The psychology of nothing

 There is nothing special

About all the names
Because only I can feel them.
Something about all the names.
Like everything you have ever heard
Is like a stream of consciousness.
Flooding high inside of you.
From each corner of my heart.
Once all your insecurities are devoured
At an early stage.
So you can't help but wonder
What all the names have done.
Where have they gone too.
How do you retain from it.
Who makes you feel free.
And why does it take longer getting to that special destination....
might feelings be characteristized as survival.
As if survival were done but only
to feel.
Feeling is survival...
Much like Aristophanes.

In the Hostility of commandments lost

 I'm sitting here.

Hidden inside the pit of my stomach.
There is a foreign substance that feels.
It feels.
Like there is a magic to me.
All my own.
Where the roots of my life are born.
And burst through the cracks
Of a hundred if not hundreds of years.
I love that feeling I get.
Without days of self betrayal.
Or manic depressive episodes...
me on the inside.
I internalize everything I experience.
To what end should I surmise.
A much greater expectation of saving it all.
My private eyes.
If you are to fall in love...
Let it be with the sound of hope in my voice.
And this powerful romance...
romance of words.

The ask

Is the search for truth an ultimate motivating factor per se in the pure motivation to satisfy craving of a cerebral nature. Is truth only about coming from a place of acting. Something desirable and uninhibited.

I don't know what it is about me. I just feel it. I see myself as a good person yet somehow I forget. It is nothing to do with my character but probably because of an unconscious factor that I need to overcome. That this kind of self awereness I have. The one thing that dictates my sense of self. It is a matter of self love I lack. Where I value what I have and how I appreciate things in life are secondary to what I do that reinforces my internal sense of self. In my mind. Positive reinforcement is hard. Defenses come up. Together, positive reinforcement with defense mechanisms are hard wired in the brain. Positive reinforcement is something I attribute to outside forces. I think. It means we all need validation. Defense mechanisms on the other hand are addictive to killing pain. This is my personal space where in place of my insecurity my pain threshold is higher or lower which allows me to tolerate what happens based on the experience. 

So as I blend all this common sense together. In evaluating life. Is it plausible I feel empty. 

The answer is no.

In taking self inventory on this mental exercise? The conclusion I draw is no. This is not a rhetorical answer because the question I plotted in evaluating the manner I think about these things. 

I am a good person with self doubts. We all have this circuitry possessed within us. (Why I posed this.) Is because I feel how anonymous I am in real life not knowing what I bring to the table. And that's where I feel a lack of self knowledge. So, I believe in a grade 1 predicament we are all in once you face the reality of such a revelation.

Self knowledge is Socratic philosophy and the most important deliberation of your entire life. When it ends and where it begins.

Freudian perspective

(Let's relate this to a painting... we will get back to this conclusively.) If you believe in Freud you will care to infer from it. I think the quote adopts a cetain projection of what we are inhibitively speaking. You might struggle with interpretation of it but my belief is that Freud says: the subconscious transfers our own minds as an observer looks at a beautiful painting, abstract or creative... it is a piece of art that you are subjective too. That same piece of art doesn't know it is being appreciated nor appraised through your minds eye. It is a cerebral experience through yourself as an observer. You have feelings proportional to what that experience dictates.

What I am saying is our subjective reality attaches meaning to all things relative to our experience at the same moment your subconscious is processing data.

That defines expeirence in the real world.

Your observations and your inhibitions relate to something beyond control. 

However, whether of another person or not you speak to that object in your  subconscious. And this also translates back to you independent of virtue. You connect with that picture I said earlier as is a painting.

Our dispositions are all various positions from which we meet as a product of yourself. Our own image can never de displaced.

memory in action

I feel I am a hungry actor. I don't need to be dangerous. I am interesting enough.

Acting as in memory is having a conversation but with yourself. Only it is a silent observation in your own mind. Until you retrieve the information to project its processing. Its effectiveness is a remedial representation of facts occurring though subject's in real time.

Truth & Abandonment

 When I die; does anyone else die with me.

Living and breathing ...
Where it feels like home.
If my vision ever fails me,
It will be in equanimity.
I won't go to Vancouver or be told to.
Neither will I venture to Toronto because I should.
I'm in Winnipeg.
Because it's where I belong.
Not the land of milk and honey.
But the ruins of a private concern.
This is every corner of my polygon.
My mind in every impregnated thought.
A sensitive type of indemnity.