An observation manual

How do I know.
What makes me think of myself as an expert.
Where did I acquire this type of self awareness.
Have I imagined it all.
Is it only a lie.
How do I live to tell it if not real.
There are no simple answers into
Conducting a greater reality.
A higher state of consciousness.
Why would possess this kind of knowledge.
When does the good future reveal itself to me.
That is the difference between a phenomenological
Perspective and the nature of being.
You can try to tell a story with a bad ending.
Something tragic that happened in the back of your mind.
But you keep it private.
Because only you can weigh the scale or dream state
That translates the minds chaotic order from disorder.
All of this will make perfect sense that sleeps.
And once in this higher order
You decide to decode the world am I surrendering too.

That the object you conceal from the rest of the world
Is far more greater then what that vibration gives off.

I speak of ambiguity.

I change the pattern of thought entirely to suit
My own needs of recollection to the story.

It is how you build that story with clues about observation.
And that that observation provides proof of nothing ordinary.

It just comes and goes as it perspectively announces your arrival
In a secret form.

That's right....

You arrive in a secret form on the same day you were born
And the story of that day interfered with your mothers.

A very very powerful perspective.

One that specializes in coming to live life's miracles.

What is the object you provide observation to.
What miracles with you did you possess in transforming yourself
Without changing the same story you've imagined.

Where in the story didn't mention a lie.
The lie of living your best life,
Have you lived it as.

You imagined all of it.

Adding science to a fault.
Where your inhibitions deviate and gather prejudices
Of your mind kept hostage.
Your body in a make believe cage.

Where is your castle.

That right there is a question worth asking.

You built yourself a cage instead of a castle.
The whole time you are carrying the key.

In game theory we presume our own innocence.
Because competitively we may not survive.
So we block ourselves completely benevolent of cause.

This is the higher state of consciousness.
Where you may have experienced solutions to problems.
Only may.

To think objectively is not to make example of critical thinkers.
Critical thinkers are simply sinners gone past a method of inquiry.
The family of thinkers that preceded you.
Where the object interferes with no clear experation day.

You live to tell your story as an ambassador to the greater
Wealth of those that you take advantage of.

You must not take for granted fear from falling.

No one likes being taken advantage of.
Much like the narrative I am in explanation of here.

There inverting my own certainty,
Where logical formulations lead to definitive conclusions.
And then there uncritical thinking.
The kind that thins into detail of diabolical self illusions.

To speak abstractly is a gift that radically transforms your mind.
You learn to descramble language in a way that maneuvers.

Certainty vs critical thinking...
Which one is not up to you.

Is it true or is it false.
They are different.
One concerns validation.
The other may be something more or less abstract.

This is not unimportant.
Because these are things which demand inquiry,
On some level thoughtful in mind.

How the nature of everything that's intended
Is whether or not related.

Game theory is a theoretical question which demands
A processing of induction.
Logical in principle
To help you explain conclusions which are probable
Based on the evidence itself.

What is wealth.

Solar Circuitry

If my mind were poisoned
And that causes words to lose
All their meaning.
Where is this well of magic to help
Reinvigorate the senses.
At what point could any language become
So obsolete.
Where you brand the worlds wisdom 
As esoteric by trade.
Like a corn at the ball of your foot,
Or thorn on your side.
As I silently observe from outside
My purple box of emotions.
What will I not see come the future.
What will I be missing.
Again asking what would be of names
If words had no meaning
And that those words carry codified
Information.
Have I said too too much or too little.
My brain is scrambled.
With what is safest way to remain silent.
What sound does a great secret kept
A great secret make.
I would say bringing art to life
Is about seeing life in the art.
And to observe how one operates.
Where we are or who we are
Should never really matter.
Even in a world without 
borders.

Are we not all just a bunch of persuasive
Puppeteers
Hanging on to suspense and intrigue
That we turn into great masters
Of words that have no meaning
Understood only as in basic information.

What is in store for us when we wander.
That is the only real explanation to everything
Even if not gods creative intent.

Not are we slaves to reason like the ancient philosopher's
Once thought of.

Instead, what if the language we've learned to decipher
Were merely symbiotic.
What if we thought of words not as we mean them,
But were magically described to us as if by the very 
Same nature or structureless idea of God given
Intention.

As if to speak of worship but without relationship to prayer.

And what if words just disappeared,
Not to be forgotten but ceased to exist
Into an abyss of emotions where your mind had
No control over.

Wouldn't that be lovely.

The habit of self destruction

I am not a bad person. 

That each good bone in my body, 

Wanders.

Even so, if I have on a good day, 

Nothing to hide. 

My own self reflection is visceral. 

Of an antiseptic nature. 

The practice of wisdom 

Which I am not waterproof 

That my mind and body 

Melt away. 

I am the great flow of energy 

Much like the sun beaming 

How so is my spirit. 

My fire burning. 

I sleep in around the fire.

Where my dreams are made. 

I am the fire. 

I am the earth's wind land and water. 

I am the energy that flows through me. 

I am rapid. 

But - but please baby please

Don't worry. 

Because that is when I feel things get 

Blocked. 

Only happiness ensues. 

I feel beauty to this.

It's not hard to do.

It's adult time

Stay in touch with your creativity.

Come join me for some wine.

And I'll stay in touch with mine. 

