The killer instinct of an invisible mind

 I can feel my voice as it echoes 

Somewhere... someplace else far
Far away.
It is where memories are made.
I ask myself where am I.
And might I find who I truly am
Through memories of those I feel connected to.
So much like...
Does one think to feel...
Or feel to think.
Because feeling always precedes
thinking. And the action of thinking
precedes feeling.
What if the state of nothing...
preceded chaos.
If so... then what if were it only a filter
of life that contained nothing previous
to it.
It makes life sound so much simpler.
To color outside your world.

Kafka

Don't bend; don't water it down; don't try to make it logical; don't edit your own soul according to the fashion.  Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.

Realigning the Cosmos

 My grandmother...

Taught me what the truest form of love is.
Simply by being me invested in her.
And through this she prayed day and night.
The most devoted catholic parishioner
I will ever know.
I have dedicated my life to knowing
That there is no reason needed.
No reason needed -
To make sense in knowing why she
Possessed the qualities of such peasantry.
She was a gift.
And in all the intentions I may have ever had in my life....
It is meant to be good as hers.

Sometimes I forget.

Forgetting is what we all do.

When trying to impress upon our stirring inhibitions.

If I were to make believe in myself it would consist of these things:

That I am a good person.
That ignoring me makes you less than a friend that does.
That I need to start loving life that I lead.

Would you attempt to kill a fly if it meant it were your only company.
Swatting at it.
Another swat.... and missed.
Again you swat.

That is what life looks like when you forget. You aim to hit the fly and miss it.
You swing to kill it.
But you never really know how.
A fly doesn't consist of a heart.
It only has energy.
The energy to escape.
To make you miss the target.
And that is the secret to all great tragedies.
To serve your truth.
That the truth is your companion
To attain God's wisdom.
And to obtain the skull to honor it.

I always thought of this in terms of my hair.
That I felt an irrational need to grow it out...
And having grown it - the need was not irrational.
The urge is real.
And any real sense of unearthing your true
self worth is an eternal sense of favoring
everything you are.

There is no why.
There is no how.

Only beauty in the myth you created.
The myth that is you.

No matter which way you carve it out, you cannot afford the same air you breath
without first betraying your own truth.

Much like missing teeth.
You believe in tooth fairies coming
for the teeth you hid beneath your pillow.
Was it all for the fun of it.
Or was it not because a myth lives up to lie about some fairy doing its job.

Everything computes anew.
It just never quite stops.
Nor does the madness quiet.

Between your prayers and compiling a collection of rocks. There are plenty to choose from.

Only myths become something worth your eternal self.

The myth that you became something as supernatural as in comic book heroes.

Just use your inner voice.
To sing why or to choose how.
The causes may seem endless.
But they are not!

If you are not out there in the real world...
Why not tell them it is god that sent you?

They would look at you like you're mad.

And would that not be an accomplishment worth sharing.

Although you can't but want too. 

The Winnipeg Jets 2021

We are embarking on a special special year heading into the Jets this coming season. Why. Not because we haven't seen them in person the past 2 years. Not because Scheifele is public enemy in Montreal and we will defend his honor.

It's because the Jets have found it's place on a mantel. The ground work that has been made along side the length of time it has taken... fast forward to present... the past ten years. Now our Jets are heading at length to reach new successes they haven't seen before.

Eventually the ultimate goal is the holy grail which will be reality. But we will be witness into celebrating an era where the Jets are the benchmark for competitive hockey. It is a ground breaking program that's about to bust out. The Jets have the pieces.

They have the development program. They have the depth in drafting. It is all about to come full circle. The first ten years were blind to what is about to make happen. That is Jets hockey. I've followed this team through its model and I know wtf I'm talking about.

Historically our best season was when we finished 2nd overall in the standings should have finished 1st eventually beating the President trophy winners in playoffs and making it to the final four. What I'm implying is different. We are going go to raise hell.

And from this period onward it's about who can keep up. Cheveldayoff and company have created a competitive dynamic which will emulate everything we accomplished in the WHA era when the Jets established themselves. This coming season is about the Jets taking numbers 👀.

Not about trying to prove anything. The devil is in the details. Vancouver Deadmonton Calgary have nothing on us in the West. The rest of Eastern Canadian teams can clean up after their own vomit. It's on folks.

I've been waiting ten years to write ✍ this...

