Have you heard?

The shift in attitude is a commitment to excellence.

Experimenting with "concrete magic"

I am feeling - EXTREMELY - extremely tired. However, I have a few thoughts to share. I've been experiencing very different dreams lately. I suppose the medication has some cause. But the dreams I have are not of concern for me. Lately. . . I have realized the value or lack thereof regarding my full potential? It seems to me, as I encounter the place and time I'm presently in, this moment in my history has taken precedent over anything back to the future. That is to say: how much I've become recently! Therefore, some of these are thoughts about nothing in particular. The truth is the mystery.

Rational displacement theory

There are some things that make me wonder, which are good in fact? Trust, has always been something very important to me. It is this issue above all else that trust I deserve most of, from the people that matter most to me in life.

Racism

The title doesn't really justify how I see things that are true in the world.

What the title is about makes me feel inferior. My family and Tanya seem to be the pieces of my life, holding me together? Kind of like Humpty Dumpty!

My story is a half-truth. I understand some things in the world, and some I will never understand.

Superstition Easily Unpredictable

You pout too much;
taking it like a man should?
When your common sense
lacks logic, you can
easily tell the future
outcome fate provides
us with events!
In search of my own
vanity: is where I belong. . .
to. -
I do not lose such:
- ominous presence of thoughts.
Religion, all religion is pagan.
Rather, religion is based on a model of superstition.
A paradox of the method.
In a theory
all require
rational displacement.
A weakened conflict of personal confidentiality.
As I wipe the proverbial tears,
I see fireworks
in my eyes.
No choice in the danger.
The meaning is the method.

Muscular (cold) frowning in time stopped

A wise man once said;
grind the axe before you blow
- your whistle!
The story goes like this:
when the man was asked -
why that is true?
The moral of the story,
is in order to observe
he who is not listening.
You understand the meaning
fully.
It is in the actions,
that one who pretends
the other has in deciding
which is depressive or instinctive.
To my satisfaction greed is not an option.

Silver and Gold

It hurts?
I know!
It hurts.
The personality of letting go.

Cohort of replacements

Griped on reality:
I instruct a fact value theory.
In place of (not)
"selling out" per se?
That, a tug of war
to the top of
the food chain!
Lunactics on the fringe of despair.
There can be hero's in
time that are.
I have the stomach for such patience,
imminence. . .
peace without ignorance.
The will of god true nature without contempt.
All this for the nature; of
change in a music box. -
No greater
- threat.
No matter what
you retire from,
it's what you retire too that
matters.
What is a sociological question.
Green Chinese Madarines.
Greed and arrogance for the sweet nectar fruit.
Far more perfect than that you desire.
Decensitized into
thinking.

Smile I'm Grinning

The question I must ask -
from the time my answer arrives?
The pandoras box!
In fighting the problem:
what object is the base of one's
sexual act. . .
- or
all things considered consent.
The idea of taking ability and
transfering the energy that emits light.
Like, "cooped-up" chickens in darkness,
with bags over their heads.
They heard gun-fire.
They run around,
all of the chickens,
run.
Without their heads cut-off.
Therefore, the original question has altered
quite significantly.
The answer in question now is,
how do you get chickens to run around like they've
had their heads cut off.
You picture the chickens all with bags over their heads,
and you place bets on the winner.
Then, you turn off the lights without ever knowing.
Only, you know all of the chickens aren't "dead" per se.
And, you also realize that they've become aware of something.
The chickens have been taught,
what it would feel like to run around if they had
their heads cut off.
It's quite an amazing thought.
That those poor chickens weren't even told the reason,
they're running around with bags over their heads.
Is only to save them from themselves.
It'd be like whispering into the chicken's ear,
(if they had a conscious).
Listen to me, you silly chicken.
Once I place this bag over your head,
it means you'll run around as though you're head
will be cut off.
Then, in some spontaneous burst of energy,
the chickens all scatter wildly,
like mad little chickens running for thier lives.
They'd yell out in vanity.
"You've taken away my ability to cock-fight."
"You've taken away my ability to copulate with my
fellow chickens."
The chickens, never stopped to think.
They're running around in the dark,
as though no bags exist covering their
troubled little minds.
Poor chickens.
The real ending to this story is the moral.
Chickens need enough motivation that requires them
to feed on false predictions.
Poor chickens.
The secret is not yet out to this riddled population
of chickens.
I grin.
You might not imagine.
I'm smiling.
This mystery is safe with me.
The chickens are in such misery.
Always, the chickens get their signals crossed.
Never, can they lose sight of what's missing.

