The Fragrance of Incense

There are no such things as defects,
I take everything as constructive.
I will not neglect my own values for integrity.

To remove the guilt.

Though in every way...

Dangerous Attraction

I've LOST IT.
Forgive ME.
How can I be forgiven, father?
My lord.
The power of danger is lust.
And on this holy day of reckoning,
I pray to thee.
Have mercy on my soul,
and I beg of you to spare the death.
For the awakening of,
many - many.
The main entry to heaven,
reads, "WARNING: PUNITIVE" language?
What about forgiving me...
for the restoration of my senses,
and the belief I cry upon your mercy lord.
Give us mercy lord,
bring us together.
Amen.

Unfriendly Altercations

What is the goal?
I repeat myself...
over.
It's not the abuse.
What conflict has emerged within the scene,
that I acted on confrontation.
There's a chance.
That agressively, you mistook me.

Misbehavior

At the same time, a token of my sincerity...
this gift I bring you.
But alas it wasn't meant to be?
Something about me told you,
something about you told me something.
That reading between the lines,
stuck in my head...
out of my MIND!
And through it all,
I helped you...
inch closer.
Next to me,
a banana peel on my cranium.
You did turn me on, woman.
Thank you, for being there with my supper.

I'd create, the future awareness I now possess.

For you make me smile, even when I'm not around...
you're real down to earth.

Presenting Clumsiness

Hello there!
And today the sound of clutz.
Perhaps a far more distant reality than an ideal,
doesn't even exist?
Unrealistically, I've continued to worship...
in less detail,
distinct observation.
I beg your pardon.
In times of need, my shoelace becomes untied.

Insecurity showing, validation.

Pushing the envelope

There's this room of spontaneity,
when not pushing for the envelope.

And while I waited.

The Albino Rhino

There's no verification I need to be repressed myself.
In fact, I'm no more vulnerable today...
then I was yesterday.
I'm only less tolerant.

Velvet Letters Underground

There's something about dignity and humanity,
most don't understand?
However, in the blue beneath...
I wonder how much of my youth has left me.
Perhaps, there will be a time,
of purpose that...
the words I express become clearer each ready.
And, from this day forward.
I presume, nothing.
Nothing can stand in the position I'm available.
Because, time doesn't exist.
Because, in order for myself to become something,
I must manage the feelings I already have.
To own, the best chance I create for myself...
to live beside the shadow.
Come, my dear.

Later on, the moment will be setting you free!

Now, you've seen me.

Taking off my clothes.

Join the graces of my only motor, myself having built...
a training ground for noisy tools.

Against, the killing of my irritablity,
you should know more about how I function.

You think I can listen.
I tell you not to stop.
Over coffee...
we've added in sugar.
You've decieved only yourself.

How do you survive?

Asserting Passive Aggressive Behavior

Stop playing pretend.
That's obviously what you thought,
about my dirty socks.
Those evasions say it all,
the way you act!
And, to think I treated you like a wallflower?
But seriously, in all my days of life, god willing...
you've muffled the sound of your own voice.
Just to impress yourself.

The apprehensive fear for reasoning.

My Dying Wish

I've never been so afraid of you,
as I feel right now.
This instance, I look over my shoulder...
to protect me from your harming me?
Please, stop this from happening.
I need help.

To my secret admirer

For any reason,
if you were an evil twin...
disregard this message.
But I want to see you in a beautiful wedding gown,
and forgive me.

Increase

You've kept staring death in the eyes,
my lord.
And this is how you repay?
Show me mercy, lord.
I will show you mine.
You take her life away...
you took my soul today.
And you will lose this fight, lord god.
You will lose.

I won't be asking for you to keep me strong,
or to give me strength.

I asked if you gave?

But the funeral procession...
might you attend.

You lord.

Where had the time gone to fight.

You fought a hard losing battle,
you criminally insane loser.

You're it. Let's not dance.

And if by chance, you smile...
my frown would wipe it off your face.

But from what information I've gathered,
a day of mourning?

