Unfortunately, there's not much I can say that puts a smile on my face lately. The one positive I might confess to is about taking a new lease on life? Recently having quit my first full time job would be the reason. On a side note: I took it upon myself to stand on a weight scale. As of this week I weigh as much as I did over 8 years ago. More importantly what am I going to do next? I've tried so hard to do the best that I can. What I feel is completely undeserving, unwanted, failure as result of my efforts. There is no better way to describe it to myself at this point. It is terribly difficult not to be negative during this time; I should be trying everything to keep things positive. I feel that faith in myself is all I have left in me. Nothing else.

If I were to present reality as I see it, I am not qualified to do something that requires skill. My actors training is all I have. I sit here without any satisfaction to lead my life. It is a terrible - terrible feeling. However, I have no choice but to be honest.

I am not going to be somebody who cuts himself short, by settling for any type of job "that nobody else wants." I want to work, but with a clear sense of independence. I care to be somebody that enjoys getting up in the morning. The past 8+years of my life just haven't added up to it, yet I've done everything in my power trying to realize it without success.