No Mind

No mind
Hidden truth
Hidden language
It all will make sense.
I am.
I have the ego to be an actor.
Look at me sideways, 
A type of high voltage
To think of as art.

Stones & God's love

Vintage Krishnamurti

The Ego

J Krishnamurti

How do I look

Do you pass virtue without seeking judgment.
The safest distance between us.
I guessed wrong so what happens to me now,
what's suppose to happen next.
I had almost saved her life...
Although now it's the silence that's different.
How honest the effort.
How comforting the approach.
How appealing that step forward.
Count me out.
Such novelty.
The noble lie.
Please - please -  please
Don't count me out.
It's all kept buried inside me.

Dark Crystal

Efficacy
Fear based reality
The deformity of love
Machine guns...
And the incredulous inner critic.
All in the uniformity of life.
Probability and disambiguation.
What if all the angels just disappeared.
And you landed on a planet with silver skies,
Where there is no fear of whether or not god exists.
I am a man of the cross,
And all those who make that sign,
I will follow.

Acting notes

August 28th 2019

Social anxiety masked
Choices
Visual vs Auditory learning

Edgy
Not faking happiness
Tune me out
Refuse to go where I may want to but feared it instead.

Horse riding concept
Details authenticity

Surrender

September 11th

Defense mechanism (feeling is the gift of perception)
Release your inhibition
Are the words coming out from you real. (Internalization)

September 18th 2019

Intent
Knowing the role you portray

September 25th 2019

Owning the moment not living in it.
Holding space through freedom and openness
Professionalism
Emotional sophistication

Act like you know who's watching you.

Intent is not thoughtlessly

October 2nd 2019

Believability of choices
Intent courage bravery
What is acting
What is magic
What is wisdom
Living in your body

October 9th 2019

Patterns shifting
Compromise

Out of comfort zone

Revolutionary Manipulation

Centered freedom
Comfortable in your own skin
Cutting strings

Living in Winnipeg is thinking outside the box.

November 6th 2019

Self conscious
Being present in the moment
Being in touch with your child self

Authenticity
How do you get to belief in the character

Acting is not pretending to be somebody else having an actors experience.

November 13th 2019

Comfort in your skin
Coming from a place of truth
Fakery
Being scared of auditioning

Everything is new. Nothing is stupid.


December 4th 2019

Intensity
Internalization

Being present in time supersedes judgment.

Unapologetically me.

Selling out to alpha country.

You have nothing to prove to anyone.

Chip on shoulder, some people need to be knocked off their thrones.

Manipulate. Shift. Master yourself.

Authenticate.

Lose control.

December 17th 2019

Defense mechanism
Shutting down
Insecurity
Conscious of mental states in shifting

Coping mechanism
Intellectually internalizing

Focus on humility

Faking it
Moving energy
Centered in truth

December 18th 2019

Connect
Be in your body
Commit

Raw power
Monster energy when you think of a mouse.

Strengths
Weaknesses

Neurotic

Being instinctive is being
Social cues

Acting is being greatful for what you have.

As real as real gets.

January 29th 2020

Authenticity vulnerabilty
Dramatizing

Personal space
Boundaries
Safety in expression

Fakery is false only when you stop make believing it's true.

Artistry in self expression is sacred as much it is ancient.

Heroic personality
Eliminate the need for a comfort zone.
Do not cheat the feeling. Chase it.

February 5th 2020

Personal growth
Breakthroughs


February 12th

Emotional availability
Listen
React

Image
Expression
Response

I'm not going to feel bad about myself in things out of my control. I'm just going to keep bettering myself in my ability to create.

February 18th 2020

My anxiety shuts me down.
John Bernard
Sean Garrity
Gary Yates
Noam Gonick
Guy Maddin

Dave Brown is the gun safety guy who tries too hard.

How do you learn to break patterns of convention or rules based reality.

The power of intention needs to be human.
The power of an intention that feels human.


Making a difference is far different from just being useful.

Killer sexuality or psychosis

Denial from freedom.

Hope is a psychic type of retrieval unworthy of something that is never going to happen.

Acting is a diabolical illusion in the form of a power dynamic.

The feeling between being used and having loved is where true freedom lies.

February 25th 2020

Look at me I'm out of control. Good or bad.
I want you to like me.
Let it go.
Realign
Celebrating life what is the secret to it.

April Wine

When my intelligence is insulted 

It is only because I have the solution

That No one else knows about. 

I feel sick hiding behind 

The real nature of my intensity. 

Catch and release

My fragile shadow
To abide and to edify. 

Emotional Pausing

What if I were to fake my death.
Upon which comes a time,
Where nothing else matters.
As if we are all just cartoon characters,
In this happiness of mind.
Where I miss your wisdom.
The shapes and sounds of how
Well I listen.
Empowering me to live life as a decree.
There are no fluffy parts...
None good or bad.
That the most rational cause for success
Is that there is none.
There is no moral absolute.
No antidote freedom from which freedom creates.
That to survive courage,
Is not the courage to survive.
Unlike the cowardly lion.
Such a poor poor metaphor.
For real life is only an
Anomaly.
Once it is done.
You too are gone.
Awaiting your nemesis upon arrival...
But never does.
The absurdity of a secret so profound.
Only punishable by moonlight.
Shoes I love to wear.
That is the art of the dance.