You know - nothing fancy

Barrels of explosion?
The source of these words!
I've caused;
such a paradox.
I'm a pioneer:
- I dare you,
to do anything -
about nothing.
Are you in the business
of blowing bubbles
or did you forget the words.

Losing Sight

Last night I saw Borat the movie. It was a cross between, "Wayne's World meets Andy Kaufman."

I have not lost my common language for responsibility, my middle name, 'responsibility' is a big deal.

Life is not measured by the breaths that you take, but by the moments that take your breath away. Barrels of explosion. The source of these words causing such a paradox. I'm a pioneer. I dare you to do anything about nothing.

Optimism is the one quality more associated with success and happiness than any other. - Brian Tracy

Seeing the future

Choices unannounced.
You're almost too
sincere; to sound
unapologetic.
There is no excuse!
For an injured vanity?
However, never
have I met
a person whom
hasn't underestimated
my being incredibly
'nice' with incredibly
sharp.
On some
unknown edge
of reason: its
defined my
character.

Sensed instinct of deception

Not to insult the
pretense for intelligence
based on anothers pretension.
I offer no excuses
for living; but the desire
I feel to
feed my appetite.
Hot blooded:
scrap metal?
The discretion from
repitition!!!!!

Red Herring Mountain

The following scripture was addressed:
"Mr. Mountain".
Keep climbing the ladder;
that is until you snarl!
The step will break in half -
or
- the dog will keep you from moving,
while its grabbed hold of your pant leg.
From this moment onward. . .
you are my true companion,
in this house of mirrors.
Truly, yours is a magnificent kind of
intention without such cruelty to things.
Perhaps, it is the distance of independence between
us both??
Considering, that the philosophy of human history
has never been given a ladder to retreat and remove from one
side of the bookcase to another.
The location present in this case and time.
A library of thoughts.
And quite the opposite account of delusional tactics
have been found recorded.
We must be able to correct these problems of institutional
arousal.
Solutions, I credit to the seduce me with great amounts
of pleasure.
However, the bureacracy bores me still.
Therefore, I have no interest to carry the burden.
I've guessed wrong all my life.
Let us invite the black horse to attend a ceremony,
until a later decision can be made.
The horse will signify our communion to the state.
It'll be that way.
In our minds eye.
In possession of the truth.
And quite ordinary in fact.
Like a game of tetris.
Only thoughts combine, to convene,
to persist,
to convey,
to reflect,
to converge,
to convince,
to persuade.
All in the act of courage.
All in the action of a probability to reason.
I have not been hurt,
or felt neglected from my victims.
It is this temple of energy.
The, to appreciate in a cookie cutter reputation.
A tragic routine.
A kind of escape into suddenly sponataneous
laughter and reprieve for nature.
The experience of true satisfaction.
No memory have I sacrificed this event.
The master of my own voice.
I won't allow others
to give or recieve the
worst impression of me.
For rainy days I enjoy to cook.
Recipes of dust clouds.

Zero

Obsession meets change?
Methods in common sense revealed!
It is something;
you wish for.
Passion worthy.
In the philosophy of human history:
and emotions.
- There is one thing
that will always -
remain a mystery. . .
"love".

kicking trash and plastic bottles

This is my own unthreatened
universal scope.
The treasure hidden
within happiness
and fill me in
dark starlight.
An empathy heightened paranoia.
My teeth sunk into my spine.
Only, all these are things I
can recognize.
Prepared to strike
- target. -
The quality an instinct;
a quantifying logic based
upon impersonation
or a slave mentality.
Not to test your
luck or press
the limits:
"pushed".
No missed apprehension or
role reversal.
No pretend ambition.
A fake.
You're a fake, Alice.
A fake.
In the goldfish bowl,
a tale of water.
Blub.
Blub.
Blub.
You didn't drown it?
It scrapes the surface.
A maturity of psychic retreat!
Too scared to stay on as devil's advocate.
To play hurt not the victim.
Independence is the nature of virtue.
Intellect is the voice of all thoughts.
And the cradle to a scorpion. . .
is the candle to a camels back.
Safe inferno,
information to secret passage of the fire.
My whole life changed in an instant,
a pleasant sight of
an entire log burning .

Ability is what you're capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it. - Lou Holtz

Man of the earth

I've repelled a lot from false:
inhibitions.
Being a person of principle that I am!
This is the reason I present;
such emotions that swirl about?
Premeditated assault on my better judgment -
character profile.
- Below the belt I feel it.
Such revolt.
A title.
Altercations of human nature.
I don't give up without a fight.
I feel sworn to the passion of a secrecy gone blind.
An intense interest.

