What causes fear based reality

the Canadian Dream

My life's purpose

Acting Class

Another acting class and a place I feel safe with my insecurities as an actor but the frustration follows me. That is what I need to focus on here. That my scene work isn't as good as it should be uncomparitively speaking. What my frustration allows is a window to my insecurity as an actor but not my immunity to the ability to act. I have ability. I just feel I am not truly fulfilling my potential.

So Onalee brings out the best in me. Last night was me at my best. But as onalee instructed us last night what will manifest as success also brings about failure in order to fully gravitate and celebrate what your mission is. (Read on as my intention relates back to this point later on.)

I feel grounded but my personal level of acting has to be self described as I am doing here. My reason for this is simple, my desire for acting is a very important concept to me. It requires a great amount of strength. If not found I feel lost in time and space only because my acting has no magnetic feel to it. Feeling magnetic is the goal my acting.

Last night the scene I did was uninspiring. I wasn't able to channel into something organic in my experience. When I feel blocked in a scene my mind draws blank. Therefore, inability appears to self defeat my character in the scene. The truth about the character never lived and that to me is disappointing.

However, my internalization in all of this enables something I mentioned earlier, that with success comes failure. Knowing how I enable these ideas are psychologically healthy to examine. Rather than shut down and self destruct, I intellectualize the polarity. It is a kind of a metaphysical approach to step back and allow the universe to adjust as you shift.

Onalee has taken a radically new approach to acting, she is not enabling our bad habits nor criticizing what those habits may be. She is allowing the work to dictate how vulnerable we are and in order to fully embrace the closest thing to acting we can become.

My conclusions:

Nobody can tell me how good an actor I am or not. I know that I can act. I can even be the best at it. I need to remember this, always.

As far as this personal reaching out is concerned I feel I have been locked in a prison and put into a corner. This is my power. I use myself as an example of introspection that has a talent to articulate something universally. So I share this part of who I am because it is relevant.

Finally, I come here to use myself as an example of what the students Onalee has should do. Come here to be thoughtful and interact with a mind for caring. It takes a certain amount of courage to talk about things concretely and with substance. I feel I offer that as an emotional support type of system. If you value beliefs you have the duty to empower others. I say beliefs are ideas. Ideas are concepts. And this consists of the spiritual realm.

In am not here to rationalize my existence, I am here to inspire.

the Misconception of Power

The power of misconception is a terrible thing to waste.
A silent killer that never lets go.
From a window - wide open.
The property of gods pain goes away.
So now you can imagine.
Your mental relapse taking cause
from what common sense may breakdown.
Triggering a common denomination.
Vulnerability for day for night...
staring death in the face.
What we all are 99% are made.
What do you fear 1% of the time,
as your own worst critic  - only to repent.
That is your power.
Is your power in 99%,
or the 1.
Daring to be different.
If vulnerability can't be afforded;
it must be learned.
Acceptance through your own isolation.
Do not look for vulnerability as feedback search for it in others.
This is your power.

Fragmentation

Conceptualization & Empowerment

Plot twisting irony

Put in a time capsule the holy dove.
Living in that larger than life mentality.
Empty sadness is the deadliest of emotions.
Trust is nothing more then many different feelings
falsified into being.
That is where sadness presides.
Learning not how to land.
Taking an honest punch at it.
Because the art of pretend is exhausting.
So now blow me a heroic kiss.
Tell me how blindly you want me in your life.
Right up to your bleeding heart gets broken.
Smiles in response.

Conservation of an actor

The ugliness in acting

Ego
Judgment
No Fun zone

The joy of acting

Growth
Spirituality
Self Examination

Hegel

hegels-master-slave-dialectic

Unpopular truth

What makes the expressable, unexpressable.
Then what makes perfection unattainable,
elegant both inside and out.
Man is not man without being
effeminate in nature.
Vulnerabilty in nature is not to make one appear comical but....
absolutely liberating.
All so flawless.
Flirting with disaster,
in the saftey of an emotionally inspiring
blow up doll.
Critical moments of the hidden art
in slavery.
Having nothing to do.
Nothing to say.
Nobody to explain it to - to.

Game Ending Circuitry

Phantom pride lives in all of us.
Pay close attention to thoughts you own.
Take pause in what you're dying for.
Now think.
What amount of stimulation goes into
creating shortcuts.
What path worth taking is there
to cheat with.
Is your transparency a danger
to the auheticity you provide.
Be your true and only equal.
It will be what you feel to the
last breath you take.

The manipulation of a guilt free mind

Thinking is a very dangerous concept.
Look yourself in the mirror without waiting for feedback.
For fear of knowing what another person is thinking,
you must learn how to feel from what the feedback is.
How to convey medium in the message.
Try not to embarass yourself,
with only a hint of spoiled behavior.
Tunnel vision in the fog.
Fog is a beautiful type of therapy.
For history for beauty
and a separation of worlds upon worlds
which nature speaks.
Each word becomes a thought
as for each thought becomes a feeling.
The question is not in what you see,
find answer in what is you are not seeing.

The circumstances of surrender

The surrendering of circumstance.
The acuity of edifice.
The sound of children playing.
The injection of hostility and anger.
The mixed transmission of communication.
The missed understanding of -
how selfish you become as you get older,
and your luck in between.
The same reality to blame over and over again,
as in losing touch with a long lost lover.
Good honest value
is a terrible terrible thing.
Because I have a funny feeling
about thinking outside the box.
There is no art in training the mind
into knowing what you think it knows.

Ludwig Wittgenstein

Ludwig Wittgenstein