today is mardi

It took me only a couple of days, but I finally figured something out! It was on Saturday night. The woman that propositioned me. . . she's a prostitute. The fact is that it probably did occur to me, because of her mannerisms and movements. She gave no false impression of being someone that wanted to talk to me.

As she sat down next to me, and lit up her cigarette. "You look like your going to pass out here. You been here a while." Next thing I knew, she thought she already picked me up. I gave her no response, other than wanting her to believe I thought she might be genuinely interested in me. She wasn't.

After that brief exchange; the woman who arrived unexpectedly, all of the sudden, again changed the situation. Her focus was not on me, but on her not finding the extra money she needed for the night. Along with that came the pat on the shoulder she gave to me, and as she parted with her gesture expressed a phrase filled with conceit. The exact words are unable to be recalled from memory.

Sadly, it made me ponder with the execution of myself being there presented with this mistress in that moment.

My question now is how could I have not known instantly. Perhaps, indeed I did intuitively may have questioned her motive? However, the cause for my advancement was not one to reciprocate the prostitute. She wanted a sure sign, she would take advantage of an opportunity as it presented itself.

I almost guessed something was wrong with me, but I sure did not know the what this all meant at the time. Now, I see it was not a mistake I made. On the contrary. It proved I am only human. The mistake I almost made, was allow this prostitute to make me feel inferior about myself. It might have made more sense, if I automatically knew what the experience I was in involved.

To me this is all rather shocking. To think back and now fully understand what had happened without truly compreheding what was going on during that brief moment. It happened so fast, that I actually thought something was wrong with me.

Life is funny that way, it brings you to a path and the paradox of choices you make. And, in this case a choice that I can fully take the credit. A twinlkle in my eye, like a spiritual advisor whispered into my ear so only I can hear the voice. "Don't do it, be strong." And it scared the prostitute into thinking, her cover was blown.

Dwight D Eisenhower -

Most things which are urgent are not important, and most things which are important are not urgent.

It was as though I thought about what had happened, at that moment, and realized the prostitute was the person at fault. But how did I know, possibly a metaphsyical phenomenon of this nature can exist?

There is an answer.

My purpose is to be something like a leader, and true leaders are those that decide in the moment of truth what happens.

I could have felt guilty, if I allowed the prostitute to get the better of my emotions, for even if a split second the prostitute thought about victimizing me. She would have succeeded had I felt defenseless before she trapped me.

The point is that the prostitute did not succeed.

As so many things in my life, like the tragedy of my car accident, or hitting my head in a ski accident. I am uncertain.

My uncertainty results in everything that has become so permanent in my life, like tragedy of these ordeals, such as accidents involving my past. My history has nothing to do with a past life, or a former self. I have always been resiliant and stoic in leading by my own example.

Eisenhower-
Motivation is the art of getting people to do what you want them to do because they want to do it.

My motivation hasn't been to take advantage of anything or anybody. People, who know what spirituality means but actually have no real connection through the mind or body. It is my spirituality that has protected me from standing on the edge of reason. Only my essence as a human being can I travel far.