The Exorcist

It was at that moment I realized something,
that moment I felt...
when we spoke in kind words.
Perhaps, it was?
No...!
Living proof of it.
The angel in your eyes.
And as I can recall,
the monster on my back,
jumped out at you.
Except, the worry.
Accept, the pain.
I anticipate great things, in moments like these.

Big Gulp

It's been a long enough time since, the last episode...
that your sincerity is the most attractive quality about you.
But whatever happened to our trust,
the same way I imagine us?
And perhaps on evenings in late August,
you'd be willing to meet with me.
Over that, cup of warm latte,
or a grape.

Nowhere Here

If there's a private distance between us,
dear lady...
your breast is beauty to behold.
Though in an instance,
as if day and night shaped...
an existence between us.
Perhaps, you think of me often?
As I greed over that thought,
of your bossom.
I'd ask, what path have I been on...
in the hopes of encounter.
Each and every time we've met, on terms like these.

Instruction of Intention

Now that the Yuppies have settled into there wild blue yonder?
What dreams do I own, that the grace of god bestows upon...
an evening filled with stars.
And my head has rested,
the mind.
Quietly, quietly.
Candid decision making abilities,
my common gesture.
Dirty, dirty... clothes.
The sweat.
I swear.
Off my neck, the head, has already been worn again?
This is the power of intention,
the intention of instruction.
And I apologize, but without, the feelings of such...
insecure.
Abused,
manipulated...
not only to be used.

Tastefulness

In this world of overflowing illusions,
a kite flies in the night.
Only I happen to reach that indulge.
And she seeks no remorse,
the truth of a sound mature male.

To The treasury committee

From the rock that I carved my own Statue of Liberty, holding up a $1 worth of some unoriginal cola can.

I wondered, might imagination allow me to peak? I stretched the telescope high into the clouds, and sighted a peninsula!

Tapestry of emotions!!

No need for a response... if I like.

Only I don't care for you, you don't even know me lady.

Do you, care?

Then again...

I wondered further onto mirage, you thought about what you act.

Real to Heal

You're one of the most obnoxious people I've ever met.
In a room filled with spectators that've gathered.
Such de'javu...
you've meant no need to be friends.
But, I'll never meet with you again?
Knowing you dyed your hair and gave false pretension.
Even upon movie screens as the reel projects,
that you'll never.
That you'd always.
If at all.
The cries from above turn into whispers of joy...
and only because of me, Marco.
Especially, now in this hell on wheels,
a ring of fire.
An angel.

Word of Invention

Such timely sacrifice of life,
when the words spoken...
are better left unsaid.
But on some other typical hiding, places of ruin,
perhaps the degree of integrity softens?
And I don't agree with the trouble we face.
But I do quit.
However, believe me.
Because, evasions are spread about...
and the question always remains the same.

Sexy

You taught me how not to be jealous and shaped me into the person I am now.
How can I thank you?

Red Eye Knight

Yes, I said sadly.

But whatever.

I'm not acting a lie.

Napolean.

You bored me.

Without me saying a word.

She's wearing pigtails... shiver me timbers!

Now state whoever here is boss, the last time in was out.

My damage is critically mass.

I own this bruise upon my forhead to show for my wounds healing pretty.

Flirting with the devil, is satans favorite pastime.

Feeling out this allegory?

And how.

Bankruptcy Protection

You give me no choice, priority, over compromise... that we've come to this?
Honest.
I understand.
Tell me.
Tell me.
No more rationalization, you womanizer!!
Off you pulverized, womanizer!
I told myself, you're goose is cooked.
And again, you hate me?
I cannot.
I will not.
Responsibility.
Dignity.
Independence.

And my armpits smell stinking rotten.

Impossible Endings

On days like these I wonder... what heaven might be like?
What'd heaven be on a postcard?
If on occassions of rarity, my antognizing nature, abrasive.
The danger in her eyes.
And calling from above, this wisdom of silence, held within.
Everything that consisted of language were as in dreams... happening every moment.
Here I go there.

Green Chinese mandarins

You vandal of trust.
You fortune teller of words.
You kamikaze of truth.

