Facebook post 2019

 I honestly feel tired. Not the kind of physical or mental. But spiritual as in my contact with the physical world and how I feel in this - this third dimension of time gone by.

I feel my nerve has been laid and stretched out all in a intonation of my spiritual world.

Part of me feels exhausted. The other part feels redemption. Together are not mutually exclusive.

Simply put, I have a strength I never truly know I have.

It goes over most people's heads who would never think twice about obeying me under these circumstances written.

My life to this point has been filled with circumstances which only God has manifested and it is here where I draw from within myself, a peace of mind which gathers strength by definition.

My inhibitions have never been more challenged as result of having uncovered this in truth.

It is quite possible that the change I've gone through is nothing short of a miracle no matter how small.

I like that word. Small.

We forget how small people really are in the world so often.

I've become an observer to meet my maker. My maker has seen people vilify me to this day. A kind of polarity where the secret killer meets his or her own ending. Because once you retract from it, your life changes. It hurts. It hurts to have this ability to pay careful attention to everyone and allow everyone you observe to affect you with their place in the world.

My final point here is, I have a strength of character that not many people observe me with. I can feel it. ♥

Zach Regiec I am sharing the obstacles I feel faced with like mortality and happiness. It stems from how I feel threatened by my own well being as it pertains. What this pertains to is how I have either embraced others only not to be embraced by others. At the same time I am reaching my own potential in ways that are not contrary to the human condition, which is far less complicated in the grand scheme of things.

So I turn to the mystery of God. Not so much for faith hope or undying love but I seek out the strength I have to emit in order to survive.

I'm not trying to debunk what you said. As you put it we can get through anything. I just wish more people had that quality for lack of better word...maybe mentality is more operative in this case.

I feel good. Good about a lot of things. I am not sure about being committed to living the good life however. Whatever it means I don't think I have ever lived with an intent to live the good life. Because if I were poor underfed or unsheltered it wouldn't increase my value in God. It would remain the same, the best question I have ever asked myself is is God my equal. Or how is God my equal.  I am pretty sure people would be quick to strike down that question thinking God has infinite power over themselves or me.  But when I think about that it is not a God complex I have. Meaning I don't entertain the thought I should be worshipped by God or any other man. I think the worst part of being gods equal would be the confusion between us humans as mortals. We would like to believe we are immortal. All I have ever known is my strength no matter how big or small.

I am at a loss to a lot of things. Right now I am pursuing my goal of becoming an actor. I don't have children never married and I'm single. I think i make a good case for wanting what may be attainable to the degree I can draw from personal experience.

I really miss people in my life who I absolutely know will never understand how this feels. I have revealed myself as have they. I can't take off this mask and reveal myself again. I'm a different cat altogether.

But it hurts knowing how things used to be and are no more. I'm talking about viewing things from a time in place of morals or normality the world was yours. That we were half baked models of ourselves not attuned by morality toward each other but because we felt we were invincible we actually lost something along the way and forgot about grieving it.

I grieve in the sense of what kind of guy I used to be.

I'm using this time of year to find some answers.