Decomposing life

What is it about true friendship that speaks to you, will be different for everyone. To be sure of what one sees, compared to a vast majority of people is too broad in defining it. But the key to dynamics in a friendship, a mature one to be in fact, might be agreeable within a common perception of it.

If you have certain things that act as definitive intangibles (i.e. very important) which must be involved to determine what makes a friend -"friend". In fact, it might be inconceivable to the other person as to how high of an esteem you voluntarily give to a friend, provided they match your suited criteria? It becomes a question worth answering.

My reason for asking myself this question is simple. Do I have an answer for it? Yes, I do.

The naive part of me has all but vanished into thin air, literally. Speaking of valuing friendship is an undertaking task, the challenge in making friends is not the answer, what it is then that makes a true friend a "friend" must not exclude elements of their behavior toward me. That is to say, for instance, you are not typically being cynical toward other people, you are nice (e.g. friendly, not stuck up, etc.). That is the easy part, the hard part is this: what measures people apart from a simple minded "that's a nice guy/girl" from "that person connects with me on a very sincere/unsuperficial level." Think about that for a moment, those are 2 distinctive possibilities, however only one of those - not like the other - can enter the kind of ritual in friendship you credit.

Part of me used self deception in a manner that I created. In turn I would act against my better judgement, sometimes feeling abused, unsure of my wellbeing, and blame myself feeling as if a victim. If it were not for my lack of self-worth (in someways selfish ends) I had felt I were a target stamped on my forehead. It was borderline absurd insofar I had no boundaries that I'd protect myself with, and subconsciously albeit voluntarily give everything I had - unselfishly. I used to put everything I had into wanting the other person to like me, as if I would be validated in the experience. Somehow what would result automatically make me magically disappear!?

Therefore, I looked at myself with consideration that hardly enough I began to realize the good things. That I have exceptional qualities.

My reason for sharing this is quite something cumbersome, but I digress it's importance. You know the type, "I really like it that people know me, I am not aware of you completely, but I pretend to be my shallow best in my vain attempt to determine how you see me." To give a person the benefit of the doubt when they're only trying to impress themselves. It's a mask that deceives the other person you meet with when encountering another person for the first time. Perhaps, it lasts into a meaningful rewarding relationship, which is what brings me to this point.

There are independant variables contingent to how one could introduce meaning into a relationship, which would include confidence, trusting that person will be someone that remains unconditionally open to human desires, emotionally available, endearing, without deviating from the norm poses no threat to you.
What eliminated my false beliefs to this day re; true friendship has mostly to do with my sensitive nature, which most people like me might fear being rejected by other people. It is a common trick within the brain, a block against your real nature that prevents you from becoming what you really are, or worse self-deprecating. You might even deprive yourself of making friends. . . but instead you feel that you can release inhibitions, expressing yourself for who you truly are, and not have a care in the world what other carefree types similar to you or not.

Then you begin to think about which of the ones that "stick" to your mind for lack of a better term will they shelter?

That's what will inevitably happen. . . as I have resonated.

Then - the next part is what to make of such things we take for granted in life - or for that matter - that people may have taken for granted in yourself.

I examine how many people I believe I had influenced to a degree in my life, then, I found how astronomical (for lack of a better word) the greater the number of people dropped off the face of the earth. I actually forgot who my ambivalence was directed to or lack of reciprocal animosity toward others rose in uniformly desensitizing myself (to former colleagues). For example, I see people in my distant past, that recognize me, and who I recognize, we'd associated at some point in our lives, but under no direct set of boundaries (which is what we would really want in this world of unimposing freedom.) Ideally, the unilateral position which I take has virtually no meaning to that "significant other person" in other words that person no longer exists 'significantly' because it was only an illusion or construct of my figment imagination.

The archetype for true friendship should look like this as follows:

A person that is kind and considerate, will not use you and on no uncertain terms wants to make your life better with generosity, kindness and altruism which never ends as a result of conditions within that relationship.

True friends will not devalue, degrade, decensitize or be impartial no matter the tolerable cost.

The better knowledge that you acquire in becoming an individual, will ground oneself, enabling you to see such interesting dynamics as they occur.