
In your core,
in your energy.
In your image,
in your psyche.

What caused it.

Learning in gods name.
Thoughts born out loud.
Such a song found in silence.
The concert of your dreams,
in orchestra.

Much the same way your thoughts are born,
You must first master silence.
This is the sound of nature.
The mother of sound in gods voice.
That is the final solution.

You must channel your inner awareness,
As if Hamlet's rubix cube.

Aristotle

The Lyceum

Aristotle and causation

Material - patterns - origin - final cause

The internalization of solipsism

I push myself.
To see how much further
I can go.
As if the world had only one currency.
Abating what is critical for what is
Concrete and infallible.
This weighty substance on my mind.
I feel unsure about my self assurance over a false sense of identity.

Philosophy of identity

https://perdidasmusas.blogspot.com/2019/04/a-philosophical-history-of-identity.html

Ibn Sina

Ibn-sina-great-medieval-arab philosopher

Centering the Universe

Pray the rosary in your lingerie.
Tell me what you want.

Does her voice feel like spring.
Can you imagine the taste of candy floss,
In this gamble of thoughts and words
Which may soon expire.
That chemical agent in the brain,
Helping boost your immunity.
With an electric impulse of images,
Can you face yourself living a lie.
Impervious to truth in a dream world.
And by some unknown divine intervention,
Come gods beautiful design.
Always the last to know.
Black magic of the sublime fool
Acquiescence
And the power of surprise.

A grave resistance

Love stains the heart
Somewhat of a Renaissance
If history is a disease,
You must improvise the repellent.
I am just an impartial observer,
Of unbareable consequence.
Unspeakable betrayal,
And immeasurable action.

Socrates Strangeness

Socrates strangeness

Socrates

Socrates

Aristotle's Ethical Thought

Aristotle

Life's Grey Matter is Exhilarating

What if I were obsessed with god.
So what is the soul made of
If not gods ability to find himself.

God is in me.
Whether to obey him or not.
He finds his self in me.
And likes it.

What is the ingredient of a spark.
Where the compass has gone haywire.

Everything is in flow.

Live your life like that of an actor
Who plays fair
But never listens.

I am that first beam of sunlight
Which you swear feels like
You've been touched unlike any other living thing before.

The God quotient

What would perturb you more as an individual. Guilty of not serving gods will or guilty of not acting in gods image. Both are distinct. One serves the purpose of what you think should be. The other, your mind measures in how to behave permissively.

I have a problem worth the solution. It is a simple formula regarding religion and the misunderstanding between forces be it gods will or not. Jihad is not what people convince themselves is. What Jihad conceives is the unbeliever. Therefore, it is incumbent of the unbeliever...

that Jihad is present. The common misperception is that Jihad consists of war against unbelievers when in theory it is the unbelievers that serve as justification for Jihadist mentality. Jihad is not war against unbelievers. It is unbelievers that declare war when they should...

believe in gods will. As twisted as that sounds or may come across it is a solution to the dogma associated with Islamophobia. Unbelievers create war and believers are caught in the causal element. The adjudication of war infers a fear of gods empowerment on two sides.

Therefore a misunderstanding between religious dichotomy.

The absurdity of sacrifice

In the throat.
In the throat is where you will find yourself.
You see I find the world in my throat.
The world is in my throat.

What if what you fail to think of as risk,
Was predictable.

And what risk so you feel,
Actually never really happens.

What you see as risk.
Is not risky - at all.

You get caught dead looking the other
Way.

The same perspective is one in a million.

As brighter as the sun's days to the end of its ageless wonder.
Each day designed to be in your throat.
Every risk in each day.
Send me to the shade.

Twitter 2019 January