The renunciation of silence

 This beautiful silence -

The code breaks.
I fill it.
Fill it with my touch...
A touch of the universe,
From which my hands are tied.
I excuse every feeling I've ever had.
With the experience of true love.
My love of language.
My freedom of thought.
My dedication through Christ.
I am fast enough for the finish line.
But slow enough for the time I took
to get there.
That elusive 'finish'
When will it ever end.
So much the time it takes to become something.
Something -
of an artform.
The noise.
That noise it dwindles.
From your first sense of touch.
To the madness of my personal bewilderment.
Like ABBA to my ears.
Where my birth address is still unknown.
But that from my mother's womb.
In a eternity of stars for which she gave me with.
My real maker's.
In gods holy grail.
My mother and father's unity.
I am here for that very reason.

The psychology of nothing

 There is nothing special

About all the names
Because only I can feel them.
Something about all the names.
Like everything you have ever heard
Is like a stream of consciousness.
Flooding high inside of you.
From each corner of my heart.
Once all your insecurities are devoured
At an early stage.
So you can't help but wonder
What all the names have done.
Where have they gone too.
How do you retain from it.
Who makes you feel free.
And why does it take longer getting to that special destination....
might feelings be characteristized as survival.
As if survival were done but only
to feel.
Feeling is survival...
Much like Aristophanes.

In the Hostility of commandments lost

 I'm sitting here.

Hidden inside the pit of my stomach.
There is a foreign substance that feels.
It feels.
Like there is a magic to me.
All my own.
Where the roots of my life are born.
And burst through the cracks
Of a hundred if not hundreds of years.
I love that feeling I get.
Without days of self betrayal.
Or manic depressive episodes...
me on the inside.
I internalize everything I experience.
To what end should I surmise.
A much greater expectation of saving it all.
My private eyes.
If you are to fall in love...
Let it be with the sound of hope in my voice.
And this powerful romance...
romance of words.

The ask

Is the search for truth an ultimate motivating factor per se in the pure motivation to satisfy craving of a cerebral nature. Is truth only about coming from a place of acting. Something desirable and uninhibited.

I don't know what it is about me. I just feel it. I see myself as a good person yet somehow I forget. It is nothing to do with my character but probably because of an unconscious factor that I need to overcome. That this kind of self awereness I have. The one thing that dictates my sense of self. It is a matter of self love I lack. Where I value what I have and how I appreciate things in life are secondary to what I do that reinforces my internal sense of self. In my mind. Positive reinforcement is hard. Defenses come up. Together, positive reinforcement with defense mechanisms are hard wired in the brain. Positive reinforcement is something I attribute to outside forces. I think. It means we all need validation. Defense mechanisms on the other hand are addictive to killing pain. This is my personal space where in place of my insecurity my pain threshold is higher or lower which allows me to tolerate what happens based on the experience. 

So as I blend all this common sense together. In evaluating life. Is it plausible I feel empty. 

The answer is no.

In taking self inventory on this mental exercise? The conclusion I draw is no. This is not a rhetorical answer because the question I plotted in evaluating the manner I think about these things. 

I am a good person with self doubts. We all have this circuitry possessed within us. (Why I posed this.) Is because I feel how anonymous I am in real life not knowing what I bring to the table. And that's where I feel a lack of self knowledge. So, I believe in a grade 1 predicament we are all in once you face the reality of such a revelation.

Self knowledge is Socratic philosophy and the most important deliberation of your entire life. When it ends and where it begins.

Freudian perspective

(Let's relate this to a painting... we will get back to this conclusively.) If you believe in Freud you will care to infer from it. I think the quote adopts a cetain projection of what we are inhibitively speaking. You might struggle with interpretation of it but my belief is that Freud says: the subconscious transfers our own minds as an observer looks at a beautiful painting, abstract or creative... it is a piece of art that you are subjective too. That same piece of art doesn't know it is being appreciated nor appraised through your minds eye. It is a cerebral experience through yourself as an observer. You have feelings proportional to what that experience dictates.

What I am saying is our subjective reality attaches meaning to all things relative to our experience at the same moment your subconscious is processing data.

That defines expeirence in the real world.

Your observations and your inhibitions relate to something beyond control. 

However, whether of another person or not you speak to that object in your  subconscious. And this also translates back to you independent of virtue. You connect with that picture I said earlier as is a painting.

Our dispositions are all various positions from which we meet as a product of yourself. Our own image can never de displaced.

memory in action

I feel I am a hungry actor. I don't need to be dangerous. I am interesting enough.

Acting as in memory is having a conversation but with yourself. Only it is a silent observation in your own mind. Until you retrieve the information to project its processing. Its effectiveness is a remedial representation of facts occurring though subject's in real time.

Truth & Abandonment

 When I die; does anyone else die with me.

