The desensitization of identity

Deep in wonder,
when death becomes my fate -
how will I die.
Where will I be.
What would my last thought be.
I'd like to imagine myself in a desert,
so far away from reality,
that it feels as if I'm chasing a distant past.
I might find a giant living rock, where I find shade....
And I sit there in refuge just waiting.
Where I experience a breathlessness,
because god has made it my final destination.
A resting place to call my own only for a moment.
(Breif moment.)
And the sky hints at me,
therapeutic aroma of rain... it starts pouring.
It is unlike anything anyone can ever dream.
That metaphysical transformation,
somewhere between holy baptism; probably
never to be found except this secret
throbbing
momentary relapse.
Where I laid down in a desert all my own.
And a whisper of God drowning in my ear.