Acting Class

Another acting class and a place I feel safe with my insecurities as an actor but the frustration follows me. That is what I need to focus on here. That my scene work isn't as good as it should be uncomparitively speaking. What my frustration allows is a window to my insecurity as an actor but not my immunity to the ability to act. I have ability. I just feel I am not truly fulfilling my potential.

So Onalee brings out the best in me. Last night was me at my best. But as onalee instructed us last night what will manifest as success also brings about failure in order to fully gravitate and celebrate what your mission is. (Read on as my intention relates back to this point later on.)

I feel grounded but my personal level of acting has to be self described as I am doing here. My reason for this is simple, my desire for acting is a very important concept to me. It requires a great amount of strength. If not found I feel lost in time and space only because my acting has no magnetic feel to it. Feeling magnetic is the goal my acting.

Last night the scene I did was uninspiring. I wasn't able to channel into something organic in my experience. When I feel blocked in a scene my mind draws blank. Therefore, inability appears to self defeat my character in the scene. The truth about the character never lived and that to me is disappointing.

However, my internalization in all of this enables something I mentioned earlier, that with success comes failure. Knowing how I enable these ideas are psychologically healthy to examine. Rather than shut down and self destruct, I intellectualize the polarity. It is a kind of a metaphysical approach to step back and allow the universe to adjust as you shift.

Onalee has taken a radically new approach to acting, she is not enabling our bad habits nor criticizing what those habits may be. She is allowing the work to dictate how vulnerable we are and in order to fully embrace the closest thing to acting we can become.

My conclusions:

Nobody can tell me how good an actor I am or not. I know that I can act. I can even be the best at it. I need to remember this, always.

As far as this personal reaching out is concerned I feel I have been locked in a prison and put into a corner. This is my power. I use myself as an example of introspection that has a talent to articulate something universally. So I share this part of who I am because it is relevant.

Finally, I come here to use myself as an example of what the students Onalee has should do. Come here to be thoughtful and interact with a mind for caring. It takes a certain amount of courage to talk about things concretely and with substance. I feel I offer that as an emotional support type of system. If you value beliefs you have the duty to empower others. I say beliefs are ideas. Ideas are concepts. And this consists of the spiritual realm.

In am not here to rationalize my existence, I am here to inspire.