Fragile Egos

In a twist of fate;
such is behaving for attention!
Complainer annonymous?
Don't motivate me:
I've afforded -
much
- much too many.
Not of my own faults,
that costed me.
One of the worst
Presidents in recent
memory.
Without a moral compass.
Where are you Pierre Trudeau?
A performer of great
courage and conviction.
Sacrifice, "don't take it".
Such happiness guided
in the history of myself.
Filling holes of charisma in.

Spiritual Alliance

The secret of success is to do the common things uncommonly well. - John D. Rockefeller

Contrary to popular belief;
an undivided attention.
Not jumping to conclusions:
condescending
conceit
competition
The cat's meow!
If a tree falls in the woods,
does it make a sound?
Such egocentric energy.
Such fate in the rush of my ferocity.
No dust of an idol.
Without validating the power of consequence.
The moments of a greater refuge never -
leave me
- in denial.
There is no difference in trying. . .
no indifference without pleasure.
Impartial to the bone.
My face is flushed in desire.
My flesh is invaluable to invite.

An unrehearsed deviance

The call of something gone wild?
What name is it!
Perhaps; perhaps the skill of -
design.
Perhaps: weak.
The power of imagination running on
higher inuition.

Importance of Rhetoric in a dialogue

The narrator predicted this would happen;
a great escape from fate.
That the instant amount of time:
would reflect all known variables?
In the universe!
A collection of stars. . .
- taken above.
The heavens -
have created.
In the sweet sorrow of words,
fascination proved me wrong.
The entropy of an inveitable love.
Failed to fake.
The magic of ethic.
A sound of trash in the democracy.
The is a sign of life in ruins.
I've spotted a grease stain,
and its isolated my grief.

Some lack of deception

I suppose the greatest of challenges that lay ahead, are not worth procrastinating about? I don't call this an ethical dilemma or a dramatic life altering decision. I'm just tired of being judged; especially because I've been misunderstood throughout my time on earth.

Of course: this is the paradox. . . do I take some form of intitiative in order to pursue the cleaning business my parents have established - or - go back to school? Not the latter!

I do not feel any ambition for one thing or the other. It's better just not to make ANY decision.

Right now I find myself in a very bad situation I'm facing. Some would think it's good, others would tell me to do the right thing and not realize how difficult a question this is for me. For me it regards so much more than just a simple fact of life.

However, I don't know what to think (which has greater implication) for me.

Personally, people don't care to believe how difficult a decision this might be. It's too trivial to give it a second thought when people have their own lives to worry about. Therefore, I wish I knew the answers, but I have no idea where to turn.

When I attended the social on Saturday night it was as if a flood gate opened and washed away my fears. The fear of being judged and not judging others for my shortcomings. It was a test of when and where I came from.

The purpose of attending the wedding social on Sat. had little to do with any of my present state of affairs. It affirmed the things I already knew. How much I have to offer and why did everyone seem smaller than in the past. It was an indication of my own history.

I kept being asked if I still speak with Edgar. I said, I no longer associate with him. But they already knew this, it was as if to say they knew he hides behind some designer outfits as though it creates his personality. "Hello, my - my what nice clothing you wear Edgar, feel free to walk all over us."

"People change." Victor told me. People of Edgar's nature do not change per se, Victor was referring to a shift in what people realize might be called 'change'. Although, in reality change is much bigger. What Victor wasn't saying kept repeating in his mind. That for some people change in terms of our inhibitions, as Edgar, remained the same. In truth Edgar hasn't changed he's hidden behind a sterotypical role of power an external self-image. If Victor failed to realize what he proclaimed as in his word 'change' requires a significant deal more.

Unfortunately, for the type of person Edgar is he'll never find the underlying difference of the need for change. That is in fact the true meaning behind the nature of this matter. Edgar will only exist as an individual based on how "successful" he is in competing. Edgar, only aims to serve a narrow-minded intuition without the ethical satisfaction or psychological aspect of being himself.

Edgar makes me feel unfortable, but I have the courage to say it. I feel intimidated if I dewll too much on it.

I have found happiness with Tanya. She is everything to me.

In case this sounds like I possess multiple-personality disorder, it has no indication of anything but my personal beliefs. A medium of confessing an opportunisitic message without revenge. It is more of a question about how you convey meaning, without lying through your teeth, as it converts itself into something I find within my silver lining. I call it the truth.


- end.

Charity without freedom

Freedom without charity? That is part of my external conflict in trying to understand the meaning of my present situation in life. The most difficult thing to comprehend is what to benefit from. I think outside of the box, without the mentality of staying within boundaries acting dependant on what others think of me.