The tolerance of loyal majesty

No, you angered me... I said.
That's not right, wrongfully murdered.
But loyalty by design?
Perhaps.

This is your captain speaking.

We're flying at an altitude of devine heights.

Below, there's shallow empty space, in fields of dafodils.
And defenses...
and breakthrough.

The Portuguese Graduate

From the day I was in kindergarten.
Yes, master...
I don't want that to be my destination.
But here I am.
And between this fantasy/reality,
I wake.
The title of a jar, filled with worms, I can trust.
Unearth me, lord.
Oh lord, I'm terrified, frightened of witches, goblins and the likes.
I'm in kindergarten.

In the moment.

You haven't failed, me.

I ask this: on this world of our own imagine, how it'd be without the taste of water... and parish the thought, remember how to forget.

Fasting Purple/Violet

Narcissist in love...
do not make me your scapegoat.
Such an inferiority complex you have?
The noise you make, the danger.
How must I feel!
You tell me.
I care A LOT ABOUT MYSELF.
You narcissist.

The Equal Sign

Felix...
Felix.
You violent cat.
Stop bumping into me purposefully!
I wouldn't have noticed, that your temptations... have still not developed.
Something else tells me, you've challenged my inhibitions, to maximum credit?
Think you kitty.
Thank you again, for the calm peaceful storm, and a whisker to touch me sending clouds from above... down to earth.
But I didn't like you at first, kitty.
You violent femme fatal.
This signifies my loyalty, to honor you without judgment or my horrific asylum beneath... an open grave.
Tell my kitty, where have you gone?
Gone somewhere, I don't imagine you being, with the same freedom it takes me to grow into pleasure.
But kitty... you've become accustom to giving out warning signs of danger.
Purr kitty, MEOW.
Now tell me, what are the things you've imagined?
Why are you so afraid of me, poor, poor kitty.
I'll wait to place you on my lap... purr kitty, PURR.
It's a difficult place, this bureaucracy of giants nestled together.
Purr.
Kitty.
Purr.
You're safe with me, kitty.
The secrets you possess are all lies and liars or pearls or diamonds.
I will bribe you kitty, I will form a bias of you kitty.
Evasive you are, kitty.
Unforgiving of me, kitty.
Be kind and gentle, kitty.
Now speak to me.

The thought of my flesh might I assume, let's say amuses you at the sight?

Might you presume the poisonous is a command?

Poison, venom, vampire... you kitty.

The stalker has arisen from his grave, the zombie has left with the treasure.

Fortunately, the same way I accept you kitty, anticipate that natural prey I owe you.
You have my blessing kitty, mine.

Upon this return from the dead, the death of a movie crew, on set, a horrible tragic end.

Now all has been lost!

Pink, condoms. Shine. Safe sex. Trust. Kitty. Purr... meow.

Emotionally disrupted

For some nausea, I could move from here...
into a world where smiles greet me?

I'll fly on an airline, a stranger, among mystery passengers...
and my backpack.

The girl sitting beside me knows nothing about, feelings of insecurity and lust, my range of emotions.

Though as not to worry, she'll take my hand and do nothing but sit still...
she's left me there.

Susan, you're quite a lady.

I've waited all these years just to meet you here, this distance between time and space, connected us.

Destiny rang...
you answered didn't you?

I thought you did...
but maybe just maybe you did in fact.

I loved you the moment I laid eyes on you, like an angel that I never met before.

Iran

Rancid Vida.
Why?
I see myself reflecting in your eyes.
Vulnerability in the light.
I cast you a stone.
Why.
This must be legendary or not...
you're very liberated.
But I look to the past I own,
more then just how frightened you get with me.
Rancid Vida.
No more.
I care...
no more.

Before there was you... Fatima

And yes I asked myself,
why did you appear?

Some mental reconstruction of the events have come to pass.

However, in the utmost respect, if I ever fail your virgin blood Mary, give in to me.

I will promise you.

Irregular Portuguese Verbs

In this darkness, my breath has gone bad...
I cannot under any circumstances breath.

In some moment before this language,
I presume I wasn't thinking about...
how conformity lacks complacency.