Living and breathing ...
Where it feels like home.
If my vision ever fails me,
It will be in equanimity.
I won't go to Vancouver or be told to.
Neither will I venture to Toronto because I should.
I'm in Winnipeg.
Because it's where I belong.
Not the land of milk and honey.
But the ruins of a private concern.
This is every corner of my polygon.
My mind in every impregnated thought.
A sensitive type of indemnity.

Life and its timely definition

 “Life is to be lived, not controlled; and humanity is won by continuing to play in face of certain defeat.” - Ellison

Starvation in god

 Even if it is God and only God do believe in fantasy. 

Marco Almeida ©2021

The breath of brevity

 The stinging in my eyes are that which travel through a smoke filled air as contagious a bead of sweat which slide about into your orbitals. 

You squint as you fail to see what lay ahead.
So you rely upon your psychic sensibility,
taking you where you've never truly before been.
It so happens there is no way out.
Yet this does fail to alarm you.
You are unafraid of it...
Of what can be.
So you seat yourself next to the nostalgia.

The dilettante

Being patient comes at the opposite of out waiting your own power. 

So why ask not why.

Your very existence.
It comes in assuming the position of guilt.
Whereas guilt is a man-made curse.
So selfless the act.
That your very courage depends on it.
Whereas the ability to be seen as a supernatural is the same ability to being as raw as you are.
For as deep as the eye can see...
In this inimitable force.
Your role in the circus of nature's most natural course.

The power of why

 I see a viable alternative or unknown type of variable being a common denominator. I am speaking to the nature of morality decoded. Morality is undoubtedly our ultimate characteristic infallibly human. Its alternative is linking the nature of morality without which immorality deviates from the human condition of which we are prisoner. So if we are incumbent on this aspect of life, which in order to survive means we are in search of what is moral vs what isn't there has to be a modality involved to displace in ourselves what would be immoral. 

To present how the nature of morality is decoded (as mentioned earlier) morality happens to be central into how we identify ourselves as a person with various degrees of intrinsic 1- value  2- experience 3- worth etc. 

Against all odds the most common denominator weren't the norm in association to morality if and only if behavior can be modified. I am stating there is a clear association into morality should evidence suggest behavior can be modified. I am suggesting all our behavior is geared toward acting as agents of change.

Modified behavior depending on factors of altruism as the main predicate in favor of morality, should in turn postulate that modified behavior relative to the human condition relates back. Reciprocity vs human evolutionary thinking.

The mirror mirror on the wall as we've represented it herein resulting in reverse psychology. Hold up a mirror to equalize behavior.

If you are in search of morality in every sense of the word it is the height of human observation and right on cue with the terms and conditions of satirical philosophy. For example.... examining western world psychology we have an experimental phase of thought whereas political campaigns sush as the USA use a canned heat approach to slight rivals of opposition politcal parties. 

Hitherto we also can manipulate everything in light of what state we are in based on the mother of all thought, questioning what is creation (theologically). Which is the same field of knowledge or what we seek as knowledge.  All of it is therefore ontological.

Rebellious equilibrium

 

At the core of an actors acting ability is it the courage to maintain a dialogue between being decisive at making choices or can making choices result in being decisive. How does the brain interpret what is happening vs what needs to happen. The ultimate question is what will the character want that drives the intent behind ones inhibition to do so.

The inner dimesnions of an actor

Coping mechanisms vs real action

Your aim as an actor should not be seen as an actor whose ability would be to show off effective coping mechanisms. That is not what people want to see. Let the character play you.

What are you thinking while you're acting is forming an ontological point of view. We use it in practice as we participate as sentient beings in everyday life. The usefulness and structure of language combines this ontology and we call it acting.

Truth Traveller

 

Acting is channeling a medium without the observation of your inner cynic... what exists between the relationship of both (being impulsive being neurotic) and eliminating the need to both (being seen being validated.) In return your reactions mean nothing to the abstract audience but everything from your outer critic emerge as a revelation to the moment.

My test of faith departed

We care about religion. The same way we espouse contradictory aims in real life. Therefore, this speaks to enlightenment. Philosophical interpretation bestows upon us all ritualistic type of bond. We all search for truth tying together a deontological perspective. Both duty and obligation become the same core our beliefs stem from - from its inception to the day... we are learning to walk. In other words we grow into a belief each programmed differently. The end game we all want the search for truth to guide us in that quest. We begin and end but it's an unknown variable. Constant is it's all a blur.