I believe I've accomplished a great deal to manifest the true answer to these questions!

Over the weekend. . . I attended a wedding social where many old schoolmates there gathered. Part of my question: "freedom without charity" extends from my observations and what revealed from it.

The entire evening consisted of that group I can attest identify thinking inside of the box. I felt no different around these individuals. I could read them like a book. Part of the crowd that showed up were the "rich kids" whose attention seeking behavior only relate to image, a reflection of power, appealing "look at me. . . look at me. . . I have no personality but I'm better than you."

Some would think I've changed, but not one of the people I used to go to school with that truly think outside of the box haven't changed whatsoever. It was sad.

The moral to the story is somewhat sarcastic depiction of reality that I care about mentioning. The purpose of my adult life was as though acted in conspiracy.

I was only disappointed and with no degree of independence to show for it, I felt gigantic compared to the small assembly of people in attendence. Maybe those whose egos were too big for the occassion simply couldn't fit past the front entrance into the building.

All I know is how history up to this point in time has created many of the answers I saw given that night.

No genie in a bottle

Tanya, I am quickly learning is my one true love.

I get scared. That's what Tanya tells me. It's a question I've now began to realize must come to terms with. I ask myself what the answer is to why? Why am I scared I trace to the potential or lack thereof. It isn't that I lack potential per se, but, because I have "stalled" long enough. . . for lack of a better word. . . remain in the position I am in today. It is a trivial question, through the growing pains of adulthood! What risk is there to fail, if I do not at least try give myself the chance. A success story of - me.

However, as I attended university, have I really failed to realize what potential I possess? The fact of the matter is I must be greatful for the experience. This is my instinct.

I've felt how inconsiderate depression makes me insecure. The bigger picture: what is it that continues to hold me back? A fear of failing? Perhaps. Perhaps, my intuition would be better served if I stopped judging what others think of me, or stop trying to impress those that are subordinate. My own value of things in life.

The feeling I most need gone, is the sense of not deserving what others have. It is a feeling that I can only describe as lack of purpose or desire. A sense of my talent without the recognition, as if I deserve some sort of credit given! The feelings I describe, somehow fail to describe me as a unique individual. As a person who has struggled to find meaning. This is not to be confused with generality; I am not mistaken. I choose to be who I am as anyone else would say. Therefore, the potential I contain is trapped as though in a bottle waiting to be open. I feel the weight of my true self as unsettled, because I have yet to be taken seriously.

Tanya helps me affirm what's at stake. She helps me realize the time is thin.

What must I do to make this a decision?

Tommorow Columbo

There is no tracing the complacency
of happiness; from -
difference of pushing
the limits upon another territory
- with a canon.
From the brief apocalypse:
thought in time that 'no' gift-any-longer
can it have received. . . as to be known.
My only hope is fair?
That in life my name
is honored!
The honor of a hero welcomed.
Such contingency.
Every memory in each moment.
The quality of such ambitions.
Some form of potential inerted with force.
A positive obsession.

Possibly not possibly

I've ripped into an attitude of some kind?
Thoughts of prejudice!
But in loving;
there is no escape.
I can only survive:
if the work of miracles provides me with.

Spooked lucky

het ctfa i nac wims, nemas i eooshc otn oto.

The fact I can swim, means I choose not too.

The way I see things yesterday might not be the same they were today.

The definition of that is its exact opposite: what you may have today might not be there tomorrow.

As of yesterday everything changed. I thought about a lot has to do with fear. I'm not reminding myself of the purpose of the fear itself, but what the "fear" was telling me!

I now realize how fear tells me lies?

It has something to do with failure.

I was tired last night. I grew more tired as I thought about why surviving in this world wears down on me. The experience was real. I felt my sore body informing me of how tired I was. Truly, mentally and from exhaustion my mind did not invite it in. I began to fear it. It made me ask question contrary to the spirit and virtue I possess.

If I were an incoherent psychic

My independence as a 30 year old man, is capable in making conscious decisions rationally, I look into my imagination. The more depressed I become, the more I know how the right path has taken me to get through the struggle. Probably, because of the decision to voluntarily encounter such an evolution, the development I've encountered, and release negative forms of energy from every thing else that considers me. However, not as an individual of particular pessimism. I've become a person that used to defeat myself, set up failure, as 'automatic'. Earlier tonight: when I lost - a personal matter of feeling - I choose to perform my ulterior personality.

My motive here is simple. -

When you walk through the fire - it represents my fear - without laying an egg.

The question is: how did I get it right this time?