But in truth, I might find you with the feeling...
the same feeling of paranoia.

And we've combined our inertia in order to roar,
deep within...
everything I have to offer.

Sushi Girls

Naked.
She's getting herself on the table.
And rarely on this occassion especially.
With the exception of making a sad mistake.
The sushi is excellent on nights like these.
A bland mix of raw fish.

Italians ~ Don't Dance

She recieves only the money... with dollar signs in her eyes.
And I await that moment, my past floods my soul without defenses showing.
I want her to like me?
But what about me, doesn't she adore if I walked with a cane.
And again I only wish to god, that she will see me.
Why cannot I attract the same religion, so beautiful as she, that the morning light dawns upon me relfecting her nature.
The women, the Italian girl I saw.
She's exquisite.

All I want is her hand to touch mine.

To stop ignoring me... and then.

Breaking Through Patiently

I feel like you're keeping us on a tight leash, Onalee. I don't know what else to say. After the next workshop, I hope to have better answer to my situation in acting. In terms of becoming an actor, I don't have any other way but you. Now I don't want to go to university, and I have no girlfriend that is a true equal. I feel like life sucks. But whatever.

I'm beginning to see the effects of therapy in my everyday thinking. I'm also dealing with PTSD.
However, the changes I've begun to make, are progressing.

I think a lot of what I'm dealing with, affects me presently.

This is a really bad journal entry.

The Portuguese Barber Shop

Fireman! Fireman!
Come and see what I have found...
I don't know where I'm going.
Why won't she say, I want you for me?
What have I left, if she wants only a Chinese man with his mohawk.
Nowhere I go...
the dreadful mirror image of my skeleton.
Have me love.
Have me.

I fear for her.

Bring me to life.

What else is left, but a sad, sad boyhood dream... swept these tears like shattering glass.

Last night I spoke with my acting instructor. I don't know if this class is working for me. I know I don't want to go to school anymore. I also feel I need to move on with my life, and considering everything that's been happening lately.

Yeah. . . so anyhow. The last couple of days have been hectic. Not so much with being busy, but above average stress level. My parents are leaving. I'll be staying here.

The Tumor

Dearest lord,
I find you in me,
myself at the risk of sounding vaguely farmiliar.

This ring in a cave, I hear you?

Someone answered.

I beg of you to forfeit my aunt.

She deserves life here on earth with us oh lord.

I beg of you to stay, in my heart, as I pray... she lives.

Let us be together oh lord... she shall remain and I prevail with you in her.

She must not lose the fight, oh lord.

She'll win.

Out with the old...

Last night I erupted.
Do what you want...
not what you think I want.

So instead,
Stop seeing my true self.

That girlfriend of yours is out of her league.
Not to mention we're no longer friends.

Keep away from me.

Not as of yet, I forget, to mention how warm the sea water feels.
But instead of that, my imagination encounters... love.
Somewhere between lust or ecstacy remains my lonely heart.
Because, if something else whispered the secrets I carry within me...
only love would protect my soul.

Don't use me like that, I say.

I've been heart borken.

My torn shadow into pieces, fallen.

There's no escaping the shame or guilt in this tragedy.

If you're not trying, you're not trying hard enough.

What Am I

A male.
In his late 20's.
He made a pass at me.
Asked me if I was drinking.
I declined.
I also didn't dance with the aggressive female on the dance floor.
I don't want to be judged.
I just want to be liked.
Relax.

It's an allegory~!

For some reason leather wears down.
An unknown rationalization...
a negative criticism.

But on some occassions,
the rules are made to be simpler.

Without any doubt.

Master of Disgiuse

I'm a collector of private interest, disguises.
I place each of them, on a pedestal.
Where there are brilliant rays of pink and green colors shooting stars like fireworks display.
And my most prized collections are personal.
My private collection of disguise.
A merchant.
Are they willing to purchase what I have to offer?
A translator: buy what I have to sell.
Is it language?
The lovers of a pierced naval between us, sails off.
On a boat to nowhere...
I like fashion, the question is, do you like what I'm wearing underneath.
As contagious as rubbing dollar bills right under your nose.
Are you allergic?