Kiss to kiss

 I've been around the sun many many moons and in saying this it reminds me of many many things. The duplicity of myself throughout time brings me to a realization. That no matter how much I've changed it doesn't mean I've abandoned the past. It is everything I've come to accomplish reflects to those that wanted what's best for me in my life. I am a greater person because of it. I am better able to make it my future. My ability to create what I want transcends all this. I think that makes sense to me.

The Renaissance man

 I'll give you one corner, if you can't come up with the other three don't talk to me anymore. - Confucius

The legendary Prairie God Dale Hawerchuk

 

The obituary

 What is more important in promoting truth.

Consider the following:

Is the search for questions if related to knowledge and transferable more or less important than the search for answers if related to the unknown and infinite.

Indecipherable.

Now consider the remodled thesis:

Is the search for questions as it relates to knowledge transferable hence more or less important than the search for answers relating to the unknown infinite universe.

The search for answers vs questions aligns us with narrative to a story however variable... how do we know anything? How is it can we not know!

My belief in perception as a viewer observes its blank slate of stone brings about an indecipherable sense. Where you meet something through the mind with what is indecipherable as you process what paradox brought you there. Then the language on a tablet emerges into its oneness just as nature intended.

What is acting...

 I want to keep this as simple and to the point.

What is acting...

I am asking this based on a personal journey of mine.

It is ultimately the question I face myself with that speaks to no true definitive answer.

It is to no fault of my own. I embarked on the birth of this question the same time I thought about pursuing acting as a medium. A trade. A profession.

But never once have I found the enlightenment of what is acting.

Acting to me has been a belief. A renewal. An expression of faith in what I believe can be real.

It is a search for truth in my desire to create art but more so to answer question in my idea of them.

I have come a long way in terms of proving that answer is relevant provided the question 'what is acting' isn't unanswerable. I don't want a discussion of sort that compares to a dog chasing its own tail or a chicken running with its head cut of or a pin the tail on the donkey.

This question if at all answerable deserves one.

I have traveled this far...

Do not expend unnecessary energy unwisely inconspicuous to your true true character. 

My neuroses in nature

 Let nature do its work...

Let nature take its course.

How to take care of nature is a reflection of you onto itself.

the art of living

 If living were an art.

I would master being a warrior.
A warrior of the mind.
Before a warrior of the soul.
There in that blind spot
Where everything else happens.
Where only you can't see it.
Uncovering the guilt...
In being possessed by something greater
Than my fear of god.
A feeling of peace over anxiety arises.
That already I know...
Before I meet my maker
I will not think twice.
Counting each time I blink
As if fate by design,
My inner divine dynamic is alive.
Alive as a sleeping giant of greater sense and sensiblity...
My mothers warm touch.
Where each day the sun beams
different light.
The sun appears to me differently
And heals me.
There is mystery in the fire. 

Trump's last stand

 Trump's breach of social contract with twitter and other platforms of social media is thick with irony. None of this is real life. People lie all over twitter all the time. What makes this different is that the norms changed not based on social discord but the entitlement.

Twitter rewarded Trump with a brand within a brand. It is a war of attrition but not an entitlement that can be shared. On the first part twitter is an unofficial document. On the second part the user assumes no liability of the first part being twitter terms of use.

In theory Twitter as a social media model accounts for Donald Trump's use of its platform. It is a battle of entitlement which is not shared. Therefore from this standpoint Trump is monkey in the middle. Twitters terms of use were violated as Trump's lies were in direct conflict.

Trump cannot make believe that social media factors as an insurance policy when things go wrong. It is an ontological belief that the shared experience of a social media platform should be taken for granted. The truth is that none of this is actually true.

Trump's assembly of tweets is not real life but mistook the regulations involved in terms of how the medium became a tool designed to profit his own political agenda. Twitter was Trump's breach of conduct. Trump cannot defend what isn't true. The lies are in perpetuity.

To say twitter finally assumed responsibility for Trump is where Trump went wrong. Linearly Trump made all the wrong choices leading up to his downfall. It is in breach using ones position of power as President, given rights & freedoms to coerce others into using opposite force.

For every action their should be an equal or opposite reaction. This is the law of nature.

Superb cause

 False prejudice in this vortex of emotions....

I actually don't know what I presumably know.

One gunshot... into the night sky....

And the silent death of sacrifice.

The inarguable force of reality

 Does the spirit end.

This merciless toil of life.
In the face of it lies a dark depleted spark.
As if a key to unlock the secret to a frozen heart.

Then it is so to ask...

Does not the spirit end...
If not in two equal parts.
One human.
One divine.
The other only thing left is: spirit.

The ultimate paradox...

Is beauty in charge of the observer or is beauty to the observer in its control.

Like you are out of touch with the world but in touch with everything else in it.