Confessions of a dangerous mind...

And in case you were wondering, about, my being afraid... of music.

The cause?

Flowers, for thee in a basket, filled-with-roses-my-joy-of-life... and picnic tables.

In search of an identity, only I'm lost in the wilderness called upon by no one else's name.

There's a distinction between mystery and a mangled opera singer hanging from a vine.

Corpses, rigor mortis or a hope in prayer I ask?

Where's the music gone... only survives an accident of polka. Polka on a dance floor!

Roll out a barrel and the naked streaker without a date of birth to call their own.

Within this, I've managed to complete a greater challenge already.

Quite a farce, a force of nature if you will indeed comply with that.

The Perfect Candidate

If in the past, I created a lovingness of myself...
the narcissist.

Perhaps, in time... I've awakened finally.

But, because instead of a heart I'll continue further onward looking past the narcissist.

So be it.

And, in this heart of mine, there aren't words to describe the feelings that live inside it?

What is love if it's only meant to be something without feelings, thoughts, a real inhibition.

I put my fear of inadequacy aside.

To you father

I don't enjoy the manner you've behaved...
lately, you acted extremely rude.

You gave me a gesture, and I did the same.

Now you've become patronizing, condescending, malicious.

For whatever reason... you just fell off the wagon.

On a night like tonight, there's a voice inside of me that beckons.

And the mind listens.

Dear Sirs Luck relies on chance, labor on character.,

Let us do or die.,

Perpetual modernness is the measure of merit in every work of art,
It is not the man who has too little,
but the man who craves more, that is poor.,

The disease of jealously is so malignant that is converts all it takes into its own nourishment.

Courage is rightly considered the foremost of the virtues

It is just as hard to do your duty when men are sneering at you as when they are shouting at you.,

Our degeneration, when it is traced back to its origin in our view of the world really consists in the fact that true optimism has vanished unperceived from our midst.

Melissa. She wanted to meet. I emailed her today. Told her I couldn't.

She wants a relationship. And I wasn't on the same wave length.

When I'm not busy trying to be validated... I'm feeling neglected. Low self-esteem will do that to you. I'm extremely low in self-confidence. But whatever. I accept it.

Andrew, "You've only slept with 7 chicks... I thought you'd be in the double digits." He says this to me.

It's true. It's true what Andrew told me. The truth is, that I've been in university wasting away my years, not worth a dime. God, I'm 27 now.

I toked a reefer for the first time since high school. On Saturday night, I wanted to get laid.

I didn't.

I hate it when people don't respect my decision to be sober. That I don't want.

fyi

In less then a month, I plan to change back into a prince again reborn. From the beast. I alter. Now, in terms of age, my wisdom has peaked enough to realize. I want no more anti-depressants. I want no more. I want a girl in my life. I want many. I want dozens. And the devil makes me do it? But on my own terms. However, practice is a virtue. Virtually, I am nothing. Vagabond. Actor. No-name poet. You're dead in me Marco. Dead. Come back to life, man. Come here with me. Forget about Katlyn, or Janessa.

I saw Janessa in her bf's car this evening.

She tried to use me, to make her bf jealous. And instead, I reversed the role. I refused. Eric I call myself, like the character from "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind." Eric's character in the film, portrays a man being used as an unsuspecting victim. Eric is seduced by Jessica.

Ganster's Paradise in Eclipse

And as I spoke.
You heard.
The door creeking shut...
behind the latern.

Let the interrogation begin.

I commence, to understand you.

Better left unsaid, the later the spring.

Arousal... the smell of popcorn in the oven.


Movies, in black and white.


Norma Jean.


Color.



In my personal ownership, a lit fuse burnt, thoughtful, true, but awakened... not there for you to recieve me. You're answers are absent.


You've become condescending. You hide. Patronized.

Get lost you commie. You bolshevik / bastard / traitor.


I will it.


You don't own me, Edgar you faggot queer-wipped mother fucker.


I HATE YOU.


Eat my fuck.